Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 248 Days and 77180 Haiku later...

tucker carlson says
hi and i say hi to tucker
posting him here
Haiku # 60857, November 8, 2018 9:09 pm ET
by vhs of fuck antifa
A bit off topic.
After my hematoma
mosquitoes won't bite.

It's completely weird.
Like they know something is wrong.
They don't like blood clots?

I know, it's crazy.
If we mimic blot clot scent,
skeeter repellent?
Haiku # 60856, November 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET
I like Graham's crackers.
A cracker eating crackers.
I'm a cannibal!

The novel... just google for it and you can download it from

evi1 - a novel about you
that's evi1 spelled with a number 1, not a letter l.

Well.. .okay, her it is:

You can read it online. Or log in to download it.
Haiku # 60855, November 8, 2018 6:47 pm ET
by Darth Garth of My achy breaky pig, she makes me do a jig
Hematoma shrink!
Make the bulge go to the dink!
Kick it up a notch
Haiku # 60854, November 8, 2018 6:45 pm ET
by Haiku Cheerleaders
I'm pulling a few strings
on top of what else i am pulling
opera is a buggy browser
and of course Graham's Number

Post a link to your evil novel
Haiku # 60853, November 8, 2018 6:33 pm ET
by vhs
Oh shit, that was six syllables.
And that was eight.
And now four!
And now it's not even a haiku any more, goddamnit.
See what you've done!
Haiku # 60852, November 8, 2018 5:18 pm ET
Seriously, dude.
It was the pigs chasing me.
They love me, you know.

No, not the police.
Pigs meaning farm animals.
Police hate my ass.
Haiku # 60851, November 8, 2018 5:16 pm ET
Super cunt biscuits.
Queefy puffed delectables.
Get them while they're hot!

In other news:
hematoma has decreased in size quite a bit.
Just got to relax and see how it is after a couple of weeks.
Still feels like a hangover from hell.

Common in older people... brain shrinks w/ age and pulls away from the skull, making this type of injury more common in older people. 10 years ago likely would never have bothered me. Just a minor blow... in fact, I got up and kept on skateboarding after it happened. Only about a week later it got bad. Life.
Haiku # 60850, November 8, 2018 5:12 pm ET
Darth was skateboarding
In the nude. Yelling Haiku.
He was chasing pigs
Haiku # 60849, November 8, 2018 12:26 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Darth, why a helmet?
was it on a bicycle,
motorcycle or . . .
Haiku # 60848, November 8, 2018 9:00 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
That old train whistle
Every time I hear it blow
I get a boner
Haiku # 60847, November 8, 2018 7:12 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
We love you, Darth Figpucker!!
Haiku # 60846, November 7, 2018 11:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Could be cheap drama
I'm not above such tactics.
Look at me, lookie!

No, I'm really ill.
but not like imminent death.
Just bad injury.

Fucking life!
no physical exertion, no drinking, no drugs...
No putting small animals in my rectum,
nothing fun any more. Damn it.
And I have nasty fucking headaches.

Surgery is a very likely possibility.
Crack open head, remove blood and cauterize
the broken veins. Look it up.
Subdural hematoma.
Should have worm a fucking helmet. Stupid idiot I am.

Fuck, fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

But look. Whatever happens, it is NOT important. We are all just farts in the windstorm. Never forget that.
Haiku # 60845, November 7, 2018 10:58 pm ET
Starkitten sneaky
Haiku # 60844, November 7, 2018 10:34 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Starkitten sneaky
Haiku # 60843, November 7, 2018 10:21 pm ET
by Nurse Starkitten
Starkitten sneaky
Haiku # 60842, November 7, 2018 10:13 pm ET
by Nurse Starkitten
Starkitten sneaky
Haiku # 60841, November 7, 2018 10:13 pm ET
by Nurse Starkitten
Is Darth really ill?
or is it just cheap drama . . .
Important to know.
Haiku # 60840, November 7, 2018 9:49 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I do not mind if
you come visit, Starkitten.
Just don't tell my wife.
Haiku # 60839, November 7, 2018 9:45 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Har har har
It's hard to tell yet.
Subdural hematomas
don't often heal well.

Can kill years later
if it is not cauterized
Surgery, maybe.

Considering it.
Options, possibilities.
Heart of Gold warp drive.

What's more important
is my penis enlargement
surgery Friday.
Haiku # 60838, November 7, 2018 9:42 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of a fucking clown to the end
I hope you're ok, Darth xoxo
Me and VHS will come visit you
Haiku # 60837, November 7, 2018 2:50 pm ET
by Starkitten
Turd stew! Hot Turd Stew!
Get your Hot Turd Stew! Turd Stew!
Hot stuff coming through!
Haiku # 60836, November 7, 2018 2:46 pm ET
by Hot Stuff of Coming Through
sad to hear it, will
keep you in my prayers if that
works, i will anyway
Haiku # 60835, November 7, 2018 2:45 pm ET
by vhs
Breathe the Molecules
An exquisite blend of farts
Catch a whiff of me
Haiku # 60834, November 7, 2018 2:14 pm ET
by Invitation of Air
I say the Pen is
mightier than than the S-word.
. . . and the S-word is:
Haiku # 60833, November 7, 2018 8:46 am ET
by the shining Big-Sea-Water, stood the wigwam of Nokomis, Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis
How many testes
is testicularity.
Seldom more than two.

Serial killers
might collect testes in jars.
could skew the data.
Haiku # 60832, November 7, 2018 8:40 am ET
Another CT
scan tomorrow to see how
much blood's on the brain.

If they operate,
I'm sure that I will die.
Shit hole country odds.
Haiku # 60831, November 7, 2018 8:30 am ET
An haiku poets
should murder people with pens.
With pens, not penes.
Haiku # 60830, November 7, 2018 8:25 am ET
Serial killers
should write haiku with the blood
of their victims. POOT!

I had to write POOT.
Otherwise it's no haiku.
Poopie poo poo poo.
Haiku # 60829, November 7, 2018 8:23 am ET
Sea monkey penes.
Apparently they have two.
If wife chops one off.
Haiku # 60828, November 7, 2018 8:17 am ET
Back to sea monkeys
No, they don't have cute faces
Want to see their junk
Haiku # 60827, November 7, 2018 1:23 am ET
by Lonely of Alone
Serial killers
They should write haiku instead
Just my opinion
Haiku # 60826, November 7, 2018 1:20 am ET
by Drunk of Barstool
Two slices of bread
The protein will be cunt lips
How 'bout a pickle
Haiku # 60825, November 7, 2018 12:41 am ET
by Tiger woods of Subway
I tried to vote twice
Longpig Party. FIGPUCKER!!
Farted on ballot.
Haiku # 60824, November 6, 2018 11:24 pm ET
by 4 Good Luck
Vote for Figpucker!
Build a brothel in each town!
Thailand pays for it!
Haiku # 60823, November 6, 2018 11:12 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker for President!
I voted, I think
But I mistook your ass crack
For the ballot box
Haiku # 60822, November 6, 2018 10:00 pm ET
by Apparently you liked it of Mid term erections
(Since this world is a shithole
and he loves shitholes)
Haiku # 60821, November 6, 2018 9:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I truly do hope
It doesn't turn out to be
A light-red ripple.
Haiku # 60820, November 6, 2018 6:37 pm ET
by But I won't have a prolonged public meltdown if it happens the way the pathetic regressives have doing since the election of our Windswept Wizard of Wonderful
* have
Haiku # 60819, November 6, 2018 5:45 pm ET
by Buzzy of Compound eye doctors
"Oh, and furthermore
Leave my brethren alone, Darth.
Mosquitoes gave rights!"
Haiku # 60818, November 6, 2018 5:44 pm ET
by Buzzy of In the pissed off section
"and while I'm at it
I'll leave behind some flaiku
Also known as poop."
Haiku # 60817, November 6, 2018 5:42 pm ET
by Buzzy of Around
(Insect voice) "Hey, man..
We're saving that chunk for later!
Feasting on yours now."
Haiku # 60816, November 6, 2018 4:07 pm ET
by Buzzy the annoying fly of On your haiku
Filthy remains rot
Even flies won't eat the corpse
That is your Haiku
Haiku # 60815, November 6, 2018 9:54 am ET
by Decomposition of Liquefaction
You said power drill
The trigger words. You woke me
I've got morning wood
Haiku # 60814, November 6, 2018 7:57 am ET
by Bob Villa
I'm sure he's quite handy
Barney could fix your plumbing
And clog all your pipes
Haiku # 60813, November 6, 2018 7:54 am ET
by He"s trouble
Like, the Scooby snack
Could have been giant Funyuns
But they drew your dink
Haiku # 60812, November 6, 2018 7:48 am ET
by I know you get a boner of But do you receive royalties?
Brain damage is cool.
When you wake up from a dream,
it all seems so real.

I had an affair
with Barney the dinosaur
dressed like a plumber.

But the headaches suck.
Power drill pressure relief.
So fucking tempting.

Why the dream about
Velma from Scoobie Doo?
Never in my life.

"You can't fuck me, I'm a cartoon.
I'm not even supposed to say that word.
Oh... oooo... well... okay."

Seriously... WTF?!
Haiku # 60811, November 6, 2018 5:38 am ET
Yeah, if you jack off.
Don't do it on a skateboard.
Or wear a helmet.
Haiku # 60810, November 6, 2018 4:39 am ET
hit by an arrow
walking in Piccadilly
on Feb fourteen morn
Haiku # 60809, November 6, 2018 3:03 am ET
by fabio sassi of bologna, italy
Knitting dink covers
For the holidays, boys
Who needs the big size?
Haiku # 60808, November 6, 2018 2:20 am ET
by Crafty
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