Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 22 Days and 74126 Haikus later...

Breathe the Molecules
An exquisite blend of farts
Catch a whiff of me
Haiku # 60834, November 7, 2018 2:14 pm ET
by Invitation of Air
I say the Pen is
mightier than than the S-word.
. . . and the S-word is:
Haiku # 60833, November 7, 2018 8:46 am ET
by the shining Big-Sea-Water, stood the wigwam of Nokomis, Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis
How many testes
is testicularity.
Seldom more than two.

Serial killers
might collect testes in jars.
could skew the data.
Haiku # 60832, November 7, 2018 8:40 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Another CT
scan tomorrow to see how
much blood's on the brain.

If they operate,
I'm sure that I will die.
Shit hole country odds.
Haiku # 60831, November 7, 2018 8:30 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
An haiku poets
should murder people with pens.
With pens, not penes.
Haiku # 60830, November 7, 2018 8:25 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Serial killers
should write haiku with the blood
of their victims. POOT!

I had to write POOT.
Otherwise it's no haiku.
Poopie poo poo poo.
Haiku # 60829, November 7, 2018 8:23 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Sea monkey penes.
Apparently they have two.
If wife chops one off.

https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-94-017-0791-6_1
Haiku # 60828, November 7, 2018 8:17 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Back to sea monkeys
No, they don't have cute faces
Want to see their junk
Haiku # 60827, November 7, 2018 1:23 am ET
by Lonely of Alone
Serial killers
They should write haiku instead
Just my opinion
Haiku # 60826, November 7, 2018 1:20 am ET
by Drunk of Barstool
Two slices of bread
The protein will be cunt lips
How 'bout a pickle
Haiku # 60825, November 7, 2018 12:41 am ET
by Tiger woods of Subway
I tried to vote twice
Longpig Party. FIGPUCKER!!
Farted on ballot.
Haiku # 60824, November 6, 2018 11:24 pm ET
by 4 Good Luck
Vote for Figpucker!
Build a brothel in each town!
Thailand pays for it!
Haiku # 60823, November 6, 2018 11:12 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker for President!
I voted, I think
But I mistook your ass crack
For the ballot box
Haiku # 60822, November 6, 2018 10:00 pm ET
by Apparently you liked it of Mid term erections
Elect FIGPUCKER !
(Since this world is a shithole
and he loves shitholes)
Haiku # 60821, November 6, 2018 9:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I truly do hope
It doesn't turn out to be
A light-red ripple.
Haiku # 60820, November 6, 2018 6:37 pm ET
by But I won't have a prolonged public meltdown if it happens the way the pathetic regressives have doing since the election of our Windswept Wizard of Wonderful
* have
Haiku # 60819, November 6, 2018 5:45 pm ET
by Buzzy of Compound eye doctors
"Oh, and furthermore
Leave my brethren alone, Darth.
Mosquitoes gave rights!"
Haiku # 60818, November 6, 2018 5:44 pm ET
by Buzzy of In the pissed off section
"and while I'm at it
I'll leave behind some flaiku
Also known as poop."
Haiku # 60817, November 6, 2018 5:42 pm ET
by Buzzy of Around
(Insect voice) "Hey, man..
We're saving that chunk for later!
Feasting on yours now."
Haiku # 60816, November 6, 2018 4:07 pm ET
by Buzzy the annoying fly of On your haiku
Filthy remains rot
Even flies won't eat the corpse
That is your Haiku
Haiku # 60815, November 6, 2018 9:54 am ET
by Decomposition of Liquefaction
You said power drill
The trigger words. You woke me
I've got morning wood
Haiku # 60814, November 6, 2018 7:57 am ET
by Bob Villa
I'm sure he's quite handy
Barney could fix your plumbing
And clog all your pipes
Haiku # 60813, November 6, 2018 7:54 am ET
by He"s trouble
Like, the Scooby snack
Could have been giant Funyuns
But they drew your dink
Haiku # 60812, November 6, 2018 7:48 am ET
by I know you get a boner of But do you receive royalties?
Brain damage is cool.
When you wake up from a dream,
it all seems so real.

I had an affair
with Barney the dinosaur
dressed like a plumber.

But the headaches suck.
Power drill pressure relief.
So fucking tempting.

Why the dream about
Velma from Scoobie Doo?
Never in my life.

"You can't fuck me, I'm a cartoon.
I'm not even supposed to say that word.
Oh... oooo... well... okay."

Seriously... WTF?!
Haiku # 60811, November 6, 2018 5:38 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Yeah, if you jack off.
Don't do it on a skateboard.
Or wear a helmet.
Haiku # 60810, November 6, 2018 4:39 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
hit by an arrow
walking in Piccadilly
on Feb fourteen morn
Haiku # 60809, November 6, 2018 3:03 am ET
by fabio sassi of bologna, italy
Knitting dink covers
For the holidays, boys
Who needs the big size?
Haiku # 60808, November 6, 2018 2:20 am ET
by Crafty
Is this real haiku?
Is haiku about pooping?
Ok, I farted
Haiku # 60807, November 6, 2018 2:04 am ET
by Nina
The article said
The old man was skateboarding
And masturbating
Haiku # 60806, November 5, 2018 11:29 pm ET
by And yelling haiku poems of And chasing a pig
I am such a cunt.
Old people should not skateboard.
Stay home and jack off!

Fucking little goddamn pebble! Fuck!
Haiku # 60805, November 5, 2018 11:12 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Trying to heal you
Starkitten has been ill, too
Last surgery failed
Haiku # 60804, November 5, 2018 11:04 pm ET
by Have seam up middle like stuffed animal of Sending healing farts your way (smelliest ones)
The chance is high that
you just breathed a molecule
from Hitler's last fart.

And Beethoven's and
Jesus' and Buddha's and...
You get the idea.

We are all one fart!
Chemistry is amazing!
Avogadro's Cock!

6.022x10^23 golf balls covering the earth 3 miles deep in golf balls. Tiger Woods, save us! Offerings of cocaine and prostitutes.
Haiku # 60803, November 5, 2018 10:49 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Life is fucking great.
Subdural hematoma.
What could be better.

Yo momma in a coma hematoma.

Christ I hope I die.
Fuck all that surgery shit.
Tampon in the nose.

Not terrible, but I do have to monitor it.
Headaches fucking suck, slight numbness.
Yesterday was worse. Maybe it will get better.
You fuckers aren't rid of me yet.

Yeah, fuck surgery.
Bacardi 151.
Power drill, tampon.
Haiku # 60802, November 5, 2018 10:37 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of DIY brain surgery. Web MD.com. Save money!
Passenger pigeon
Important haiku in beak
Scratch that...his asshole
Haiku # 60801, November 5, 2018 10:19 pm ET
by Asshole it stinked
Is there room in Hell
For us and our poetry
And smelly asses?
Haiku # 60800, November 5, 2018 9:19 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
The way I see it
If you keep at it a while
You'll jizz out something
Haiku # 60799, November 5, 2018 9:06 pm ET
by Jizzer
Poems write themselves
They float in the air we breathe
Along with Darth's farts
Haiku # 60798, November 5, 2018 8:47 pm ET
by Breathing mud
Whenever in doubt
You should press submit haiku
Just put some words up
Haiku # 60797, November 5, 2018 8:45 pm ET
by Haiku Advice of Haiku 101
Mother in law, Why?
Does the table smell like fish?
Are doorknobs greasy?
Haiku # 60796, November 5, 2018 7:59 pm ET
by ?
VHS is Nina, too prob
Haiku # 60795, November 5, 2018 7:38 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Further proof that VHS is Figpucker!!!!!!!!!!
Haiku # 60794, November 5, 2018 6:44 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Hell's Outhouse Hole, folks
It happens to dump right here
Submit Haiku page
Haiku # 60793, November 5, 2018 6:42 pm ET
by Starkitten
*depths... goddamnit
Haiku # 60792, November 5, 2018 6:10 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
My origin depts
are far deeper than toilets.
Think Satan's outhouse.

If Hell is as low
as you can go, then what of
Hell's outhouse hole, eh?
Haiku # 60791, November 5, 2018 6:10 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Strum strum strum plunk plunk
Stretching my pubic hairs out
Smoke on the water....
Haiku # 60790, November 5, 2018 5:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Welcome, Nina. First:
Beware the foul stench of Darth.
He rises from toilet.
Haiku # 60789, November 5, 2018 5:12 pm ET
by Full House Royal Flush
Hi, I am new here
I can't wait to learn haiku
Is there a topic?
Haiku # 60788, November 5, 2018 3:34 pm ET
by Nina of Az
Been waiting for this
It's been a rough, muddy road
Bought toilet paper
Haiku # 60787, November 5, 2018 2:30 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Poop worm dink undies
Gave me a little chuckle
And a funny dream
Haiku # 60786, November 5, 2018 1:03 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Queen Elizabeth II
She's sitting atop the throne
Hunch royal coil
Haiku # 60785, November 5, 2018 12:48 pm ET
by Lizard Biotch
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