Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 242 Days and 77165 Haiku later...

When I see name Darth
I know what it will smell like.
I don't bother read
Haiku # 60934, November 13, 2018 7:57 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I knew a queer kid.
He held a branch to his groin
and petted a tree.

He liked to be punched.
And always piss off bullies.
Jizzed his pants when beat.

He didn't live long.
Got killed by a homeless dude.
The best thing for him.

I laughed when I heard.
I know that sounds really bad.
But you just don't know.
Haiku # 60933, November 13, 2018 7:49 am ET
by df
When midgets dress up
and look just like garden gnomes
with crotchless panties.
Haiku # 60932, November 13, 2018 7:40 am ET
by df
The doc was surprised.
I had Dutch Elm in my ass.
How did that happen?!
Haiku # 60931, November 13, 2018 7:38 am ET
by df
Listen, Elm tree here
I talk all day and all night
I tell dirty jokes

Haiku # 60930, November 13, 2018 4:01 am ET
by Elm tree
Trees know how to speak.
They talk about the weather.
So no one listens.
Haiku # 60929, November 13, 2018 3:47 am ET
by the hair of the dog
You smoking spider plants again
Haiku # 60928, November 13, 2018 1:31 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Haiku # 60927, November 13, 2018 1:30 am ET
by Small questions
Which do you prefer
The real deal or garden gnomes?
Little Superstar!
Haiku # 60926, November 13, 2018 1:27 am ET
by He
Dwarves always do that.
Snow White's honeymoon was strange.
Well, back then it was.

Nowadays not so.
Post-wedding midget orgies.
Commonplace these days.
Haiku # 60925, November 13, 2018 1:14 am ET
by df
It's not that simple
I have kept the bugs away
With a magic spell

It's temporary
I adjusted your fart smell
This keeps them at bay

You now attract horny dwarves
They'll climb up your schlong!!
Haiku # 60924, November 12, 2018 10:07 pm ET
by You know who
This is crazy but
since my brain bleeding it seems
mosquitoes won't bite.

Like maybe my blood
is clotting more than normal
and they don't want it.

I know, it's bizarre.
But I swear to you it's true.
And I hate them more.

Their death brings me joy.
If only they were sentient.
I could hear their screams.
Haiku # 60923, November 12, 2018 9:41 pm ET
by df
Penes paninis.
Dolphin cock on toasted rye.
Why? Because we can.
Haiku # 60922, November 12, 2018 9:27 pm ET
by df. The life goal of of all Asians is to eat at least once every animal on this planet.
Human Tortoise Man
Live in your own dugout ass
It's one stop shopping

And might I add here
As I finished my Haiku
My dog cut a fart

He was climbing up
To sit with me on the chair
That's when he let wind
Haiku # 60921, November 12, 2018 7:53 pm ET
by Me of Keeping you in the loop
Super volcano.
Yellowstone apocalypse.
God I love YouTube!
Haiku # 60920, November 12, 2018 7:33 pm ET
The ass smell of dog
is indeed the dog's perfume.
Channel #5.

Tortoises eat poop.
But I have no idea why.
Protein or microbes.

Maybe I'll try it.
Could be why they live so long.
And what a great life!

Eating grass and poop.
Living in a dug out hole.
Yeah, I could do that.
Haiku # 60919, November 12, 2018 7:29 pm ET
Standard Poodle dog
Manicured nails. French perfume
Still got smelly ass
Haiku # 60918, November 12, 2018 5:56 pm ET
by Master of Pet Salon
Bears up on the roof!
Shazam! Shazam! Wankwankwank!!
Under arm fart sound
Haiku # 60917, November 12, 2018 5:53 pm ET
by Goofus
The smell of your yawn
Is of Werther's and dead fish
Stop eating out Gran
Haiku # 60916, November 12, 2018 2:35 pm ET
by Commas are funny
'Twas a perfect storm
Mark Wahlberg jizzed off the deck
Battened the hatches
Haiku # 60915, November 12, 2018 2:32 pm ET
by Mother Goose of Storytime
Beezlebop bop bop
Ram a lam a ding dong goo
Haiku # 60914, November 12, 2018 2:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Buddha ran away
I noticed for the first time
Buddah's big red ass
Haiku # 60913, November 12, 2018 2:27 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
They were up Shit's Creek
Fishing for compliments
Hey, Awesome Haiku!
Haiku # 60912, November 12, 2018 2:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What were those men like,
the fishermen in the storm?
Likely not poets!
Haiku # 60911, November 12, 2018 7:39 am ET
by df
As the baby cries
I think of Buddhist wisdom.
Buddha ran away.
Haiku # 60910, November 12, 2018 7:35 am ET
by df
Yawn and open wide.
My poop flies into your mouth.
You want flies with that?
Haiku # 60909, November 12, 2018 7:30 am ET
by df
Your poop is boring.
Your haiku is boring too.
Got me yawning now.
Haiku # 60908, November 12, 2018 5:49 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Go watch Doodie Man.
I think it's up your alley.
Somersaults and poop.
Haiku # 60907, November 12, 2018 2:03 am ET
Go watch Doodie Man.
I think it's up your alley.
Somersaults and poop.
Haiku # 60906, November 12, 2018 2:02 am ET
Kangaroo Penis
Australian delicacy
Serve in hot dog bun
Haiku # 60905, November 12, 2018 12:07 am ET
by Mr. Tube Steak
Kidnapped by perverts
Hell of a situation
Send help, please...and lube
Haiku # 60904, November 11, 2018 8:51 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
A clear view of you
Cartwheelcartwheelcartwheel fart
Shit my pants again
Haiku # 60903, November 11, 2018 8:48 pm ET
by Craprobatic of Cartwheeling to the latrine (might as well)
Where are the poets?
They're kidnapped by aliens!
Anal probes commence!
Haiku # 60902, November 11, 2018 8:32 pm ET
A gay kangaroo
can bound across a flat stretch
of ground with each jump

carrying the roo
11 m from the
jump point. Fabulous!

If the kangaroo
leaves the ground at a 18
degree angle, what

is its takeoff speed?
What's its horizontal speed?
How gay is the roo?
Haiku # 60901, November 11, 2018 10:25 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Fabulous Physics!
a hundred years on
and the war to end all wars
still wasn't the one
Haiku # 60900, November 11, 2018 4:34 am ET
by ash
Mall pet store monkey
Pleasing organ melodies
Haiku # 60899, November 10, 2018 11:23 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I wouldn
Haiku # 60898, November 10, 2018 11:19 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I's go meet him thar.
Mofo better have money.
Else I rob his kicks!
Haiku # 60897, November 10, 2018 7:58 pm ET
by df
John-boy's holy mole
Judges your vile unbelief.
Walton mountain rules.
Haiku # 60896, November 10, 2018 7:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Just saw God drive by
Headed to the keg party
Should I confront him?
Haiku # 60895, November 10, 2018 7:15 pm ET
by John Boy Walton of Cheek
We a go dub it
And then we a go rock it.
Fock dem Babylon!
Haiku # 60894, November 10, 2018 6:04 pm ET
by Babylonian Unbelief
Watch what you're saying!
God came to me in a dream.
He stole my half ounce.

Some damn good hydro!
So if anyone sees God,
let me know asap.
Haiku # 60893, November 10, 2018 4:09 pm ET
by df
God is a sad joke
Played upon stupid people
They just don't get it
Haiku # 60892, November 10, 2018 11:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Twice in the past week
Opened up my door. Surprise
Pair of nude mormons
Haiku # 60891, November 10, 2018 7:29 am ET
by Elder sphincter and elder barry
Please let me pull it
I am not a nurse but, hey
I am a big guy
Haiku # 60890, November 10, 2018 7:25 am ET
by Nurse
Nude acrobatics.
X-Hamster X-men powers.
Genital lawn darts.

A blindfold mounting
from thirty feet up in the air.
All nine inches in.

Brazilian fart girls
blow down card house from ten feet.
A clean hurricane!

They don't shit themselves.
You should learn sphincter control.
You'd save on laundry.
Haiku # 60889, November 10, 2018 3:04 am ET
by df
Haiku # 60888, November 10, 2018 2:11 am ET
by Really
Haiku # 60887, November 10, 2018 2:03 am ET
by Sexy
It was a close shave
You have never seen my cat
With a growth of beard
Haiku # 60886, November 10, 2018 2:01 am ET
by Unrecognizable of Barber
Haiku # 60885, November 10, 2018 1:58 am ET
by Sexy Bitch Grandma of Commode
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