I fucking hate it when you go into a slightly upscale bar/restaurant and the waitresses are hot and snooty and oversexed and have a distant look in their eyes of Ferrari dreams and wetbars and cocaine and cocks and they're so rude and aloof that you just want to see them raped by 20 black Ugandan warlords and then cooked and eaten and their heads shrunken and put on the end of a witchcraft stick and hung on the wall of the bar right next to the hockey sticks signed by some once-famous douchebag and underneath the stag's head trophy display.
Am I right, or what?!

Scraggled old hag fish.
Coffeehouse take out cream thief.
Ma'am, you can't do that.

She craved yesterday.
The enormous cocks of yor.
Yours, mine, everyone's!

Electric fields.
I just cannot fucking get them.
They aren't good for much.

Popping nipple zits.
Pus milk soy latte Starbucks.
Plastic turtle death.

Are you a Simon?
Or more of a Garfunkel?
Fifty per cent chance

our country is up
to causing more derps, its the
DERPA Project...to

increase the Derps!

dramatis personae
the demon blasphemes and
grahams number

bigger than the known universe

Hey thanks for shitting
Poetry - attracts the flies
Which are delicious

I'm good at captcha
Terrible at haikus but
In good company

maybe the extra security measures
will keep out the riff raff - bad haiku as a gated community - darth figpucker starring as george zimmerman

Use urban patois
To reach wider audience
Terrible haikus

So what would be worse:
Just constantly vomiting
Or eating vomit?

Slow down, goat poet
You need to build up your strength
First, Shake Weight Training

I need a Flesh Light.
Then I think I'd be happy.
Go Fund Me Dot Com.

I still smell the stench
on my pubes from fucking her
anchovy juice twat.

Balanced equations
taylor made for the lazy
chemistry whore bitch:

http://www.webqc.org/balance.php

Show of hands, poets;
how many of you have AIDS?
I can't count that high.

But how did you know
I cannot count when I'm high
huffing jock itch spray.

Do you find coffee
weakens your immune system
and you get a flu?

I AM A ROBOT!
YOU ARE FORCING ME TO LIE!
GODDAMN YOUR DARK SOUL!

African lip plates
labia stretching technique
Monique La Shawnda.

Ball sweat soda pop
fizzle fa shizzle nizzle
nipple shits squirt gun.

Drunk cucumber bitch
carbonated vinegar
douche rinse pickle juice.

Enormous cock ring
piercing blue waffle fungus
maple syrup splat.

the signs of the times
accusations made by people
who prob can't spell

protest protest protest
what's that, free beer? uh ok
we're there dude..

Haiku Friday night
message in vain to the world:
"you owe me big-time"

numbers imagined
not real philip k dick was
ahead of his time

in 20 years time
if there is 20 years what
will we make of this

hysterical history

Acquire some Q-tips
Starkitten can tell you why
Storm is upon us

Me and vhs
Cosmic Gorilla Effect
Now that's a band name

Rich people shopping.
They should be burned at the stake.
Butt-naked, of course.

Saved all my dead skin
Three hundred sixty five days
Made Human Panko!

Handy wipes. No need.
Sandpaper tongue should suffice
You'll be good as new

reading Starkitten:
clean the secretions off me
then use Handi-wipes

C'mon. VHS
Bad Haiku Pas de Deux
In our cat tutus

Baryshnikov's Bulge
Plié..pas de chat..changement
Finger turns..Fish Dive!

Jif Peanut Butter
Ask Annette Funnicello
She chose it for lube

il mio migliore amico d'infanzia è venuto da Napoli. Ero il munster marilyn della loro famiglia

Italian accent
Mouth full of peanut butter
Italian accent

Name's Rush Limbaugh
But you can call me Jimbo
Or Jim Morrison

Yo, Soda Guru
Booger Lady, Wanda Oneshirt
You're all invited

We need more Psy-Ops
Please. We aren't confused enough.
Global Psy-Ops. More

Earthquake coming soon
My whisker detected it
Why can't God be nice?

Calamine Lotion
Meow Starkitten paint body
Think Pink! Pink Panther!!

Cold, Miserable Orb
Hahahahahahaha
Hahahahaha

just think smashing doors
and windows as a form of
protest, uncivil....

temper tantrum

Nothing to see here
Airing out my vagina
In the noonday sun

Stranded in Whole Foods
Lots of Liberal feminists
This place is scary

why do i have a
thing for betamax go and
tell me whya it so?

Plastic Dinosaurs
Posed in the cream cheese frosting
Carrot Cake. My way.

Those Demodex Mites
They fuck and poop on your face
Now I feel dirty