BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
311 Days
and
68093 Haikus
later...
Did you have to break
up with me when my mouth was
full of your hot cum?
Haiku #68093, by asking for a friend of behind the stadium
September 20, 2020 3:50 am ET

His schlong smelled like ham
And he wore pants made of bread
Let's do lunch some time
Haiku #68092, by Miss Piggy of Hog Heaven
September 20, 2020 3:45 am ET

His schlong smelled like ham
And he wore pants made of bread
Let's do lunch some time
Haiku #68091, by Miss Piggy of Hog Heaven
September 20, 2020 3:44 am ET

That crisp autumn air
Once again I'm on my knees
Blowing the mailman
Haiku #68090, by Punkin' Spice of driveway
September 20, 2020 12:47 am ET

Nineteen sixty-eight.
That was a year for revolt.
Really helped the Left . . .
Haiku #68089, by Judgement of Paris
September 19, 2020 6:01 pm ET

You keep talking that
Japanese octopus talk
I'll do anything
Haiku #68088, by Star K. of Undisclosed
September 19, 2020 4:25 pm ET

I don't 69.
I much prefer 68.
Never heard of it?

That's where you do me.
And then I will owe you 1.
Tomorrow. Promise!
Haiku #68087, by Would I lie?
September 19, 2020 3:11 pm ET

Teach me 69
You sexy mathematician
Teach me gozintas
Haiku #68086, by Stirred Up of In your dreams
September 19, 2020 12:38 pm ET

I'm no longer a figpucker.
I've given up pork and decided to go Kosher. That means I cannot sodomize lobsters or other strange sea animals as well. But whores are okay. Plenty of those around here, I tell you!
Haiku #68085, by DW
September 19, 2020 10:41 am ET

The next time I'm stateside,
I'll look you up so we can have
a wild affair to write bad
haiku about.

His schlong smelled like ham.
Ham that was left out for weeks.
I ran, vomiting.

He chased and caught me.
Now I smell like rotten pork.
There's pus in my hair.

You can say what you want, that's not as disgusting as pineapple on pizza. RIGHT?!
Haiku #68084, by The Dork Lard of the Sith, Darth Whorrendous of Doing Whorrible things to Whore's Ends.
September 19, 2020 10:38 am ET

Oh Darth Figpucker
Now you've got my attention
I'll be right over
Haiku #68083, by lovin pie of Nearby
September 19, 2020 7:37 am ET

If the zombie apocolypse happens and there are some fresh ones out there, I'm getting the handcuffs and KY.
Haiku #68082, by Go ahead, bite me!
September 19, 2020 6:30 am ET

And that doesn't really stop the fact that my balls are itching and you look like you could use a salty refreshment. Have a bloody mary w/ my scrotal sweat.
Haiku #68081, by Anonymous Poet
September 19, 2020 6:28 am ET

Actually, no, the electric socket doesn't have near enough juice. Maybe if you have some special 440 outlet and go from one hand to the outlet and the other to a water pipe (ground). And it's the current that gets you... so have to bypass the breaker if possible. It's harder than you think... so many safety precautions these days.
Haiku #68080, by Your welcome.
September 19, 2020 6:26 am ET


Sweet blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thanks stolo.infoforwomen.be/map27.php finja bemix high tech
Haiku #68079, by infoforwomen.be of Switzerland
September 19, 2020 12:14 am ET

If you stick a fork
in electrical socket
You will get your wish
Haiku #68078, by Drunk of Barstool
September 18, 2020 11:49 pm ET

I love high voltage.
If ever I'm put to death,
I hope it's the chair.
Haiku #68077, by Force lightening shoots out my ass.
September 18, 2020 10:44 pm ET

It's going to get worse.
Polarization times ten.
Fuck all the zombies.
Haiku #68076, by The Wrath of the Lord shall be Sweet
September 18, 2020 5:51 pm ET

Her Kill Switch installed . . .
but in the wrong place.
Walkin' funny now.
Haiku #68075, by Homage to Darth, of Course
September 18, 2020 7:46 am ET

My neck might explode.
Installed "suicide" implant.
How they control me.
Haiku #68074, by Scrotie McBoogerballs
September 18, 2020 3:43 am ET

In line at the hospital.
It's not covid.
But it might be cancer.
Let us pray.
Haiku #68073, by This world sucks ass anyway.
September 18, 2020 3:14 am ET

Return of The Spam!
I want to attach dick pics.
Show some poet schlong.
Haiku #68072, by asdf
September 17, 2020 8:50 pm ET

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Haiku #68071, by doormubre of United States
September 17, 2020 7:43 pm ET

To live forever,
you need to drink more water
and stop smoking crack.
Haiku #68070, by Dr. Satan's intern
September 17, 2020 2:45 am ET

I need a robot.
One that can post haiku here,
deny what it is.
Haiku #68069, by Too lazy to do this.
September 16, 2020 10:12 pm ET

"Plop."
After a great deal of effort,
sphincter pinching and
wiggling, it finally fell in.

The Fonz praised Jesus,
as he always did after
pooing. Because heeeeeey,
he is cool.

He snapped his fingers
and a cute HS girls proceeded
to wipe his bum.
Haiku #68068, by Memoirs of Ron Howard
September 16, 2020 8:11 pm ET

Great masturbate.
Contemplate ejaculate.
Pontificate irrate constabulate.
Defecate undulate gyrate.
Wait.
Haiku #68067, by The squirell.
September 16, 2020 7:56 pm ET

Afrocentrism
Is the stupidest of all.
It's just plain foolish.
Haiku #68066, by Mbengi Mbundu of Great Zimbabwe
September 16, 2020 7:37 pm ET

We are here for God's entertainment.
He's a sick twisted little child.
End your life now.
Deprive Him of His enjoyment.
THAT is rebellion.
Haiku #68065, by Exit existance stage left.
September 16, 2020 5:42 pm ET

why should one bother
to contemplate existence
except to distract ?
Haiku #68064, by ash
September 16, 2020 9:23 am ET

i'm sick of covid
endless updates inflicting
terminal ennui
Haiku #68063, by ash
September 16, 2020 9:12 am ET

He's the Good Shepherd.
Grazing near the slaughterhouse,
Sheep are unaware.
Haiku #68062, by Groovy Shepherd/Carpenter of Cosmic Love
September 16, 2020 9:10 am ET

Have you ever had
Mary's lamb at a "love fest"?
Well, let me tell you...

There's mutton like it!
My God, that was Whoreable.
Please pass the mint sauce.
Haiku #68061, by How many of you have had Covid-19 yet? of I didn't think so.
September 15, 2020 9:05 pm ET

Have you ever sung
Mary Had a Little Lamb
at a hate rally?
Haiku #68060, by Totally worth it.
September 15, 2020 8:08 pm ET

You can grab pussy.
As long as you're very rich.
I think I'll sell guns.

Then I'll own the world.
Move up to missiles and bombs.
Nuclear maybe?
Haiku #68059, by Jesus Christ! I really am thinking like a Sith Lord! of And thank God for that!
September 14, 2020 10:28 pm ET

We've got the best slaves.
Totally obedient.
Grab them anywhere.
Haiku #68058, by I like Donald's hair. of No really, I do!
September 14, 2020 10:25 pm ET

I would like a slave.
White or black, I do not care.
Vote for Donald Trump!
Haiku #68057, by I'm going to come out and identify as a black female. of And hold the party in California
September 14, 2020 10:23 pm ET

So who thinks the US will erupt into another civil war? Of course the far right will win b/c they have had a lot of time to stockpile weapons while the left just whines. Then China will destroy what's left. Doom and gloom, doom and gloom.
Haiku #68056, by I can only hope.
September 14, 2020 10:20 pm ET

Bullies. Loud Maoists.
Belligerent Leftist Mob
Bad Loudmouth Menace
Haiku #68055, by Behaving Like Monkies of Boiling Low Mentality
September 14, 2020 10:04 pm ET

waiting for godot
a great play, but wait there's more!
now it's a board game
Haiku #68054, by scotch of https://multiplayer-game-f788f.web.app
September 14, 2020 9:30 pm ET

Davie504
will break all your spaghetti
unless you slapp like
Haiku #68053, by scotch of hooked on bass
September 14, 2020 9:22 pm ET

A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X Y & Z.
Now I know some shit.
Haiku #68052, by There, I fixed it!
September 14, 2020 7:44 pm ET

Oh, shit, I left off y.
And now balls itch.
So, haiku will have to wait.
Haiku #68051, by nuts
September 14, 2020 2:46 pm ET

A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X & Z.
Now I know some shit.
Haiku #68050, by W is a strange one. of 3 syllables for the price of one.
September 14, 2020 2:45 pm ET

Call the Haiku Squad.
Too many syllables here.
Law and order NOW.
Haiku #68049, by Haiku Purge of National Renewal
September 14, 2020 10:20 am ET

There's a rabbid squirrel hiding in Donald Trump's hair. It foams at the mouth and tells him what to do. It writes his tweets for him. Obey the squirrel or you will all die! This is not on Fox or CNN, so you know it's real. This is Truth! Everything on Badhaiku.com is Truth. Terrific website. The best poets.
Haiku #68048, by The candiru fish in the asshole of Vladamir Putin
September 13, 2020 11:56 pm ET

The Mexicans can remain free
as long as they continue to work.
Native Americans and
Eskimoes (Inuits if you prefer)
will be transfered to Detroit
to build cars, because why not.

War with Canada is imminent.
The continent will be called
New Chinese Annex.
Haiku #68047, by As if it's not already
September 13, 2020 9:55 pm ET

China owns the US.
The chinks bought it from Russia.
And one billion jars of beet borscht
as part of the bargain.
I swear it's true! Look it up!
Haiku #68046, by History is awesome!
September 13, 2020 9:51 pm ET

Send you all to the prison camps.
Blacks, whites, and Jews.
China will own your asses!
Haiku #68045, by Buy more plastic toys.
September 13, 2020 9:48 pm ET

BlakBlakBlakBlakBlak
I'm a shout in your face now:
WhiteWhiteWhiteWhiteWhite
Haiku #68044, by Harmony of These United States
September 13, 2020 6:11 am ET