a haiku reflects
on walking into a bar
gazing in a glass

The Husband Landfill
Salvageable parts removed
Pre-owned dildo sales

I want some breakfast.
Twat waffles and cunt biscuits.
A pot of coffee.

Light the hibachi
Soon as I gut this possum
We'll have cheeseboigers

Clear the area.
This haiku zone is declared
Prohibited verse.

Pussy-ass bitches!
Come get some of this you pigs.
Phuq da POlice, y'all

Now stand back, you cad.
You've made this young lady cry.
I shall deal with you.

Oh you are so VILE.
Oh you horrible man, you.
Why, oh WHY must you?

here's to you missus
robinson, heaven holds a
place for those who spray

Mrs. Livingston
Courtship of Eddie's Father
Your penis Is green!

Vaseline in bulk
Now see what you made me do
Bend over, poets

Nasal Relations
Deviated septum jizz
Go ahead and blow

I'll spank your monkey.
And you can choke my chicken.
Just like Darth Vader.

You have to wonder if Darth Vader ever force choked himself while masturbating. You know you'd do it too if you could use The Force.

Time for a massage.
Of course with all the extras.
I hope that she's tight.

I might bang her nose.
It's possible over here.
Covid lubricant.

Hey organ grinder
I'll show you my banana
Show me your monkey

in this brave new world
narcotics are out of vogue
it hurts me to say

What did the haiku say
to the gross limerick?
Le' me rick your barrs.

Of course that last line's
said with Japanese accent
while making squint eyes.

Piss off the office.
Replace the coffee with tea.
It's way worse than pea.

Every coffee break
I pee in the office pot
I only drink tea

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It's now coffee time.
I'm not sure of the region.
Northern Philippines.

And got some fresh milk.
You say big fucking deal.
But you just don't know.

Back in a minute.
God, I'm such a coffee snob.
Christ that's fucking good.

I bought a cat toy.
It was filled with crushed catnip.
I had to smoke it.

Still recovering.
Need to order more of those.
What strain of catnip?

Or some additive?
Something in it packs a punch.
It's "Made In China".

Ancient mushroom dust?
Dried up tiger testicles?
Likely agent orange.

Sure I wanna fuck.
But certainly not with you!
Pigs are more charming.

Cat toy Yelp reviews
Synastry calculator
Hey, You wanna Fuck?

Old fishing village
Mount Fuji in the distance
Then your dink goes soft

Old fishing village;
Mount Fuji on horizon...
FREE Millie Weaver !

We are Flintstones kids
Ten million strong and growing
Weed in the attic

Just think what that's like.
You cannot reach your boner.
God can be so cruel.

If I were alive
back in the dinosaur times
I'd beat off T-rex.

Pteradactyl turds.
Quite painful when they hit you.
Fred knows what I mean.

Silly Putty dink
You do this every Sunday
Funny pages gone

I am my own wife.
That needs flexibility.
Beyond Plastic Man.

Plastic man can stretch
his forskin so much that he
doesn't need condoms.

Do you think at all
About the wonderwall
Unfinished oasis haiku

Everything happens.
In a short amount of time.
It's American haiku.

I am not your wife
But last time I sucked a cock
I swallowed his soul

If you are my wife,
then show me your oral skills.
I don't mean speaking.

I'm no easy buy.
If you want me, prove your worth.
You are not worth it.

That old white magic:
That Trump Derangement Syndrome
(strange and liberal hate)

You are Darth's sad wife.
We are ALL Darth's poor, sad wife.
From now on: that's us.

Barbara Bush's sore twat
Dank thin sliced tortoise meat flaps
A man's gotta eat

Eating a tortoise
will not make you live longer.
That's unfortunate.

Eat LIKE a tortoise --
veggies, fruits, & stuff like that --
and then you just might.

But then you'll be gay.
For you to be a real man
you must eat some meat.

Hearts of enemies.
Fresh crocodile testes.
Grilled platypus brains.

Craving venison.
Or maybe some fresh bison.
Don't even cook it.

You ever wake up
and think, I'll destroy my kids'
lives today? She did.

All those that eat pork
have widened piggy noses
and smell like pigs too.

And big fat rednecks
eat mountains of beef products.
You are what you eat.

So eat some pussy
and you'll become a poet.
I'm right, Chewy Chew!

Filthy Goddamn whores.
Every Goddamn one of them.
Just like DaVinci.

Attention seekers.
"Repent TikTok-Man!" said the
Joker's Harlequin.

it isn't all bad.
there's macaroni and cheese
and...that's all i got

Loaded 22
Dildo over the barrel
You talking to me?

The other white meat
Yeah, go ask Willy Pickton
Pig complicity

The other white meat
Yeah, go ask Willy Pickton
Pig complicity

They are such fat pigs.
They don't even look human.
Overdosed on pork.

Just one more tonight:
One more prolonged death-spasm.
Terminal haiku.

Dirty fingernails
Eureka! More syllables
Rectal spelunking

Scratch where it itches.
Mine the poetic riches.
Top THIS one, bitches. . . .