Vancie is a dog
She is very very black
And she is a brat
by Vancie
Shimmy was a cunt
He stole our rolls of pennies
And bought tons of weed
by Rippin
Larvae puparium
Squidnick Centurion
If I named new cars
by Hi Koo
Radiating pain
into the neck from the brain
will make one insane.
Grabbing a handful
of synthetic opioids
like they were candy.
I'd rather grab tits.
Since I'm no politician
that would be okay.
by farty pants poopie face... or something
All are poetasters
And useless Turkey Basters
Yeah, and time wasters
by Outer Spacester
Those aren
by Anonymous Poet
You might be the one
The greatest haiku poet
You
by Haiku Freak
Still at the table
They ate until their pants burst
Compared genitals
by I'd rather not say of Under the table
We're having tacos
Believe me, there is no "Hell"
Some of us know that
by Anonymous Poet
If you can't give thanks
Then burn in hell, ungrateful.
Haiku has no worth.
by Anonymous Poet
Splatter of gravy?
Granted, I don't eat that much
C'mon, you miser!!
by John Boy Walton's Hangry Mole of John Boy Walton's face
A hole in the pie
And Grandpa's looking sheepish
Pass the Werther's, please
by Anonymous Poet
Moist moist moist moist moist
Moist moist moist moist moist moist moist
Moist moist moist moist moist
by Moist person of Moist place
Screwing roast turkey?
It's not beastiality.
It's making gravy.
Or you might call it,
ahem, BASTE-iality.
Pre-stuffing the bird.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Asking for a friend
Screwing a turkey carcass..
Biestiality?
by I'd rather not say
Leftover pumpkins
Grab one off your neighbour's porch
Headless Horseman Time!!
by Fun Person
dear americans
though your president's a twat
we love you long time
by ash
there once was a poem from me
to show how said limericks be
the pattern of rhyme
and their rhythmic time
is exactly as you can now see
by ash
Define limerick.
Other than being dirty.
Rhythm, rhyme, so on.
by Edward Lear's left testicle.
Give you sedatives
Dunk you in a vat of nog
Fuck your brains right out
by Anonymous Poet
That ain't a limerick
You better lay off the sauce
Poet, Stay Sober!!
by Anonymous Poet
Egg nog with rum sucks.
Drink half a gallon per day.
You must drink it straight.
Spend New Year's alone.
No one likes to fuck fatties.
Not even when drunk.
by df
This bad haiku's a limerick.
When you read it you will be sick.
You'll vomit a bucket
of puke and shout "fuck it",
Cunt maggots and dog feces lick.
by Vaginal Flatus Discharge Beverage Beaver Hemorhage of Bloody Mary
Santa brings presents
But why dont God and Jesus?
Cheap Motherfuckers
by Person who wants lots of presents
I've not drank egg nog,
disappointing heart surgeons,
for about four years.
by df
Spiked Santa's egg nog
latte with Viagra pills.
Shopping mall scandal.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I rode a funt-cart.
It wouldn't go very fast.
It was at Wal-Mart.
Oh wait, no, I'm wrong.
It was one of those "Rascals".
The seat smelled funny.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Quantum particles
swerve inappropriately
whilst navigating.
by the way of the scoundrel
Holiday photos
Mall Santa popped a boner
Mugshot portrait now
by Elf Dentist
Oxen pull funt-cart
Through the wastelands of Haiku
Loaded full of Funt.
by Funt-Cart of Mottypouth
Bad Haiku website
symptomatic of our time:
pottymouth trash-talk
by Darth Kitten Starpucker of Excrementally Underwhelmed
With that being said
With that being said...No more!!
With that being said
by Annoying person
Ronald McDonald
He's got an orange schmeckle
Just like that Trump clown
by Oompa Loompa watcher
Salami dildo
Delicatessen window
Dinner and a show
by New York Mona of New Jersey
Since the last update
Forecast calls for more poems
Chance of urine floods
by Whiskey sip of Barstool
Tortoise Turdle Turd
Chomping lettuce. Daydreaming.
Popping a boner
by I'd rather not say
Mailman Piggy Back!
Nude Ambush. Caught him off guard
No bath salts involved
by High On Life (backflip) of Front Yard!
We're staunch characters
S-T-A-U-N-C-H
And we tap dance, too
by Anonymous Poet
Class action lawsuit
Bad Roosters! Mosquitoes Fraud!
Yowling Cats will pay!!
by Attorney of Cuntfart Cuntfart & Cunt Ltd
human albumin
Slippery banana peels
I smell a lawsuit
by Attorney of Law Offices of cuntfart cuntfart & cunt
Roosters attacked me.
Goddamn tortoise ate a turd.
Cats yelling for food.
Killed three mosquitoes.
The flies were too quick for me.
Pouring rain again.
Kids either fussing
or playing video games.
Waste away their lives.
Here I write haiku.
And that's oh so meaningful.
Why won't God kill me?!
by df
McOyVeyDonald's.
Kosher Bacon Cheeseburgers.
Ronald's McMosheh.
When Christ was a lad
he got the happy meals.
Comes with free dreidel.
by df
Reverberations
Wind passed on the veranda
Crouching low, cat-like
by Porch shitter of Porch
Yesterday....Today....
We didn't ask for this crap.
Maybe tomorrow...
by Earthling of Earth
Jesus, son of God
Never tasted McDonald's
He really missed out
by Grimace
all things considered
some folks think it is the end
so there's mark taylor
by vhs
And end with a fart
by Anonymous Poet
Once upon a Figpucker
by Anonymous Poet
All stories will start
by Hans Atheist Anderson
I hope that I know when I'm going to die so that I can post on Farcebook, I AM DARTH FIGPUCKER, to shame my whole family. That way they will hate me and not mourn me at all. Save them the trouble. Cremate me, flush my ashes down the nearest toilet. Save money that way.
by df
