BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
344 Days
and
68441 Haikus
later...
Which do you prefer
The real deal or garden gnomes?
Little Superstar!
Haiku #60926, by He
November 13, 2018 1:27 am ET

Dwarves always do that.
Snow White's honeymoon was strange.
Well, back then it was.

Nowadays not so.
Post-wedding midget orgies.
Commonplace these days.
Haiku #60925, by df
November 13, 2018 1:14 am ET

It's not that simple
I have kept the bugs away
With a magic spell

It's temporary
I adjusted your fart smell
This keeps them at bay

Unfortunately
You now attract horny dwarves
They'll climb up your schlong!!
Haiku #60924, by You know who
November 12, 2018 10:07 pm ET

This is crazy but
since my brain bleeding it seems
mosquitoes won't bite.

Like maybe my blood
is clotting more than normal
and they don't want it.

I know, it's bizarre.
But I swear to you it's true.
And I hate them more.

Their death brings me joy.
If only they were sentient.
I could hear their screams.
Haiku #60923, by df
November 12, 2018 9:41 pm ET

Penes paninis.
Dolphin cock on toasted rye.
Why? Because we can.
Haiku #60922, by df. The life goal of of all Asians is to eat at least once every animal on this planet.
November 12, 2018 9:27 pm ET

Human Tortoise Man
Live in your own dugout ass
It's one stop shopping

And might I add here
As I finished my Haiku
My dog cut a fart

He was climbing up
To sit with me on the chair
That's when he let wind
Haiku #60921, by Me of Keeping you in the loop
November 12, 2018 7:53 pm ET

Super volcano.
Yellowstone apocalypse.
God I love YouTube!
Haiku #60920, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 7:33 pm ET

The ass smell of dog
is indeed the dog's perfume.
Channel #5.

Tortoises eat poop.
But I have no idea why.
Protein or microbes.

Maybe I'll try it.
Could be why they live so long.
And what a great life!

Eating grass and poop.
Living in a dug out hole.
Yeah, I could do that.
Haiku #60919, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 7:29 pm ET

Standard Poodle dog
Manicured nails. French perfume
Still got smelly ass
Haiku #60918, by Master of Pet Salon
November 12, 2018 5:56 pm ET

Bears up on the roof!
Shazam! Shazam! Wankwankwank!!
Under arm fart sound
Haiku #60917, by Goofus
November 12, 2018 5:53 pm ET

The smell of your yawn
Is of Werther's and dead fish
Stop eating out Gran
Haiku #60916, by Commas are funny
November 12, 2018 2:35 pm ET

'Twas a perfect storm
Mark Wahlberg jizzed off the deck
Battened the hatches
Haiku #60915, by Mother Goose of Storytime
November 12, 2018 2:32 pm ET

Beezlebop bop bop
Ram a lam a ding dong goo
YABBA DABBA DOO!!
Haiku #60914, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 2:29 pm ET

Buddha ran away
I noticed for the first time
Buddah's big red ass
Haiku #60913, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 2:27 pm ET

They were up Shit's Creek
Fishing for compliments
Hey, Awesome Haiku!
Haiku #60912, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 2:25 pm ET

What were those men like,
the fishermen in the storm?
Likely not poets!
Haiku #60911, by df
November 12, 2018 7:39 am ET

As the baby cries
I think of Buddhist wisdom.
Buddha ran away.
Haiku #60910, by df
November 12, 2018 7:35 am ET

Yawn and open wide.
My poop flies into your mouth.
You want flies with that?
Haiku #60909, by df
November 12, 2018 7:30 am ET

Your poop is boring.
Your haiku is boring too.
Got me yawning now.
Haiku #60908, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 5:49 am ET

Go watch Doodie Man.
I think it's up your alley.
Somersaults and poop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOqn2Ms61Y8
Haiku #60907, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 2:03 am ET

Go watch Doodie Man.
I think it's up your alley.
Somersaults and poop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOqn2Ms61Y8
Haiku #60906, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 2:02 am ET

Kangaroo Penis
Australian delicacy
Serve in hot dog bun
Haiku #60905, by Mr. Tube Steak
November 12, 2018 12:07 am ET

Kidnapped by perverts
Hell of a situation
Send help, please...and lube
Haiku #60904, by Anonymous Poet
November 11, 2018 8:51 pm ET

A clear view of you
Cartwheelcartwheelcartwheel fart
Shit my pants again
Haiku #60903, by Craprobatic of Cartwheeling to the latrine (might as well)
November 11, 2018 8:48 pm ET

Where are the poets?
They're kidnapped by aliens!
Anal probes commence!
Haiku #60902, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 11, 2018 8:32 pm ET

A gay kangaroo
can bound across a flat stretch
of ground with each jump

carrying the roo
11 m from the
jump point. Fabulous!

If the kangaroo
leaves the ground at a 18
degree angle, what

is its takeoff speed?
What's its horizontal speed?
How gay is the roo?
Haiku #60901, by Darth Figpucker of Fabulous Physics!
November 11, 2018 10:25 am ET

a hundred years on
and the war to end all wars
still wasn't the one
Haiku #60900, by ash
November 11, 2018 4:34 am ET

Mall pet store monkey
Pleasing organ melodies
Haiku #60899, by Anonymous Poet
November 10, 2018 11:23 pm ET

I wouldn
Haiku #60898, by Anonymous Poet
November 10, 2018 11:19 pm ET

I's go meet him thar.
Mofo better have money.
Else I rob his kicks!
Haiku #60897, by df
November 10, 2018 7:58 pm ET

John-boy's holy mole
Judges your vile unbelief.
Walton mountain rules.
Haiku #60896, by Anonymous Poet
November 10, 2018 7:56 pm ET

Just saw God drive by
Headed to the keg party
Should I confront him?
Haiku #60895, by John Boy Walton of Cheek
November 10, 2018 7:15 pm ET

We a go dub it
And then we a go rock it.
Fock dem Babylon!
Haiku #60894, by Babylonian Unbelief
November 10, 2018 6:04 pm ET

Watch what you're saying!
God came to me in a dream.
He stole my half ounce.

Some damn good hydro!
So if anyone sees God,
let me know asap.
Haiku #60893, by df
November 10, 2018 4:09 pm ET

God is a sad joke
Played upon stupid people
They just don't get it
Haiku #60892, by Anonymous Poet
November 10, 2018 11:33 am ET

Twice in the past week
Opened up my door. Surprise
Pair of nude mormons
Haiku #60891, by Elder sphincter and elder barry
November 10, 2018 7:29 am ET

Please let me pull it
I am not a nurse but, hey
I am a big guy
Haiku #60890, by Nurse
November 10, 2018 7:25 am ET

Nude acrobatics.
X-Hamster X-men powers.
Genital lawn darts.

A blindfold mounting
from thirty feet up in the air.
All nine inches in.

Brazilian fart girls
blow down card house from ten feet.
A clean hurricane!

They don't shit themselves.
You should learn sphincter control.
You'd save on laundry.
Haiku #60889, by df
November 10, 2018 3:04 am ET

Grandpa
Haiku #60888, by Really
November 10, 2018 2:11 am ET

Grandad
Haiku #60887, by Sexy
November 10, 2018 2:03 am ET

It was a close shave
You have never seen my cat
With a growth of beard
Haiku #60886, by Unrecognizable of Barber
November 10, 2018 2:01 am ET

Grandad
Haiku #60885, by Sexy Bitch Grandma of Commode
November 10, 2018 1:58 am ET

Grandad
Haiku #60884, by Sexy Bitch Grandma of Commode
November 10, 2018 1:58 am ET

Back flip Back flip fart
Back flip Back flip fart skid mark
Back flip shit my pants
Haiku #60883, by Perfect 10
November 10, 2018 1:53 am ET

JimBob Walton
Haiku #60882, by John Boy Walton of Walton
November 10, 2018 12:07 am ET

JimBob Walton
Haiku #60881, by John Boy Walton of Walton
November 10, 2018 12:06 am ET

No one thinks like that.
At least I don't think they do.
Likely a good thing.
Haiku #60880, by df
November 9, 2018 11:46 pm ET

I think your work is
a lot like Leonard Cohens
novel attemps but...
Haiku #60879, by vhs of in an orange t-shirt
November 9, 2018 8:23 pm ET

I don't think like this
just my hardware is just needing
replacement here
Haiku #60878, by vhs of insert joke here
November 9, 2018 6:46 pm ET

It's not time for God.
God exists outside of time.
It time to party!
Haiku #60877, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 9, 2018 6:41 pm ET