Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 248 Days and 77180 Haiku later...

Just trust my witchcraft
That pimple on your scrotum
Is yesterday's news

My Magickal Herbs
Will heal your tender vittles
But it will cost you

My witch disclaimer
I now control your penis
'Til further notice
Haiku # 67980, September 6, 2020 1:12 am ET
by Witch of Witchypoo Park
No! Nobody asked!
Stop, or I'll go on about.....
Rectal hernias
Haiku # 67979, September 6, 2020 12:44 am ET
by Dr. Phil
Haiku # 67978, September 5, 2020 7:00 pm ET
by dw of *I think I got all the pus out, thanks for asking.
Is it wrong to eat dog?
If so, please don't tell me about it.
It just tastes so damn gooood!
In a spicy stew or roasted.
Maybe I'll try deep fried next.
Haiku # 67977, September 5, 2020 6:59 pm ET
by Darth Whorendous of Going out whoring again as soon as my ingrown hair nut zit shrinks down all the way. I'll keep you posted. I think I got all t
The Mackerel of the Cornflake.
It sounds like a good read.
Lots pictures of naked tarts.
Haiku # 67976, September 5, 2020 6:06 pm ET
by of
Melted cow poop on
whole wheat toast,
with mushroom/onion
scrambled eggs. My
nut zit is shrinking,
praise be to Jesus.
I can't take much more
of it singing The Ode
to Joy at 3 am.
Haiku # 67975, September 5, 2020 2:00 pm ET
by I mean, I like Beethoven, but enough is enough. of Real butter for a real breakfast.
Terrance and Phillip
or the lovely Queef Sisters;
which one is your fave?
Haiku # 67974, September 5, 2020 1:54 pm ET
by Those silly Canadians of With their beady eyes and flappy heads.
When you milked the cows
The buckets filled with ice cream
They shit butter sticks
Haiku # 67973, September 5, 2020 1:29 pm ET
by Louis Pasteurized of Just up to my chin
The best part of it
When you took me doggie style
Out in the driveway
Haiku # 67972, September 5, 2020 1:21 pm ET
by Confessions of of a satisfied Postal customer
Paintball! It's paintball.
Evil fascists use paintball.
Blame Trump for paintball.
Haiku # 67971, September 5, 2020 9:00 am ET
by Passive-aggressive Soyboy of AK 47
My pussy tastes sweet
Wilfred Brimley ate me out
Got diabetes
Haiku # 67970, September 5, 2020 7:30 am ET
by Sugar Pie Honeycunt of Undisclosed
Ordering long handled spoons
Taste buds in my arse
Haiku # 67969, September 5, 2020 7:27 am ET
by Headstander of Empty restaurant (more poutine for me)
Cereal can help with that
Tear you a new one
Haiku # 67968, September 5, 2020 7:21 am ET
by Ass Tiger of Canada
You ever wonder if Tony
The Tiger is one of those
Cat's are not suppoed
to be able to taste "sweet",
So what's up with that?!
Haiku # 67967, September 5, 2020 6:18 am ET
by A non-e-mouse poet
Huffing Glade air freshener,
the emergency room staff
complimented me on how
good I smell. And then my
nut zit exploded again.
Haiku # 67966, September 5, 2020 6:14 am ET
by Don't you hate that.
Go shunt a stunt truck
De-funk the cunting runts NOW!
Your stank asses stunk.
Haiku # 67965, September 4, 2020 8:54 pm ET
by Factory of Olfactory Factors
infected ingrown hair.
just don't ask where.
pus flew through the air.
now it itches.
Haiku # 67964, September 4, 2020 8:24 pm ET
by Jack Karowacky
I visited
Strangely satisfying to the ear drums.
Next time I will download to play at work.
Haiku # 67963, September 3, 2020 7:34 pm ET
by Thomas shunts trucks. of That almost sounds nasty.
That female train Rebecca in Thomas the Train is fucking sexy.
I'd pull a train on her.
Haiku # 67962, September 3, 2020 7:28 pm ET
by Know what I mean?
Those are my footsteps
Actually those are bootprints
I walked on your face
Haiku # 67961, September 3, 2020 7:19 pm ET
Dear God, get me through this shitty day, and if not, then thanks for nothing (as I expect b/c that's usually the way it is).
Haiku # 67960, September 3, 2020 6:23 pm ET
by What a half-assed prayer is that? of Ha ha ha.
Almost like cunnilingus
without the fish taste
Haiku # 67959, September 3, 2020 7:17 am ET
by James Caan of Under old willow
Biological barricades bounce beautifully but bats bore bumble bees.
Haiku # 67958, September 3, 2020 5:24 am ET
French fries booger.
You might think that's an attempt at humor, but such a profound statement has never been made.
Garbage truck backhoe school bus.
Haiku # 67957, September 3, 2020 4:20 am ET
Bigfoot, we need you
Bring sense to these troubled time's
Give us beef jerky
Haiku # 67956, September 3, 2020 12:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
That's when you jumped out
The second story window
Or did I push you?
Haiku # 67955, September 2, 2020 11:31 pm ET
by Forgetful of Lawn
I'm not a robot
But my penis is moving
Like a jackhammer
Haiku # 67954, September 2, 2020 12:08 pm ET
by The Unexplained of Hard to say where
Velour penis sheath
Relax and put your feet up
Enjoy the high life
Haiku # 67953, September 2, 2020 12:04 pm ET
by Dee Luxx of Haiku Central
Experience this:
Life reduced to syllables.
True distillation.
Haiku # 67952, September 2, 2020 9:39 am ET
by Distillation of Desolation
You wasted your wish
And it's too late to change it
You wasted your wish
Haiku # 67951, September 2, 2020 9:25 am ET
by Grimace of Undisclosed
Received transmission
Standing by the dishwasher
I got the signal
Haiku # 67950, September 2, 2020 6:03 am ET
by Starkitten of Law offices of Cuntfart Cuntfart and Cunt
Makes a good doorstop
Neck cradling travel pillow
Pretend pet serpent
Haiku # 67949, September 2, 2020 5:59 am ET
by Peniszon Prime of Warehouse
I miss cuntfart.
Let's all send him a psychic message.
Maybe he'll get back on.
Maybe he has tinfoil around his head.
You know, to block us out because he wants some peace and quiet.
We'll have to concentrate really really hard to break through.
Coordinate at 7:42 am EST, Thursday morning.
Send him this message:
Cuntfart cuntfart cunt.
Cuntfart cuntfart cuntfart cunt.
Cuntfart cuntfart cunt.
Haiku # 67948, September 2, 2020 5:55 am ET
by The weavil in vhs' breakfast cereal
My enormous penis
does not know how to count syllables.
What a dick!
Haiku # 67947, September 2, 2020 5:49 am ET
by But it can use an iphone of and enter things here... and there, if you know what I mean. wink wink nudge nudge
We offer flat rate
We use anal weed whacker
For bush like you got
Haiku # 67946, September 1, 2020 9:46 pm ET
by That Guy of Kiosk
A good specialty !
How much for a b-hole trim?
Hate dingleberries
Haiku # 67945, September 1, 2020 5:58 pm ET
by Spazzzzzz
Now specializing
In the trimming/removal
Of your pubic hair
Haiku # 67944, September 1, 2020 5:37 pm ET
by ch ch ch chia of Kiosk
Down in the bunker
I thought it looked pretty good
This toothbrush moustache
Haiku # 67943, September 1, 2020 5:34 pm ET
by That Guy of Bunker
social distancing ?
then get the fuck outta here
i'll catch you later
Haiku # 67942, September 1, 2020 8:56 am ET
by ash
mostly there's haiku
but far too often there's not
and it's bad, haiku
Haiku # 67941, September 1, 2020 8:49 am ET
by ash
You're a parasite.
You will die by your own hate.
Sucking rancid blood.
Haiku # 67938, August 31, 2020 9:03 pm ET
by Ticks & Leeches
Heil Shitler!
The Turd Reich rises!
(Much like a floater.)
Haiku # 67937, August 31, 2020 7:06 pm ET
That guy who shot them
(the Antifa attackers)
Is a real hero.
Haiku # 67936, August 31, 2020 3:09 pm ET
by Hate Them of Perfect Hatred
What can I say to you to brighten your dismal day?
Haiku # 67935, August 31, 2020 8:22 am ET
by A non e-mouse poet of I prefer a mouse with a usb wire.
I find your lack of haiku disturbing.
Haiku # 67934, August 31, 2020 7:07 am ET
You should watch the last season of Star Wars The Clone Wars cartoon series. Seriously.
Haiku # 67933, August 31, 2020 7:06 am ET
by Darth... something. of I forgot what I was calling myself
She told me to put mozzarella on my phone and I did, only later to find out she meant Mozilla, but her Mozilla Firefox corrected it and so now I have a phone sandwich and it seems to work better this way.
Haiku # 67932, August 31, 2020 7:04 am ET
by Irony because took too many multivitamins... too much iron. Irony. of Budda-boom budda-bing Buddha sing
So I'm starting a health food kick of nothing but McDonald burgers, fries, and shake, with the occasional soft serve ice cream and pie because I don't want to get fat. I am also going to feed one homeless child the same things that I eat every day while his friends look on in envy and might possibly kill him in his sleep on the sidewalk. Is that cruel? Should I let him starve? Oh, the humanity!
Haiku # 67931, August 31, 2020 6:58 am ET
by Happy Meals are not a mix of local meth varieties available at the police cheif's house. Political corruption erruption.
What's the purpose of "breafast"?
Why is toast, cereal, and bacon breakfasty and why are hamburgers lunchy? What are you doing here? What do you hope to fulfill?
Haiku # 67930, August 30, 2020 9:40 pm ET
by Milo powder incindiary device.
Do you think God is a single entity or are we all part of God and the Divine Brain? Do we have free will and is the matrix of probabilities of outcomes form the neural processes of the Divine Brain of God? What's happening on the opposite side of the universe? With a super telescope can you see the back of your head? Are there any animals other than humans that segregate their daily meals?
Haiku # 67929, August 30, 2020 9:37 pm ET
by don't try it
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