Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 250 Days and 77185 Haiku later...

That last one is for vhs
Haiku # 58354, April 9, 2018 3:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'm angry
I've had enough of these people
They're a bunch of Christian-murdering scum that run giant death factories
Keeping babies alive and selling their body parts
What more do you need to know about these people?
I go out and face these scum
They literally crawl out from under rocks
They have green-looking skin
And they run around screaming "We love Satan, we want to eat babies."
I have them on video

Hillary is into creepy, weird, sick stuff, man
She sleeps in the same room with that creepy weirdo woman whose mother wears a hood over her head. (What the hell?)
That woman, number one, is ugly
Imagine how bad she smells, man
I'm told her and Obama just stink
Obama and Hillary both smell like sulfur

Literal vampire potbelly goblins
Are hobbling around coming after us
My spirit gets close to that evil and I feel it go
Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!

We're such self-centered crap
We don't even notice Hell itself rising up against us
Millions are pouring in people, of the very worst type
And I'm so pissed

We're gonna stab your daughter at the mall
Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!
We're going to stab your wife, your son
We're gonna stab you with a butcher knife
And then the Police Chief is gonna say
"We love our Somalis, we love our Muslims
Oh they're so good, oh they're so sweet."
Haiku # 58353, April 9, 2018 3:25 pm ET
by Alex Jones of Infowars
I've got all the help I need
Who's helping you?
What does it feel like to be living a "life"
That by your own choice is intolerable?
I'm asking for a loved one
Haiku # 58352, April 9, 2018 3:24 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
well it seems the three
amigos are here, sometimes
ash, raising some fine

chaos for springtime
Haiku # 58351, April 9, 2018 11:04 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Pennywise is lame!
Captain Spaulding is the shit!
That's one fucked up clown!
Haiku # 58350, April 9, 2018 10:58 am ET
by df
Oh, Christ this is good.
Taking me seriously.
You should get some help.

But you are correct.
I do worship the Devil.
The South Park Devil.

I'd dare say that He's
funnier than Christmas Poo
by a slim margin.
Haiku # 58349, April 9, 2018 10:56 am ET
by Howdy Ho!
But I suppose we have one
Thing in common (just one)
We know who we belong to
Haiku # 58348, April 9, 2018 7:51 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I see a strange combination
Of Pennywise the demon clown
And his author the supposed "King"
Clown shoes speckled with a mixture
Of crusted ketchup and semen
Over 1 billion served
They've eaten their fill
But they remain forever hungry
Haiku # 58347, April 9, 2018 5:55 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of Somewhere Else
I see a strange combination
Of Pennywise the demon clown
And his author the supposed "King"
Clown shoes speckled with a mixture
Of crusted ketchup and semen
Over 1 billion served
They've eaten their fill
But they remain forever hungry
Haiku # 58346, April 9, 2018 5:55 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of Somewhere Else
Oh look
DF is projecting his vices
And general boring cynicism
On the rest of us
Typical devil worshipper
Haiku # 58345, April 9, 2018 4:23 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
it's probably true
if i went to hell two days
later i would be banned...

"go to heaven, get the fuck
out of here! you can do a better
job than i can oh Lord of Chaos!!"
Haiku # 58344, April 8, 2018 10:39 pm ET
by vhs of The Lord of Chaos
Satan is burned out.
He does not want you to sin.
He has enough work.

Let's be good today.
Satan needs a vacation.
That's what He told me.

He deserves a rest.
All that torture is hard work.
Too many sinners.
Haiku # 58343, April 8, 2018 10:13 pm ET
by df
All purple giraffes
can fly faster than light speed.
This is pure logic.

Satan never lies.
He tells you the evil truth.
And we don't listen.

"Do not screw that whore,"
He says, "you will get VD."
But you still do it.

"Cocaine's addicting,"
He warns, but you still snort a
line off the whore's tits.

Do not blame Satan.
All these sins belong to you.
Man up and own it.
Haiku # 58342, April 8, 2018 10:01 pm ET
by df
the devil is a
liar and his followers
are full of cow shit
Haiku # 58341, April 8, 2018 7:41 pm ET
by vhs
I've said it before.
Writing haiku is a form
of devil worship.
Haiku # 58340, April 8, 2018 7:28 pm ET
This is rather dull.
I could be knitting crochet
or collecting stamps.
Haiku # 58339, April 8, 2018 7:13 pm ET
Wave your erection
at passersby like a flag
of insanity.
Haiku # 58338, April 8, 2018 7:02 pm ET
Pleasures of the flesh.
Carnivorous predator.
Destructive offspring.
Haiku # 58337, April 8, 2018 6:59 pm ET
Downward spiral slide.
More fun than a water park
of KY jelly.
Haiku # 58336, April 8, 2018 6:57 pm ET
Worship sinful vice.
Booze, junk food, television.
Be American!
Haiku # 58335, April 8, 2018 6:55 pm ET
by df
Satan is my Lord.
Or is it that I am His?
Even He can't know.
Haiku # 58334, April 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET
by df
I know what God wants.
He wants you to make me rich.
Give me all your cash.

In Jesus' name,
Send those unclean bills to me
to get in heaven.
Haiku # 58333, April 8, 2018 12:43 pm ET
by Evangelical Figpucker of Praise the Lord!
I hear them coming.
Up the stairs the monsters march.
They are at my door.
Haiku # 58332, April 8, 2018 6:24 am ET
Do not masturbate.
That will make Jesus hate you.
And you'll burn in hell.
Haiku # 58331, April 8, 2018 6:23 am ET
Torture mosquitoes.
Spray them with Off so other
mosquitoes hate them.
Haiku # 58330, April 8, 2018 6:21 am ET
Its a good idea
To make a small investment
Buy an air filter
Haiku # 58329, April 7, 2018 8:29 pm ET
by dvd
you ever seen those dust
bunnies...someone said in her
book theres psychic dust

bunnies of evil
angry energy creeps in
our basements... its like

a blob of psychic
crap one cant see but takes on
a life of its own

its why it seems
so creepy in some basements
in the world today
Haiku # 58328, April 7, 2018 11:08 am ET
by vhs of hail eris!
in scary darkness
if you look under the bed
all your fears are dust
Haiku # 58327, April 7, 2018 9:19 am ET
by ash of twighlight zone
It's almost time when the time is here,
The time that's only once a year.
We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near.
A Woodland Critter Christmas!
What special time and special day,
It's Woodland Critter Christmas.
Hail Satan!
Haiku # 58326, April 7, 2018 1:03 am ET
by df
trinity broadcast network
Haiku # 58325, April 7, 2018 12:48 am ET
by vhs of im the evangelical, remember??
Tits and Boobs Network?
Trampoline Buttplug Nailing?
Tumble Bugs Nesting?
Haiku # 58324, April 7, 2018 12:38 am ET
by df
Dimming all the lights
I feel so much deeper now
It is pretty chill
Haiku # 58323, April 7, 2018 12:37 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
Doctor, doctor Jeff
Jeff heezy went up and left
Now I am alone
Haiku # 58322, April 7, 2018 12:31 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
Glittery bitches
Always after my riches
Gotta shut em down
Haiku # 58321, April 7, 2018 12:28 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
If these walls could talk.
If vaginal walls could talk.
Harvey Wallbanger.
Haiku # 58320, April 7, 2018 12:27 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
well sit naked in
a bean bag chair eating cheetos
watching TBN

Haiku # 58319, April 7, 2018 12:26 am ET
by vhs
Booger tag is fun.
When you're stopped at a red light
flick boogers at cars.

Windows are ten points.
Door handles are twenty five.
All else is five points.
Haiku # 58318, April 7, 2018 12:21 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Tortoises are cool.
They just hang out and eat grass.
Maybe I'll try that.
Haiku # 58317, April 7, 2018 12:17 am ET
by darth figpucker
Cake tastes much better
with an amaretto shot
served chilled on the side.
Haiku # 58316, April 7, 2018 12:15 am ET
by darth figpucker
I find in old age
I rather like chocolate
chip cookies for lunch.
Haiku # 58315, April 7, 2018 12:12 am ET
by darth figpucker
I've been wondering,
do these crotchless panties make
my penis look small?
Haiku # 58314, April 7, 2018 12:10 am ET
by darth figpucker
i want to post some
thing here that is profound but
it's all bad haiku...
Haiku # 58313, April 6, 2018 2:10 pm ET
by vhs
this is an empty
mall where todays kids walk through
make videos and

comment on the
idea of buildings used to
sell things to them all
Haiku # 58312, April 6, 2018 11:00 am ET
by vhs
i remain confused
for a very long time now
unless i forgot
Haiku # 58311, April 6, 2018 9:50 am ET
by ash
any time the captcha
gets hunted by the haiku
isn't quite that song
Haiku # 58310, April 6, 2018 9:49 am ET
by ash of grace jones' locker
there was an old man
who was swallowed by a fly
or something like that
Haiku # 58309, April 6, 2018 9:46 am ET
by ash
what one cant say due
to thoughtcrime and how the wise
must watch what they say

fuck you
Haiku # 58308, April 6, 2018 1:14 am ET
by vhs of who said i was wise?
something something and
also on top of that lets
just say broom handle
Haiku # 58307, April 6, 2018 1:10 am ET
by vhs of because
Mama spider with egg sack
Crawling around on my wall
To her I'm the monster
So I'll leave her alone
Besides, I'm going to need
More ammo for my
Deadly Spider Gun (TM)
Haiku # 58306, April 5, 2018 3:34 pm ET
by dvd
well if you give your
own self a circumcision
with a zipper...meh!
Haiku # 58305, April 5, 2018 10:51 am ET
by vhs
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