BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
63 Days
69622 Haikus
The ejaculate
of a thousand seahorses
May it fill your shoe
Haiku #67896, by Cock Justblow of At sea
August 24, 2020 7:59 pm ET

Before Donald Trump
I never had the nut gas...
Except that one time.

You know that business
on Cato Neimoidia,
that... that doesn't count.
Haiku #67895, by What happens on Cato Neimoidia stays on Cato Neimoidia.
August 24, 2020 1:50 pm ET

A pussy will-o,
better than pussy won't-o.
Am I right or what?
Haiku #67894, by Truth!
August 24, 2020 1:42 pm ET

I just wish someone
would call Darth to come over
and foul the waters . . .
Haiku #67893, by Limpid Pools of Orientalism
August 24, 2020 8:39 am ET

And by the way, Darth
Thanks for using the word DINK
A true gentleman
Haiku #67892, by Lady of Pussy Willow
August 24, 2020 1:28 am ET

That sunken shipwreck
I just used your bathroom, bud
Bowel Torpedo
Haiku #67891, by Gorgon Leadfoot of Nearest Exit
August 23, 2020 10:49 pm ET

The Funyun Ringtoss
I knew you were a fun guy
Dink like a toadstool
Haiku #67890, by cheech and schlong of Dink rink
August 23, 2020 9:53 pm ET

It smells like pot smoke.
My dink gets high without me.
And my stash is gone.
Haiku #67889, by I feel so rejected. of But can you blame it.
August 23, 2020 6:27 pm ET

A gassy penis.
Testicular fartitute.
You thought queefs were weird?!
Haiku #67888, by Why am I doing this? of Haiku are so stupid.
August 23, 2020 6:23 pm ET

Long shlong strong dong song.
King-kong Hong Kong wrong wrong wrong!
Bong throng thong tong GONG!
Haiku #67887, by Haiku @ The Gong Show. of Don't you hate the way the haiku sometimes run into the "name and location" field?!
August 23, 2020 6:15 pm ET

You do sudoku?
Brew true kangaroo poo stew.
Zoo hullaballoo.
Haiku #67886, by Boo-boo and Yogi Bear of Bears are not robots.
August 23, 2020 6:05 pm ET

I used Elmer's glue.
The kind that kids use at school.
'Cause it's non-toxic.
Haiku #67885, by We don't want any dead koala bears on our hands now do we. of Eucalyptus?! You can lick this!
August 23, 2020 10:13 am ET

Asking for a friend
What did you use for the glue?
You could make your own
Haiku #67884, by construction guy of hanging from helmet in comnercial
August 23, 2020 5:17 am ET

I glued on the eyes.
They fell off when I got hard.
She was not impressed.
Haiku #67883, by Darth Whorrendous and his koala bear sidekick.
August 23, 2020 2:28 am ET

Balloon animals
Wrap it in sour gummy worms
Good bang for your buck
Haiku #67882, by Exhibitionists of Dollar Store
August 22, 2020 11:42 pm ET

Looking down your pants
A little too familiar
Try these googly eyes
Haiku #67881, by Câ of Make it fun
August 22, 2020 11:39 pm ET

Can I poop on you?
I'll give you fifty dollars.
I love you so much.
Haiku #67880, by Elmo visits Grouchland
August 22, 2020 9:50 pm ET

I need a fucking drink.
That last line had six syllables.
That one had eight.
And I still need a drink.
Haiku #67879, by Maybe 2 bottle of the Tussin DM of dextromethorphan dungeon master
August 22, 2020 9:14 pm ET

I smoked peanut skins
Did nothing, gave me bad breath
Complete waste of time
Haiku #67878, by At least it wasn't penis skins
August 22, 2020 8:59 pm ET

Smoking bananas.
That's one thing I've never tried.
How about you, sir?
Haiku #67877, by Anything for a buzz.
August 22, 2020 8:47 pm ET

Snorting snail slime.
Dehydrated and powdered.
Frightening visions.
Haiku #67876, by Ready yourself to be in the same mental state of Darth Whorrendous.
August 22, 2020 4:07 pm ET

All Nude Aged Meat Fest
Wonka and Walton elders
Now that's an orgy
Haiku #67875, by Cocoon of Wrinkled Junque of They took out their dentures
August 22, 2020 3:54 am ET

You are Grinch, Grinch, GRINCH !!
Flame-ass dribblers of bad worse:
You are brat-Wurstest.
Haiku #67874, by Read the books "Damned" and "Doomed" of Chuck Palahniuk. He also wrote Fight Club
August 21, 2020 5:32 pm ET

You are cringe, cringe, CRINGE !
Lame-ass scribblers of bad verse:
you are the Greatest.
Haiku #67873, by Pathetic Poets of Doomed and Damned
August 21, 2020 5:08 pm ET

the end of times soon
because all things must finish
like this brief haiku
Haiku #67872, by ash
August 21, 2020 9:30 am ET

God hates all poets.
Their creations are nearly
as wretched as His.
Haiku #67871, by
August 21, 2020 6:33 am ET

Under disco-lights
I reassess existence:
over-rated noise.
Haiku #67870, by Jacket Lapels of of Perfect Nostalgia
August 20, 2020 9:56 pm ET

Hey, why the long face?
Flaming syllable shooters
Vomiting poems
Haiku #67869, by Drunk of Barstool
August 20, 2020 1:53 pm ET

a haiku reflects
on walking into a bar
gazing in a glass
Haiku #67868, by ash
August 20, 2020 3:20 am ET

The Husband Landfill
Salvageable parts removed
Pre-owned dildo sales
Haiku #67867, by Unnoticed Poet of Undisclosed
August 19, 2020 7:29 pm ET

I want some breakfast.
Twat waffles and cunt biscuits.
A pot of coffee.
Haiku #67866, by What does Pink Floyd know anyway?! of Fuck marmalade!
August 19, 2020 4:53 pm ET

Light the hibachi
Soon as I gut this possum
We'll have cheeseboigers
Haiku #67865, by Paste Eater of State Park
August 19, 2020 4:25 pm ET

Clear the area.
This haiku zone is declared
Prohibited verse.
Haiku #67864, by Robo-cop of National Guard of Poetry
August 19, 2020 10:54 am ET

Pussy-ass bitches!
Come get some of this you pigs.
Phuq da POlice, y'all
Haiku #67863, by The Dastardly Villain of Portland, Oregoing Going Gone
August 19, 2020 10:50 am ET

Now stand back, you cad.
You've made this young lady cry.
I shall deal with you.
Haiku #67862, by The Hero of Royal Canadian Mounties
August 19, 2020 10:46 am ET

Oh you are so VILE.
Oh you horrible man, you.
Why, oh WHY must you?
Haiku #67861, by Virgin Milkmaid of Sobbing in her Petticoats
August 19, 2020 10:43 am ET

here's to you missus
robinson, heaven holds a
place for those who spray
Haiku #67860, by benjamin's boner
August 19, 2020 9:46 am ET

Mrs. Livingston
Courtship of Eddie's Father
Your penis Is green!
Haiku #67859, by Jumper of Golden Gate Bridge
August 19, 2020 8:39 am ET
Haiku #67858, by Williamtar of Cuba
August 19, 2020 7:48 am ET

Vaseline in bulk
Now see what you made me do
Bend over, poets
Haiku #67857, by Quivering Asshole of Back door
August 19, 2020 5:53 am ET

Nasal Relations
Deviated septum jizz
Go ahead and blow
Haiku #67856, by Posh Puff of Behind binoculars (nosy)
August 19, 2020 3:31 am ET

I'll spank your monkey.
And you can choke my chicken.
Just like Darth Vader.

You have to wonder if Darth Vader ever force choked himself while masturbating. You know you'd do it too if you could use The Force.

Time for a massage.
Of course with all the extras.
I hope that she's tight.

I might bang her nose.
It's possible over here.
Covid lubricant.
Haiku #67855, by dw
August 18, 2020 8:28 pm ET

Hey organ grinder
I'll show you my banana
Show me your monkey
Haiku #67854, by Jizzumberto of Italy
August 18, 2020 1:50 pm ET

in this brave new world
narcotics are out of vogue
it hurts me to say
Haiku #67853, by ash
August 18, 2020 9:41 am ET

What did the haiku say
to the gross limerick?
Le' me rick your barrs.

Of course that last line's
said with Japanese accent
while making squint eyes.
Haiku #67852, by dw
August 18, 2020 9:34 am ET

Piss off the office.
Replace the coffee with tea.
It's way worse than pea.
Haiku #67851, by It's better to be pissed off than pissed on. Or in. of Why did the condom fly across the room? It was pissed off.
August 18, 2020 6:34 am ET

Every coffee break
I pee in the office pot
I only drink tea
Haiku #67850, by Bev Ridge of LC
August 17, 2020 10:30 pm ET

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Haiku #67849, by NatashaDum7830 of Russia
August 17, 2020 7:20 pm ET

It's now coffee time.
I'm not sure of the region.
Northern Philippines.

And got some fresh milk.
You say big fucking deal.
But you just don't know.

Back in a minute.
God, I'm such a coffee snob.
Christ that's fucking good.
Haiku #67848, by Sllurrrrppppp. Ahhhhhhhh. of Benguet coffee is amazing! But hard to find. Need to get some more of that one.
August 17, 2020 7:05 pm ET

I bought a cat toy.
It was filled with crushed catnip.
I had to smoke it.

Still recovering.
Need to order more of those.
What strain of catnip?

Or some additive?
Something in it packs a punch.
It's "Made In China".

Ancient mushroom dust?
Dried up tiger testicles?
Likely agent orange.
Haiku #67847, by Hey, times are tough right now. of Cat wasn't interested anyway.
August 17, 2020 6:45 pm ET