BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
63 Days
69622 Haikus
Wipe your ass with toast
Homemade Nutella. Frugal
Save up for hookers

Steve Irwin's old boot
Slowcooked with a dry dung rub
Tended by pygmies

Distended belly
Bring on the dessert, MOFO
Emu cum milkshake
Haiku #60862, by Good info
November 9, 2018 1:47 am ET

Vegemite surf board
wax and afro sheen helmet
padding substitute.

Vegemite, sunscreen
and birth control blocks semen,
and will feed sea men.

It's from down under
the bottom of the barrel,
left over ale gunk.

Recycled for your
breakfast bread toast enhancement.
Or ball bearing lube.
Haiku #60861, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 9, 2018 1:14 am ET

Shrimp on the Bar-B
Rub vegemite on your balls
Surf with a boner
Haiku #60860, by Travel Agent
November 9, 2018 12:01 am ET

I think it's time for me to illegally migrate to Australia and putter around with a metal detector looking for gold nuggets until the day I die. Head injuries, spiders, snakes, sharks, surfing, reef cut infections, crocodiles and kangaroo boxing. What more could you ask for. Oh, and drinking. Don't forget drinking.
Haiku #60859, by df
November 8, 2018 10:17 pm ET

Antifa is good.
Facism is also good.
Kill all extremists.

I know, it's all wrong.
I'm an extreme moderate.
Seriously though.

Anything that will
decrease the population
has got to be good.

For the long haul, yeah.
I mean, yeah, it sucks, but, well...
there's no other choice.

Do the antifas
target nazis, kkk,
white supremacists?

Or just pussy-assed
faux news media puppets
and T-Rump lovers?
Haiku #60858, by df
November 8, 2018 10:09 pm ET

tucker carlson says
hi and i say hi to tucker
posting him here
Haiku #60857, by vhs of fuck antifa
November 8, 2018 9:09 pm ET

A bit off topic.
After my hematoma
mosquitoes won't bite.

It's completely weird.
Like they know something is wrong.
They don't like blood clots?

I know, it's crazy.
If we mimic blot clot scent,
skeeter repellent?
November 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET

I like Graham's crackers.
A cracker eating crackers.
I'm a cannibal!

The novel... just google for it and you can download it from

evi1 - a novel about you
that's evi1 spelled with a number 1, not a letter l.

Well.. .okay, her it is:

You can read it online. Or log in to download it.
Haiku #60855, by Darth Garth of My achy breaky pig, she makes me do a jig
November 8, 2018 6:47 pm ET

Hematoma shrink!
Make the bulge go to the dink!
Kick it up a notch
Haiku #60854, by Haiku Cheerleaders
November 8, 2018 6:45 pm ET

I'm pulling a few strings
on top of what else i am pulling
opera is a buggy browser
and of course Graham's Number

Post a link to your evil novel
Haiku #60853, by vhs
November 8, 2018 6:33 pm ET

Oh shit, that was six syllables.
And that was eight.
And now four!
And now it's not even a haiku any more, goddamnit.
See what you've done!
Haiku #60852, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 8, 2018 5:18 pm ET

Seriously, dude.
It was the pigs chasing me.
They love me, you know.

No, not the police.
Pigs meaning farm animals.
Police hate my ass.
Haiku #60851, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 8, 2018 5:16 pm ET

Super cunt biscuits.
Queefy puffed delectables.
Get them while they're hot!

In other news:
hematoma has decreased in size quite a bit.
Just got to relax and see how it is after a couple of weeks.
Still feels like a hangover from hell.

Common in older people... brain shrinks w/ age and pulls away from the skull, making this type of injury more common in older people. 10 years ago likely would never have bothered me. Just a minor blow... in fact, I got up and kept on skateboarding after it happened. Only about a week later it got bad. Life.
Haiku #60850, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 8, 2018 5:12 pm ET

Darth was skateboarding
In the nude. Yelling Haiku.
He was chasing pigs
Haiku #60849, by Anonymous Poet
November 8, 2018 12:26 pm ET

Darth, why a helmet?
was it on a bicycle,
motorcycle or . . .
Haiku #60848, by Anonymous Poet
November 8, 2018 9:00 am ET

That old train whistle
Every time I hear it blow
I get a boner
Haiku #60847, by Anonymous Poet
November 8, 2018 7:12 am ET

We love you, Darth Figpucker!!
Haiku #60846, by Anonymous Poet
November 7, 2018 11:29 pm ET

Could be cheap drama
I'm not above such tactics.
Look at me, lookie!

No, I'm really ill.
but not like imminent death.
Just bad injury.

Fucking life!
no physical exertion, no drinking, no drugs...
No putting small animals in my rectum,
nothing fun any more. Damn it.
And I have nasty fucking headaches.

Surgery is a very likely possibility.
Crack open head, remove blood and cauterize
the broken veins. Look it up.
Subdural hematoma.
Should have worm a fucking helmet. Stupid idiot I am.

Fuck, fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

But look. Whatever happens, it is NOT important. We are all just farts in the windstorm. Never forget that.
Haiku #60845, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 10:58 pm ET

Starkitten sneaky
Haiku #60844, by Anonymous Poet
November 7, 2018 10:34 pm ET

Starkitten sneaky
Haiku #60843, by Nurse Starkitten
November 7, 2018 10:21 pm ET

Starkitten sneaky
Haiku #60842, by Nurse Starkitten
November 7, 2018 10:13 pm ET

Starkitten sneaky
Haiku #60841, by Nurse Starkitten
November 7, 2018 10:13 pm ET

Is Darth really ill?
or is it just cheap drama . . .
Important to know.
Haiku #60840, by Anonymous Poet
November 7, 2018 9:49 pm ET

I do not mind if
you come visit, Starkitten.
Just don't tell my wife.
Haiku #60839, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Har har har
November 7, 2018 9:45 pm ET

It's hard to tell yet.
Subdural hematomas
don't often heal well.

Can kill years later
if it is not cauterized
Surgery, maybe.

Considering it.
Options, possibilities.
Heart of Gold warp drive.

What's more important
is my penis enlargement
surgery Friday.
Haiku #60838, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of a fucking clown to the end
November 7, 2018 9:42 pm ET

I hope you're ok, Darth xoxo
Me and VHS will come visit you
Haiku #60837, by Starkitten
November 7, 2018 2:50 pm ET

Turd stew! Hot Turd Stew!
Get your Hot Turd Stew! Turd Stew!
Hot stuff coming through!
Haiku #60836, by Hot Stuff of Coming Through
November 7, 2018 2:46 pm ET

sad to hear it, will
keep you in my prayers if that
works, i will anyway
Haiku #60835, by vhs
November 7, 2018 2:45 pm ET

Breathe the Molecules
An exquisite blend of farts
Catch a whiff of me
Haiku #60834, by Invitation of Air
November 7, 2018 2:14 pm ET

I say the Pen is
mightier than than the S-word.
. . . and the S-word is:
Haiku #60833, by the shining Big-Sea-Water, stood the wigwam of Nokomis, Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis
November 7, 2018 8:46 am ET

How many testes
is testicularity.
Seldom more than two.

Serial killers
might collect testes in jars.
could skew the data.
Haiku #60832, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:40 am ET

Another CT
scan tomorrow to see how
much blood's on the brain.

If they operate,
I'm sure that I will die.
Shit hole country odds.
Haiku #60831, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:30 am ET

An haiku poets
should murder people with pens.
With pens, not penes.
Haiku #60830, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:25 am ET

Serial killers
should write haiku with the blood
of their victims. POOT!

I had to write POOT.
Otherwise it's no haiku.
Poopie poo poo poo.
Haiku #60829, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:23 am ET

Sea monkey penes.
Apparently they have two.
If wife chops one off.
Haiku #60828, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 7, 2018 8:17 am ET

Back to sea monkeys
No, they don't have cute faces
Want to see their junk
Haiku #60827, by Lonely of Alone
November 7, 2018 1:23 am ET

Serial killers
They should write haiku instead
Just my opinion
Haiku #60826, by Drunk of Barstool
November 7, 2018 1:20 am ET

Two slices of bread
The protein will be cunt lips
How 'bout a pickle
Haiku #60825, by Tiger woods of Subway
November 7, 2018 12:41 am ET

I tried to vote twice
Longpig Party. FIGPUCKER!!
Farted on ballot.
Haiku #60824, by 4 Good Luck
November 6, 2018 11:24 pm ET

Vote for Figpucker!
Build a brothel in each town!
Thailand pays for it!
Haiku #60823, by Darth Figpucker for President!
November 6, 2018 11:12 pm ET

I voted, I think
But I mistook your ass crack
For the ballot box
Haiku #60822, by Apparently you liked it of Mid term erections
November 6, 2018 10:00 pm ET

(Since this world is a shithole
and he loves shitholes)
Haiku #60821, by Anonymous Poet
November 6, 2018 9:41 pm ET

I truly do hope
It doesn't turn out to be
A light-red ripple.
Haiku #60820, by But I won't have a prolonged public meltdown if it happens the way the pathetic regressives have doing since the election of our Windswept Wizard of Wonderful
November 6, 2018 6:37 pm ET

* have
Haiku #60819, by Buzzy of Compound eye doctors
November 6, 2018 5:45 pm ET

"Oh, and furthermore
Leave my brethren alone, Darth.
Mosquitoes gave rights!"
Haiku #60818, by Buzzy of In the pissed off section
November 6, 2018 5:44 pm ET

"and while I'm at it
I'll leave behind some flaiku
Also known as poop."
Haiku #60817, by Buzzy of Around
November 6, 2018 5:42 pm ET

(Insect voice) "Hey, man..
We're saving that chunk for later!
Feasting on yours now."
Haiku #60816, by Buzzy the annoying fly of On your haiku
November 6, 2018 4:07 pm ET

Filthy remains rot
Even flies won't eat the corpse
That is your Haiku
Haiku #60815, by Decomposition of Liquefaction
November 6, 2018 9:54 am ET

You said power drill
The trigger words. You woke me
I've got morning wood
Haiku #60814, by Bob Villa
November 6, 2018 7:57 am ET

I'm sure he's quite handy
Barney could fix your plumbing
And clog all your pipes
Haiku #60813, by He"s trouble
November 6, 2018 7:54 am ET