BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
350 Days
and
68536 Haikus
later...
Gnomes, little people,
dwarves, midgets, runts, and pigmies.
Napoleon's kids.

For an emperor,
he was one whorin' mofo.
Sidious, take note!
Haiku #60942, by df
November 13, 2018 5:30 pm ET

Do not eat pussy.
You must devour that shit!
Make her feel consumed.
Haiku #60941, by df
November 13, 2018 5:24 pm ET

Poops of tomorrow.
Funkin' hairy hos. Pubic floss.
Preened from Allah's beard.
Haiku #60940, by df
November 13, 2018 5:23 pm ET

How would you describe
Garden gnomes' ejaculate?
Smelly superglue
Haiku #60939, by Person of In the know
November 13, 2018 4:35 pm ET

Soups of Yesteryear
Shrunken cheerios. Pussy hairs.
Gleaned from Ahab's beard
Haiku #60938, by Little Shaver
November 13, 2018 4:30 pm ET

Ocean brine freezes.
It clings to the old man's beard.
A familiar friend.
Haiku #60937, by the hair of the dog
November 13, 2018 4:15 pm ET

Grunting in the rain
Wiping with the biggest leaves
Damp. dank. A delight
Haiku #60936, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 2:52 pm ET

No one ever sees
So I have set up brocadcast
Next bowel movement
Haiku #60935, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 2:49 pm ET

When I see name Darth
I know what it will smell like.
I don't bother read
Haiku #60934, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 7:57 am ET

I knew a queer kid.
He held a branch to his groin
and petted a tree.

He liked to be punched.
And always piss off bullies.
Jizzed his pants when beat.

He didn't live long.
Got killed by a homeless dude.
The best thing for him.

I laughed when I heard.
I know that sounds really bad.
But you just don't know.
Haiku #60933, by df
November 13, 2018 7:49 am ET

When midgets dress up
and look just like garden gnomes
with crotchless panties.
Haiku #60932, by df
November 13, 2018 7:40 am ET

The doc was surprised.
I had Dutch Elm in my ass.
How did that happen?!
Haiku #60931, by df
November 13, 2018 7:38 am ET

Listen, Elm tree here
I talk all day and all night
I tell dirty jokes

Don
Haiku #60930, by Elm tree
November 13, 2018 4:01 am ET

Trees know how to speak.
They talk about the weather.
So no one listens.
Haiku #60929, by the hair of the dog
November 13, 2018 3:47 am ET

You smoking spider plants again
Haiku #60928, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 1:31 am ET

You
Haiku #60927, by Small questions
November 13, 2018 1:30 am ET

Which do you prefer
The real deal or garden gnomes?
Little Superstar!
Haiku #60926, by He
November 13, 2018 1:27 am ET

Dwarves always do that.
Snow White's honeymoon was strange.
Well, back then it was.

Nowadays not so.
Post-wedding midget orgies.
Commonplace these days.
Haiku #60925, by df
November 13, 2018 1:14 am ET

It's not that simple
I have kept the bugs away
With a magic spell

It's temporary
I adjusted your fart smell
This keeps them at bay

Unfortunately
You now attract horny dwarves
They'll climb up your schlong!!
Haiku #60924, by You know who
November 12, 2018 10:07 pm ET

This is crazy but
since my brain bleeding it seems
mosquitoes won't bite.

Like maybe my blood
is clotting more than normal
and they don't want it.

I know, it's bizarre.
But I swear to you it's true.
And I hate them more.

Their death brings me joy.
If only they were sentient.
I could hear their screams.
Haiku #60923, by df
November 12, 2018 9:41 pm ET

Penes paninis.
Dolphin cock on toasted rye.
Why? Because we can.
Haiku #60922, by df. The life goal of of all Asians is to eat at least once every animal on this planet.
November 12, 2018 9:27 pm ET

Human Tortoise Man
Live in your own dugout ass
It's one stop shopping

And might I add here
As I finished my Haiku
My dog cut a fart

He was climbing up
To sit with me on the chair
That's when he let wind
Haiku #60921, by Me of Keeping you in the loop
November 12, 2018 7:53 pm ET

Super volcano.
Yellowstone apocalypse.
God I love YouTube!
Haiku #60920, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 7:33 pm ET

The ass smell of dog
is indeed the dog's perfume.
Channel #5.

Tortoises eat poop.
But I have no idea why.
Protein or microbes.

Maybe I'll try it.
Could be why they live so long.
And what a great life!

Eating grass and poop.
Living in a dug out hole.
Yeah, I could do that.
Haiku #60919, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 7:29 pm ET

Standard Poodle dog
Manicured nails. French perfume
Still got smelly ass
Haiku #60918, by Master of Pet Salon
November 12, 2018 5:56 pm ET

Bears up on the roof!
Shazam! Shazam! Wankwankwank!!
Under arm fart sound
Haiku #60917, by Goofus
November 12, 2018 5:53 pm ET

The smell of your yawn
Is of Werther's and dead fish
Stop eating out Gran
Haiku #60916, by Commas are funny
November 12, 2018 2:35 pm ET

'Twas a perfect storm
Mark Wahlberg jizzed off the deck
Battened the hatches
Haiku #60915, by Mother Goose of Storytime
November 12, 2018 2:32 pm ET

Beezlebop bop bop
Ram a lam a ding dong goo
YABBA DABBA DOO!!
Haiku #60914, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 2:29 pm ET

Buddha ran away
I noticed for the first time
Buddah's big red ass
Haiku #60913, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 2:27 pm ET

They were up Shit's Creek
Fishing for compliments
Hey, Awesome Haiku!
Haiku #60912, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 2:25 pm ET

What were those men like,
the fishermen in the storm?
Likely not poets!
Haiku #60911, by df
November 12, 2018 7:39 am ET

As the baby cries
I think of Buddhist wisdom.
Buddha ran away.
Haiku #60910, by df
November 12, 2018 7:35 am ET

Yawn and open wide.
My poop flies into your mouth.
You want flies with that?
Haiku #60909, by df
November 12, 2018 7:30 am ET

Your poop is boring.
Your haiku is boring too.
Got me yawning now.
Haiku #60908, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 5:49 am ET

Go watch Doodie Man.
I think it's up your alley.
Somersaults and poop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOqn2Ms61Y8
Haiku #60907, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 2:03 am ET

Go watch Doodie Man.
I think it's up your alley.
Somersaults and poop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOqn2Ms61Y8
Haiku #60906, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 2:02 am ET

Kangaroo Penis
Australian delicacy
Serve in hot dog bun
Haiku #60905, by Mr. Tube Steak
November 12, 2018 12:07 am ET

Kidnapped by perverts
Hell of a situation
Send help, please...and lube
Haiku #60904, by Anonymous Poet
November 11, 2018 8:51 pm ET

A clear view of you
Cartwheelcartwheelcartwheel fart
Shit my pants again
Haiku #60903, by Craprobatic of Cartwheeling to the latrine (might as well)
November 11, 2018 8:48 pm ET

Where are the poets?
They're kidnapped by aliens!
Anal probes commence!
Haiku #60902, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 11, 2018 8:32 pm ET

A gay kangaroo
can bound across a flat stretch
of ground with each jump

carrying the roo
11 m from the
jump point. Fabulous!

If the kangaroo
leaves the ground at a 18
degree angle, what

is its takeoff speed?
What's its horizontal speed?
How gay is the roo?
Haiku #60901, by Darth Figpucker of Fabulous Physics!
November 11, 2018 10:25 am ET

a hundred years on
and the war to end all wars
still wasn't the one
Haiku #60900, by ash
November 11, 2018 4:34 am ET

Mall pet store monkey
Pleasing organ melodies
Haiku #60899, by Anonymous Poet
November 10, 2018 11:23 pm ET

I wouldn
Haiku #60898, by Anonymous Poet
November 10, 2018 11:19 pm ET

I's go meet him thar.
Mofo better have money.
Else I rob his kicks!
Haiku #60897, by df
November 10, 2018 7:58 pm ET

John-boy's holy mole
Judges your vile unbelief.
Walton mountain rules.
Haiku #60896, by Anonymous Poet
November 10, 2018 7:56 pm ET

Just saw God drive by
Headed to the keg party
Should I confront him?
Haiku #60895, by John Boy Walton of Cheek
November 10, 2018 7:15 pm ET

We a go dub it
And then we a go rock it.
Fock dem Babylon!
Haiku #60894, by Babylonian Unbelief
November 10, 2018 6:04 pm ET

Watch what you're saying!
God came to me in a dream.
He stole my half ounce.

Some damn good hydro!
So if anyone sees God,
let me know asap.
Haiku #60893, by df
November 10, 2018 4:09 pm ET