BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
280 Days
and
65607 Haikus
later...
John-boy's mole has souls.
Six point oh two two times 10...
Oh, fuck it, you know.

Enough damned souls to
fill hell to the brimstone gas
root mean square speed fiend.
Haiku #59894, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 10:34 pm ET

Double Cage Fight Time!!
Paul Simon and Daryl Hall
Fight Garfunkel/Oates
Haiku #59893, by Edie Brickell of Had it up to here
October 7, 2018 9:56 pm ET

John Boy Walton's mole
Do you think it has a soul?
Could go either way
Haiku #59892, by John Boy Walton's plantars wart of Foot region
October 7, 2018 9:53 pm ET

Forgotten Mooncake
Now a doorstop. Hey, come in..
See Hairy Sunrise
Haiku #59891, by Starkitten
October 7, 2018 9:27 pm ET

Cleaning my haiku
In front of you..scrub a Doo
Guitar Solo Now!
Haiku #59890, by Yeah, I'm hooked on meth of Method all purpose cleaner
October 7, 2018 9:21 pm ET

Knicky knacky Knew
Gave the whole barnyard a screw
Had a standing O
Haiku #59889, by Ovation.. more than just getting the clap.still washing mud and hoofprints of Even tried to fellate the scarecrow
October 7, 2018 9:14 pm ET

If you were forced to,
which farm animal would you,
you know, do it with?
Haiku #59888, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:58 pm ET

Oh, that's some good shit.
Fuck the pigs! Fuck 'em I say!
Meaning cops, not swine.
Haiku #59887, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:56 pm ET

Oh, almost forgot.
Need to deliver this meth.
Maybe one more line.
Haiku #59886, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:53 pm ET

Mental note: Return.
Scout around for body parts.
For trophy or snack.
Haiku #59885, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:52 pm ET

Common occurrence.
Drunk asshole on motor bike.
Hell, I'll drink to that.
Haiku #59884, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:50 pm ET

The more dead people,
the more room there is for me.
Multiple car crash.
Haiku #59883, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 8:49 pm ET

Zit pus mirror splat.
Cock throttle chicken choker.
Coffee, meth, whiskey.
Haiku #59882, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of at my uncle Jim Bob's house picking up a delivery.
October 7, 2018 8:47 pm ET

Pink sand, flamingoes
Hammock. Palm fronds..ABBA girls
Wake up VHS!
Haiku #59881, by Starkitten of Gimme Gimme some Bad Haiku
October 7, 2018 5:34 pm ET

Hey man, I just did
a quick search of the tree
And medicinal scones
Haiku #59880, by Starkitten
October 7, 2018 2:42 pm ET

in the name of jesus
cheist would it not be nice
if you would stop extending

your suicide upon
the rest of humanity
by His blood and Grace...

people make choices
good, bad, breakfast...get your ass
into the idea you are part of

Gaia, not a disease!!
Haiku #59879, by vhs
October 7, 2018 10:18 am ET

Jury's will acquit.
Innocent by influence of
horrible poems.
Haiku #59878, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 6:40 am ET

You are innocent.
For all the horrors you do.
Blame my poetry.
Haiku #59877, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 7, 2018 6:38 am ET

Wouldn't it be nice
If the sun blew up the Earth?
Incineration
Haiku #59876, by Have Mercy and kill us all at once
October 7, 2018 2:14 am ET

He pissed bright yellow
Vitamin taxi-cab hue.
House flies on steroids.

Staining the tile.
Like a cathedral window.
Kneel, bow, and pray.

Oooo! An M-&-M!
What was I talking about?
Rolph, hurl, barf, splat.
Haiku #59875, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 11:39 pm ET

Worship the dollar.
Throw dollars at the whores' feet.
Kiss their filthy toes.

Where's enlightenment?
Lighten your load underneath.
Best you can hope for.

Dead President God.
Green paper watermark slut.
Plucked deep from her butt.

Evacuated.
Vacant, empty, and soulless.
Ejaculated.
Haiku #59874, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 11:09 pm ET

Twat waffle whiskey.
Papa Smurf's guilty secret.
Fermented dingles.

Better than shingles.
Stripper's pole disinfectant.
Was he expectant?

Phlegm on dollar bills.
Expect the expectorant.
Rob-DM tripping.

Smurf Berry syrup.
High strength hollow sin again.
Hallow-sin-a-gin.
Haiku #59873, by DARTH FIGPUCKER'S SENTIENT TESTICLES
October 6, 2018 9:55 pm ET

Kitten and Cobain
Both mercury in Pisces
Nineteen sixty seven
Haiku #59872, by Starkitten of Aberdeen slinking around
October 6, 2018 8:56 pm ET

if kurt cobain
was still alive would he have ever
achieved nirvana?
Haiku #59871, by vhs
October 6, 2018 8:14 pm ET

Girl reads newspapers.
And has a novel on hand.
Fuck that is sexy.
Haiku #59870, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 8:09 pm ET

Sister's a Mister
A nun with a big ten inch
Hard habit to break
Haiku #59869, by Anonymous Poet
October 6, 2018 7:58 pm ET

Haiku should not rhyme.
If you do that is a crime.
Disgusting butt slime.
Haiku #59868, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:56 pm ET

Drop the bass, Lawrence!
Did you ever look so nice?
A cute angina
Haiku #59867, by Starkitten.. Welking Out of One toke over the line
October 6, 2018 7:55 pm ET

Fuck I've work to do.
So behind and this I do.
Writing bad haiku.
Haiku #59866, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:52 pm ET

Former employer
Found hacked apart. Axe murder
Now, dont look at me...
Haiku #59865, by Starkitten
October 6, 2018 7:51 pm ET

50 years from now.
Nursing home stereo blares,
"Fuck the pain away!"

The orderlies laugh.
Old people don't know music.
Never have nor will.
Haiku #59864, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:49 pm ET

Young lad, listen here
Commando 24/7
Neigh, No more jockeys!!
Haiku #59863, by Disgruntled Racehorse. of Translation through Starkitten Equine Whisperer
October 6, 2018 7:48 pm ET

Marilyn Manson,
Peaches, Nine Inch Nails, Gwar,
Ghost Pepper Cock Rub.
Haiku #59862, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:46 pm ET

If you're commando,
make sure your barn door is closed;
stay out of jail.
Haiku #59861, by Anonymous Poet
October 6, 2018 7:42 pm ET

Collared priest boy rape.
Confessional blood shit cum.
Fuck the sin away.
Haiku #59860, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:38 pm ET

anyways
i was damn
happy my friend said graham's number

don't confuse it for a graham's cracker...

the joke stuck
Haiku #59859, by vhs
October 6, 2018 7:35 pm ET

you know DF i
honestly don't care about
some people...you can't

do anything about
them so let them learn the
hard way about moxie
Haiku #59858, by vhs
October 6, 2018 7:31 pm ET

i do not want this
screaming bitching generation
go to the crib

shame shame shame
Haiku #59857, by vhs
October 6, 2018 7:30 pm ET

I fucking hate it when you go into a slightly upscale bar/restaurant and the waitresses are hot and snooty and oversexed and have a distant look in their eyes of Ferrari dreams and wetbars and cocaine and cocks and they're so rude and aloof that you just want to see them raped by 20 black Ugandan warlords and then cooked and eaten and their heads shrunken and put on the end of a witchcraft stick and hung on the wall of the bar right next to the hockey sticks signed by some once-famous douchebag and underneath the stag's head trophy display.
Am I right, or what?!
Haiku #59856, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:29 pm ET

Scraggled old hag fish.
Coffeehouse take out cream thief.
Ma'am, you can't do that.
Haiku #59855, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:21 pm ET

She craved yesterday.
The enormous cocks of yor.
Yours, mine, everyone's!
Haiku #59854, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 7:18 pm ET

Electric fields.
I just cannot fucking get them.
They aren't good for much.
Haiku #59853, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 5:22 pm ET

Popping nipple zits.
Pus milk soy latte Starbucks.
Plastic turtle death.
Haiku #59852, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 6, 2018 5:20 pm ET

Are you a Simon?
Or more of a Garfunkel?
Fifty per cent chance
Haiku #59851, by Edie Brickell of Enjoying Sounds of Silence thanks to Duct Tape
October 6, 2018 3:46 pm ET

our country is up
to causing more derps, its the
DERPA Project...to

increase the Derps!
Haiku #59850, by vhs
October 6, 2018 8:27 am ET

dramatis personae
the demon blasphemes and
grahams number

bigger than the known universe
Haiku #59849, by vhs
October 6, 2018 8:25 am ET

Hey thanks for shitting
Poetry - attracts the flies
Which are delicious
Haiku #59848, by Frog Prince of Purple Rain
October 6, 2018 4:57 am ET

I'm good at captcha
Terrible at haikus but
In good company
Haiku #59847, by Select Image Containing Given Object Bot of Darpa Research Laboratory
October 6, 2018 4:41 am ET

maybe the extra security measures
will keep out the riff raff - bad haiku as a gated community - darth figpucker starring as george zimmerman
Haiku #59846, by Wace Mindu of Grape Kool-Aid Flavored Lightsaber Emporium
October 6, 2018 4:39 am ET

Use urban patois
To reach wider audience
Terrible haikus
Haiku #59845, by Emperor Palpating of The Deaf Star
October 6, 2018 4:32 am ET