I

They oiled the penis
And rolled it in kosher salt
Wrapped it in wax paper

Submitting haiku
while sitting on the toilet.
Premature poem.

You ?

I

There is seriously
a chicken breed called "dorking".
It's like destiny.

Technically dorks
are the penises of whales.
And haiku poets.

And fans of Star Trek,
but that is too obvious.
Beam me fucking up.

A world without Spock
is an ugly world indeed.
Not one for old nerds.

You don't like it here.
Go make "good haiku dot com".
And you will find peace.

God, sometimes this site
is instantly appalling.
Why did I check here?

The Dorking chickens
are the oldest chicken breed,
not what rednecks do.

Well, maybe that too.
I mean, dorking a chicken
on a Friday night.

For example:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7_GNgfzRvo

In a perfect world
Googling for giant cocks
would show me roosters.

Again and again
I'm so tired but I can't stop
I love Sudoku

Ready for this weekend and I'm just going through a series of events that led to the point where I am.

I'm not sure how much I love you. I love my new phone case and I love the way I look. Yeah but the best thing about it is the whistles and catcalls I love it

Please pleases the first half of the day after a long time no talk of this page and the first half of the day before I get a new song and the other side of the day I will be in my room and my friends are so many people in my head and I have to be able to get the chance to win a championship game against the yen

please don't mind my limp
Will you please sign my peniscast?
Firm signature, please

We struggled downstairs
Trying to choke each other
Tried to get in a punch

Little underwear
With a chance of parting cheeks
A release of brown wind

oh, the kind you buy
in a second hand store, wow
collectors item...

Raspberry Beret
It must be the ghost of Prince
Prince Rogers Nelson

what the hell are you doing in
my fucking underwear?

The kind that lives in
your underwear. Note that I
said yours and not mine.

i always enjoy
blood coming out of the walls
no, that.s...raspberry???

what fucking demon causes raspberry syrup to flow from the walls?

And the next morning
Hair was growing on the walls
The doorknobs were missing

and here we are years
later still posting haikus...

sometimes, a bit more

Found an Easter egg.
Wonder if it is still good.
One way to find out.

Hey, if you're lonely
I got some smooches for ya
John Boy Walton's Mole

mmhmm, i feel too
flushed to flush because those jokes
all went down the drain

And all In one go
A heart shaped bowel movement
Pity to flush it

Wanna know what love is..
I want you to show me
wahoooogaaaaaaaahhh yaaYaaaaah

Thinking about Love
'Cause that's what it's all about
Then I stepped in poop

It's all about Love.
Love,Love,Love,Love,Love... oh wait--
almost forgot God.

How do I know this?
WahooooooooGahhhhhhh Ya Ya
Gross Dripping sounds

When Bigfoot gets laid
Lusty moans reverberate
Trees gush sap comeload

You should hear it
My Michael MacDonald voice
I look like Bigfoot

mississippi moon, wont you
keep on shining on me

mississippi moon, wont you
keep on shining on me

By "higher" I mean stoned out of your fucking gourd.

to higher dimensions

a gateway

is a door

That jar

This can

all your tweets are belong to us

That can

That can... ??? Don't fall in
can like a dangling feces.
Kerplop. There it went.

That can

Nothing to say here
That can

Pass ammunition
And Praise the Lord Figpucker
Let God sort it out

If you don't get V,
And you do not get the D,
You don't get VD.

My fart's better than yoooor fart.
My fart's better than yours!
My fart's better 'cause it gets durian.
My fart's better than yours!

For a really good fart, durian and pomelo fruits combined! And if you're brave, add balot egg for some serious professional flatus. I haven't reached that level. Maybe if I get drunk enough.... but I'm not supposed to drink. Oh well. Maybe just once. worth the risk.