BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
234 Days
and
67685 Haikus
later...
I hope she's okay!
One of the best actresses.
One night in Paris.

Fantastic movie!
It's an absolute must see.
Think I'll watch it now.
Haiku #66054, by Pres. Donald Trump
September 25, 2019 11:03 am ET

Exploding vape pipes
Paris Hilton's My Life score
Think of nothing else
Haiku #66053, by Life Coach of Life
September 25, 2019 9:31 am ET

Y'know... living in a 3rd world pig-sty where more than half the women look like pigs from eating so much goddamn greasy fatty pork... Somehow... I don't know "Figpucker" kind of loses its appeal to me. I need something equally disgusting.... what can it be?
Fickenchucker? Huzzincumper? Roatgaper? FonkeyMister.
The Dark Lord FonkeyMister. I like that one... what do you think?
Suggestions are appreciated.
Haiku #66052, by The Artist Formerly Known As Darth Figpucker
September 25, 2019 5:24 am ET

Conjoined twin poet,
do you possess one or two
sets of genitals?
Haiku #66051, by Darth Figpucker of Looking for a new fetish.
September 25, 2019 5:09 am ET

From inside his cage
The passenger pigeon learned
How to solve crosswords
Haiku #66050, by Mike Tyson of Pigeon Coop
September 25, 2019 2:03 am ET

Hi, we are conjoined twin haiku poets
So we get to use twice as many syllables as you
Don't even try to complain about this
Haiku #66049, by Conjoined twin poets of Together
September 25, 2019 12:24 am ET

Breaking Haiku News
All new haiku submissions
Will earn fifty cents
Haiku #66048, by M.T. Pockets of Haiku Central
September 24, 2019 11:21 pm ET

My good ethnic man,
your colloquial language
has me at a loss.
Haiku #66047, by Percibald Smith, Esq. III of Good Old London Town drinking tea before a bit of croquet.
September 24, 2019 8:59 pm ET

Ima tell all y'all:
it aint like that fo nuthin.
You feel me? Nuthin.
Haiku #66046, by Reginald Percy D'Aubuissant of Ebonics 101
September 24, 2019 8:38 pm ET

Is it possible you can have a conjoined twin grow out of you? I mean like a mole that turn into a cyst that starts to sprout arms and legs and a head and likes to sing old show tunes? Fucking Giligan's Island theme song for the 8th time this morning. I need to have it removed, but the doctors say that I can't legally do that because it might die and since it can sing, it must have a consciousness of some kind and therefore be considered human even though it grew out of me and wasn't really born. I need to consult the Catholic Church on this one. Is it really considered a life? Or should it be removed? Oh the horrible ethics of it all!
Haiku #66045, by Will you scratch my ass, please -- I can't reach back that far.
September 24, 2019 6:30 pm ET

Murder isn't sin.
All of God's creatures do it.
At least in some way.
Haiku #66044, by The boil on Satan's ass.
September 24, 2019 6:24 pm ET

Well consarn it Clem,
pass that moonshine over here
and let's git cloggin' !
Haiku #66043, by Old Guy on his Porch of Great Smoky Mountains
September 24, 2019 10:57 am ET

Nach der sich mit der
Das liegt an der Grenze zum
Das liegt an der
Haiku #66042, by Nach dem uppen of Undisclosed
September 24, 2019 9:00 am ET

Well that's ironic.
Therapist or the rapist.
Better watch your gap.
Haiku #66041, by The ghost of Ted Bundy's underwear collection.
September 24, 2019 8:05 am ET

I was a rapist.
Then I became a poet.
Far more invasive.

Feel my words in you.
Oh how they pound in your head.
Now get therapy.
Haiku #66040, by
September 24, 2019 6:26 am ET

The next president
Should be a severed penis
Kept in a glass jar
Haiku #66039, by C. YA of On erection day
September 24, 2019 2:45 am ET

You, sir, ARE old cheese.
Go on over to Iran.
Take your guns with you.

You'll likely succeed
and become their new ruler.
Oil billionaire.
Haiku #66038, by
September 24, 2019 12:48 am ET

Though these poems suck,
they are not "slam poetry".
That shit's hideous.
Haiku #66037, by df
September 24, 2019 12:45 am ET

I smell like old cheese
I demand war with Iran
I smell like old cheese
Haiku #66036, by John Bolton's Mustache
September 23, 2019 10:43 pm ET

He who masturbates
eighteen times every day...
Hold on, be right back.
Haiku #66035, by
September 23, 2019 7:05 pm ET

I replaced my cum
With battery acid once
And burned my wife's mouth
Haiku #66034, by Tragic sense of humour
September 23, 2019 6:27 pm ET

Autumn upon us
Fallen leaves hide soft dung
Warm coils, steam rises
Haiku #66033, by Trudging along of Undisclosed location
September 23, 2019 3:17 pm ET

I cannot decide.
What's more sexy about Trump,
his ass or his mouth.
Haiku #66032, by Deliverance Hillbilly of A good reason to vote for Trump.
September 23, 2019 3:14 pm ET

Wait, that was the speech
Now I recognize the guy
Yuge back end of Trump
Haiku #66031, by Noticer of Details of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 3:11 pm ET

An important speech
Punctuated by loud farts
Abruptly canceled
Haiku #66030, by Walkin Funny of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 1:57 pm ET

Throw away your pills
Kittens and Cats videos
Your health is restored
Haiku #66029, by Felix Toebeans of Under old willow
September 23, 2019 1:43 pm ET

White socks with flip flops
Keeping Up With The
Pacific Northwest
Haiku #66028, by Shoe Fetish of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 1:39 pm ET

The wet grass whispered
I'll ruin your shoes, you bastard
That's just what happened
Haiku #66027, by Trudging along bastard of Wet grass
September 23, 2019 1:37 pm ET

Whispered words foster
Your thoughts and desires captured
Package On the Way!
Haiku #66026, by Ledge of Kentucky
September 23, 2019 11:53 am ET

Mexican corn dogs
rained over London last night
while clowns ate sushi.
Haiku #66025, by I don't know why.
September 23, 2019 4:42 am ET

You need to get laid.
But I need to get laid too.
Let's fuck each other.
Haiku #66024, by Fag of Public park bathroom.
September 23, 2019 2:36 am ET

I am so happy.
I just killed a mosquito.
Fucking parasites!
Haiku #66023, by df
September 22, 2019 9:57 pm ET

I spilled some acid.
The grass achieved sentience.
So I imagine.

The grass spoke to me.
It said vote for Donald Trump.
Perhaps I was wrong.

But I understand.
Grass doesn't like Mexicans.
And can you blame it.
Haiku #66022, by Tripping on acid on grass at the park and that friend of yours had sexual relations with your mom when you weren't home.
September 22, 2019 9:47 pm ET

I went to the park
and smoked some grass with your friend.
We're glad you weren't there.
Haiku #66021, by I've got the munchies!
September 22, 2019 9:43 pm ET

Homosexual.
I grassed your friend at the park.
Elmo in Grouchland.
Haiku #66020, by
September 22, 2019 7:35 pm ET

I parked on your friend
to comfort the morning grass.
Not one person cared.
Haiku #66019, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2019 7:34 pm ET

You parked in the grass
Now the windows are steamed up
Get a room next time
Haiku #66018, by Irate Homeowner of Behind binoculars
September 22, 2019 3:57 pm ET

I parked in the grass
To comfort my mourning friend
He was mad at me
Haiku #66017, by Line of lines
September 22, 2019 3:45 pm ET

Even the pussy
Of a vegetarian
Can taste quite meaty
Haiku #66016, by Cunnilingual cuisine
September 22, 2019 9:45 am ET

Or you can rob banks.
Throw spaghetti at strangers.
Torture small insects.

You don't have to wank.
Just turn off the fucking phone!
Reconnect with trees.
Haiku #66015, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2019 9:30 am ET

Worship any God
Because it doesn't matter
Pray to Hulk Hogan
Haiku #66014, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2019 9:23 am ET

When you get real sick
Does the praying make you well
Or maybe doctors?
Haiku #66013, by Jesus is lard
September 22, 2019 9:21 am ET

Jimmy junior lies
His daddy wouldn't care one bit
He lied all the time
Haiku #66012, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2019 9:19 am ET

Well, you did make sense.
except about "go outside and..."
(You great wanker you.)
Haiku #66011, by Wankel Rotary Engine of One Piston Misfiring
September 22, 2019 8:46 am ET

Which do you hate more,
poets or their poetry?
Or fifty-fifty?
Haiku #66010, by Burn all Poetry!
September 22, 2019 6:23 am ET

Go ahead, pollute!
The faster the earth is gone,
we'll be in heaven.
Haiku #66009, by Except for gays an poets. of They burn in hell forever.
September 21, 2019 9:10 pm ET

Regardless if climate change is real or not, less pollution is a good thing. There are just too many people putting a strain on the planet for electricity, fuel, food, etc. Live simply, live clean, turn off the computer, go outside and masturbate. Do not be ashamed, start a new movement.
Haiku #66008, by
September 21, 2019 8:21 pm ET

I could not care less
about so-called climate change.
That's YOUR religion.

I'm not interested
in your fake apocalypse.
You need to get saved.

You substituted
this silly theory of doom
for Faith and true Hope.
Haiku #66007, by Need a Religion of Urgency and Lies
September 21, 2019 4:38 pm ET

God the Holy Lord.
He gives you every heartbeat.
Repent and seek Him.
Haiku #66006, by It's not Over of Fat Lady Singing
September 21, 2019 3:08 pm ET

Piss molten lava.
Shit thermonuclear bombs.
Drink imported beer.
Haiku #66005, by
September 21, 2019 3:00 pm ET