BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
318 Days
and
68162 Haikus
later...
Come on vhs.
Nothing we do will matter.
Nor antimatter.

You need to just be.
Whatever it is you are.
Even a poet.

Well, that's pretty low.
Or maybe a garbage man.
Or a bank robber.

Just do it.
Why ask why?
Celebrate the moments of your life.
It keeps going and going and going...
and stops.
Haiku #60970, by df of Pardon Me, But Do You Have any Grey Poupon?
November 15, 2018 11:43 pm ET

It was a mistake
Used my dick as toilet snake
Ruined my own plumbing
Haiku #60969, by Anonymous Poet
November 15, 2018 11:41 pm ET

Tortoises fucking.
They make the funniest sounds.
But then, so do we.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOxLdklbuj0
Haiku #60968, by df
November 15, 2018 11:34 pm ET

Fuck you if I'll eat
hard boiled duck embryos.
Not for stinky farts.

Pomelo fruit's best
for stinky farts like a skunk.
Durian, less so.

When I see balut.
It's aborted Daffy Duck.
I just can't do that.
Haiku #60967, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 15, 2018 11:31 pm ET

Familiar Tortoise
Face kinda looks like Crowley
Oh yeah, Barbara Bush!

Look, there's another
Parachuting down to earth
Cue: "Let's get it on ..."
Haiku #60966, by Zoo goer of Zoo
November 15, 2018 11:30 pm ET

Stealthy dragonfly.
Lands softly on the tortoise.
Foghat's "Slow Ride" plays.
Haiku #60965, by the hair of the dog
November 15, 2018 11:23 pm ET

My name was Cegno
They confiscated my smokes
Kept me in small room

Interrogation
I answered all their questions
And they let me go
Haiku #60964, by Cegno
November 15, 2018 11:18 pm ET

Such redundancy;
Haiku does the red dunce-dance:
Excremental health.
Haiku #60963, by Execration of Excremeditation
November 15, 2018 11:04 pm ET

That Darth Figpucker
Somewhere eating balut eggs
And Durian farts
Haiku #60962, by Anonymous Poet
November 15, 2018 4:24 pm ET

Attention: Poets!
Was I just reading James Joyce?
Or was that Joyce James
Haiku #60961, by Ellen Jamesian of Blow Job
November 15, 2018 4:18 pm ET

Don't listen to her
My sister has been on my street since I got a sister to the sister who was a sister sister who has a sister who is my woman woman I have a sister who is my woman woman I have a sister who is my woman woman I have a lot of work on the way she is and I have a lot to do and I am a sister sister and I have been able for the best way she said that I have a lot to say
Haiku #60960, by Her sister
November 15, 2018 12:05 am ET

My sister was on her way she was like a woman and I am a woman who has a lot to say to the people that I have been told not yet I have to say I have been the same as a person and I'm a good person to say that the person I was a person to say I have a lot to do and not do anything for a person that is a woman who is not the woman that person who has a lot to do is just not a person that is a person and I have to be the woman that has a lot of things to say about her
Haiku #60959, by Person of With a lot to say
November 14, 2018 11:54 pm ET

I don't have much to
do with this place anymore
I feel like a lot

of what I have done
on line has brought a side of
myself out that makes

me want to delete the whole thing
Haiku #60958, by vhs
November 14, 2018 10:04 pm ET

Politics - nothing
to do with being polite,
but a parasite.

Poly, Greek for many.
Ticks, blood sucking parasites.
Therefore politics.
Haiku #60957, by df
November 14, 2018 5:54 pm ET

Swoosh mush mush mush
Swoosh swoosh mush mush flush
Just wiping my tush
Haiku #60956, by Flush of In no rush
November 14, 2018 3:24 pm ET

Tremendous, YUGE YUGE
TREMENDOUS TREMENDOUS YUGE
TREMENDOUS ASSHOLE
Haiku #60955, by Trump of Mirror
November 14, 2018 12:38 pm ET

Wipe out deficit.
Trump raped hard on Pay-Per-View.
Bigly yuge profits.

You must admit it.
Who WOULDN'T pay to see THAT!
Well, besides Sanders.
Haiku #60954, by df
November 14, 2018 7:36 am ET

You say Trump is bad.
He's sure got a purty mouth.
Orange Deliverance.
Haiku #60953, by df of Funny how a billionaire can bring out the hillbilly in people.
November 14, 2018 7:28 am ET

Debunking theories
Mosquitoes aren't attractive
Criminals walk free
Haiku #60952, by Kent Dorfman of On Double Secret Probation
November 14, 2018 5:01 am ET

Bad haiku is bad
Very, very bad like Trump
Everyone agrees
Haiku #60951, by Kent Dorfman of On Double Secret Probation
November 14, 2018 4:38 am ET

Concise poetry.
Perceived as being profound.
You give it meaning.
Haiku #60950, by the hair of the dog
November 14, 2018 4:33 am ET

Cryzosza mi fucq
Cognoscenti ni senza
Fazool na prexii
Haiku #60949, by Cegno
November 14, 2018 12:37 am ET

Do vegetables poop?
I've never had a garden
Do they poop out soil?
Haiku #60948, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 10:52 pm ET

All poetry smells
Curried turds and curdled words
Greasy gopher farts
Haiku #60947, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 8:21 pm ET

Cracking pygmies open
Like Harry and David nuts
Get at the sweet meat
Haiku #60946, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 8:15 pm ET

Reamed garden gnome ass
Napoleon's slippery dick
Caught them in the act!

That upset stomach
Swallowed too much plastic cum
Met his Waterglue
Haiku #60945, by Historian
November 13, 2018 8:14 pm ET

Dead poets smell bad.
And their poetry smells worse.
Ask Robin Williams.
Haiku #60944, by df
November 13, 2018 7:26 pm ET

Wet thumb to the wind
Disgruntled seabirds. Bent mast.
Who spiked the brownies?
Haiku #60943, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 5:36 pm ET

Gnomes, little people,
dwarves, midgets, runts, and pigmies.
Napoleon's kids.

For an emperor,
he was one whorin' mofo.
Sidious, take note!
Haiku #60942, by df
November 13, 2018 5:30 pm ET

Do not eat pussy.
You must devour that shit!
Make her feel consumed.
Haiku #60941, by df
November 13, 2018 5:24 pm ET

Poops of tomorrow.
Funkin' hairy hos. Pubic floss.
Preened from Allah's beard.
Haiku #60940, by df
November 13, 2018 5:23 pm ET

How would you describe
Garden gnomes' ejaculate?
Smelly superglue
Haiku #60939, by Person of In the know
November 13, 2018 4:35 pm ET

Soups of Yesteryear
Shrunken cheerios. Pussy hairs.
Gleaned from Ahab's beard
Haiku #60938, by Little Shaver
November 13, 2018 4:30 pm ET

Ocean brine freezes.
It clings to the old man's beard.
A familiar friend.
Haiku #60937, by the hair of the dog
November 13, 2018 4:15 pm ET

Grunting in the rain
Wiping with the biggest leaves
Damp. dank. A delight
Haiku #60936, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 2:52 pm ET

No one ever sees
So I have set up brocadcast
Next bowel movement
Haiku #60935, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 2:49 pm ET

When I see name Darth
I know what it will smell like.
I don't bother read
Haiku #60934, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 7:57 am ET

I knew a queer kid.
He held a branch to his groin
and petted a tree.

He liked to be punched.
And always piss off bullies.
Jizzed his pants when beat.

He didn't live long.
Got killed by a homeless dude.
The best thing for him.

I laughed when I heard.
I know that sounds really bad.
But you just don't know.
Haiku #60933, by df
November 13, 2018 7:49 am ET

When midgets dress up
and look just like garden gnomes
with crotchless panties.
Haiku #60932, by df
November 13, 2018 7:40 am ET

The doc was surprised.
I had Dutch Elm in my ass.
How did that happen?!
Haiku #60931, by df
November 13, 2018 7:38 am ET

Listen, Elm tree here
I talk all day and all night
I tell dirty jokes

Don
Haiku #60930, by Elm tree
November 13, 2018 4:01 am ET

Trees know how to speak.
They talk about the weather.
So no one listens.
Haiku #60929, by the hair of the dog
November 13, 2018 3:47 am ET

You smoking spider plants again
Haiku #60928, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 1:31 am ET

You
Haiku #60927, by Small questions
November 13, 2018 1:30 am ET

Which do you prefer
The real deal or garden gnomes?
Little Superstar!
Haiku #60926, by He
November 13, 2018 1:27 am ET

Dwarves always do that.
Snow White's honeymoon was strange.
Well, back then it was.

Nowadays not so.
Post-wedding midget orgies.
Commonplace these days.
Haiku #60925, by df
November 13, 2018 1:14 am ET

It's not that simple
I have kept the bugs away
With a magic spell

It's temporary
I adjusted your fart smell
This keeps them at bay

Unfortunately
You now attract horny dwarves
They'll climb up your schlong!!
Haiku #60924, by You know who
November 12, 2018 10:07 pm ET

This is crazy but
since my brain bleeding it seems
mosquitoes won't bite.

Like maybe my blood
is clotting more than normal
and they don't want it.

I know, it's bizarre.
But I swear to you it's true.
And I hate them more.

Their death brings me joy.
If only they were sentient.
I could hear their screams.
Haiku #60923, by df
November 12, 2018 9:41 pm ET

Penes paninis.
Dolphin cock on toasted rye.
Why? Because we can.
Haiku #60922, by df. The life goal of of all Asians is to eat at least once every animal on this planet.
November 12, 2018 9:27 pm ET

Human Tortoise Man
Live in your own dugout ass
It's one stop shopping

And might I add here
As I finished my Haiku
My dog cut a fart

He was climbing up
To sit with me on the chair
That's when he let wind
Haiku #60921, by Me of Keeping you in the loop
November 12, 2018 7:53 pm ET