Bashō says something unhelpful
Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
29 Years, 56 Days and 78008 Haiku later...
God is a sad joke
Played upon stupid people
They just don't get it
Haiku # 60892 November 10, 2018 11:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Twice in the past week
Opened up my door. Surprise
Pair of nude mormons
Haiku # 60891 November 10, 2018 7:29 am ET
by Elder sphincter and elder barry
Please let me pull it
I am not a nurse but, hey
I am a big guy
Haiku # 60890 November 10, 2018 7:25 am ET
by Nurse
Nude acrobatics.
X-Hamster X-men powers.
Genital lawn darts.

A blindfold mounting
from thirty feet up in the air.
All nine inches in.

Brazilian fart girls
blow down card house from ten feet.
A clean hurricane!

They don't shit themselves.
You should learn sphincter control.
You'd save on laundry.
Haiku # 60889 November 10, 2018 3:04 am ET
by df
Grandpa
Haiku # 60888 November 10, 2018 2:11 am ET
by Really
Grandad
Haiku # 60887 November 10, 2018 2:03 am ET
by Sexy
It was a close shave
You have never seen my cat
With a growth of beard
Haiku # 60886 November 10, 2018 2:01 am ET
by Unrecognizable of Barber
Grandad
Haiku # 60885 November 10, 2018 1:58 am ET
by Sexy Bitch Grandma of Commode
Grandad
Haiku # 60884 November 10, 2018 1:58 am ET
by Sexy Bitch Grandma of Commode
Back flip Back flip fart
Back flip Back flip fart skid mark
Back flip shit my pants
Haiku # 60883 November 10, 2018 1:53 am ET
by Perfect 10
JimBob Walton
Haiku # 60882 November 10, 2018 12:07 am ET
by John Boy Walton of Walton
JimBob Walton
Haiku # 60881 November 10, 2018 12:06 am ET
by John Boy Walton of Walton
No one thinks like that.
At least I don't think they do.
Likely a good thing.
Haiku # 60880 November 9, 2018 11:46 pm ET
by df
I think your work is
a lot like Leonard Cohens
novel attemps but...
Haiku # 60879 November 9, 2018 8:23 pm ET
by vhs of in an orange t-shirt
I don't think like this
just my hardware is just needing
replacement here
Haiku # 60878 November 9, 2018 6:46 pm ET
by vhs of insert joke here
It's not time for God.
God exists outside of time.
It time to party!
Haiku # 60877 November 9, 2018 6:41 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Shamone!
Haiku # 60876 November 9, 2018 5:43 pm ET
by Michael Jackson
Lernu Esperanton
Peti Cunnilingus
Cie en la mondo
Haiku # 60875 November 9, 2018 5:42 pm ET
by Speaking in Tongues
'Cause it's been a while
I just tackled the mailman
Dry humped his left leg
Haiku # 60874 November 9, 2018 5:37 pm ET
by Guess who of Front yard
Now it's time for GOD.
Fuck your putrefying souls.
Now it's time for GOD.
Haiku # 60873 November 9, 2018 2:24 pm ET
by Pedophiles Rule the World of Dead Souls and Global Media
Esperanto this:
shematoma y tomo.
Je dois tomar plus.
Haiku # 60872 November 9, 2018 2:19 pm ET
by Alcohol of Revelation
He hematoma
She go hematoma tu
Y yo si tomo
Haiku # 60871 November 9, 2018 9:17 am ET
by Theymatoma of Pronoun
Good one, Starkitten.
Made from Billy Yeast, indeed!
I'd prefer the beer.
Haiku # 60870 November 9, 2018 7:33 am ET
by df
Poet Vegemite
Made from William Butler Yea(s)t
Soylent Green Helmet
Haiku # 60869 November 9, 2018 5:59 am ET
by Starkitten of Librarian
Alex Trebek's cock
Throbulating. Enormous.
That's Entertainment
Haiku # 60868 November 9, 2018 5:46 am ET
by TV Viewer of Couch
In Flight turbulence
Just in the seat next to you
Watch a stranger wank

Gerard Depardieu
Will he pee in a bottle?
Yellow autograph
Haiku # 60867 November 9, 2018 3:37 am ET
by Sky watcher of Skyway
I'll fly from Asia.
On board hookers and dog stew.
Beats American.

Vegemite have mites.
Funny it's made from old yeast;
no veggies in it.

Personally though,
I'd rather try Soylent Green
made from old poets.

Perfect airline snack.
Crunchy Faux News reporters.
Antifa jerky.
Haiku # 60866 November 9, 2018 3:10 am ET
by df of Panda Queefs!
I've arranged it all
John Travolta's your pilot
Forget salt peter
Haiku # 60865 November 9, 2018 2:10 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's a long flight there
You may need some salt peter
To nix in flight wank
Haiku # 60864 November 9, 2018 2:03 am ET
by Waitress in the Sky
Vegemite tampons
Vegemite vampire tea bags
Vegemite vulva

Vegemite be nice
Vegemite be lots of fun
Vegemite get laid
Haiku # 60863 November 9, 2018 1:59 am ET
by Vegemite be me of Vegemite be over here
Wipe your ass with toast
Homemade Nutella. Frugal
Save up for hookers

Steve Irwin's old boot
Slowcooked with a dry dung rub
Tended by pygmies

Distended belly
Bring on the dessert, MOFO
Emu cum milkshake
Haiku # 60862 November 9, 2018 1:47 am ET
by Good info
Vegemite surf board
wax and afro sheen helmet
padding substitute.

Vegemite, sunscreen
and birth control blocks semen,
and will feed sea men.

It's from down under
the bottom of the barrel,
left over ale gunk.

Recycled for your
breakfast bread toast enhancement.
Or ball bearing lube.
Haiku # 60861 November 9, 2018 1:14 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Shrimp on the Bar-B
Rub vegemite on your balls
Surf with a boner
Haiku # 60860 November 9, 2018 12:01 am ET
by Travel Agent
I think it's time for me to illegally migrate to Australia and putter around with a metal detector looking for gold nuggets until the day I die. Head injuries, spiders, snakes, sharks, surfing, reef cut infections, crocodiles and kangaroo boxing. What more could you ask for. Oh, and drinking. Don't forget drinking.
Haiku # 60859 November 8, 2018 10:17 pm ET
by df
Antifa is good.
Facism is also good.
Kill all extremists.

I know, it's all wrong.
I'm an extreme moderate.
Seriously though.

Anything that will
decrease the population
has got to be good.

For the long haul, yeah.
I mean, yeah, it sucks, but, well...
there's no other choice.

Do the antifas
target nazis, kkk,
white supremacists?

Or just pussy-assed
faux news media puppets
and T-Rump lovers?
Haiku # 60858 November 8, 2018 10:09 pm ET
by df
tucker carlson says
hi and i say hi to tucker
posting him here
Haiku # 60857 November 8, 2018 9:09 pm ET
by vhs of fuck antifa
A bit off topic.
After my hematoma
mosquitoes won't bite.

It's completely weird.
Like they know something is wrong.
They don't like blood clots?

I know, it's crazy.
If we mimic blot clot scent,
skeeter repellent?
Haiku # 60856 November 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET
by DARTH CAPITALIST FIGPUCKER
I like Graham's crackers.
A cracker eating crackers.
I'm a cannibal!

The novel... just google for it and you can download it from scribd.com

evi1 - a novel about you
that's evi1 spelled with a number 1, not a letter l.

Well.. .okay, her it is:

https://www.scribd.com/document/350140222/evi1-a-novel-about-you

You can read it online. Or log in to download it.
Haiku # 60855 November 8, 2018 6:47 pm ET
by Darth Garth of My achy breaky pig, she makes me do a jig
Hematoma shrink!
Make the bulge go to the dink!
Kick it up a notch
Haiku # 60854 November 8, 2018 6:45 pm ET
by Haiku Cheerleaders
I'm pulling a few strings
on top of what else i am pulling
opera is a buggy browser
and of course Graham's Number

Post a link to your evil novel
Haiku # 60853 November 8, 2018 6:33 pm ET
by vhs
WEAR A FUCKING HELMET!
Oh shit, that was six syllables.
And that was eight.
And now four!
And now it's not even a haiku any more, goddamnit.
See what you've done!
Haiku # 60852 November 8, 2018 5:18 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Seriously, dude.
It was the pigs chasing me.
They love me, you know.

No, not the police.
Pigs meaning farm animals.
Police hate my ass.
Haiku # 60851 November 8, 2018 5:16 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Super cunt biscuits.
Queefy puffed delectables.
Get them while they're hot!


In other news:
hematoma has decreased in size quite a bit.
Just got to relax and see how it is after a couple of weeks.
Still feels like a hangover from hell.

Common in older people... brain shrinks w/ age and pulls away from the skull, making this type of injury more common in older people. 10 years ago likely would never have bothered me. Just a minor blow... in fact, I got up and kept on skateboarding after it happened. Only about a week later it got bad. Life.
Haiku # 60850 November 8, 2018 5:12 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Darth was skateboarding
In the nude. Yelling Haiku.
He was chasing pigs
Haiku # 60849 November 8, 2018 12:26 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Darth, why a helmet?
was it on a bicycle,
motorcycle or . . .
Haiku # 60848 November 8, 2018 9:00 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
That old train whistle
Every time I hear it blow
I get a boner
Haiku # 60847 November 8, 2018 7:12 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
We love you, Darth Figpucker!!
Haiku # 60846 November 7, 2018 11:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Could be cheap drama
I'm not above such tactics.
Look at me, lookie!

No, I'm really ill.
but not like imminent death.
Just bad injury.

Fucking life!
no physical exertion, no drinking, no drugs...
No putting small animals in my rectum,
nothing fun any more. Damn it.
And I have nasty fucking headaches.

Surgery is a very likely possibility.
Crack open head, remove blood and cauterize
the broken veins. Look it up.
Subdural hematoma.
Should have worm a fucking helmet. Stupid idiot I am.

Fuck, fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

But look. Whatever happens, it is NOT important. We are all just farts in the windstorm. Never forget that.
Haiku # 60845 November 7, 2018 10:58 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Starkitten sneaky
I
Haiku # 60844 November 7, 2018 10:34 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Starkitten sneaky
I
Haiku # 60843 November 7, 2018 10:21 pm ET
by Nurse Starkitten
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