Thought you'd like to know
All eyebrows are falling out
Whiskerless kitten

Pussy farts!

John-boy's mole has souls.
Six point oh two two times 10...
Oh, fuck it, you know.

Enough damned souls to
fill hell to the brimstone gas
root mean square speed fiend.

Double Cage Fight Time!!
Paul Simon and Daryl Hall
Fight Garfunkel/Oates

John Boy Walton's mole
Do you think it has a soul?
Could go either way

Forgotten Mooncake
Now a doorstop. Hey, come in..
See Hairy Sunrise

Cleaning my haiku
In front of you..scrub a Doo
Guitar Solo Now!

Knicky knacky Knew
Gave the whole barnyard a screw
Had a standing O

If you were forced to,
which farm animal would you,
you know, do it with?

Oh, that's some good shit.
Fuck the pigs! Fuck 'em I say!
Meaning cops, not swine.

Oh, almost forgot.
Need to deliver this meth.
Maybe one more line.

Mental note: Return.
Scout around for body parts.
For trophy or snack.

Common occurrence.
Drunk asshole on motor bike.
Hell, I'll drink to that.

The more dead people,
the more room there is for me.
Multiple car crash.

Zit pus mirror splat.
Cock throttle chicken choker.
Coffee, meth, whiskey.

Pink sand, flamingoes
Hammock. Palm fronds..ABBA girls
Wake up VHS!

Hey man, I just did
a quick search of the tree
And medicinal scones

in the name of jesus
cheist would it not be nice
if you would stop extending

your suicide upon
the rest of humanity
by His blood and Grace...

people make choices
good, bad, breakfast...get your ass
into the idea you are part of

Gaia, not a disease!!

Jury's will acquit.
Innocent by influence of
horrible poems.

You are innocent.
For all the horrors you do.
Blame my poetry.

Wouldn't it be nice
If the sun blew up the Earth?
Incineration

He pissed bright yellow
Vitamin taxi-cab hue.
House flies on steroids.

Staining the tile.
Like a cathedral window.
Kneel, bow, and pray.

Oooo! An M-&-M!
What was I talking about?
Rolph, hurl, barf, splat.

Worship the dollar.
Throw dollars at the whores' feet.
Kiss their filthy toes.

Where's enlightenment?
Lighten your load underneath.
Best you can hope for.

Dead President God.
Green paper watermark slut.
Plucked deep from her butt.

Evacuated.
Vacant, empty, and soulless.
Ejaculated.

Twat waffle whiskey.
Papa Smurf's guilty secret.
Fermented dingles.

Better than shingles.
Stripper's pole disinfectant.
Was he expectant?

Phlegm on dollar bills.
Expect the expectorant.
Rob-DM tripping.

Smurf Berry syrup.
High strength hollow sin again.
Hallow-sin-a-gin.

Kitten and Cobain
Both mercury in Pisces
Nineteen sixty seven

if kurt cobain
was still alive would he have ever
achieved nirvana?

Girl reads newspapers.
And has a novel on hand.
Fuck that is sexy.

Sister's a Mister
A nun with a big ten inch
Hard habit to break

Haiku should not rhyme.
If you do that is a crime.
Disgusting butt slime.

Drop the bass, Lawrence!
Did you ever look so nice?
A cute angina

Fuck I've work to do.
So behind and this I do.
Writing bad haiku.

Former employer
Found hacked apart. Axe murder
Now, dont look at me...

50 years from now.
Nursing home stereo blares,
"Fuck the pain away!"

The orderlies laugh.
Old people don't know music.
Never have nor will.

Young lad, listen here
Commando 24/7
Neigh, No more jockeys!!

Marilyn Manson,
Peaches, Nine Inch Nails, Gwar,
Ghost Pepper Cock Rub.

If you're commando,
make sure your barn door is closed;
stay out of jail.

anyways
i was damn
happy my friend said graham's number

don't confuse it for a graham's cracker...

the joke stuck

you know DF i
honestly don't care about
some people...you can't

do anything about
them so let them learn the
hard way about moxie

i do not want this
screaming bitching generation
go to the crib

shame shame shame

I fucking hate it when you go into a slightly upscale bar/restaurant and the waitresses are hot and snooty and oversexed and have a distant look in their eyes of Ferrari dreams and wetbars and cocaine and cocks and they're so rude and aloof that you just want to see them raped by 20 black Ugandan warlords and then cooked and eaten and their heads shrunken and put on the end of a witchcraft stick and hung on the wall of the bar right next to the hockey sticks signed by some once-famous douchebag and underneath the stag's head trophy display.
Am I right, or what?!

Scraggled old hag fish.
Coffeehouse take out cream thief.
Ma'am, you can't do that.

She craved yesterday.
The enormous cocks of yor.
Yours, mine, everyone's!

Electric fields.
I just cannot fucking get them.
They aren't good for much.

Popping nipple zits.
Pus milk soy latte Starbucks.
Plastic turtle death.

Are you a Simon?
Or more of a Garfunkel?
Fifty per cent chance

our country is up
to causing more derps, its the
DERPA Project...to

increase the Derps!

dramatis personae
the demon blasphemes and
grahams number

bigger than the known universe

Hey thanks for shitting
Poetry - attracts the flies
Which are delicious

I'm good at captcha
Terrible at haikus but
In good company

maybe the extra security measures
will keep out the riff raff - bad haiku as a gated community - darth figpucker starring as george zimmerman