BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
234 Days
and
67685 Haikus
later...
Dork Lard. Hey! Dork Lard.
I'm talking right to YOU, girl.
YOU need more dork lard.
Haiku #66075, by Suet Grease of Bacon Drippings
September 26, 2019 4:57 pm ET

How do I get paid
For this fucking masterpiece?
Gimme some bitcoin
Haiku #66074, by Anonymous Poet
September 26, 2019 1:33 pm ET

Sasquatch hunters ask
Does Bigfoot crap in the woods?
Photo all blurry
Haiku #66073, by Uncle Morty of Rhode Island
September 26, 2019 12:18 pm ET

How about "Dork Lard"
As in "Dork Lard Figpucker"?
Could be your new name.
Haiku #66072, by Boutros Boutros Ghali of Where's Wally?
September 26, 2019 11:51 am ET

After submission
I counted the syllables
There were too many
Haiku #66071, by Sorry
September 26, 2019 11:21 am ET

You know what's more fun
Than an ejaculating shit?
A fecal cumshot
Haiku #66070, by Best of Both worlds
September 26, 2019 11:04 am ET

turbulent sea waves
washes my feet, then recedes . . .
I remember him.
Haiku #66069, by Sunita Sahoo of Odisha, India
September 26, 2019 8:49 am ET

Yes I think we should
Be paid for the poems here
Especially me
Haiku #66068, by Underpaid of Under the overpass
September 26, 2019 2:40 am ET

It took a few years
But I finally finished
Growing this mustache
Haiku #66067, by The all new Daryl Hall of Been out of touch
September 25, 2019 8:32 pm ET

Fall makes me crazy
A seasonal adjustment
I'm out of my gourd
Haiku #66066, by Trudging along of PNW
September 25, 2019 6:13 pm ET

Whatever you do,
Don't be an ignoramus,
Unless in poems.
Haiku #66065, by Darth FonkeyMister of But it's pronounced FunkyMister.... should I spell if FunkyMister?
September 25, 2019 4:10 pm ET

Beyond Figpucker
Poetry without cuss words
Cannibal free zone
Haiku #66064, by Edgar Allan Poem of Creepville
September 25, 2019 2:23 pm ET

Beyond Figpucker
Poetry without cuss words
Cannibal free zone
Haiku #66063, by Edgar Allan Poem of Creepville
September 25, 2019 2:22 pm ET

Beyond Furburgers
Let's plant chia seed gardens
Where the sun don't shine
Haiku #66062, by Head full of crazy of Undisclosed
September 25, 2019 1:29 pm ET

Spin! Land on bankrupt.
Wheel is a harsh mistress.
Vanna never speaks.
Haiku #66061, by Uncle Morty of Rhode Island
September 25, 2019 1:28 pm ET

Infectious disease
Carried by a gentle breeze
Azmodius, sneeze!
Haiku #66060, by Ruana of Ella Ella Ella ay ay
September 25, 2019 1:23 pm ET

Proboscis monkeys
look just like Bert and Ernie.
Am I right or what?
Haiku #66059, by Master FonkeyMister, Evil Dark Lord of the Sith of They love me, those silly monkeys.
September 25, 2019 12:24 pm ET

As a conjoined twin
I feel it is my duty
To always flush twice
Haiku #66058, by Conjoined twin of Other twin is asleep
September 25, 2019 12:09 pm ET

Not at all prepared
For the laxative effects
Of this large coffee
Haiku #66057, by Batten Downthehatches of Nowhere near a restroom
September 25, 2019 12:06 pm ET

Chia Pet owners
This is like watching paint dry
Foaming at the mouth
Haiku #66056, by Ch ch ch chia of At these fine stores
September 25, 2019 12:04 pm ET

I'm reminded of
Being buttfucked by a horse
When I try to sit
Haiku #66055, by Too beaucoup,too beaucoup
September 25, 2019 11:21 am ET

I hope she's okay!
One of the best actresses.
One night in Paris.

Fantastic movie!
It's an absolute must see.
Think I'll watch it now.
Haiku #66054, by Pres. Donald Trump
September 25, 2019 11:03 am ET

Exploding vape pipes
Paris Hilton's My Life score
Think of nothing else
Haiku #66053, by Life Coach of Life
September 25, 2019 9:31 am ET

Y'know... living in a 3rd world pig-sty where more than half the women look like pigs from eating so much goddamn greasy fatty pork... Somehow... I don't know "Figpucker" kind of loses its appeal to me. I need something equally disgusting.... what can it be?
Fickenchucker? Huzzincumper? Roatgaper? FonkeyMister.
The Dark Lord FonkeyMister. I like that one... what do you think?
Suggestions are appreciated.
Haiku #66052, by The Artist Formerly Known As Darth Figpucker
September 25, 2019 5:24 am ET

Conjoined twin poet,
do you possess one or two
sets of genitals?
Haiku #66051, by Darth Figpucker of Looking for a new fetish.
September 25, 2019 5:09 am ET

From inside his cage
The passenger pigeon learned
How to solve crosswords
Haiku #66050, by Mike Tyson of Pigeon Coop
September 25, 2019 2:03 am ET

Hi, we are conjoined twin haiku poets
So we get to use twice as many syllables as you
Don't even try to complain about this
Haiku #66049, by Conjoined twin poets of Together
September 25, 2019 12:24 am ET

Breaking Haiku News
All new haiku submissions
Will earn fifty cents
Haiku #66048, by M.T. Pockets of Haiku Central
September 24, 2019 11:21 pm ET

My good ethnic man,
your colloquial language
has me at a loss.
Haiku #66047, by Percibald Smith, Esq. III of Good Old London Town drinking tea before a bit of croquet.
September 24, 2019 8:59 pm ET

Ima tell all y'all:
it aint like that fo nuthin.
You feel me? Nuthin.
Haiku #66046, by Reginald Percy D'Aubuissant of Ebonics 101
September 24, 2019 8:38 pm ET

Is it possible you can have a conjoined twin grow out of you? I mean like a mole that turn into a cyst that starts to sprout arms and legs and a head and likes to sing old show tunes? Fucking Giligan's Island theme song for the 8th time this morning. I need to have it removed, but the doctors say that I can't legally do that because it might die and since it can sing, it must have a consciousness of some kind and therefore be considered human even though it grew out of me and wasn't really born. I need to consult the Catholic Church on this one. Is it really considered a life? Or should it be removed? Oh the horrible ethics of it all!
Haiku #66045, by Will you scratch my ass, please -- I can't reach back that far.
September 24, 2019 6:30 pm ET

Murder isn't sin.
All of God's creatures do it.
At least in some way.
Haiku #66044, by The boil on Satan's ass.
September 24, 2019 6:24 pm ET

Well consarn it Clem,
pass that moonshine over here
and let's git cloggin' !
Haiku #66043, by Old Guy on his Porch of Great Smoky Mountains
September 24, 2019 10:57 am ET

Nach der sich mit der
Das liegt an der Grenze zum
Das liegt an der
Haiku #66042, by Nach dem uppen of Undisclosed
September 24, 2019 9:00 am ET

Well that's ironic.
Therapist or the rapist.
Better watch your gap.
Haiku #66041, by The ghost of Ted Bundy's underwear collection.
September 24, 2019 8:05 am ET

I was a rapist.
Then I became a poet.
Far more invasive.

Feel my words in you.
Oh how they pound in your head.
Now get therapy.
Haiku #66040, by
September 24, 2019 6:26 am ET

The next president
Should be a severed penis
Kept in a glass jar
Haiku #66039, by C. YA of On erection day
September 24, 2019 2:45 am ET

You, sir, ARE old cheese.
Go on over to Iran.
Take your guns with you.

You'll likely succeed
and become their new ruler.
Oil billionaire.
Haiku #66038, by
September 24, 2019 12:48 am ET

Though these poems suck,
they are not "slam poetry".
That shit's hideous.
Haiku #66037, by df
September 24, 2019 12:45 am ET

I smell like old cheese
I demand war with Iran
I smell like old cheese
Haiku #66036, by John Bolton's Mustache
September 23, 2019 10:43 pm ET

He who masturbates
eighteen times every day...
Hold on, be right back.
Haiku #66035, by
September 23, 2019 7:05 pm ET

I replaced my cum
With battery acid once
And burned my wife's mouth
Haiku #66034, by Tragic sense of humour
September 23, 2019 6:27 pm ET

Autumn upon us
Fallen leaves hide soft dung
Warm coils, steam rises
Haiku #66033, by Trudging along of Undisclosed location
September 23, 2019 3:17 pm ET

I cannot decide.
What's more sexy about Trump,
his ass or his mouth.
Haiku #66032, by Deliverance Hillbilly of A good reason to vote for Trump.
September 23, 2019 3:14 pm ET

Wait, that was the speech
Now I recognize the guy
Yuge back end of Trump
Haiku #66031, by Noticer of Details of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 3:11 pm ET

An important speech
Punctuated by loud farts
Abruptly canceled
Haiku #66030, by Walkin Funny of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 1:57 pm ET

Throw away your pills
Kittens and Cats videos
Your health is restored
Haiku #66029, by Felix Toebeans of Under old willow
September 23, 2019 1:43 pm ET

White socks with flip flops
Keeping Up With The
Pacific Northwest
Haiku #66028, by Shoe Fetish of Undisclosed
September 23, 2019 1:39 pm ET

The wet grass whispered
I'll ruin your shoes, you bastard
That's just what happened
Haiku #66027, by Trudging along bastard of Wet grass
September 23, 2019 1:37 pm ET

Whispered words foster
Your thoughts and desires captured
Package On the Way!
Haiku #66026, by Ledge of Kentucky
September 23, 2019 11:53 am ET