BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
240 Days
67701 Haikus
Proboscis monkeys
look just like Bert and Ernie.
Am I right or what?
Haiku #66059, by Master FonkeyMister, Evil Dark Lord of the Sith of They love me, those silly monkeys.
September 25, 2019 12:24 pm ET

As a conjoined twin
I feel it is my duty
To always flush twice
Haiku #66058, by Conjoined twin of Other twin is asleep
September 25, 2019 12:09 pm ET

Not at all prepared
For the laxative effects
Of this large coffee
Haiku #66057, by Batten Downthehatches of Nowhere near a restroom
September 25, 2019 12:06 pm ET

Chia Pet owners
This is like watching paint dry
Foaming at the mouth
Haiku #66056, by Ch ch ch chia of At these fine stores
September 25, 2019 12:04 pm ET

I'm reminded of
Being buttfucked by a horse
When I try to sit
Haiku #66055, by Too beaucoup,too beaucoup
September 25, 2019 11:21 am ET

I hope she's okay!
One of the best actresses.
One night in Paris.

Fantastic movie!
It's an absolute must see.
Think I'll watch it now.
Haiku #66054, by Pres. Donald Trump
September 25, 2019 11:03 am ET

Exploding vape pipes
Paris Hilton's My Life score
Think of nothing else
Haiku #66053, by Life Coach of Life
September 25, 2019 9:31 am ET

Y'know... living in a 3rd world pig-sty where more than half the women look like pigs from eating so much goddamn greasy fatty pork... Somehow... I don't know "Figpucker" kind of loses its appeal to me. I need something equally disgusting.... what can it be?
Fickenchucker? Huzzincumper? Roatgaper? FonkeyMister.
The Dark Lord FonkeyMister. I like that one... what do you think?
Suggestions are appreciated.
Haiku #66052, by The Artist Formerly Known As Darth Figpucker
September 25, 2019 5:24 am ET

Conjoined twin poet,
do you possess one or two
sets of genitals?
Haiku #66051, by Darth Figpucker of Looking for a new fetish.
September 25, 2019 5:09 am ET

From inside his cage
The passenger pigeon learned
How to solve crosswords
Haiku #66050, by Mike Tyson of Pigeon Coop
September 25, 2019 2:03 am ET

Hi, we are conjoined twin haiku poets
So we get to use twice as many syllables as you
Don't even try to complain about this
Haiku #66049, by Conjoined twin poets of Together
September 25, 2019 12:24 am ET

Breaking Haiku News
All new haiku submissions
Will earn fifty cents
Haiku #66048, by M.T. Pockets of Haiku Central
September 24, 2019 11:21 pm ET

My good ethnic man,
your colloquial language
has me at a loss.
Haiku #66047, by Percibald Smith, Esq. III of Good Old London Town drinking tea before a bit of croquet.
September 24, 2019 8:59 pm ET

Ima tell all y'all:
it aint like that fo nuthin.
You feel me? Nuthin.
Haiku #66046, by Reginald Percy D'Aubuissant of Ebonics 101
September 24, 2019 8:38 pm ET

Is it possible you can have a conjoined twin grow out of you? I mean like a mole that turn into a cyst that starts to sprout arms and legs and a head and likes to sing old show tunes? Fucking Giligan's Island theme song for the 8th time this morning. I need to have it removed, but the doctors say that I can't legally do that because it might die and since it can sing, it must have a consciousness of some kind and therefore be considered human even though it grew out of me and wasn't really born. I need to consult the Catholic Church on this one. Is it really considered a life? Or should it be removed? Oh the horrible ethics of it all!
Haiku #66045, by Will you scratch my ass, please -- I can't reach back that far.
September 24, 2019 6:30 pm ET

Murder isn't sin.
All of God's creatures do it.
At least in some way.
Haiku #66044, by The boil on Satan's ass.
September 24, 2019 6:24 pm ET

Well consarn it Clem,
pass that moonshine over here
and let's git cloggin' !
Haiku #66043, by Old Guy on his Porch of Great Smoky Mountains
September 24, 2019 10:57 am ET

Nach der sich mit der
Das liegt an der Grenze zum
Das liegt an der
Haiku #66042, by Nach dem uppen of Undisclosed
September 24, 2019 9:00 am ET

Well that's ironic.
Therapist or the rapist.
Better watch your gap.
Haiku #66041, by The ghost of Ted Bundy's underwear collection.
September 24, 2019 8:05 am ET

I was a rapist.
Then I became a poet.
Far more invasive.

Feel my words in you.
Oh how they pound in your head.
Now get therapy.
Haiku #66040, by
September 24, 2019 6:26 am ET

The next president
Should be a severed penis
Kept in a glass jar
Haiku #66039, by C. YA of On erection day
September 24, 2019 2:45 am ET

You, sir, ARE old cheese.
Go on over to Iran.
Take your guns with you.

You'll likely succeed
and become their new ruler.
Oil billionaire.
Haiku #66038, by
September 24, 2019 12:48 am ET

Though these poems suck,
they are not "slam poetry".
That shit's hideous.
Haiku #66037, by df
September 24, 2019 12:45 am ET

I smell like old cheese
I demand war with Iran
I smell like old cheese
Haiku #66036, by John Bolton's Mustache
September 23, 2019 10:43 pm ET

He who masturbates
eighteen times every day...
Hold on, be right back.
Haiku #66035, by
September 23, 2019 7:05 pm ET

I replaced my cum
With battery acid once
And burned my wife's mouth
Haiku #66034, by Tragic sense of humour
September 23, 2019 6:27 pm ET

Autumn upon us
Fallen leaves hide soft dung
Warm coils, steam rises
Haiku #66033, by Trudging along of Undisclosed location
September 23, 2019 3:17 pm ET

I cannot decide.
What's more sexy about Trump,
his ass or his mouth.
Haiku #66032, by Deliverance Hillbilly of A good reason to vote for Trump.
September 23, 2019 3:14 pm ET

Wait, that was the speech
Now I recognize the guy
Yuge back end of Trump
Haiku #66031, by Noticer of Details of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 3:11 pm ET

An important speech
Punctuated by loud farts
Abruptly canceled
Haiku #66030, by Walkin Funny of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 1:57 pm ET

Throw away your pills
Kittens and Cats videos
Your health is restored
Haiku #66029, by Felix Toebeans of Under old willow
September 23, 2019 1:43 pm ET

White socks with flip flops
Keeping Up With The
Pacific Northwest
Haiku #66028, by Shoe Fetish of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 1:39 pm ET

The wet grass whispered
I'll ruin your shoes, you bastard
That's just what happened
Haiku #66027, by Trudging along bastard of Wet grass
September 23, 2019 1:37 pm ET

Whispered words foster
Your thoughts and desires captured
Package On the Way!
Haiku #66026, by Ledge of Kentucky
September 23, 2019 11:53 am ET

Mexican corn dogs
rained over London last night
while clowns ate sushi.
Haiku #66025, by I don't know why.
September 23, 2019 4:42 am ET

You need to get laid.
But I need to get laid too.
Let's fuck each other.
Haiku #66024, by Fag of Public park bathroom.
September 23, 2019 2:36 am ET

I am so happy.
I just killed a mosquito.
Fucking parasites!
Haiku #66023, by df
September 22, 2019 9:57 pm ET

I spilled some acid.
The grass achieved sentience.
So I imagine.

The grass spoke to me.
It said vote for Donald Trump.
Perhaps I was wrong.

But I understand.
Grass doesn't like Mexicans.
And can you blame it.
Haiku #66022, by Tripping on acid on grass at the park and that friend of yours had sexual relations with your mom when you weren't home.
September 22, 2019 9:47 pm ET

I went to the park
and smoked some grass with your friend.
We're glad you weren't there.
Haiku #66021, by I've got the munchies!
September 22, 2019 9:43 pm ET

I grassed your friend at the park.
Elmo in Grouchland.
Haiku #66020, by
September 22, 2019 7:35 pm ET

I parked on your friend
to comfort the morning grass.
Not one person cared.
Haiku #66019, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2019 7:34 pm ET

You parked in the grass
Now the windows are steamed up
Get a room next time
Haiku #66018, by Irate Homeowner of Behind binoculars
September 22, 2019 3:57 pm ET

I parked in the grass
To comfort my mourning friend
He was mad at me
Haiku #66017, by Line of lines
September 22, 2019 3:45 pm ET

Even the pussy
Of a vegetarian
Can taste quite meaty
Haiku #66016, by Cunnilingual cuisine
September 22, 2019 9:45 am ET

Or you can rob banks.
Throw spaghetti at strangers.
Torture small insects.

You don't have to wank.
Just turn off the fucking phone!
Reconnect with trees.
Haiku #66015, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2019 9:30 am ET

Worship any God
Because it doesn't matter
Pray to Hulk Hogan
Haiku #66014, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2019 9:23 am ET

When you get real sick
Does the praying make you well
Or maybe doctors?
Haiku #66013, by Jesus is lard
September 22, 2019 9:21 am ET

Jimmy junior lies
His daddy wouldn't care one bit
He lied all the time
Haiku #66012, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2019 9:19 am ET

Well, you did make sense.
except about "go outside and..."
(You great wanker you.)
Haiku #66011, by Wankel Rotary Engine of One Piston Misfiring
September 22, 2019 8:46 am ET

Which do you hate more,
poets or their poetry?
Or fifty-fifty?
Haiku #66010, by Burn all Poetry!
September 22, 2019 6:23 am ET