Bad Haiku

What, you're still asleep?!
Get your fat ass out of bed!
Make some damn breakfast!

Haiku #69597, by Gordon Ramsay of And don't fuck up the eggs!
January 13, 2021 10:06 am ET

The dairy cow mooed.
The sheep just stared and bleated.
The pig did TikTok.

Haiku #69596, by I swear it's true!
January 13, 2021 7:28 am ET

What is wrong with you?
How can you post such vile filth?
What made you this way?

Haiku #69595, by Detailer of notices. of Decease and decyst.
January 13, 2021 6:01 am ET

I don't hate women,
but I sneak in their restrooms
and pee on the seats.

Haiku #69594, by Revenge against angry mother. of Starbucks Coffee, of course.
January 13, 2021 3:58 am ET

Infuse HIV
into the covid membrane.
Hey, it's worth a shot.

Haiku #69593, by Pesky humans. of Viruses Helping Viruses
January 13, 2021 3:55 am ET

How have I performed?
Please rate me at Yelp dot com.
I will send you nudes.

Haiku #69592, by Whore of Downtown
January 13, 2021 3:53 am ET

Do cows enjoy drugs?
We need to experiment
then survey the cows.

Haiku #69591, by GoFundMe/Donate/HappyCows of One dose for you, one for me... one for you... 10 for me.
January 13, 2021 3:49 am ET

At the capital
dose all the Proud Boy rebels.
It would have been fun.

Haiku #69590, by LSD will set you free.
January 13, 2021 3:33 am ET

Cars powered by farts
Breakdown on Methane Highway
They ran out of gas

Haiku #69589, by Siphoning Sucks of Ass
January 13, 2021 2:04 am ET

I'm not a robot
Ever heard of a robot
with a ten pound dink?

Haiku #69588, by Heavy Metal Headbangers and Balls of Preparing for shipment
January 13, 2021 1:16 am ET

best drugstore highlighter http://pharmacy-onlineasxs.com/ canada rx pharmacy

Haiku #69587, by Nllpsoony of Yako
January 12, 2021 11:23 pm ET

Not asking for much
Just to blend in with your soul
If you still have one

Haiku #69586, by Soul of Whizzing around
January 12, 2021 11:23 pm ET

In these troubled times
Mandatory pot smoking
Everybody puff

Haiku #69585, by Spot the Dragon of under Herman Munster's stairs
January 12, 2021 11:18 pm ET

He left the seat up
She stabbed him fifty six times
Don't leave the seat up

Haiku #69584, by Men are gross of Pissed Off
January 12, 2021 11:12 pm ET

I would be wary
of the large cassowary.
And too expensive!

Haiku #69583, by No one questions you about chickens. of Not sure how cassowary tastes though. Maybe really good.
January 12, 2021 11:03 pm ET

That bird is a bitch
Everybody's talking 'bout
the Cassowary Bird

Haiku #69582, by Everybody of Everywhere
January 12, 2021 10:34 pm ET

Let's talk pet monkeys
They need lots of attention
They'll fling shit at you

Haiku #69581, by I. Wantone of Now
January 12, 2021 10:31 pm ET

Why haven't you tried
Car Wash fellatio ride
Afraid to get wet?

Haiku #69580, by No Attendant of On Duty
January 12, 2021 10:26 pm ET

Chicken!

Haiku #69579, by Anonymous Poet
January 12, 2021 10:21 pm ET

I ate someone good.
So my haiku are glowing.
Or my face is glazed.

Haiku #69578, by Fine dining w/o the cheese.
January 12, 2021 10:20 pm ET

Name an animal
that you fuck before eating
tick tock tick tock tick

Haiku #69577, by Phil Everyhole of Wild New Game Show premiering Hump Night
January 12, 2021 10:17 pm ET

Darth, this batch of Haikus is gold

You must have eaten something good or got laid

Haiku #69576, by Gatita
January 12, 2021 10:13 pm ET

Fartologist, I.
My autobiography.
Catchy title, no?

Haiku #69575, by Disenjambment Society. of Would you like some Lord of the Flies with that Shakespear?
January 12, 2021 9:23 pm ET

Fartologist, I.
My autobiography
title. Catchy, no?

Haiku #69574, by Darth Whorendous, ancient Sith Lord of the Gas Planets. Things are getting heavy.
January 12, 2021 9:16 pm ET

Methane emissions
of dairy bovine pollute
the earth's atmosphere.

Almost as bad as
cars' fossil fuel combustion.
We need cow gas traps.

Put that waste to use.
Like for cooking hamburgers!
Where will it all end?!

Haiku #69573, by We need an asteroid. of A really, really BIG one. Like the "dinks" you enjoy.
January 12, 2021 9:14 pm ET

Roger Water's song
called "Our Song" with Ron Geeson.
There are no Pan flutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRGe8iK0jvE

Haiku #69572, by Music from The Body of By the way, which one's Pink?
January 12, 2021 9:02 pm ET

If you eat horse dinks,
do you chop them while erect?
Juicier that way?

Haiku #69571, by I've got to give that a try! of Maybe carabao dink substitute.
January 12, 2021 8:37 pm ET

Nothing plugs me up.
Regular as a pigeon.
Just like Old Faithful.

High-powered weapon.
Even butt-plugs won't plug me.
Three, two, one - KA-BOOM!

Sorry 'bout the mess.
But only just a little.
New spackled ceilings.

Haiku #69570, by So, have you had covid yet? of If so, how did you enjoy it? -- Your's Truly, China
January 12, 2021 8:33 pm ET

I think you like cheese
because it plugs you up
That's my butt feeling

Haiku #69569, by Fart Scientist of Laboratory (pronounced lavatory)
January 12, 2021 8:01 pm ET

Expensive cheese
you'd prostitute yourself for
I know you well, Darth

Haiku #69568, by Noticer of Details of Under old willow
January 12, 2021 7:58 pm ET

Diarrhea jig
Wearing a brown tartan kilt
made from last night's stew

Haiku #69567, by Fartin' Tartan of 2 -ply, Scotland
January 12, 2021 7:52 pm ET

Fart syncopation
accompanied by pan flute
K-Tel Order Now

Haiku #69566, by Flootie Patootie of Ghost pepper shootout
January 12, 2021 7:45 pm ET

Leave us pigs alone
Let us roll in mud and shit
Go eat somewhere else

Haiku #69565, by Disgruntled Pig of Rolling in mud and shit
January 12, 2021 7:39 pm ET

You are very wise
Reading that made me crave pork
and also fear pork

Haiku #69564, by Gravy of Totally Toxic
January 12, 2021 7:33 pm ET

Where are you horse dinks?
How 'bout a shout-out for me?
John Boy Walton's mole

Haiku #69563, by John Boy Walton's Mole of Cheek
January 12, 2021 7:29 pm ET

Oh, I will eat pork.
Especially if free bacon.
Jewish tradition.

I love a ham sub.
Lots of veggies and dijon.
On toasted wheat bread.

But roast pork is gross.
The flavor can't be erased.
It tastes so... toxic.

Haiku #69562, by Loaded with pesticides growth hormone. Seriously, get a pig raised on good food, it tastes pretty good. Philippinos have a way of fucking up food beyond comprehension. Should have moved to Thailand. Live & learn... Live at any rate.
January 12, 2021 7:28 pm ET

Since Darth gave up pork
He's forgotten how it tastes
He's got hamnesia

Haiku #69561, by Meathead of Memory Lane
January 12, 2021 11:15 am ET

If you masturbate
to pictures of Donald Trump,
then you're a Proud Boy.

Haiku #69560, by And vice versa.
January 12, 2021 7:39 am ET

those things don't matter
when you don't quite remember
whatever it was

Haiku #69559, by ash
January 12, 2021 7:13 am ET

Hot Delivery
The pizza was delicious
He gave ME a tip!

Haiku #69558, by Satisfied Customer of Down on the floor
January 12, 2021 3:49 am ET

Order a pizza
Answer the door in the nude
Money in ass crack

Haiku #69557, by Ben Dover of Free Pizza. Works like a charm.
January 12, 2021 3:39 am ET

Break it up, poets
Don't make me come over there
and fart in your face

Haiku #69556, by Methane Mediator of Methane Mediation Services (smells like dead meat)
January 12, 2021 3:33 am ET

my collected work ?
22 years of haiku
mostly without trump

Haiku #69555, by ash
January 12, 2021 12:36 am ET

Hey Ash, without Trump
You'd have no inspiration.
I think he's your muse.

Haiku #69554, by Orange Cheeto Muse and Love of Ash's Life
January 11, 2021 9:24 pm ET

he's made history
a legend in his own mind
roll the discredits

Haiku #69553, by ash
January 11, 2021 6:55 pm ET

North Pole hooker farts.
Frosty toots of prostitutes.
Keeps Santa Claus warm.

Haiku #69552, by Have you been a naughty girl this year?
January 11, 2021 6:55 pm ET

Let's discuss my balls.
They would look good in your mouth.
At your funeral.

I'd get lots of pics.
My asshole stuck in your nose.
I might even poop.

You'd get lots of hits.
It would make a cool TikTok.
You'll be popular!

Haiku #69551, by Dying for Fame? of Yep, whores do that.
January 11, 2021 6:31 pm ET

Bad Haiku Real News. The Best News.

House adds on the charge
ugliest toupee ever.
Seeks death penalty.

I mean, Jesus Christ!
Toupee looks like piss mop at
Cheetos festival.

Haiku #69550, by To pee or not to pee. of Urination in yer nation.
January 11, 2021 4:46 pm ET

Almost Bad Almost Haiku Old News:

And for Rudy Giuliani,
Excitement of Inn Erection.
Borat, but no "splat".

Haiku #69549, by DW of They should have at least given him a moment to whip it out.
January 11, 2021 2:39 pm ET

Bad Haiku News

House introduces
impeachment resolution
against Donald Trump

Haiku #69548, by 'Incitement of Insurrection' of Washington D.C.
January 11, 2021 11:43 am ET