BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
311 Days
and
65999 Haikus
later...
Am I missing out?
I never use the restroom.
Yes, I'm full of shit.
Haiku #65999, by Literally or figuratively?
September 20, 2019 3:53 am ET

Be a bug hunter.
A promiscuous person
who wants STDs.

Share it with your spouse.
But you must keep it secret.
Prolong the surprise.

You can die smiling,
twisted grin across your face,
just like the Joker.
Haiku #65998, by Sharing is Caring
September 20, 2019 3:51 am ET

I saw your number
Written on the bathroom wall
Show me a good time
Haiku #65997, by Restroom goer of Restroom
September 19, 2019 11:17 pm ET

Simplify your life
Just eat until you explode
Get it over with
Haiku #65996, by Face Filler of Trough
September 19, 2019 11:15 pm ET

The problem with math
Is all those numbers they have
So many problems
Haiku #65995, by Math student of Undisclosed
September 19, 2019 9:14 pm ET

Heaven heaven God
The Lord's Kingdom of Heaven
Jesus Christ judgement
Haiku #65994, by A Backslidden Atheist of Tourette Syndrome
September 19, 2019 7:37 pm ET

Fuck this cold cruel world
Another day of the same
Pain and suffering
Haiku #65993, by Had it of Up to here
September 19, 2019 4:47 pm ET

Walking really fast
Can't get away from myself
Running backwards now
Haiku #65992, by Me of Trying to get away
September 19, 2019 4:27 pm ET

Do you exercise?
Can you play and instrument?
What books do you like?
Haiku #65991, by That's cool. Lets fuck.
September 19, 2019 3:56 pm ET

Solving a chem test.
Butt naked; air-con blowing.
Answers with dick pic.

Client's freaking out.
Shit, I thought it was funny.
No sense of humor.

Maybe it's the pus
oozing from my Prince Albert.
Pure titanium.

That's an element.
So, chemistry related.
What did she expect?
Haiku #65990, by
September 19, 2019 9:30 am ET

Every write a haiku
when you're really fucking stoned.
It's aliens, man.
Haiku #65989, by
September 19, 2019 4:08 am ET

I just shit my pants
Waiting for a commercial
Thank god for diapers
Haiku #65988, by Fuck pampers,buy huggies!
September 19, 2019 3:22 am ET

Every afternoon
Grandpa sucks his Werthers
Werthers is his dink
Haiku #65987, by Grandsonny boy of Porch glider
September 19, 2019 1:46 am ET

Hello there.
Haiku #65986, by
September 19, 2019 12:58 am ET

I yelled jump because
I wanted something to eat.
A bit messy though.
Haiku #65985, by
September 19, 2019 12:55 am ET

Eating soy hot dogs,
pretending that they are "dinks".
You're no cannibal.

Granola hippie.
Birkenstock wearing hipster.
Man-bun on your head.

The mountain witches
will cook the fat stray children
that you bring to them.

Eat their flesh and souls.
Be one with forest devils.
Drunk on demon cum.

Online tour package.
Jungle-cannibal dot com.
Offering group rates.
Haiku #65984, by Jimmy Dean's spicy dink links. of Organically grown and ethically slaughtered long pig. Order yours today!
September 19, 2019 12:53 am ET

You didn't listen
You didn't think I would jump
Why did you yell, "Jump!??"
Haiku #65983, by Splat of Sidewalk
September 18, 2019 9:51 pm ET

I just eat the dinks
Too many preservatives
In store brand hot dogs
Haiku #65982, by Not Ralph Nader of Wiener Roast
September 18, 2019 8:10 pm ET

You're an amateur.
That's why you eat the bodies.
There's no evidence.

And you gain power
by devouring their souls.
Trust me on this one.
Haiku #65981, by Darth Figpucker
September 18, 2019 7:33 pm ET

People ask questions
When your neighbor turns up dead
And you're drenched with blood
Haiku #65980, by Neighbor of Neighborhood
September 18, 2019 6:50 pm ET

G
E
T

N
A
K
E
D
!
!
!
Haiku #65979, by In the shopping mall.
September 18, 2019 6:09 pm ET

Feel my rig shaking
So I pull over real quick
Unburden my load
Haiku #65978, by Mack of Roadside
September 18, 2019 4:23 pm ET

Coming to Netflix
The Brother and Sister Ride.
And Cousin Orgy
Haiku #65977, by Satisfied of Couch
September 18, 2019 4:16 pm ET

Cowboy Mexicans
Playing their Naco music
On Telemundo
Haiku #65976, by El guiro of Huitlihuachapatenzontletitlan
September 18, 2019 12:06 pm ET

Canned meat is grotesque.
Trailer park hicks and Asian.
Only they enjoy.
Haiku #65975, by df
September 18, 2019 7:40 am ET

I don't think that's mud.
Grandpa ate some Fiber One
for breakfast today.
Haiku #65974, by Darth Figpucker, The Highly Inappropriate of Math Whore, Inc.
September 18, 2019 7:34 am ET

Hello there.
Haiku #65973, by
September 18, 2019 7:30 am ET

No no no silly
poet, I'm no professor,
but I'll do homework.

All you need to do
is open up your wallet.
Or your tight asshole.

I'm just a math whore.
I'll even do their exams.
Call for scheduling.

Fifty bucks per hour.
Your parents will never know.
You've heard that before.
Haiku #65972, by
September 18, 2019 3:59 am ET

On the wrestling mat
The grandparents caked in mud
Don't look, you'll go blind
Haiku #65971, by Noticer of Details of Behind binoculars
September 17, 2019 11:24 pm ET

The can of salmon
Was considered a member
Of the family
Haiku #65970, by Half sister of can of salmon of Kitchen
September 17, 2019 11:14 pm ET

So glad I cut class
Professor Darth Figpucker
Should be castrated
Haiku #65969, by Student of School of semi hard knocks
September 17, 2019 10:36 pm ET

Let's discuss waffles.
What are the best recipes?
I like them crispy.
Haiku #65968, by
September 17, 2019 9:51 pm ET

All those tight students
bending over for a grade.
Goosh goosh goosh goosh goosh.
Haiku #65967, by
September 17, 2019 9:22 pm ET

I know this is strange.
Math makes my penis feel big.
Exponentiate!
Haiku #65966, by
September 17, 2019 9:17 pm ET

A point charge of q=5.0x10^8C is placed at the center of an uncharged spherical conducting shell of inner radius 6.0 cm and outer radius 9.0 cm. Find the electric potential at (a) r = 4.0 cm (b) r = 8.0 cm (c) r = 12.0 cm.

After solving, jack off onto the quiz and turn in your spooge-soaked paper so the professor can have a hot nutritious meal in the faculty lounge.

Female students get an automatic grade of F.
Haiku #65965, by Gay Physics Professor
September 17, 2019 8:55 pm ET

A point charge of q=5.0Ã
Haiku #65964, by Gay Physics Professor
September 17, 2019 8:52 pm ET

Just started work here
They told me to write haiku
And to make it bad
Haiku #65963, by New Poet of Workplace
September 17, 2019 8:04 pm ET

toddlers will behave.
just play The Devil's Rejects.
they won't stop watching.
Haiku #65962, by Good Parent.
September 17, 2019 7:56 pm ET

My math lab dot com.
Pay me to do your homework.
I am a math whore.
Haiku #65961, by
September 17, 2019 7:36 pm ET

Emasculated.
Homosexuality.
Defenestration.
Haiku #65960, by of
September 17, 2019 7:21 pm ET

I'd like to meet him.
Why does his mind work that way?
Nipress, Ash, Star Wars.

I do not get it.
I'm not gay, but I'd fuck him.
Down in my basement.
Haiku #65959, by Deliverance Poets. of *Cue hillbilly music.
September 17, 2019 6:59 pm ET

NIPPRESS BLIPPRESS
ASH GRAASH
SMISH SMASH
NIPPRESS STARWARS THEMED
DARTH JAWA
Haiku #65958, by iamback
September 17, 2019 5:09 pm ET

Electrocution
You're relaxing in the bath
Catch this hair dryer
Haiku #65957, by Zappy of Grounded
September 17, 2019 4:34 pm ET

When the dark clouds burst
brown shit raindrops plop down
Then, hold out your tongue
Haiku #65956, by Grub of Earth
September 17, 2019 3:51 pm ET

Remember the time
You tripped on that super ball
And broke your femur
Haiku #65955, by It was my of Pink super ball
September 17, 2019 1:42 pm ET

Reindeer are tripping.
Children are being bullied.
Chinese counterfeit.
Haiku #65954, by Amazing!
September 17, 2019 7:58 am ET

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu............
Falling down an infinite well.
Well, well, well, well, well, well...
Die of old age before hitting the bottom.
Haiku #65953, by
September 17, 2019 6:35 am ET

Going for goat milk.
Craving me some real dairy.
Maybe I'm preggers!
Haiku #65952, by
September 17, 2019 5:17 am ET

Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition.
Nor sardine lattes.
Haiku #65951, by
September 17, 2019 5:15 am ET

Ghost pepper latte.
Unexpected beverage.
Predictable itch.
Haiku #65950, by I love ordering the ghost pepper sardine garlic latte at Starbucks. of Especially when there's a long line.
September 17, 2019 5:11 am ET