BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
6 Days
and
66434 Haikus
later...
Departure from Zorg
Aliens don't wear undies
And they got green junk
Haiku #66076, by Noticer of Details of Behind binoculars
September 26, 2019 5:52 pm ET

Dork Lard. Hey! Dork Lard.
I'm talking right to YOU, girl.
YOU need more dork lard.
Haiku #66075, by Suet Grease of Bacon Drippings
September 26, 2019 4:57 pm ET

How do I get paid
For this fucking masterpiece?
Gimme some bitcoin
Haiku #66074, by Anonymous Poet
September 26, 2019 1:33 pm ET

Sasquatch hunters ask
Does Bigfoot crap in the woods?
Photo all blurry
Haiku #66073, by Uncle Morty of Rhode Island
September 26, 2019 12:18 pm ET

How about "Dork Lard"
As in "Dork Lard Figpucker"?
Could be your new name.
Haiku #66072, by Boutros Boutros Ghali of Where's Wally?
September 26, 2019 11:51 am ET

After submission
I counted the syllables
There were too many
Haiku #66071, by Sorry
September 26, 2019 11:21 am ET

You know what's more fun
Than an ejaculating shit?
A fecal cumshot
Haiku #66070, by Best of Both worlds
September 26, 2019 11:04 am ET

turbulent sea waves
washes my feet, then recedes . . .
I remember him.
Haiku #66069, by Sunita Sahoo of Odisha, India
September 26, 2019 8:49 am ET

Yes I think we should
Be paid for the poems here
Especially me
Haiku #66068, by Underpaid of Under the overpass
September 26, 2019 2:40 am ET

It took a few years
But I finally finished
Growing this mustache
Haiku #66067, by The all new Daryl Hall of Been out of touch
September 25, 2019 8:32 pm ET

Fall makes me crazy
A seasonal adjustment
I'm out of my gourd
Haiku #66066, by Trudging along of PNW
September 25, 2019 6:13 pm ET

Whatever you do,
Don't be an ignoramus,
Unless in poems.
Haiku #66065, by Darth FonkeyMister of But it's pronounced FunkyMister.... should I spell if FunkyMister?
September 25, 2019 4:10 pm ET

Beyond Figpucker
Poetry without cuss words
Cannibal free zone
Haiku #66064, by Edgar Allan Poem of Creepville
September 25, 2019 2:23 pm ET

Beyond Figpucker
Poetry without cuss words
Cannibal free zone
Haiku #66063, by Edgar Allan Poem of Creepville
September 25, 2019 2:22 pm ET

Beyond Furburgers
Let's plant chia seed gardens
Where the sun don't shine
Haiku #66062, by Head full of crazy of Undisclosed
September 25, 2019 1:29 pm ET

Spin! Land on bankrupt.
Wheel is a harsh mistress.
Vanna never speaks.
Haiku #66061, by Uncle Morty of Rhode Island
September 25, 2019 1:28 pm ET

Infectious disease
Carried by a gentle breeze
Azmodius, sneeze!
Haiku #66060, by Ruana of Ella Ella Ella ay ay
September 25, 2019 1:23 pm ET

Proboscis monkeys
look just like Bert and Ernie.
Am I right or what?
Haiku #66059, by Master FonkeyMister, Evil Dark Lord of the Sith of They love me, those silly monkeys.
September 25, 2019 12:24 pm ET

As a conjoined twin
I feel it is my duty
To always flush twice
Haiku #66058, by Conjoined twin of Other twin is asleep
September 25, 2019 12:09 pm ET

Not at all prepared
For the laxative effects
Of this large coffee
Haiku #66057, by Batten Downthehatches of Nowhere near a restroom
September 25, 2019 12:06 pm ET

Chia Pet owners
This is like watching paint dry
Foaming at the mouth
Haiku #66056, by Ch ch ch chia of At these fine stores
September 25, 2019 12:04 pm ET

I'm reminded of
Being buttfucked by a horse
When I try to sit
Haiku #66055, by Too beaucoup,too beaucoup
September 25, 2019 11:21 am ET

I hope she's okay!
One of the best actresses.
One night in Paris.

Fantastic movie!
It's an absolute must see.
Think I'll watch it now.
Haiku #66054, by Pres. Donald Trump
September 25, 2019 11:03 am ET

Exploding vape pipes
Paris Hilton's My Life score
Think of nothing else
Haiku #66053, by Life Coach of Life
September 25, 2019 9:31 am ET

Y'know... living in a 3rd world pig-sty where more than half the women look like pigs from eating so much goddamn greasy fatty pork... Somehow... I don't know "Figpucker" kind of loses its appeal to me. I need something equally disgusting.... what can it be?
Fickenchucker? Huzzincumper? Roatgaper? FonkeyMister.
The Dark Lord FonkeyMister. I like that one... what do you think?
Suggestions are appreciated.
Haiku #66052, by The Artist Formerly Known As Darth Figpucker
September 25, 2019 5:24 am ET

Conjoined twin poet,
do you possess one or two
sets of genitals?
Haiku #66051, by Darth Figpucker of Looking for a new fetish.
September 25, 2019 5:09 am ET

From inside his cage
The passenger pigeon learned
How to solve crosswords
Haiku #66050, by Mike Tyson of Pigeon Coop
September 25, 2019 2:03 am ET

Hi, we are conjoined twin haiku poets
So we get to use twice as many syllables as you
Don't even try to complain about this
Haiku #66049, by Conjoined twin poets of Together
September 25, 2019 12:24 am ET

Breaking Haiku News
All new haiku submissions
Will earn fifty cents
Haiku #66048, by M.T. Pockets of Haiku Central
September 24, 2019 11:21 pm ET

My good ethnic man,
your colloquial language
has me at a loss.
Haiku #66047, by Percibald Smith, Esq. III of Good Old London Town drinking tea before a bit of croquet.
September 24, 2019 8:59 pm ET

Ima tell all y'all:
it aint like that fo nuthin.
You feel me? Nuthin.
Haiku #66046, by Reginald Percy D'Aubuissant of Ebonics 101
September 24, 2019 8:38 pm ET

Is it possible you can have a conjoined twin grow out of you? I mean like a mole that turn into a cyst that starts to sprout arms and legs and a head and likes to sing old show tunes? Fucking Giligan's Island theme song for the 8th time this morning. I need to have it removed, but the doctors say that I can't legally do that because it might die and since it can sing, it must have a consciousness of some kind and therefore be considered human even though it grew out of me and wasn't really born. I need to consult the Catholic Church on this one. Is it really considered a life? Or should it be removed? Oh the horrible ethics of it all!
Haiku #66045, by Will you scratch my ass, please -- I can't reach back that far.
September 24, 2019 6:30 pm ET

Murder isn't sin.
All of God's creatures do it.
At least in some way.
Haiku #66044, by The boil on Satan's ass.
September 24, 2019 6:24 pm ET

Well consarn it Clem,
pass that moonshine over here
and let's git cloggin' !
Haiku #66043, by Old Guy on his Porch of Great Smoky Mountains
September 24, 2019 10:57 am ET

Nach der sich mit der
Das liegt an der Grenze zum
Das liegt an der
Haiku #66042, by Nach dem uppen of Undisclosed
September 24, 2019 9:00 am ET

Well that's ironic.
Therapist or the rapist.
Better watch your gap.
Haiku #66041, by The ghost of Ted Bundy's underwear collection.
September 24, 2019 8:05 am ET

I was a rapist.
Then I became a poet.
Far more invasive.

Feel my words in you.
Oh how they pound in your head.
Now get therapy.
Haiku #66040, by
September 24, 2019 6:26 am ET

The next president
Should be a severed penis
Kept in a glass jar
Haiku #66039, by C. YA of On erection day
September 24, 2019 2:45 am ET

You, sir, ARE old cheese.
Go on over to Iran.
Take your guns with you.

You'll likely succeed
and become their new ruler.
Oil billionaire.
Haiku #66038, by
September 24, 2019 12:48 am ET

Though these poems suck,
they are not "slam poetry".
That shit's hideous.
Haiku #66037, by df
September 24, 2019 12:45 am ET

I smell like old cheese
I demand war with Iran
I smell like old cheese
Haiku #66036, by John Bolton's Mustache
September 23, 2019 10:43 pm ET

He who masturbates
eighteen times every day...
Hold on, be right back.
Haiku #66035, by
September 23, 2019 7:05 pm ET

I replaced my cum
With battery acid once
And burned my wife's mouth
Haiku #66034, by Tragic sense of humour
September 23, 2019 6:27 pm ET

Autumn upon us
Fallen leaves hide soft dung
Warm coils, steam rises
Haiku #66033, by Trudging along of Undisclosed location
September 23, 2019 3:17 pm ET

I cannot decide.
What's more sexy about Trump,
his ass or his mouth.
Haiku #66032, by Deliverance Hillbilly of A good reason to vote for Trump.
September 23, 2019 3:14 pm ET

Wait, that was the speech
Now I recognize the guy
Yuge back end of Trump
Haiku #66031, by Noticer of Details of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 3:11 pm ET

An important speech
Punctuated by loud farts
Abruptly canceled
Haiku #66030, by Walkin Funny of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 1:57 pm ET

Throw away your pills
Kittens and Cats videos
Your health is restored
Haiku #66029, by Felix Toebeans of Under old willow
September 23, 2019 1:43 pm ET

White socks with flip flops
Keeping Up With The
Pacific Northwest
Haiku #66028, by Shoe Fetish of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 1:39 pm ET

The wet grass whispered
I'll ruin your shoes, you bastard
That's just what happened
Haiku #66027, by Trudging along bastard of Wet grass
September 23, 2019 1:37 pm ET