BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
344 Days
and
68441 Haikus
later...
Do vegetables poop?
I've never had a garden
Do they poop out soil?
Haiku #60948, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 10:52 pm ET

All poetry smells
Curried turds and curdled words
Greasy gopher farts
Haiku #60947, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 8:21 pm ET

Cracking pygmies open
Like Harry and David nuts
Get at the sweet meat
Haiku #60946, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 8:15 pm ET

Reamed garden gnome ass
Napoleon's slippery dick
Caught them in the act!

That upset stomach
Swallowed too much plastic cum
Met his Waterglue
Haiku #60945, by Historian
November 13, 2018 8:14 pm ET

Dead poets smell bad.
And their poetry smells worse.
Ask Robin Williams.
Haiku #60944, by df
November 13, 2018 7:26 pm ET

Wet thumb to the wind
Disgruntled seabirds. Bent mast.
Who spiked the brownies?
Haiku #60943, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 5:36 pm ET

Gnomes, little people,
dwarves, midgets, runts, and pigmies.
Napoleon's kids.

For an emperor,
he was one whorin' mofo.
Sidious, take note!
Haiku #60942, by df
November 13, 2018 5:30 pm ET

Do not eat pussy.
You must devour that shit!
Make her feel consumed.
Haiku #60941, by df
November 13, 2018 5:24 pm ET

Poops of tomorrow.
Funkin' hairy hos. Pubic floss.
Preened from Allah's beard.
Haiku #60940, by df
November 13, 2018 5:23 pm ET

How would you describe
Garden gnomes' ejaculate?
Smelly superglue
Haiku #60939, by Person of In the know
November 13, 2018 4:35 pm ET

Soups of Yesteryear
Shrunken cheerios. Pussy hairs.
Gleaned from Ahab's beard
Haiku #60938, by Little Shaver
November 13, 2018 4:30 pm ET

Ocean brine freezes.
It clings to the old man's beard.
A familiar friend.
Haiku #60937, by the hair of the dog
November 13, 2018 4:15 pm ET

Grunting in the rain
Wiping with the biggest leaves
Damp. dank. A delight
Haiku #60936, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 2:52 pm ET

No one ever sees
So I have set up brocadcast
Next bowel movement
Haiku #60935, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 2:49 pm ET

When I see name Darth
I know what it will smell like.
I don't bother read
Haiku #60934, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 7:57 am ET

I knew a queer kid.
He held a branch to his groin
and petted a tree.

He liked to be punched.
And always piss off bullies.
Jizzed his pants when beat.

He didn't live long.
Got killed by a homeless dude.
The best thing for him.

I laughed when I heard.
I know that sounds really bad.
But you just don't know.
Haiku #60933, by df
November 13, 2018 7:49 am ET

When midgets dress up
and look just like garden gnomes
with crotchless panties.
Haiku #60932, by df
November 13, 2018 7:40 am ET

The doc was surprised.
I had Dutch Elm in my ass.
How did that happen?!
Haiku #60931, by df
November 13, 2018 7:38 am ET

Listen, Elm tree here
I talk all day and all night
I tell dirty jokes

Don
Haiku #60930, by Elm tree
November 13, 2018 4:01 am ET

Trees know how to speak.
They talk about the weather.
So no one listens.
Haiku #60929, by the hair of the dog
November 13, 2018 3:47 am ET

You smoking spider plants again
Haiku #60928, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 1:31 am ET

You
Haiku #60927, by Small questions
November 13, 2018 1:30 am ET

Which do you prefer
The real deal or garden gnomes?
Little Superstar!
Haiku #60926, by He
November 13, 2018 1:27 am ET

Dwarves always do that.
Snow White's honeymoon was strange.
Well, back then it was.

Nowadays not so.
Post-wedding midget orgies.
Commonplace these days.
Haiku #60925, by df
November 13, 2018 1:14 am ET

It's not that simple
I have kept the bugs away
With a magic spell

It's temporary
I adjusted your fart smell
This keeps them at bay

Unfortunately
You now attract horny dwarves
They'll climb up your schlong!!
Haiku #60924, by You know who
November 12, 2018 10:07 pm ET

This is crazy but
since my brain bleeding it seems
mosquitoes won't bite.

Like maybe my blood
is clotting more than normal
and they don't want it.

I know, it's bizarre.
But I swear to you it's true.
And I hate them more.

Their death brings me joy.
If only they were sentient.
I could hear their screams.
Haiku #60923, by df
November 12, 2018 9:41 pm ET

Penes paninis.
Dolphin cock on toasted rye.
Why? Because we can.
Haiku #60922, by df. The life goal of of all Asians is to eat at least once every animal on this planet.
November 12, 2018 9:27 pm ET

Human Tortoise Man
Live in your own dugout ass
It's one stop shopping

And might I add here
As I finished my Haiku
My dog cut a fart

He was climbing up
To sit with me on the chair
That's when he let wind
Haiku #60921, by Me of Keeping you in the loop
November 12, 2018 7:53 pm ET

Super volcano.
Yellowstone apocalypse.
God I love YouTube!
Haiku #60920, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 7:33 pm ET

The ass smell of dog
is indeed the dog's perfume.
Channel #5.

Tortoises eat poop.
But I have no idea why.
Protein or microbes.

Maybe I'll try it.
Could be why they live so long.
And what a great life!

Eating grass and poop.
Living in a dug out hole.
Yeah, I could do that.
Haiku #60919, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 7:29 pm ET

Standard Poodle dog
Manicured nails. French perfume
Still got smelly ass
Haiku #60918, by Master of Pet Salon
November 12, 2018 5:56 pm ET

Bears up on the roof!
Shazam! Shazam! Wankwankwank!!
Under arm fart sound
Haiku #60917, by Goofus
November 12, 2018 5:53 pm ET

The smell of your yawn
Is of Werther's and dead fish
Stop eating out Gran
Haiku #60916, by Commas are funny
November 12, 2018 2:35 pm ET

'Twas a perfect storm
Mark Wahlberg jizzed off the deck
Battened the hatches
Haiku #60915, by Mother Goose of Storytime
November 12, 2018 2:32 pm ET

Beezlebop bop bop
Ram a lam a ding dong goo
YABBA DABBA DOO!!
Haiku #60914, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 2:29 pm ET

Buddha ran away
I noticed for the first time
Buddah's big red ass
Haiku #60913, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 2:27 pm ET

They were up Shit's Creek
Fishing for compliments
Hey, Awesome Haiku!
Haiku #60912, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 2:25 pm ET

What were those men like,
the fishermen in the storm?
Likely not poets!
Haiku #60911, by df
November 12, 2018 7:39 am ET

As the baby cries
I think of Buddhist wisdom.
Buddha ran away.
Haiku #60910, by df
November 12, 2018 7:35 am ET

Yawn and open wide.
My poop flies into your mouth.
You want flies with that?
Haiku #60909, by df
November 12, 2018 7:30 am ET

Your poop is boring.
Your haiku is boring too.
Got me yawning now.
Haiku #60908, by Anonymous Poet
November 12, 2018 5:49 am ET

Go watch Doodie Man.
I think it's up your alley.
Somersaults and poop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOqn2Ms61Y8
Haiku #60907, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 2:03 am ET

Go watch Doodie Man.
I think it's up your alley.
Somersaults and poop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOqn2Ms61Y8
Haiku #60906, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 12, 2018 2:02 am ET

Kangaroo Penis
Australian delicacy
Serve in hot dog bun
Haiku #60905, by Mr. Tube Steak
November 12, 2018 12:07 am ET

Kidnapped by perverts
Hell of a situation
Send help, please...and lube
Haiku #60904, by Anonymous Poet
November 11, 2018 8:51 pm ET

A clear view of you
Cartwheelcartwheelcartwheel fart
Shit my pants again
Haiku #60903, by Craprobatic of Cartwheeling to the latrine (might as well)
November 11, 2018 8:48 pm ET

Where are the poets?
They're kidnapped by aliens!
Anal probes commence!
Haiku #60902, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 11, 2018 8:32 pm ET

A gay kangaroo
can bound across a flat stretch
of ground with each jump

carrying the roo
11 m from the
jump point. Fabulous!

If the kangaroo
leaves the ground at a 18
degree angle, what

is its takeoff speed?
What's its horizontal speed?
How gay is the roo?
Haiku #60901, by Darth Figpucker of Fabulous Physics!
November 11, 2018 10:25 am ET

a hundred years on
and the war to end all wars
still wasn't the one
Haiku #60900, by ash
November 11, 2018 4:34 am ET

Mall pet store monkey
Pleasing organ melodies
Haiku #60899, by Anonymous Poet
November 10, 2018 11:23 pm ET