Ima tell all y'all:
it aint like that fo nuthin.
You feel me? Nuthin.

Is it possible you can have a conjoined twin grow out of you? I mean like a mole that turn into a cyst that starts to sprout arms and legs and a head and likes to sing old show tunes? Fucking Giligan's Island theme song for the 8th time this morning. I need to have it removed, but the doctors say that I can't legally do that because it might die and since it can sing, it must have a consciousness of some kind and therefore be considered human even though it grew out of me and wasn't really born. I need to consult the Catholic Church on this one. Is it really considered a life? Or should it be removed? Oh the horrible ethics of it all!

Murder isn't sin.
All of God's creatures do it.
At least in some way.

Well consarn it Clem,
pass that moonshine over here
and let's git cloggin' !

Nach der sich mit der
Das liegt an der Grenze zum
Das liegt an der

Well that's ironic.
Therapist or the rapist.
Better watch your gap.

I was a rapist.
Then I became a poet.
Far more invasive.

Feel my words in you.
Oh how they pound in your head.
Now get therapy.

The next president
Should be a severed penis
Kept in a glass jar

You, sir, ARE old cheese.
Go on over to Iran.
Take your guns with you.

You'll likely succeed
and become their new ruler.
Oil billionaire.

Though these poems suck,
they are not "slam poetry".
That shit's hideous.

I smell like old cheese
I demand war with Iran
I smell like old cheese

He who masturbates
eighteen times every day...
Hold on, be right back.

I replaced my cum
With battery acid once
And burned my wife's mouth

Autumn upon us
Fallen leaves hide soft dung
Warm coils, steam rises

I cannot decide.
What's more sexy about Trump,
his ass or his mouth.

Wait, that was the speech
Now I recognize the guy
Yuge back end of Trump

An important speech
Punctuated by loud farts
Abruptly canceled

Throw away your pills
Kittens and Cats videos
Your health is restored

White socks with flip flops
Keeping Up With The
Pacific Northwest

The wet grass whispered
I'll ruin your shoes, you bastard
That's just what happened

Whispered words foster
Your thoughts and desires captured
Package On the Way!

Mexican corn dogs
rained over London last night
while clowns ate sushi.

You need to get laid.
But I need to get laid too.
Let's fuck each other.

I am so happy.
I just killed a mosquito.
Fucking parasites!

I spilled some acid.
The grass achieved sentience.
So I imagine.

The grass spoke to me.
It said vote for Donald Trump.
Perhaps I was wrong.

But I understand.
Grass doesn't like Mexicans.
And can you blame it.

I went to the park
and smoked some grass with your friend.
We're glad you weren't there.

Homosexual.
I grassed your friend at the park.
Elmo in Grouchland.

I parked on your friend
to comfort the morning grass.
Not one person cared.

You parked in the grass
Now the windows are steamed up
Get a room next time

I parked in the grass
To comfort my mourning friend
He was mad at me

Even the pussy
Of a vegetarian
Can taste quite meaty

Or you can rob banks.
Throw spaghetti at strangers.
Torture small insects.

You don't have to wank.
Just turn off the fucking phone!
Reconnect with trees.

Worship any God
Because it doesn't matter
Pray to Hulk Hogan

When you get real sick
Does the praying make you well
Or maybe doctors?

Jimmy junior lies
His daddy wouldn't care one bit
He lied all the time

Well, you did make sense.
except about "go outside and..."
(You great wanker you.)

Which do you hate more,
poets or their poetry?
Or fifty-fifty?

Go ahead, pollute!
The faster the earth is gone,
we'll be in heaven.

Regardless if climate change is real or not, less pollution is a good thing. There are just too many people putting a strain on the planet for electricity, fuel, food, etc. Live simply, live clean, turn off the computer, go outside and masturbate. Do not be ashamed, start a new movement.

I could not care less
about so-called climate change.
That's YOUR religion.

I'm not interested
in your fake apocalypse.
You need to get saved.

You substituted
this silly theory of doom
for Faith and true Hope.

God the Holy Lord.
He gives you every heartbeat.
Repent and seek Him.

Piss molten lava.
Shit thermonuclear bombs.
Drink imported beer.

r'(t) = (dx/dt)i + (dy/dt)j + (dz/dt)k
Because your penis is small.
Snufflupagus.

So which one is worse,
if a person cannot read,
or can, but does not?

If you have the clap
orgasms are more intense.
Go and share the joy.

God is not happy.
He's not been since you were born.
Kill yourself today.

For a good time call...
We went to the fair, skating,
and then a concert.

Am I missing out?
I never use the restroom.
Yes, I'm full of shit.

Be a bug hunter.
A promiscuous person
who wants STDs.

Share it with your spouse.
But you must keep it secret.
Prolong the surprise.

You can die smiling,
twisted grin across your face,
just like the Joker.

I saw your number
Written on the bathroom wall
Show me a good time