Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 215 Days and 77132 Haiku later...

That sunken shipwreck
I just used your bathroom, bud
Bowel Torpedo
Haiku # 67891, August 23, 2020 10:49 pm ET
by Gorgon Leadfoot of Nearest Exit
The Funyun Ringtoss
I knew you were a fun guy
Dink like a toadstool
Haiku # 67890, August 23, 2020 9:53 pm ET
by cheech and schlong of Dink rink
It smells like pot smoke.
My dink gets high without me.
And my stash is gone.
Haiku # 67889, August 23, 2020 6:27 pm ET
by I feel so rejected. of But can you blame it.
A gassy penis.
Testicular fartitute.
You thought queefs were weird?!
Haiku # 67888, August 23, 2020 6:23 pm ET
by Why am I doing this? of Haiku are so stupid.
Long shlong strong dong song.
King-kong Hong Kong wrong wrong wrong!
Bong throng thong tong GONG!
Haiku # 67887, August 23, 2020 6:15 pm ET
by Haiku @ The Gong Show. of Don't you hate the way the haiku sometimes run into the "name and location" field?!
You do sudoku?
Brew true kangaroo poo stew.
Zoo hullaballoo.
Haiku # 67886, August 23, 2020 6:05 pm ET
by Boo-boo and Yogi Bear of Bears are not robots.
I used Elmer's glue.
The kind that kids use at school.
'Cause it's non-toxic.
Haiku # 67885, August 23, 2020 10:13 am ET
by We don't want any dead koala bears on our hands now do we. of Eucalyptus?! You can lick this!
Asking for a friend
What did you use for the glue?
You could make your own
Haiku # 67884, August 23, 2020 5:17 am ET
by construction guy of hanging from helmet in comnercial
I glued on the eyes.
They fell off when I got hard.
She was not impressed.
Haiku # 67883, August 23, 2020 2:28 am ET
by Darth Whorrendous and his koala bear sidekick.
Balloon animals
Wrap it in sour gummy worms
Good bang for your buck
Haiku # 67882, August 22, 2020 11:42 pm ET
by Exhibitionists of Dollar Store
Looking down your pants
A little too familiar
Try these googly eyes
Haiku # 67881, August 22, 2020 11:39 pm ET
by of Make it fun
Can I poop on you?
I'll give you fifty dollars.
I love you so much.
Haiku # 67880, August 22, 2020 9:50 pm ET
by Elmo visits Grouchland
I need a fucking drink.
That last line had six syllables.
That one had eight.
And I still need a drink.
Haiku # 67879, August 22, 2020 9:14 pm ET
by Maybe 2 bottle of the Tussin DM of dextromethorphan dungeon master
I smoked peanut skins
Did nothing, gave me bad breath
Complete waste of time
Haiku # 67878, August 22, 2020 8:59 pm ET
by At least it wasn't penis skins
Smoking bananas.
That's one thing I've never tried.
How about you, sir?
Haiku # 67877, August 22, 2020 8:47 pm ET
by Anything for a buzz.
Snorting snail slime.
Dehydrated and powdered.
Frightening visions.
Haiku # 67876, August 22, 2020 4:07 pm ET
by Ready yourself to be in the same mental state of Darth Whorrendous.
All Nude Aged Meat Fest
Wonka and Walton elders
Now that's an orgy
Haiku # 67875, August 22, 2020 3:54 am ET
by Cocoon of Wrinkled Junque of They took out their dentures
You are Grinch, Grinch, GRINCH !!
Flame-ass dribblers of bad worse:
You are brat-Wurstest.
Haiku # 67874, August 21, 2020 5:32 pm ET
by Read the books "Damned" and "Doomed" of Chuck Palahniuk. He also wrote Fight Club
You are cringe, cringe, CRINGE !
Lame-ass scribblers of bad verse:
you are the Greatest.
Haiku # 67873, August 21, 2020 5:08 pm ET
by Pathetic Poets of Doomed and Damned
the end of times soon
because all things must finish
like this brief haiku
Haiku # 67872, August 21, 2020 9:30 am ET
by ash
God hates all poets.
Their creations are nearly
as wretched as His.
Haiku # 67871, August 21, 2020 6:33 am ET
Under disco-lights
I reassess existence:
over-rated noise.
Haiku # 67870, August 20, 2020 9:56 pm ET
by Jacket Lapels of of Perfect Nostalgia
Hey, why the long face?
Flaming syllable shooters
Vomiting poems
Haiku # 67869, August 20, 2020 1:53 pm ET
by Drunk of Barstool
a haiku reflects
on walking into a bar
gazing in a glass
Haiku # 67868, August 20, 2020 3:20 am ET
by ash
The Husband Landfill
Salvageable parts removed
Pre-owned dildo sales
Haiku # 67867, August 19, 2020 7:29 pm ET
by Unnoticed Poet of Undisclosed
I want some breakfast.
Twat waffles and cunt biscuits.
A pot of coffee.
Haiku # 67866, August 19, 2020 4:53 pm ET
by What does Pink Floyd know anyway?! of Fuck marmalade!
Light the hibachi
Soon as I gut this possum
We'll have cheeseboigers
Haiku # 67865, August 19, 2020 4:25 pm ET
by Paste Eater of State Park
Clear the area.
This haiku zone is declared
Prohibited verse.
Haiku # 67864, August 19, 2020 10:54 am ET
by Robo-cop of National Guard of Poetry
Pussy-ass bitches!
Come get some of this you pigs.
Phuq da POlice, y'all
Haiku # 67863, August 19, 2020 10:50 am ET
by The Dastardly Villain of Portland, Oregoing Going Gone
Now stand back, you cad.
You've made this young lady cry.
I shall deal with you.
Haiku # 67862, August 19, 2020 10:46 am ET
by The Hero of Royal Canadian Mounties
Oh you are so VILE.
Oh you horrible man, you.
Why, oh WHY must you?
Haiku # 67861, August 19, 2020 10:43 am ET
by Virgin Milkmaid of Sobbing in her Petticoats
here's to you missus
robinson, heaven holds a
place for those who spray
Haiku # 67860, August 19, 2020 9:46 am ET
by benjamin's boner
Mrs. Livingston
Courtship of Eddie's Father
Your penis Is green!
Haiku # 67859, August 19, 2020 8:39 am ET
by Jumper of Golden Gate Bridge
Vaseline in bulk
Now see what you made me do
Bend over, poets
Haiku # 67857, August 19, 2020 5:53 am ET
by Quivering Asshole of Back door
Nasal Relations
Deviated septum jizz
Go ahead and blow
Haiku # 67856, August 19, 2020 3:31 am ET
by Posh Puff of Behind binoculars (nosy)
I'll spank your monkey.
And you can choke my chicken.
Just like Darth Vader.

You have to wonder if Darth Vader ever force choked himself while masturbating. You know you'd do it too if you could use The Force.

Time for a massage.
Of course with all the extras.
I hope that she's tight.

I might bang her nose.
It's possible over here.
Covid lubricant.
Haiku # 67855, August 18, 2020 8:28 pm ET
by dw
Hey organ grinder
I'll show you my banana
Show me your monkey
Haiku # 67854, August 18, 2020 1:50 pm ET
by Jizzumberto of Italy
in this brave new world
narcotics are out of vogue
it hurts me to say
Haiku # 67853, August 18, 2020 9:41 am ET
by ash
What did the haiku say
to the gross limerick?
Le' me rick your barrs.

Of course that last line's
said with Japanese accent
while making squint eyes.
Haiku # 67852, August 18, 2020 9:34 am ET
by dw
Piss off the office.
Replace the coffee with tea.
It's way worse than pea.
Haiku # 67851, August 18, 2020 6:34 am ET
by It's better to be pissed off than pissed on. Or in. of Why did the condom fly across the room? It was pissed off.
Every coffee break
I pee in the office pot
I only drink tea
Haiku # 67850, August 17, 2020 10:30 pm ET
by Bev Ridge of LC
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Haiku # 67849, August 17, 2020 7:20 pm ET
by NatashaDum7830 of Russia
It's now coffee time.
I'm not sure of the region.
Northern Philippines.

And got some fresh milk.
You say big fucking deal.
But you just don't know.

Back in a minute.
God, I'm such a coffee snob.
Christ that's fucking good.
Haiku # 67848, August 17, 2020 7:05 pm ET
by Sllurrrrppppp. Ahhhhhhhh. of Benguet coffee is amazing! But hard to find. Need to get some more of that one.
I bought a cat toy.
It was filled with crushed catnip.
I had to smoke it.

Still recovering.
Need to order more of those.
What strain of catnip?

Or some additive?
Something in it packs a punch.
It's "Made In China".

Ancient mushroom dust?
Dried up tiger testicles?
Likely agent orange.
Haiku # 67847, August 17, 2020 6:45 pm ET
by Hey, times are tough right now. of Cat wasn't interested anyway.
Sure I wanna fuck.
But certainly not with you!
Pigs are more charming.
Haiku # 67846, August 17, 2020 6:36 pm ET
by You've been turned down by Darth Whorendous of Join the Ugly Hall of Shame
Cat toy Yelp reviews
Synastry calculator
Hey, You wanna Fuck?
Haiku # 67845, August 17, 2020 6:03 pm ET
by Baked Apple (cold but theyâ of Kitchen
Old fishing village
Mount Fuji in the distance
Then your dink goes soft
Haiku # 67844, August 17, 2020 1:13 am ET
by Worm Puller of Worms 2 cents
Old fishing village;
Mount Fuji on horizon...
FREE Millie Weaver !
Haiku # 67843, August 16, 2020 7:37 pm ET
by Some Jap Poet of InfoWars
We are Flintstones kids
Ten million strong and growing
Weed in the attic
Haiku # 67842, August 16, 2020 4:29 pm ET
by Felix Toebeans of Porch glider
Just think what that's like.
You cannot reach your boner.
God can be so cruel.
Haiku # 67841, August 16, 2020 2:21 pm ET
by dw
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