Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 248 Days and 77180 Haiku later...

a hundred years on
and the war to end all wars
still wasn't the one
Haiku # 60900, November 11, 2018 4:34 am ET
by ash
Mall pet store monkey
Pleasing organ melodies
Haiku # 60899, November 10, 2018 11:23 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I wouldn
Haiku # 60898, November 10, 2018 11:19 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I's go meet him thar.
Mofo better have money.
Else I rob his kicks!
Haiku # 60897, November 10, 2018 7:58 pm ET
by df
John-boy's holy mole
Judges your vile unbelief.
Walton mountain rules.
Haiku # 60896, November 10, 2018 7:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Just saw God drive by
Headed to the keg party
Should I confront him?
Haiku # 60895, November 10, 2018 7:15 pm ET
by John Boy Walton of Cheek
We a go dub it
And then we a go rock it.
Fock dem Babylon!
Haiku # 60894, November 10, 2018 6:04 pm ET
by Babylonian Unbelief
Watch what you're saying!
God came to me in a dream.
He stole my half ounce.

Some damn good hydro!
So if anyone sees God,
let me know asap.
Haiku # 60893, November 10, 2018 4:09 pm ET
by df
God is a sad joke
Played upon stupid people
They just don't get it
Haiku # 60892, November 10, 2018 11:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Twice in the past week
Opened up my door. Surprise
Pair of nude mormons
Haiku # 60891, November 10, 2018 7:29 am ET
by Elder sphincter and elder barry
Please let me pull it
I am not a nurse but, hey
I am a big guy
Haiku # 60890, November 10, 2018 7:25 am ET
by Nurse
Nude acrobatics.
X-Hamster X-men powers.
Genital lawn darts.

A blindfold mounting
from thirty feet up in the air.
All nine inches in.

Brazilian fart girls
blow down card house from ten feet.
A clean hurricane!

They don't shit themselves.
You should learn sphincter control.
You'd save on laundry.
Haiku # 60889, November 10, 2018 3:04 am ET
by df
Haiku # 60888, November 10, 2018 2:11 am ET
by Really
Haiku # 60887, November 10, 2018 2:03 am ET
by Sexy
It was a close shave
You have never seen my cat
With a growth of beard
Haiku # 60886, November 10, 2018 2:01 am ET
by Unrecognizable of Barber
Haiku # 60885, November 10, 2018 1:58 am ET
by Sexy Bitch Grandma of Commode
Haiku # 60884, November 10, 2018 1:58 am ET
by Sexy Bitch Grandma of Commode
Back flip Back flip fart
Back flip Back flip fart skid mark
Back flip shit my pants
Haiku # 60883, November 10, 2018 1:53 am ET
by Perfect 10
JimBob Walton
Haiku # 60882, November 10, 2018 12:07 am ET
by John Boy Walton of Walton
JimBob Walton
Haiku # 60881, November 10, 2018 12:06 am ET
by John Boy Walton of Walton
No one thinks like that.
At least I don't think they do.
Likely a good thing.
Haiku # 60880, November 9, 2018 11:46 pm ET
by df
I think your work is
a lot like Leonard Cohens
novel attemps but...
Haiku # 60879, November 9, 2018 8:23 pm ET
by vhs of in an orange t-shirt
I don't think like this
just my hardware is just needing
replacement here
Haiku # 60878, November 9, 2018 6:46 pm ET
by vhs of insert joke here
It's not time for God.
God exists outside of time.
It time to party!
Haiku # 60877, November 9, 2018 6:41 pm ET
Haiku # 60876, November 9, 2018 5:43 pm ET
by Michael Jackson
Lernu Esperanton
Peti Cunnilingus
Cie en la mondo
Haiku # 60875, November 9, 2018 5:42 pm ET
by Speaking in Tongues
'Cause it's been a while
I just tackled the mailman
Dry humped his left leg
Haiku # 60874, November 9, 2018 5:37 pm ET
by Guess who of Front yard
Now it's time for GOD.
Fuck your putrefying souls.
Now it's time for GOD.
Haiku # 60873, November 9, 2018 2:24 pm ET
by Pedophiles Rule the World of Dead Souls and Global Media
Esperanto this:
shematoma y tomo.
Je dois tomar plus.
Haiku # 60872, November 9, 2018 2:19 pm ET
by Alcohol of Revelation
He hematoma
She go hematoma tu
Y yo si tomo
Haiku # 60871, November 9, 2018 9:17 am ET
by Theymatoma of Pronoun
Good one, Starkitten.
Made from Billy Yeast, indeed!
I'd prefer the beer.
Haiku # 60870, November 9, 2018 7:33 am ET
by df
Poet Vegemite
Made from William Butler Yea(s)t
Soylent Green Helmet
Haiku # 60869, November 9, 2018 5:59 am ET
by Starkitten of Librarian
Alex Trebek's cock
Throbulating. Enormous.
That's Entertainment
Haiku # 60868, November 9, 2018 5:46 am ET
by TV Viewer of Couch
In Flight turbulence
Just in the seat next to you
Watch a stranger wank

Gerard Depardieu
Will he pee in a bottle?
Yellow autograph
Haiku # 60867, November 9, 2018 3:37 am ET
by Sky watcher of Skyway
I'll fly from Asia.
On board hookers and dog stew.
Beats American.

Vegemite have mites.
Funny it's made from old yeast;
no veggies in it.

Personally though,
I'd rather try Soylent Green
made from old poets.

Perfect airline snack.
Crunchy Faux News reporters.
Antifa jerky.
Haiku # 60866, November 9, 2018 3:10 am ET
by df of Panda Queefs!
I've arranged it all
John Travolta's your pilot
Forget salt peter
Haiku # 60865, November 9, 2018 2:10 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's a long flight there
You may need some salt peter
To nix in flight wank
Haiku # 60864, November 9, 2018 2:03 am ET
by Waitress in the Sky
Vegemite tampons
Vegemite vampire tea bags
Vegemite vulva

Vegemite be nice
Vegemite be lots of fun
Vegemite get laid
Haiku # 60863, November 9, 2018 1:59 am ET
by Vegemite be me of Vegemite be over here
Wipe your ass with toast
Homemade Nutella. Frugal
Save up for hookers

Steve Irwin's old boot
Slowcooked with a dry dung rub
Tended by pygmies

Distended belly
Bring on the dessert, MOFO
Emu cum milkshake
Haiku # 60862, November 9, 2018 1:47 am ET
by Good info
Vegemite surf board
wax and afro sheen helmet
padding substitute.

Vegemite, sunscreen
and birth control blocks semen,
and will feed sea men.

It's from down under
the bottom of the barrel,
left over ale gunk.

Recycled for your
breakfast bread toast enhancement.
Or ball bearing lube.
Haiku # 60861, November 9, 2018 1:14 am ET
Shrimp on the Bar-B
Rub vegemite on your balls
Surf with a boner
Haiku # 60860, November 9, 2018 12:01 am ET
by Travel Agent
I think it's time for me to illegally migrate to Australia and putter around with a metal detector looking for gold nuggets until the day I die. Head injuries, spiders, snakes, sharks, surfing, reef cut infections, crocodiles and kangaroo boxing. What more could you ask for. Oh, and drinking. Don't forget drinking.
Haiku # 60859, November 8, 2018 10:17 pm ET
by df
Antifa is good.
Facism is also good.
Kill all extremists.

I know, it's all wrong.
I'm an extreme moderate.
Seriously though.

Anything that will
decrease the population
has got to be good.

For the long haul, yeah.
I mean, yeah, it sucks, but, well...
there's no other choice.

Do the antifas
target nazis, kkk,
white supremacists?

Or just pussy-assed
faux news media puppets
and T-Rump lovers?
Haiku # 60858, November 8, 2018 10:09 pm ET
by df
tucker carlson says
hi and i say hi to tucker
posting him here
Haiku # 60857, November 8, 2018 9:09 pm ET
by vhs of fuck antifa
A bit off topic.
After my hematoma
mosquitoes won't bite.

It's completely weird.
Like they know something is wrong.
They don't like blood clots?

I know, it's crazy.
If we mimic blot clot scent,
skeeter repellent?
Haiku # 60856, November 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET
I like Graham's crackers.
A cracker eating crackers.
I'm a cannibal!

The novel... just google for it and you can download it from

evi1 - a novel about you
that's evi1 spelled with a number 1, not a letter l.

Well.. .okay, her it is:

You can read it online. Or log in to download it.
Haiku # 60855, November 8, 2018 6:47 pm ET
by Darth Garth of My achy breaky pig, she makes me do a jig
Hematoma shrink!
Make the bulge go to the dink!
Kick it up a notch
Haiku # 60854, November 8, 2018 6:45 pm ET
by Haiku Cheerleaders
I'm pulling a few strings
on top of what else i am pulling
opera is a buggy browser
and of course Graham's Number

Post a link to your evil novel
Haiku # 60853, November 8, 2018 6:33 pm ET
by vhs
Oh shit, that was six syllables.
And that was eight.
And now four!
And now it's not even a haiku any more, goddamnit.
See what you've done!
Haiku # 60852, November 8, 2018 5:18 pm ET
Seriously, dude.
It was the pigs chasing me.
They love me, you know.

No, not the police.
Pigs meaning farm animals.
Police hate my ass.
Haiku # 60851, November 8, 2018 5:16 pm ET
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