email me darthfigpucker2@gmail.com

Throughout this horrible ordeal,
I must say that it's not as bad as
poison ivy on the genitals.
The blistering ooze that
sticks to your undies and
you have to soak it in water
just to get it to let go....
It's like an octopus monster
in Japanese animation.
Swollen face continuous
itching. Imagine Jack the
Pumpkin King from Nightmare
Before Christmas masturbating
for 5 days straight b/c his
dick itches, but it feels like
Edward Scissorhands giving
you a happy ending with
steroidal anti-inflamatory
cream.

The question remains
Just who is Darth Figpucker?
And what is that bulge?

Sweet! I'll be right over.
Ummm, what's your address?
Might have to wait until quarantine is done. :-(

Hey Darth Figpucker
An engraved invitation
Party in my pants

So last week I moved out
of the shithole of the universe.
Transfered to the taint.
Still smells like shit.
But closer to what I need.
And there are some pizza
places close by.
Praise be to Jesus!

So how is quarantine in the US?
Jesus... Here is like you can only go out if
21 or older, but no one obeys that.
Can't travel from one town to the next w/o
government approval and medical certificate.
Just to go shopping you have to hang
a laminated pass around your neck.
It's such a fucking scam of shit here.
The rich get richer, the poor fucking starve.

You mean you don't want to hook up?
All this remote control penis control is soooo 1990s.
Do it manually, like a stick shift.
Keep the transmission lubricated.
And never buy a Ford Fiesta.
Nor marry a Filippina whore.
Gold-digging, cheating, back-stabbing,
baby-killing sluts.
We should have let Japan have it.

After all these years
Feels like I hardly know ya
Let's keep it like that

When your only friend
Is the poop stain in your pants
You're shit out of luck

Just trust my witchcraft
That pimple on your scrotum
Is yesterday's news

My Magickal Herbs
Will heal your tender vittles
But it will cost you

My witch disclaimer
I now control your penis
'Til further notice

No! Nobody asked!
Stop, or I'll go on about.....
Rectal hernias

.

Is it wrong to eat dog?
If so, please don't tell me about it.
It just tastes so damn gooood!
In a spicy stew or roasted.
Maybe I'll try deep fried next.

The Mackerel of the Cornflake.
It sounds like a good read.
Lots pictures of naked tarts.

Melted cow poop on
whole wheat toast,
with mushroom/onion
scrambled eggs. My
nut zit is shrinking,
praise be to Jesus.
I can't take much more
of it singing The Ode
to Joy at 3 am.

Terrance and Phillip
or the lovely Queef Sisters;
which one is your fave?

When you milked the cows
The buckets filled with ice cream
They shit butter sticks

The best part of it
When you took me doggie style
Out in the driveway

Paintball! It's paintball.
Evil fascists use paintball.
Blame Trump for paintball.

My pussy tastes sweet
Wilfred Brimley ate me out
Got diabetes

Synesthesia
Ordering long handled spoons
Taste buds in my arse

Regularity
Cereal can help with that
Tear you a new one

You ever wonder if Tony
The Tiger is one of those
man-eaters?
Cat's are not suppoed
to be able to taste "sweet",
So what's up with that?!

Huffing Glade air freshener,
the emergency room staff
complimented me on how
good I smell. And then my
nut zit exploded again.

Go shunt a stunt truck
De-funk the cunting runts NOW!
Your stank asses stunk.

infected ingrown hair.
just don't ask where.
pus flew through the air.
now it itches.

I visited queef.com.
Strangely satisfying to the ear drums.
Next time I will download to play at work.

That female train Rebecca in Thomas the Train is fucking sexy.
I'd pull a train on her.

Those are my footsteps
Actually those are bootprints
I walked on your face

Dear God, get me through this shitty day, and if not, then thanks for nothing (as I expect b/c that's usually the way it is).

Alliteration
Almost like cunnilingus
without the fish taste

Biological barricades bounce beautifully but bats bore bumble bees.

French fries booger.
You might think that's an attempt at humor, but such a profound statement has never been made.
Garbage truck backhoe school bus.

Bigfoot, we need you
Bring sense to these troubled time's
Give us beef jerky

That's when you jumped out
The second story window
Or did I push you?

I'm not a robot
But my penis is moving
Like a jackhammer

Velour penis sheath
Relax and put your feet up
Enjoy the high life

Experience this:
Life reduced to syllables.
True distillation.

You wasted your wish
And it's too late to change it
You wasted your wish

Received transmission
Standing by the dishwasher
I got the signal

Makes a good doorstop
Neck cradling travel pillow
Pretend pet serpent

I miss cuntfart.
Let's all send him a psychic message.
Maybe he'll get back on.
Maybe he has tinfoil around his head.
You know, to block us out because he wants some peace and quiet.
We'll have to concentrate really really hard to break through.
Coordinate at 7:42 am EST, Thursday morning.
Send him this message:
Cuntfart cuntfart cunt.
Cuntfart cuntfart cuntfart cunt.
Cuntfart cuntfart cunt.

My enormous penis
does not know how to count syllables.
What a dick!

We offer flat rate
We use anal weed whacker
For bush like you got

A good specialty !
How much for a b-hole trim?
Hate dingleberries

Now specializing
In the trimming/removal
Of your pubic hair

Down in the bunker
I thought it looked pretty good
This toothbrush moustache

social distancing ?
then get the fuck outta here
i'll catch you later

mostly there's haiku
but far too often there's not
and it's bad, haiku

You're a parasite.
You will die by your own hate.
Sucking rancid blood.