Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 259 Days and 71098 Haikus later...

Satan is my Lord.
Or is it that I am His?
Even He can't know.
Haiku # 58334, April 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET
by df
I know what God wants.
He wants you to make me rich.
Give me all your cash.

In Jesus' name,
Send those unclean bills to me
to get in heaven.
Haiku # 58333, April 8, 2018 12:43 pm ET
by Evangelical Figpucker of Praise the Lord!
I hear them coming.
Up the stairs the monsters march.
They are at my door.
Haiku # 58332, April 8, 2018 6:24 am ET
by
Do not masturbate.
That will make Jesus hate you.
And you'll burn in hell.
Haiku # 58331, April 8, 2018 6:23 am ET
by
Torture mosquitoes.
Spray them with Off so other
mosquitoes hate them.
Haiku # 58330, April 8, 2018 6:21 am ET
by
Its a good idea
To make a small investment
Buy an air filter
Haiku # 58329, April 7, 2018 8:29 pm ET
by dvd
you ever seen those dust
bunnies...someone said in her
book theres psychic dust

bunnies of evil
angry energy creeps in
our basements... its like

a blob of psychic
crap one cant see but takes on
a life of its own

its why it seems
so creepy in some basements
in the world today
Haiku # 58328, April 7, 2018 11:08 am ET
by vhs of hail eris!
in scary darkness
if you look under the bed
all your fears are dust
Haiku # 58327, April 7, 2018 9:19 am ET
by ash of twighlight zone
It's almost time when the time is here,
The time that's only once a year.
We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near.
A Woodland Critter Christmas!
What special time and special day,
It's Woodland Critter Christmas.
Hail Satan!
Haiku # 58326, April 7, 2018 1:03 am ET
by df
trinity broadcast network
Haiku # 58325, April 7, 2018 12:48 am ET
by vhs of im the evangelical, remember??
Tits and Boobs Network?
Trampoline Buttplug Nailing?
Tumble Bugs Nesting?
Haiku # 58324, April 7, 2018 12:38 am ET
by df
Dimming all the lights
I feel so much deeper now
It is pretty chill
Haiku # 58323, April 7, 2018 12:37 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
Doctor, doctor Jeff
Jeff heezy went up and left
Now I am alone
Haiku # 58322, April 7, 2018 12:31 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
Glittery bitches
Always after my riches
Gotta shut em down
Haiku # 58321, April 7, 2018 12:28 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
If these walls could talk.
If vaginal walls could talk.
Harvey Wallbanger.
Haiku # 58320, April 7, 2018 12:27 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
well sit naked in
a bean bag chair eating cheetos
watching TBN

fun
Haiku # 58319, April 7, 2018 12:26 am ET
by vhs
Booger tag is fun.
When you're stopped at a red light
flick boogers at cars.

Windows are ten points.
Door handles are twenty five.
All else is five points.
Haiku # 58318, April 7, 2018 12:21 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Tortoises are cool.
They just hang out and eat grass.
Maybe I'll try that.
Haiku # 58317, April 7, 2018 12:17 am ET
by darth figpucker
Cake tastes much better
with an amaretto shot
served chilled on the side.
Haiku # 58316, April 7, 2018 12:15 am ET
by darth figpucker
I find in old age
I rather like chocolate
chip cookies for lunch.
Haiku # 58315, April 7, 2018 12:12 am ET
by darth figpucker
I've been wondering,
do these crotchless panties make
my penis look small?
Haiku # 58314, April 7, 2018 12:10 am ET
by darth figpucker
i want to post some
thing here that is profound but
it's all bad haiku...
Haiku # 58313, April 6, 2018 2:10 pm ET
by vhs
this is an empty
mall where todays kids walk through
make videos and

comment on the
idea of buildings used to
sell things to them all
Haiku # 58312, April 6, 2018 11:00 am ET
by vhs
i remain confused
for a very long time now
unless i forgot
Haiku # 58311, April 6, 2018 9:50 am ET
by ash
any time the captcha
gets hunted by the haiku
isn't quite that song
Haiku # 58310, April 6, 2018 9:49 am ET
by ash of grace jones' locker
there was an old man
who was swallowed by a fly
or something like that
Haiku # 58309, April 6, 2018 9:46 am ET
by ash
what one cant say due
to thoughtcrime and how the wise
must watch what they say

fuck you
Haiku # 58308, April 6, 2018 1:14 am ET
by vhs of who said i was wise?
something something and
also on top of that lets
just say broom handle
Haiku # 58307, April 6, 2018 1:10 am ET
by vhs of because
Mama spider with egg sack
Crawling around on my wall
To her I'm the monster
So I'll leave her alone
Besides, I'm going to need
More ammo for my
Deadly Spider Gun (TM)
Haiku # 58306, April 5, 2018 3:34 pm ET
by dvd
well if you give your
own self a circumcision
with a zipper...meh!
Haiku # 58305, April 5, 2018 10:51 am ET
by vhs
Oh, oh dear oh my
Wouldn't hurt so badly if
You were circumsized
Haiku # 58304, April 5, 2018 3:14 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I tried not to try.
Got my dick stuck in my fly.
I swear that's no lie.
Haiku # 58303, April 5, 2018 1:34 am ET
by
Try not
Do or do not
There is no try
Haiku # 58302, April 5, 2018 1:05 am ET
by Yoda of Dagoba
I have completely failed at everything I have ever tried.
Haiku # 58301, April 4, 2018 11:58 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
ive never really
trusted extroverts, too much
easily flim flammed

theres exceptions i
know, but sit back, relax and
smoke a cohiba

drink a shot of makers
mark and watch the game, you own
the world someday hmm?
Haiku # 58300, April 4, 2018 10:49 am ET
by vhs
meh, youll be out
missing out on the collect
ing market there bub
Haiku # 58299, April 4, 2018 10:44 am ET
by vhs of retro is the way to go
You ARE a weirdo!
Just download the thing for free.
Tell the FBI.
Haiku # 58298, April 4, 2018 6:03 am ET
by
if I'm buying the
radiohead album ok
computer for two

bucks at the goodwill
then some autistic nut
calls me a weirdo

what kind of world is this?
Haiku # 58297, April 3, 2018 7:19 pm ET
by vhs
theres a beavis and
a butthead waiting to cum
back from uhhh...uhhh...huh

huh...hi...ass...tush?
hi ass toosh? huh huh hiatus?
you said ass...huh huh
Haiku # 58296, April 3, 2018 12:30 pm ET
by vhs of cheap mike judge reference
I enjoy pooping.
Sometimes I poop just to poop.
Other times I must.
Haiku # 58295, April 3, 2018 4:59 am ET
by
i wonder if this guy
can make funny church signs
Haiku # 58294, April 2, 2018 11:13 am ET
by vhs
Her enormous queef
blasted a hole in his couch.
Leather's expensive!
Haiku # 58293, April 2, 2018 3:43 am ET
by df
Curse or privilege.
The beginning of the end.
Choose well your locale.
Haiku # 58292, April 2, 2018 2:55 am ET
by _
Have you applied for
sexual reassignment
just to be denied?

Get in line to sue.
But which bathroom will you use?
Pee outside with dogs.
Haiku # 58291, April 2, 2018 12:03 am ET
by df
Adolph Hitler on...
Wait... there's a herpes channel?!?!
That makes perfect sense.
Haiku # 58290, April 1, 2018 11:57 pm ET
by df
My idea for a
new History Channel show:
Zombie Jesus Proof!

Eat his flesh and blood.
You too will be a zombie!
That really is true.

Kill the first zombie.
All the others will then die.
Where's my time machine?!
Haiku # 58289, April 1, 2018 5:54 pm ET
by of
trust me i think it
is funny i believe I
was up above it

but now I'm down in it
Haiku # 58288, April 1, 2018 2:50 pm ET
by vhs of enjoy nine inch nails
April fools Easter
The big joke is religion
Jesus didn
Haiku # 58287, April 1, 2018 2:16 pm ET
by Beelzebub of Planet Earth
oh fuck it, i get
bent out of shape, the new hitler
parody is

hrps channel april fools hillarious
Haiku # 58286, April 1, 2018 12:49 pm ET
by vhs of egg me on if you like
i mean if something
gets to me its Easter, so do
me a favor and

rather than being
that stupid fat fuck that sits
at the bar nursing

his soon to die liver
stop being miserable assholes
grow up and go

be less miserable...
i know, look in the mirror
Haiku # 58285, April 1, 2018 10:57 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
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