Not at all prepared
For the laxative effects
Of this large coffee

Chia Pet owners
This is like watching paint dry
Foaming at the mouth

I'm reminded of
Being buttfucked by a horse
When I try to sit

I hope she's okay!
One of the best actresses.
One night in Paris.

Fantastic movie!
It's an absolute must see.
Think I'll watch it now.

Exploding vape pipes
Paris Hilton's My Life score
Think of nothing else

Y'know... living in a 3rd world pig-sty where more than half the women look like pigs from eating so much goddamn greasy fatty pork... Somehow... I don't know "Figpucker" kind of loses its appeal to me. I need something equally disgusting.... what can it be?
Fickenchucker? Huzzincumper? Roatgaper? FonkeyMister.
The Dark Lord FonkeyMister. I like that one... what do you think?
Suggestions are appreciated.

Conjoined twin poet,
do you possess one or two
sets of genitals?

From inside his cage
The passenger pigeon learned
How to solve crosswords

Hi, we are conjoined twin haiku poets
So we get to use twice as many syllables as you
Don't even try to complain about this

Breaking Haiku News
All new haiku submissions
Will earn fifty cents

My good ethnic man,
your colloquial language
has me at a loss.

Ima tell all y'all:
it aint like that fo nuthin.
You feel me? Nuthin.

Is it possible you can have a conjoined twin grow out of you? I mean like a mole that turn into a cyst that starts to sprout arms and legs and a head and likes to sing old show tunes? Fucking Giligan's Island theme song for the 8th time this morning. I need to have it removed, but the doctors say that I can't legally do that because it might die and since it can sing, it must have a consciousness of some kind and therefore be considered human even though it grew out of me and wasn't really born. I need to consult the Catholic Church on this one. Is it really considered a life? Or should it be removed? Oh the horrible ethics of it all!

Murder isn't sin.
All of God's creatures do it.
At least in some way.

Well consarn it Clem,
pass that moonshine over here
and let's git cloggin' !

Nach der sich mit der
Das liegt an der Grenze zum
Das liegt an der

Well that's ironic.
Therapist or the rapist.
Better watch your gap.

I was a rapist.
Then I became a poet.
Far more invasive.

Feel my words in you.
Oh how they pound in your head.
Now get therapy.

The next president
Should be a severed penis
Kept in a glass jar

You, sir, ARE old cheese.
Go on over to Iran.
Take your guns with you.

You'll likely succeed
and become their new ruler.
Oil billionaire.

Though these poems suck,
they are not "slam poetry".
That shit's hideous.

I smell like old cheese
I demand war with Iran
I smell like old cheese

He who masturbates
eighteen times every day...
Hold on, be right back.

I replaced my cum
With battery acid once
And burned my wife's mouth

Autumn upon us
Fallen leaves hide soft dung
Warm coils, steam rises

I cannot decide.
What's more sexy about Trump,
his ass or his mouth.

Wait, that was the speech
Now I recognize the guy
Yuge back end of Trump

An important speech
Punctuated by loud farts
Abruptly canceled

Throw away your pills
Kittens and Cats videos
Your health is restored

White socks with flip flops
Keeping Up With The
Pacific Northwest

The wet grass whispered
I'll ruin your shoes, you bastard
That's just what happened

Whispered words foster
Your thoughts and desires captured
Package On the Way!

Mexican corn dogs
rained over London last night
while clowns ate sushi.

You need to get laid.
But I need to get laid too.
Let's fuck each other.

I am so happy.
I just killed a mosquito.
Fucking parasites!

I spilled some acid.
The grass achieved sentience.
So I imagine.

The grass spoke to me.
It said vote for Donald Trump.
Perhaps I was wrong.

But I understand.
Grass doesn't like Mexicans.
And can you blame it.

I went to the park
and smoked some grass with your friend.
We're glad you weren't there.

Homosexual.
I grassed your friend at the park.
Elmo in Grouchland.

I parked on your friend
to comfort the morning grass.
Not one person cared.

You parked in the grass
Now the windows are steamed up
Get a room next time

I parked in the grass
To comfort my mourning friend
He was mad at me

Even the pussy
Of a vegetarian
Can taste quite meaty

Or you can rob banks.
Throw spaghetti at strangers.
Torture small insects.

You don't have to wank.
Just turn off the fucking phone!
Reconnect with trees.

Worship any God
Because it doesn't matter
Pray to Hulk Hogan

When you get real sick
Does the praying make you well
Or maybe doctors?

Jimmy junior lies
His daddy wouldn't care one bit
He lied all the time

Well, you did make sense.
except about "go outside and..."
(You great wanker you.)

Which do you hate more,
poets or their poetry?
Or fifty-fifty?

Go ahead, pollute!
The faster the earth is gone,
we'll be in heaven.

Regardless if climate change is real or not, less pollution is a good thing. There are just too many people putting a strain on the planet for electricity, fuel, food, etc. Live simply, live clean, turn off the computer, go outside and masturbate. Do not be ashamed, start a new movement.