Bad Haiku

Name an animal
that you fuck before eating
tick tock tick tock tick

Haiku #69577, by Phil Everyhole of Wild New Game Show premiering Hump Night
January 12, 2021 10:17 pm ET

Darth, this batch of Haikus is gold

You must have eaten something good or got laid

Haiku #69576, by Gatita
January 12, 2021 10:13 pm ET

Fartologist, I.
My autobiography.
Catchy title, no?

Haiku #69575, by Disenjambment Society. of Would you like some Lord of the Flies with that Shakespear?
January 12, 2021 9:23 pm ET

Fartologist, I.
My autobiography
title. Catchy, no?

Haiku #69574, by Darth Whorendous, ancient Sith Lord of the Gas Planets. Things are getting heavy.
January 12, 2021 9:16 pm ET

Methane emissions
of dairy bovine pollute
the earth's atmosphere.

Almost as bad as
cars' fossil fuel combustion.
We need cow gas traps.

Put that waste to use.
Like for cooking hamburgers!
Where will it all end?!

Haiku #69573, by We need an asteroid. of A really, really BIG one. Like the "dinks" you enjoy.
January 12, 2021 9:14 pm ET

Roger Water's song
called "Our Song" with Ron Geeson.
There are no Pan flutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRGe8iK0jvE

Haiku #69572, by Music from The Body of By the way, which one's Pink?
January 12, 2021 9:02 pm ET

If you eat horse dinks,
do you chop them while erect?
Juicier that way?

Haiku #69571, by I've got to give that a try! of Maybe carabao dink substitute.
January 12, 2021 8:37 pm ET

Nothing plugs me up.
Regular as a pigeon.
Just like Old Faithful.

High-powered weapon.
Even butt-plugs won't plug me.
Three, two, one - KA-BOOM!

Sorry 'bout the mess.
But only just a little.
New spackled ceilings.

Haiku #69570, by So, have you had covid yet? of If so, how did you enjoy it? -- Your's Truly, China
January 12, 2021 8:33 pm ET

I think you like cheese
because it plugs you up
That's my butt feeling

Haiku #69569, by Fart Scientist of Laboratory (pronounced lavatory)
January 12, 2021 8:01 pm ET

Expensive cheese
you'd prostitute yourself for
I know you well, Darth

Haiku #69568, by Noticer of Details of Under old willow
January 12, 2021 7:58 pm ET

Diarrhea jig
Wearing a brown tartan kilt
made from last night's stew

Haiku #69567, by Fartin' Tartan of 2 -ply, Scotland
January 12, 2021 7:52 pm ET

Fart syncopation
accompanied by pan flute
K-Tel Order Now

Haiku #69566, by Flootie Patootie of Ghost pepper shootout
January 12, 2021 7:45 pm ET

Leave us pigs alone
Let us roll in mud and shit
Go eat somewhere else

Haiku #69565, by Disgruntled Pig of Rolling in mud and shit
January 12, 2021 7:39 pm ET

You are very wise
Reading that made me crave pork
and also fear pork

Haiku #69564, by Gravy of Totally Toxic
January 12, 2021 7:33 pm ET

Where are you horse dinks?
How 'bout a shout-out for me?
John Boy Walton's mole

Haiku #69563, by John Boy Walton's Mole of Cheek
January 12, 2021 7:29 pm ET

Oh, I will eat pork.
Especially if free bacon.
Jewish tradition.

I love a ham sub.
Lots of veggies and dijon.
On toasted wheat bread.

But roast pork is gross.
The flavor can't be erased.
It tastes so... toxic.

Haiku #69562, by Loaded with pesticides growth hormone. Seriously, get a pig raised on good food, it tastes pretty good. Philippinos have a way of fucking up food beyond comprehension. Should have moved to Thailand. Live & learn... Live at any rate.
January 12, 2021 7:28 pm ET

Since Darth gave up pork
He's forgotten how it tastes
He's got hamnesia

Haiku #69561, by Meathead of Memory Lane
January 12, 2021 11:15 am ET

If you masturbate
to pictures of Donald Trump,
then you're a Proud Boy.

Haiku #69560, by And vice versa.
January 12, 2021 7:39 am ET

those things don't matter
when you don't quite remember
whatever it was

Haiku #69559, by ash
January 12, 2021 7:13 am ET

Hot Delivery
The pizza was delicious
He gave ME a tip!

Haiku #69558, by Satisfied Customer of Down on the floor
January 12, 2021 3:49 am ET

Order a pizza
Answer the door in the nude
Money in ass crack

Haiku #69557, by Ben Dover of Free Pizza. Works like a charm.
January 12, 2021 3:39 am ET

Break it up, poets
Don't make me come over there
and fart in your face

Haiku #69556, by Methane Mediator of Methane Mediation Services (smells like dead meat)
January 12, 2021 3:33 am ET

my collected work ?
22 years of haiku
mostly without trump

Haiku #69555, by ash
January 12, 2021 12:36 am ET

Hey Ash, without Trump
You'd have no inspiration.
I think he's your muse.

Haiku #69554, by Orange Cheeto Muse and Love of Ash's Life
January 11, 2021 9:24 pm ET

he's made history
a legend in his own mind
roll the discredits

Haiku #69553, by ash
January 11, 2021 6:55 pm ET

North Pole hooker farts.
Frosty toots of prostitutes.
Keeps Santa Claus warm.

Haiku #69552, by Have you been a naughty girl this year?
January 11, 2021 6:55 pm ET

Let's discuss my balls.
They would look good in your mouth.
At your funeral.

I'd get lots of pics.
My asshole stuck in your nose.
I might even poop.

You'd get lots of hits.
It would make a cool TikTok.
You'll be popular!

Haiku #69551, by Dying for Fame? of Yep, whores do that.
January 11, 2021 6:31 pm ET

Bad Haiku Real News. The Best News.

House adds on the charge
ugliest toupee ever.
Seeks death penalty.

I mean, Jesus Christ!
Toupee looks like piss mop at
Cheetos festival.

Haiku #69550, by To pee or not to pee. of Urination in yer nation.
January 11, 2021 4:46 pm ET

Almost Bad Almost Haiku Old News:

And for Rudy Giuliani,
Excitement of Inn Erection.
Borat, but no "splat".

Haiku #69549, by DW of They should have at least given him a moment to whip it out.
January 11, 2021 2:39 pm ET

Bad Haiku News

House introduces
impeachment resolution
against Donald Trump

Haiku #69548, by 'Incitement of Insurrection' of Washington D.C.
January 11, 2021 11:43 am ET

Trump deserves to die.
Only because of his hair.
No other reason.

Haiku #69547, by Tell me about it, girl friend! of Dreadful, just dreadful!
January 11, 2021 10:12 am ET

www.loser.com

Haiku #69546, by Anonymous Poet
January 11, 2021 7:25 am ET

https://doctorat.site/

Haiku #69545, by doctorat of california
January 11, 2021 7:12 am ET

Whores get cheap tattoos.
They think it makes them special.
Infinitely fake.

Haiku #69544, by The complete lack of love. of It is far more evil than hate.
January 11, 2021 6:23 am ET

Drunk on tequila,
slurping down cubes of pork fat,
great for the fetus.

Haiku #69543, by Almost like it's on purpose. of I noticed.
January 11, 2021 6:17 am ET

Your cakes look stupid.
Cut out sugar lard icing.
What the fuck is that?!

Haiku #69542, by Fake like everything else about you.
January 11, 2021 6:12 am ET

Let's have some ice cream.
Peppermint or bubble gum.
Egg nog is tasty.

Haiku #69541, by I noticed your giant triangular ass wobbles around too much.
January 11, 2021 6:10 am ET

Yo, that cop farted!
And right in a brother's face!
Burn down all the stores!

Haiku #69540, by Erkle of course You don't mind if I help myself to this big-screen TV, do you?
January 11, 2021 2:58 am ET

There's so much schizm.
It makes me want to jizm.
New feudalism.

Haiku #69539, by AmeriKKKa, the beautiful. of Ghandalf the Grand Wizard. Poof, you're a frog.
January 11, 2021 12:41 am ET

What is the problem??
I just want to own some slaves.
Darker is better.

Haiku #69538, by Darth Donald J. Trump, your new Emperor. of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
January 10, 2021 10:16 pm ET

What's that commotion?
Uh oh, the chickens got out.
Talking poly-ticks.

Haiku #69537, by Chickens like ticks. More is better. of Keep f***in' that chicken -- Ernie Anastos
January 10, 2021 10:13 pm ET

I'm craving pie now.
Rather than topped with whip cream,
use president fat.

Haiku #69536, by Hannibal Lector of Collaborating w/ Gordon Ramsay
January 10, 2021 5:37 pm ET

i'm impeachy keen
your flaccid insurrection
will have its climax

Haiku #69535, by ash
January 10, 2021 4:43 pm ET

If you drown someone
in a vat of peach filling,
is that impeachment?

Haiku #69534, by Darth Donald J. Trump of White House lawn, looking up to the skies for aliens.
January 10, 2021 4:36 pm ET

Mister Poet Ash,
I will take YOUR medicine.
Then I'll take your wife.

Haiku #69533, by Darth Donald J. Trump of Grab her by the pussy. She was married.
January 10, 2021 4:34 pm ET

qanon shaman
time to take your medicine
and have a lie down

Haiku #69532, by ash
January 10, 2021 6:37 am ET

twice the impeachments
ex-resident president
sets a precedent

Haiku #69531, by ash
January 10, 2021 6:29 am ET

Ivanka says hi.
She's an awesome trophy wife.
The best trophy wife.

Haiku #69530, by Darth Donald J. Trump of Emperor's Palace.
January 10, 2021 3:34 am ET

Of course I mean that
the pyramids, not the slaves,
will be colored orange.

The slaves will be black.
Just like in the good old days
grandpa told me of.

Haiku #69529, by Darth Donald J. Trump of Bow down and tremble, peasants.
January 10, 2021 2:18 am ET

With a horde of slaves
I can build new pyramids.
They'll be orange this time.

Haiku #69528, by DDJT of Once POTUS, now Emperor of NWO
January 10, 2021 2:11 am ET