BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
248 Days
and
65352 Haikus
later...
Just saw God drive by
Headed to the keg party
Should I confront him?
Haiku #60895, by John Boy Walton of Cheek
November 10, 2018 7:15 pm ET

We a go dub it
And then we a go rock it.
Fock dem Babylon!
Haiku #60894, by Babylonian Unbelief
November 10, 2018 6:04 pm ET

Watch what you're saying!
God came to me in a dream.
He stole my half ounce.

Some damn good hydro!
So if anyone sees God,
let me know asap.
Haiku #60893, by df
November 10, 2018 4:09 pm ET

God is a sad joke
Played upon stupid people
They just don't get it
Haiku #60892, by Anonymous Poet
November 10, 2018 11:33 am ET

Twice in the past week
Opened up my door. Surprise
Pair of nude mormons
Haiku #60891, by Elder sphincter and elder barry
November 10, 2018 7:29 am ET

Please let me pull it
I am not a nurse but, hey
I am a big guy
Haiku #60890, by Nurse
November 10, 2018 7:25 am ET

Nude acrobatics.
X-Hamster X-men powers.
Genital lawn darts.

A blindfold mounting
from thirty feet up in the air.
All nine inches in.

Brazilian fart girls
blow down card house from ten feet.
A clean hurricane!

They don't shit themselves.
You should learn sphincter control.
You'd save on laundry.
Haiku #60889, by df
November 10, 2018 3:04 am ET

Grandpa
Haiku #60888, by Really
November 10, 2018 2:11 am ET

Grandad
Haiku #60887, by Sexy
November 10, 2018 2:03 am ET

It was a close shave
You have never seen my cat
With a growth of beard
Haiku #60886, by Unrecognizable of Barber
November 10, 2018 2:01 am ET

Grandad
Haiku #60885, by Sexy Bitch Grandma of Commode
November 10, 2018 1:58 am ET

Grandad
Haiku #60884, by Sexy Bitch Grandma of Commode
November 10, 2018 1:58 am ET

Back flip Back flip fart
Back flip Back flip fart skid mark
Back flip shit my pants
Haiku #60883, by Perfect 10
November 10, 2018 1:53 am ET

JimBob Walton
Haiku #60882, by John Boy Walton of Walton
November 10, 2018 12:07 am ET

JimBob Walton
Haiku #60881, by John Boy Walton of Walton
November 10, 2018 12:06 am ET

No one thinks like that.
At least I don't think they do.
Likely a good thing.
Haiku #60880, by df
November 9, 2018 11:46 pm ET

I think your work is
a lot like Leonard Cohens
novel attemps but...
Haiku #60879, by vhs of in an orange t-shirt
November 9, 2018 8:23 pm ET

I don't think like this
just my hardware is just needing
replacement here
Haiku #60878, by vhs of insert joke here
November 9, 2018 6:46 pm ET

It's not time for God.
God exists outside of time.
It time to party!
Haiku #60877, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 9, 2018 6:41 pm ET

Shamone!
Haiku #60876, by Michael Jackson
November 9, 2018 5:43 pm ET

Lernu Esperanton
Peti Cunnilingus
Cie en la mondo
Haiku #60875, by Speaking in Tongues
November 9, 2018 5:42 pm ET

'Cause it's been a while
I just tackled the mailman
Dry humped his left leg
Haiku #60874, by Guess who of Front yard
November 9, 2018 5:37 pm ET

Now it's time for GOD.
Fuck your putrefying souls.
Now it's time for GOD.
Haiku #60873, by Pedophiles Rule the World of Dead Souls and Global Media
November 9, 2018 2:24 pm ET

Esperanto this:
shematoma y tomo.
Je dois tomar plus.
Haiku #60872, by Alcohol of Revelation
November 9, 2018 2:19 pm ET

He hematoma
She go hematoma tu
Y yo si tomo
Haiku #60871, by Theymatoma of Pronoun
November 9, 2018 9:17 am ET

Good one, Starkitten.
Made from Billy Yeast, indeed!
I'd prefer the beer.
Haiku #60870, by df
November 9, 2018 7:33 am ET

Poet Vegemite
Made from William Butler Yea(s)t
Soylent Green Helmet
Haiku #60869, by Starkitten of Librarian
November 9, 2018 5:59 am ET

Alex Trebek's cock
Throbulating. Enormous.
That's Entertainment
Haiku #60868, by TV Viewer of Couch
November 9, 2018 5:46 am ET

In Flight turbulence
Just in the seat next to you
Watch a stranger wank

Gerard Depardieu
Will he pee in a bottle?
Yellow autograph
Haiku #60867, by Sky watcher of Skyway
November 9, 2018 3:37 am ET

I'll fly from Asia.
On board hookers and dog stew.
Beats American.

Vegemite have mites.
Funny it's made from old yeast;
no veggies in it.

Personally though,
I'd rather try Soylent Green
made from old poets.

Perfect airline snack.
Crunchy Faux News reporters.
Antifa jerky.
Haiku #60866, by df of Panda Queefs!
November 9, 2018 3:10 am ET

I've arranged it all
John Travolta's your pilot
Forget salt peter
Haiku #60865, by Anonymous Poet
November 9, 2018 2:10 am ET

It's a long flight there
You may need some salt peter
To nix in flight wank
Haiku #60864, by Waitress in the Sky
November 9, 2018 2:03 am ET

Vegemite tampons
Vegemite vampire tea bags
Vegemite vulva

Vegemite be nice
Vegemite be lots of fun
Vegemite get laid
Haiku #60863, by Vegemite be me of Vegemite be over here
November 9, 2018 1:59 am ET

Wipe your ass with toast
Homemade Nutella. Frugal
Save up for hookers

Steve Irwin's old boot
Slowcooked with a dry dung rub
Tended by pygmies

Distended belly
Bring on the dessert, MOFO
Emu cum milkshake
Haiku #60862, by Good info
November 9, 2018 1:47 am ET

Vegemite surf board
wax and afro sheen helmet
padding substitute.

Vegemite, sunscreen
and birth control blocks semen,
and will feed sea men.

It's from down under
the bottom of the barrel,
left over ale gunk.

Recycled for your
breakfast bread toast enhancement.
Or ball bearing lube.
Haiku #60861, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 9, 2018 1:14 am ET

Shrimp on the Bar-B
Rub vegemite on your balls
Surf with a boner
Haiku #60860, by Travel Agent
November 9, 2018 12:01 am ET

I think it's time for me to illegally migrate to Australia and putter around with a metal detector looking for gold nuggets until the day I die. Head injuries, spiders, snakes, sharks, surfing, reef cut infections, crocodiles and kangaroo boxing. What more could you ask for. Oh, and drinking. Don't forget drinking.
Haiku #60859, by df
November 8, 2018 10:17 pm ET

Antifa is good.
Facism is also good.
Kill all extremists.

I know, it's all wrong.
I'm an extreme moderate.
Seriously though.

Anything that will
decrease the population
has got to be good.

For the long haul, yeah.
I mean, yeah, it sucks, but, well...
there's no other choice.

Do the antifas
target nazis, kkk,
white supremacists?

Or just pussy-assed
faux news media puppets
and T-Rump lovers?
Haiku #60858, by df
November 8, 2018 10:09 pm ET

tucker carlson says
hi and i say hi to tucker
posting him here
Haiku #60857, by vhs of fuck antifa
November 8, 2018 9:09 pm ET

A bit off topic.
After my hematoma
mosquitoes won't bite.

It's completely weird.
Like they know something is wrong.
They don't like blood clots?

I know, it's crazy.
If we mimic blot clot scent,
skeeter repellent?
Haiku #60856, by DARTH CAPITALIST FIGPUCKER
November 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET

I like Graham's crackers.
A cracker eating crackers.
I'm a cannibal!

The novel... just google for it and you can download it from scribd.com

evi1 - a novel about you
that's evi1 spelled with a number 1, not a letter l.

Well.. .okay, her it is:

https://www.scribd.com/document/350140222/evi1-a-novel-about-you

You can read it online. Or log in to download it.
Haiku #60855, by Darth Garth of My achy breaky pig, she makes me do a jig
November 8, 2018 6:47 pm ET

Hematoma shrink!
Make the bulge go to the dink!
Kick it up a notch
Haiku #60854, by Haiku Cheerleaders
November 8, 2018 6:45 pm ET

I'm pulling a few strings
on top of what else i am pulling
opera is a buggy browser
and of course Graham's Number

Post a link to your evil novel
Haiku #60853, by vhs
November 8, 2018 6:33 pm ET

WEAR A FUCKING HELMET!
Oh shit, that was six syllables.
And that was eight.
And now four!
And now it's not even a haiku any more, goddamnit.
See what you've done!
Haiku #60852, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 8, 2018 5:18 pm ET

Seriously, dude.
It was the pigs chasing me.
They love me, you know.

No, not the police.
Pigs meaning farm animals.
Police hate my ass.
Haiku #60851, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 8, 2018 5:16 pm ET

Super cunt biscuits.
Queefy puffed delectables.
Get them while they're hot!


In other news:
hematoma has decreased in size quite a bit.
Just got to relax and see how it is after a couple of weeks.
Still feels like a hangover from hell.

Common in older people... brain shrinks w/ age and pulls away from the skull, making this type of injury more common in older people. 10 years ago likely would never have bothered me. Just a minor blow... in fact, I got up and kept on skateboarding after it happened. Only about a week later it got bad. Life.
Haiku #60850, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 8, 2018 5:12 pm ET

Darth was skateboarding
In the nude. Yelling Haiku.
He was chasing pigs
Haiku #60849, by Anonymous Poet
November 8, 2018 12:26 pm ET

Darth, why a helmet?
was it on a bicycle,
motorcycle or . . .
Haiku #60848, by Anonymous Poet
November 8, 2018 9:00 am ET

That old train whistle
Every time I hear it blow
I get a boner
Haiku #60847, by Anonymous Poet
November 8, 2018 7:12 am ET

We love you, Darth Figpucker!!
Haiku #60846, by Anonymous Poet
November 7, 2018 11:29 pm ET