My toes are too big
My wife says it's the shoes
She's wrong. It's frostbite

Jeff Goldblum is daddy
I wish he would adopt me
Best Father's Day ever!

Vomit passed my lips
Lava from a volcano
Tequila takedown

Cindy's snack was served
Beans on toast with maggot sauce
Crazy delicious!

Your Alopecia
Makes you smooth with the ladies
Quite literally

If I was not white
I wouldn't need to start a
White student union.

I rise at cock's crow
Then I do everything wrong
Thank you for your time

I rise for the flag
The pledge we hold so dearly
All hail communism

In a room of farts
They found his motionless corpse
Mortician Wanted

Gas continues to move through your body after you die. Morticians commonly report situations where they are caught off guard by a big fart in a room full of only dead people.Mar 31, 2016

My pussy's so big
I feed her two times a day.
And that makes her purr.

Longpig solution
When your rent is overdue
Just make landlord stew

Her pussy's so big
How big is it you may ask
I fell in the bitch

Finally got paid
For my awesome bad haiku
It was all darthcoin

smelly teenager
it's like keeping a pet mouse
full of attitude

Praise God ! A new day.
A Fine day to read more of
the Dork Lard's vile spew.

Soggy cereal
Unexpected grizzly bear
Oh man, the wife's up.

Huitzilopochtli
The hummingbird god of war:
Aztec tweety-bird.

Rambo number five
Killed the cartel sons of bitches
Full metal Aztec!

Take that limp parsnip
To the limp parsnip section
They're expecting you

Departure from Zorg
Aliens don't wear undies
And they got green junk

Dork Lard. Hey! Dork Lard.
I'm talking right to YOU, girl.
YOU need more dork lard.

How do I get paid
For this fucking masterpiece?
Gimme some bitcoin

Sasquatch hunters ask
Does Bigfoot crap in the woods?
Photo all blurry

How about "Dork Lard"
As in "Dork Lard Figpucker"?
Could be your new name.

After submission
I counted the syllables
There were too many

You know what's more fun
Than an ejaculating shit?
A fecal cumshot

turbulent sea waves
washes my feet, then recedes . . .
I remember him.

Yes I think we should
Be paid for the poems here
Especially me

It took a few years
But I finally finished
Growing this mustache

Fall makes me crazy
A seasonal adjustment
I'm out of my gourd

Whatever you do,
Don't be an ignoramus,
Unless in poems.

Beyond Figpucker
Poetry without cuss words
Cannibal free zone

Beyond Figpucker
Poetry without cuss words
Cannibal free zone

Beyond Furburgers
Let's plant chia seed gardens
Where the sun don't shine

Spin! Land on bankrupt.
Wheel is a harsh mistress.
Vanna never speaks.

Infectious disease
Carried by a gentle breeze
Azmodius, sneeze!

Proboscis monkeys
look just like Bert and Ernie.
Am I right or what?

As a conjoined twin
I feel it is my duty
To always flush twice

Not at all prepared
For the laxative effects
Of this large coffee

Chia Pet owners
This is like watching paint dry
Foaming at the mouth

I'm reminded of
Being buttfucked by a horse
When I try to sit

I hope she's okay!
One of the best actresses.
One night in Paris.

Fantastic movie!
It's an absolute must see.
Think I'll watch it now.

Exploding vape pipes
Paris Hilton's My Life score
Think of nothing else

Y'know... living in a 3rd world pig-sty where more than half the women look like pigs from eating so much goddamn greasy fatty pork... Somehow... I don't know "Figpucker" kind of loses its appeal to me. I need something equally disgusting.... what can it be?
Fickenchucker? Huzzincumper? Roatgaper? FonkeyMister.
The Dark Lord FonkeyMister. I like that one... what do you think?
Suggestions are appreciated.

Conjoined twin poet,
do you possess one or two
sets of genitals?

From inside his cage
The passenger pigeon learned
How to solve crosswords

Hi, we are conjoined twin haiku poets
So we get to use twice as many syllables as you
Don't even try to complain about this

Breaking Haiku News
All new haiku submissions
Will earn fifty cents

My good ethnic man,
your colloquial language
has me at a loss.