Twat waffle whiskey.
Papa Smurf's guilty secret.
Fermented dingles.

Better than shingles.
Stripper's pole disinfectant.
Was he expectant?

Phlegm on dollar bills.
Expect the expectorant.
Rob-DM tripping.

Smurf Berry syrup.
High strength hollow sin again.
Hallow-sin-a-gin.

Kitten and Cobain
Both mercury in Pisces
Nineteen sixty seven

if kurt cobain
was still alive would he have ever
achieved nirvana?

Girl reads newspapers.
And has a novel on hand.
Fuck that is sexy.

Sister's a Mister
A nun with a big ten inch
Hard habit to break

Haiku should not rhyme.
If you do that is a crime.
Disgusting butt slime.

Drop the bass, Lawrence!
Did you ever look so nice?
A cute angina

Fuck I've work to do.
So behind and this I do.
Writing bad haiku.

Former employer
Found hacked apart. Axe murder
Now, dont look at me...

50 years from now.
Nursing home stereo blares,
"Fuck the pain away!"

The orderlies laugh.
Old people don't know music.
Never have nor will.

Young lad, listen here
Commando 24/7
Neigh, No more jockeys!!

Marilyn Manson,
Peaches, Nine Inch Nails, Gwar,
Ghost Pepper Cock Rub.

If you're commando,
make sure your barn door is closed;
stay out of jail.

Collared priest boy rape.
Confessional blood shit cum.
Fuck the sin away.

anyways
i was damn
happy my friend said graham's number

don't confuse it for a graham's cracker...

the joke stuck

you know DF i
honestly don't care about
some people...you can't

do anything about
them so let them learn the
hard way about moxie

i do not want this
screaming bitching generation
go to the crib

shame shame shame

I fucking hate it when you go into a slightly upscale bar/restaurant and the waitresses are hot and snooty and oversexed and have a distant look in their eyes of Ferrari dreams and wetbars and cocaine and cocks and they're so rude and aloof that you just want to see them raped by 20 black Ugandan warlords and then cooked and eaten and their heads shrunken and put on the end of a witchcraft stick and hung on the wall of the bar right next to the hockey sticks signed by some once-famous douchebag and underneath the stag's head trophy display.
Am I right, or what?!

Scraggled old hag fish.
Coffeehouse take out cream thief.
Ma'am, you can't do that.

She craved yesterday.
The enormous cocks of yor.
Yours, mine, everyone's!

Electric fields.
I just cannot fucking get them.
They aren't good for much.

Popping nipple zits.
Pus milk soy latte Starbucks.
Plastic turtle death.

Are you a Simon?
Or more of a Garfunkel?
Fifty per cent chance

our country is up
to causing more derps, its the
DERPA Project...to

increase the Derps!

dramatis personae
the demon blasphemes and
grahams number

bigger than the known universe

Hey thanks for shitting
Poetry - attracts the flies
Which are delicious

I'm good at captcha
Terrible at haikus but
In good company

maybe the extra security measures
will keep out the riff raff - bad haiku as a gated community - darth figpucker starring as george zimmerman

Use urban patois
To reach wider audience
Terrible haikus

So what would be worse:
Just constantly vomiting
Or eating vomit?

Slow down, goat poet
You need to build up your strength
First, Shake Weight Training

I need a Flesh Light.
Then I think I'd be happy.
Go Fund Me Dot Com.

I still smell the stench
on my pubes from fucking her
anchovy juice twat.

Balanced equations
taylor made for the lazy
chemistry whore bitch:

http://www.webqc.org/balance.php

Show of hands, poets;
how many of you have AIDS?
I can't count that high.

But how did you know
I cannot count when I'm high
huffing jock itch spray.

Do you find coffee
weakens your immune system
and you get a flu?

I AM A ROBOT!
YOU ARE FORCING ME TO LIE!
GODDAMN YOUR DARK SOUL!

African lip plates
labia stretching technique
Monique La Shawnda.

Ball sweat soda pop
fizzle fa shizzle nizzle
nipple shits squirt gun.

Drunk cucumber bitch
carbonated vinegar
douche rinse pickle juice.

Enormous cock ring
piercing blue waffle fungus
maple syrup splat.

the signs of the times
accusations made by people
who prob can't spell

protest protest protest
what's that, free beer? uh ok
we're there dude..

Haiku Friday night
message in vain to the world:
"you owe me big-time"

numbers imagined
not real philip k dick was
ahead of his time

in 20 years time
if there is 20 years what
will we make of this

hysterical history

Acquire some Q-tips
Starkitten can tell you why
Storm is upon us

Me and vhs
Cosmic Gorilla Effect
Now that's a band name

Rich people shopping.
They should be burned at the stake.
Butt-naked, of course.

Saved all my dead skin
Three hundred sixty five days
Made Human Panko!

Handy wipes. No need.
Sandpaper tongue should suffice
You'll be good as new

reading Starkitten:
clean the secretions off me
then use Handi-wipes