Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 20 Days and 74090 Haikus later...

it's probably true
if i went to hell two days
later i would be banned...

"go to heaven, get the fuck
out of here! you can do a better
job than i can oh Lord of Chaos!!"
Haiku # 58344, April 8, 2018 10:39 pm ET
by vhs of The Lord of Chaos
Satan is burned out.
He does not want you to sin.
He has enough work.

Let's be good today.
Satan needs a vacation.
That's what He told me.

He deserves a rest.
All that torture is hard work.
Too many sinners.
Haiku # 58343, April 8, 2018 10:13 pm ET
by df
All purple giraffes
can fly faster than light speed.
This is pure logic.

Satan never lies.
He tells you the evil truth.
And we don't listen.

"Do not screw that whore,"
He says, "you will get VD."
But you still do it.

"Cocaine's addicting,"
He warns, but you still snort a
line off the whore's tits.

Do not blame Satan.
All these sins belong to you.
Man up and own it.
Haiku # 58342, April 8, 2018 10:01 pm ET
by df
the devil is a
liar and his followers
are full of cow shit
Haiku # 58341, April 8, 2018 7:41 pm ET
by vhs
I've said it before.
Writing haiku is a form
of devil worship.
Haiku # 58340, April 8, 2018 7:28 pm ET
by
This is rather dull.
I could be knitting crochet
or collecting stamps.
Haiku # 58339, April 8, 2018 7:13 pm ET
by
Wave your erection
at passersby like a flag
of insanity.
Haiku # 58338, April 8, 2018 7:02 pm ET
by
Pleasures of the flesh.
Carnivorous predator.
Destructive offspring.
Haiku # 58337, April 8, 2018 6:59 pm ET
by
Downward spiral slide.
More fun than a water park
of KY jelly.
Haiku # 58336, April 8, 2018 6:57 pm ET
by
Worship sinful vice.
Booze, junk food, television.
Be American!
Haiku # 58335, April 8, 2018 6:55 pm ET
by df
Satan is my Lord.
Or is it that I am His?
Even He can't know.
Haiku # 58334, April 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET
by df
I know what God wants.
He wants you to make me rich.
Give me all your cash.

In Jesus' name,
Send those unclean bills to me
to get in heaven.
Haiku # 58333, April 8, 2018 12:43 pm ET
by Evangelical Figpucker of Praise the Lord!
I hear them coming.
Up the stairs the monsters march.
They are at my door.
Haiku # 58332, April 8, 2018 6:24 am ET
by
Do not masturbate.
That will make Jesus hate you.
And you'll burn in hell.
Haiku # 58331, April 8, 2018 6:23 am ET
by
Torture mosquitoes.
Spray them with Off so other
mosquitoes hate them.
Haiku # 58330, April 8, 2018 6:21 am ET
by
Its a good idea
To make a small investment
Buy an air filter
Haiku # 58329, April 7, 2018 8:29 pm ET
by dvd
you ever seen those dust
bunnies...someone said in her
book theres psychic dust

bunnies of evil
angry energy creeps in
our basements... its like

a blob of psychic
crap one cant see but takes on
a life of its own

its why it seems
so creepy in some basements
in the world today
Haiku # 58328, April 7, 2018 11:08 am ET
by vhs of hail eris!
in scary darkness
if you look under the bed
all your fears are dust
Haiku # 58327, April 7, 2018 9:19 am ET
by ash of twighlight zone
It's almost time when the time is here,
The time that's only once a year.
We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near.
A Woodland Critter Christmas!
What special time and special day,
It's Woodland Critter Christmas.
Hail Satan!
Haiku # 58326, April 7, 2018 1:03 am ET
by df
trinity broadcast network
Haiku # 58325, April 7, 2018 12:48 am ET
by vhs of im the evangelical, remember??
Tits and Boobs Network?
Trampoline Buttplug Nailing?
Tumble Bugs Nesting?
Haiku # 58324, April 7, 2018 12:38 am ET
by df
Dimming all the lights
I feel so much deeper now
It is pretty chill
Haiku # 58323, April 7, 2018 12:37 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
Doctor, doctor Jeff
Jeff heezy went up and left
Now I am alone
Haiku # 58322, April 7, 2018 12:31 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
Glittery bitches
Always after my riches
Gotta shut em down
Haiku # 58321, April 7, 2018 12:28 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
If these walls could talk.
If vaginal walls could talk.
Harvey Wallbanger.
Haiku # 58320, April 7, 2018 12:27 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
well sit naked in
a bean bag chair eating cheetos
watching TBN

fun
Haiku # 58319, April 7, 2018 12:26 am ET
by vhs
Booger tag is fun.
When you're stopped at a red light
flick boogers at cars.

Windows are ten points.
Door handles are twenty five.
All else is five points.
Haiku # 58318, April 7, 2018 12:21 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Tortoises are cool.
They just hang out and eat grass.
Maybe I'll try that.
Haiku # 58317, April 7, 2018 12:17 am ET
by darth figpucker
Cake tastes much better
with an amaretto shot
served chilled on the side.
Haiku # 58316, April 7, 2018 12:15 am ET
by darth figpucker
I find in old age
I rather like chocolate
chip cookies for lunch.
Haiku # 58315, April 7, 2018 12:12 am ET
by darth figpucker
I've been wondering,
do these crotchless panties make
my penis look small?
Haiku # 58314, April 7, 2018 12:10 am ET
by darth figpucker
i want to post some
thing here that is profound but
it's all bad haiku...
Haiku # 58313, April 6, 2018 2:10 pm ET
by vhs
this is an empty
mall where todays kids walk through
make videos and

comment on the
idea of buildings used to
sell things to them all
Haiku # 58312, April 6, 2018 11:00 am ET
by vhs
i remain confused
for a very long time now
unless i forgot
Haiku # 58311, April 6, 2018 9:50 am ET
by ash
any time the captcha
gets hunted by the haiku
isn't quite that song
Haiku # 58310, April 6, 2018 9:49 am ET
by ash of grace jones' locker
there was an old man
who was swallowed by a fly
or something like that
Haiku # 58309, April 6, 2018 9:46 am ET
by ash
what one cant say due
to thoughtcrime and how the wise
must watch what they say

fuck you
Haiku # 58308, April 6, 2018 1:14 am ET
by vhs of who said i was wise?
something something and
also on top of that lets
just say broom handle
Haiku # 58307, April 6, 2018 1:10 am ET
by vhs of because
Mama spider with egg sack
Crawling around on my wall
To her I'm the monster
So I'll leave her alone
Besides, I'm going to need
More ammo for my
Deadly Spider Gun (TM)
Haiku # 58306, April 5, 2018 3:34 pm ET
by dvd
well if you give your
own self a circumcision
with a zipper...meh!
Haiku # 58305, April 5, 2018 10:51 am ET
by vhs
Oh, oh dear oh my
Wouldn't hurt so badly if
You were circumsized
Haiku # 58304, April 5, 2018 3:14 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I tried not to try.
Got my dick stuck in my fly.
I swear that's no lie.
Haiku # 58303, April 5, 2018 1:34 am ET
by
Try not
Do or do not
There is no try
Haiku # 58302, April 5, 2018 1:05 am ET
by Yoda of Dagoba
I have completely failed at everything I have ever tried.
Haiku # 58301, April 4, 2018 11:58 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
ive never really
trusted extroverts, too much
easily flim flammed

theres exceptions i
know, but sit back, relax and
smoke a cohiba

drink a shot of makers
mark and watch the game, you own
the world someday hmm?
Haiku # 58300, April 4, 2018 10:49 am ET
by vhs
meh, youll be out
missing out on the collect
ing market there bub
Haiku # 58299, April 4, 2018 10:44 am ET
by vhs of retro is the way to go
You ARE a weirdo!
Just download the thing for free.
Tell the FBI.
Haiku # 58298, April 4, 2018 6:03 am ET
by
if I'm buying the
radiohead album ok
computer for two

bucks at the goodwill
then some autistic nut
calls me a weirdo

what kind of world is this?
Haiku # 58297, April 3, 2018 7:19 pm ET
by vhs
theres a beavis and
a butthead waiting to cum
back from uhhh...uhhh...huh

huh...hi...ass...tush?
hi ass toosh? huh huh hiatus?
you said ass...huh huh
Haiku # 58296, April 3, 2018 12:30 pm ET
by vhs of cheap mike judge reference
I enjoy pooping.
Sometimes I poop just to poop.
Other times I must.
Haiku # 58295, April 3, 2018 4:59 am ET
by
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