Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 243 Days and 77168 Haiku later...

'Cause it's been a while
I just tackled the mailman
Dry humped his left leg
Haiku # 60874, November 9, 2018 5:37 pm ET
by Guess who of Front yard
Now it's time for GOD.
Fuck your putrefying souls.
Now it's time for GOD.
Haiku # 60873, November 9, 2018 2:24 pm ET
by Pedophiles Rule the World of Dead Souls and Global Media
Esperanto this:
shematoma y tomo.
Je dois tomar plus.
Haiku # 60872, November 9, 2018 2:19 pm ET
by Alcohol of Revelation
He hematoma
She go hematoma tu
Y yo si tomo
Haiku # 60871, November 9, 2018 9:17 am ET
by Theymatoma of Pronoun
Good one, Starkitten.
Made from Billy Yeast, indeed!
I'd prefer the beer.
Haiku # 60870, November 9, 2018 7:33 am ET
by df
Poet Vegemite
Made from William Butler Yea(s)t
Soylent Green Helmet
Haiku # 60869, November 9, 2018 5:59 am ET
by Starkitten of Librarian
Alex Trebek's cock
Throbulating. Enormous.
That's Entertainment
Haiku # 60868, November 9, 2018 5:46 am ET
by TV Viewer of Couch
In Flight turbulence
Just in the seat next to you
Watch a stranger wank

Gerard Depardieu
Will he pee in a bottle?
Yellow autograph
Haiku # 60867, November 9, 2018 3:37 am ET
by Sky watcher of Skyway
I'll fly from Asia.
On board hookers and dog stew.
Beats American.

Vegemite have mites.
Funny it's made from old yeast;
no veggies in it.

Personally though,
I'd rather try Soylent Green
made from old poets.

Perfect airline snack.
Crunchy Faux News reporters.
Antifa jerky.
Haiku # 60866, November 9, 2018 3:10 am ET
by df of Panda Queefs!
I've arranged it all
John Travolta's your pilot
Forget salt peter
Haiku # 60865, November 9, 2018 2:10 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's a long flight there
You may need some salt peter
To nix in flight wank
Haiku # 60864, November 9, 2018 2:03 am ET
by Waitress in the Sky
Vegemite tampons
Vegemite vampire tea bags
Vegemite vulva

Vegemite be nice
Vegemite be lots of fun
Vegemite get laid
Haiku # 60863, November 9, 2018 1:59 am ET
by Vegemite be me of Vegemite be over here
Wipe your ass with toast
Homemade Nutella. Frugal
Save up for hookers

Steve Irwin's old boot
Slowcooked with a dry dung rub
Tended by pygmies

Distended belly
Bring on the dessert, MOFO
Emu cum milkshake
Haiku # 60862, November 9, 2018 1:47 am ET
by Good info
Vegemite surf board
wax and afro sheen helmet
padding substitute.

Vegemite, sunscreen
and birth control blocks semen,
and will feed sea men.

It's from down under
the bottom of the barrel,
left over ale gunk.

Recycled for your
breakfast bread toast enhancement.
Or ball bearing lube.
Haiku # 60861, November 9, 2018 1:14 am ET
Shrimp on the Bar-B
Rub vegemite on your balls
Surf with a boner
Haiku # 60860, November 9, 2018 12:01 am ET
by Travel Agent
I think it's time for me to illegally migrate to Australia and putter around with a metal detector looking for gold nuggets until the day I die. Head injuries, spiders, snakes, sharks, surfing, reef cut infections, crocodiles and kangaroo boxing. What more could you ask for. Oh, and drinking. Don't forget drinking.
Haiku # 60859, November 8, 2018 10:17 pm ET
by df
Antifa is good.
Facism is also good.
Kill all extremists.

I know, it's all wrong.
I'm an extreme moderate.
Seriously though.

Anything that will
decrease the population
has got to be good.

For the long haul, yeah.
I mean, yeah, it sucks, but, well...
there's no other choice.

Do the antifas
target nazis, kkk,
white supremacists?

Or just pussy-assed
faux news media puppets
and T-Rump lovers?
Haiku # 60858, November 8, 2018 10:09 pm ET
by df
tucker carlson says
hi and i say hi to tucker
posting him here
Haiku # 60857, November 8, 2018 9:09 pm ET
by vhs of fuck antifa
A bit off topic.
After my hematoma
mosquitoes won't bite.

It's completely weird.
Like they know something is wrong.
They don't like blood clots?

I know, it's crazy.
If we mimic blot clot scent,
skeeter repellent?
Haiku # 60856, November 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET
I like Graham's crackers.
A cracker eating crackers.
I'm a cannibal!

The novel... just google for it and you can download it from

evi1 - a novel about you
that's evi1 spelled with a number 1, not a letter l.

Well.. .okay, her it is:

You can read it online. Or log in to download it.
Haiku # 60855, November 8, 2018 6:47 pm ET
by Darth Garth of My achy breaky pig, she makes me do a jig
Hematoma shrink!
Make the bulge go to the dink!
Kick it up a notch
Haiku # 60854, November 8, 2018 6:45 pm ET
by Haiku Cheerleaders
I'm pulling a few strings
on top of what else i am pulling
opera is a buggy browser
and of course Graham's Number

Post a link to your evil novel
Haiku # 60853, November 8, 2018 6:33 pm ET
by vhs
Oh shit, that was six syllables.
And that was eight.
And now four!
And now it's not even a haiku any more, goddamnit.
See what you've done!
Haiku # 60852, November 8, 2018 5:18 pm ET
Seriously, dude.
It was the pigs chasing me.
They love me, you know.

No, not the police.
Pigs meaning farm animals.
Police hate my ass.
Haiku # 60851, November 8, 2018 5:16 pm ET
Super cunt biscuits.
Queefy puffed delectables.
Get them while they're hot!

In other news:
hematoma has decreased in size quite a bit.
Just got to relax and see how it is after a couple of weeks.
Still feels like a hangover from hell.

Common in older people... brain shrinks w/ age and pulls away from the skull, making this type of injury more common in older people. 10 years ago likely would never have bothered me. Just a minor blow... in fact, I got up and kept on skateboarding after it happened. Only about a week later it got bad. Life.
Haiku # 60850, November 8, 2018 5:12 pm ET
Darth was skateboarding
In the nude. Yelling Haiku.
He was chasing pigs
Haiku # 60849, November 8, 2018 12:26 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Darth, why a helmet?
was it on a bicycle,
motorcycle or . . .
Haiku # 60848, November 8, 2018 9:00 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
That old train whistle
Every time I hear it blow
I get a boner
Haiku # 60847, November 8, 2018 7:12 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
We love you, Darth Figpucker!!
Haiku # 60846, November 7, 2018 11:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Could be cheap drama
I'm not above such tactics.
Look at me, lookie!

No, I'm really ill.
but not like imminent death.
Just bad injury.

Fucking life!
no physical exertion, no drinking, no drugs...
No putting small animals in my rectum,
nothing fun any more. Damn it.
And I have nasty fucking headaches.

Surgery is a very likely possibility.
Crack open head, remove blood and cauterize
the broken veins. Look it up.
Subdural hematoma.
Should have worm a fucking helmet. Stupid idiot I am.

Fuck, fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

But look. Whatever happens, it is NOT important. We are all just farts in the windstorm. Never forget that.
Haiku # 60845, November 7, 2018 10:58 pm ET
Starkitten sneaky
Haiku # 60844, November 7, 2018 10:34 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Starkitten sneaky
Haiku # 60843, November 7, 2018 10:21 pm ET
by Nurse Starkitten
Starkitten sneaky
Haiku # 60842, November 7, 2018 10:13 pm ET
by Nurse Starkitten
Starkitten sneaky
Haiku # 60841, November 7, 2018 10:13 pm ET
by Nurse Starkitten
Is Darth really ill?
or is it just cheap drama . . .
Important to know.
Haiku # 60840, November 7, 2018 9:49 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I do not mind if
you come visit, Starkitten.
Just don't tell my wife.
Haiku # 60839, November 7, 2018 9:45 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Har har har
It's hard to tell yet.
Subdural hematomas
don't often heal well.

Can kill years later
if it is not cauterized
Surgery, maybe.

Considering it.
Options, possibilities.
Heart of Gold warp drive.

What's more important
is my penis enlargement
surgery Friday.
Haiku # 60838, November 7, 2018 9:42 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of a fucking clown to the end
I hope you're ok, Darth xoxo
Me and VHS will come visit you
Haiku # 60837, November 7, 2018 2:50 pm ET
by Starkitten
Turd stew! Hot Turd Stew!
Get your Hot Turd Stew! Turd Stew!
Hot stuff coming through!
Haiku # 60836, November 7, 2018 2:46 pm ET
by Hot Stuff of Coming Through
sad to hear it, will
keep you in my prayers if that
works, i will anyway
Haiku # 60835, November 7, 2018 2:45 pm ET
by vhs
Breathe the Molecules
An exquisite blend of farts
Catch a whiff of me
Haiku # 60834, November 7, 2018 2:14 pm ET
by Invitation of Air
I say the Pen is
mightier than than the S-word.
. . . and the S-word is:
Haiku # 60833, November 7, 2018 8:46 am ET
by the shining Big-Sea-Water, stood the wigwam of Nokomis, Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis
How many testes
is testicularity.
Seldom more than two.

Serial killers
might collect testes in jars.
could skew the data.
Haiku # 60832, November 7, 2018 8:40 am ET
Another CT
scan tomorrow to see how
much blood's on the brain.

If they operate,
I'm sure that I will die.
Shit hole country odds.
Haiku # 60831, November 7, 2018 8:30 am ET
An haiku poets
should murder people with pens.
With pens, not penes.
Haiku # 60830, November 7, 2018 8:25 am ET
Serial killers
should write haiku with the blood
of their victims. POOT!

I had to write POOT.
Otherwise it's no haiku.
Poopie poo poo poo.
Haiku # 60829, November 7, 2018 8:23 am ET
Sea monkey penes.
Apparently they have two.
If wife chops one off.
Haiku # 60828, November 7, 2018 8:17 am ET
Back to sea monkeys
No, they don't have cute faces
Want to see their junk
Haiku # 60827, November 7, 2018 1:23 am ET
by Lonely of Alone
Serial killers
They should write haiku instead
Just my opinion
Haiku # 60826, November 7, 2018 1:20 am ET
by Drunk of Barstool
Two slices of bread
The protein will be cunt lips
How 'bout a pickle
Haiku # 60825, November 7, 2018 12:41 am ET
by Tiger woods of Subway
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