Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 338 Days and 72687 Haikus later...

Asking for a friend
Screwing a turkey carcass..
Haiku # 61065, November 22, 2018 4:31 am ET
by I'd rather not say
Leftover pumpkins
Grab one off your neighbour's porch
Headless Horseman Time!!
Haiku # 61064, November 22, 2018 2:14 am ET
by Fun Person
dear americans
though your president's a twat
we love you long time
Haiku # 61063, November 22, 2018 1:50 am ET
by ash
there once was a poem from me
to show how said limericks be
the pattern of rhyme
and their rhythmic time
is exactly as you can now see
Haiku # 61062, November 22, 2018 1:47 am ET
by ash
Define limerick.
Other than being dirty.
Rhythm, rhyme, so on.
Haiku # 61061, November 21, 2018 8:05 pm ET
by Edward Lear's left testicle.
Give you sedatives
Dunk you in a vat of nog
Fuck your brains right out
Haiku # 61060, November 21, 2018 6:59 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
That ain't a limerick
You better lay off the sauce
Poet, Stay Sober!!
Haiku # 61059, November 21, 2018 6:58 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Egg nog with rum sucks.
Drink half a gallon per day.
You must drink it straight.

Spend New Year's alone.
No one likes to fuck fatties.
Not even when drunk.
Haiku # 61058, November 21, 2018 6:56 pm ET
by df
This bad haiku's a limerick.
When you read it you will be sick.
You'll vomit a bucket
of puke and shout "fuck it",
Cunt maggots and dog feces lick.
Haiku # 61057, November 21, 2018 6:51 pm ET
by Vaginal Flatus Discharge Beverage Beaver Hemorhage of Bloody Mary
Santa brings presents
But why dont God and Jesus?
Cheap Motherfuckers
Haiku # 61056, November 21, 2018 6:46 pm ET
by Person who wants lots of presents
I've not drank egg nog,
disappointing heart surgeons,
for about four years.
Haiku # 61055, November 21, 2018 5:51 pm ET
by df
Spiked Santa's egg nog
latte with Viagra pills.
Shopping mall scandal.
Haiku # 61054, November 21, 2018 5:48 pm ET
I rode a funt-cart.
It wouldn't go very fast.
It was at Wal-Mart.

Oh wait, no, I'm wrong.
It was one of those "Rascals".
The seat smelled funny.
Haiku # 61053, November 21, 2018 7:37 am ET
Quantum particles
swerve inappropriately
whilst navigating.
Haiku # 61052, November 21, 2018 5:39 am ET
by the way of the scoundrel
Holiday photos
Mall Santa popped a boner
Mugshot portrait now
Haiku # 61051, November 20, 2018 8:50 pm ET
by Elf Dentist
Oxen pull funt-cart
Through the wastelands of Haiku
Loaded full of Funt.
Haiku # 61050, November 20, 2018 5:50 pm ET
by Funt-Cart of Mottypouth
Bad Haiku website
symptomatic of our time:
pottymouth trash-talk
Haiku # 61049, November 20, 2018 5:47 pm ET
by Darth Kitten Starpucker of Excrementally Underwhelmed
With that being said
With that being said...No more!!
With that being said
Haiku # 61048, November 20, 2018 4:25 pm ET
by Annoying person
Ronald McDonald
He's got an orange schmeckle
Just like that Trump clown
Haiku # 61047, November 20, 2018 2:58 pm ET
by Oompa Loompa watcher
Salami dildo
Delicatessen window
Dinner and a show
Haiku # 61046, November 20, 2018 2:55 pm ET
by New York Mona of New Jersey
Since the last update
Forecast calls for more poems
Chance of urine floods
Haiku # 61045, November 20, 2018 2:52 pm ET
by Whiskey sip of Barstool
Tortoise Turdle Turd
Chomping lettuce. Daydreaming.
Popping a boner
Haiku # 61044, November 20, 2018 1:26 pm ET
by I'd rather not say
Mailman Piggy Back!
Nude Ambush. Caught him off guard
No bath salts involved
Haiku # 61043, November 20, 2018 1:23 pm ET
by High On Life (backflip) of Front Yard!
We're staunch characters
And we tap dance, too
Haiku # 61042, November 20, 2018 11:42 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Class action lawsuit
Bad Roosters! Mosquitoes Fraud!
Yowling Cats will pay!!
Haiku # 61041, November 20, 2018 10:48 am ET
by Attorney of Cuntfart Cuntfart & Cunt Ltd
human albumin
Slippery banana peels
I smell a lawsuit
Haiku # 61040, November 20, 2018 8:29 am ET
by Attorney of Law Offices of cuntfart cuntfart & cunt
Roosters attacked me.
Goddamn tortoise ate a turd.
Cats yelling for food.

Killed three mosquitoes.
The flies were too quick for me.
Pouring rain again.

Kids either fussing
or playing video games.
Waste away their lives.

Here I write haiku.
And that's oh so meaningful.
Why won't God kill me?!
Haiku # 61039, November 20, 2018 3:36 am ET
by df
Kosher Bacon Cheeseburgers.
Ronald's McMosheh.

When Christ was a lad
he got the happy meals.
Comes with free dreidel.
Haiku # 61038, November 20, 2018 3:23 am ET
by df
Wind passed on the veranda
Crouching low, cat-like
Haiku # 61037, November 20, 2018 1:28 am ET
by Porch shitter of Porch
We didn't ask for this crap.
Maybe tomorrow...
Haiku # 61036, November 20, 2018 1:14 am ET
by Earthling of Earth
Jesus, son of God
Never tasted McDonald's
He really missed out
Haiku # 61035, November 19, 2018 9:37 pm ET
by Grimace
all things considered
some folks think it is the end
so there's mark taylor
Haiku # 61034, November 19, 2018 8:52 pm ET
by vhs
And end with a fart
Haiku # 61033, November 19, 2018 8:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Once upon a Figpucker
Haiku # 61032, November 19, 2018 8:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
All stories will start
Haiku # 61031, November 19, 2018 8:17 pm ET
by Hans Atheist Anderson
I hope that I know when I'm going to die so that I can post on Farcebook, I AM DARTH FIGPUCKER, to shame my whole family. That way they will hate me and not mourn me at all. Save them the trouble. Cremate me, flush my ashes down the nearest toilet. Save money that way.
Haiku # 61030, November 19, 2018 8:11 pm ET
by df
I miss elections.
I used to shit on porches
of republicans.

Never shat in sinks.
I mean, why waste a good turd?
Each turd can be art!
Haiku # 61029, November 19, 2018 8:07 pm ET
by df of Express Thyself!
Of course I'm joking.
My life: haiku, sudoku.
Sudoku, haiku.

No nipple biting.
the bee's knees and wasp's nipples.
Erogenous bugs.

I realized something.
Being immortal would suck.
I feel bad for God.

God or the Devil.
They will never know the end.
And its sweet release.
Haiku # 61028, November 19, 2018 8:02 pm ET
by df
So much backed up shit
Procrastinating colon
Haiku # 61027, November 19, 2018 8:01 pm ET
by Overheard of Public Restroom
Nivea fetish
A self proclaimed sink shitter
That guy has small feet
Haiku # 61026, November 19, 2018 7:56 pm ET
by Census Taker
Please bite my nipples.
Go ahead and make them bleed.
It's better than milk.
Haiku # 61025, November 19, 2018 7:46 pm ET
by df
When feeling useless,
and you have nothing to say,
blow it out your ass.

Or write a haiku.
The whole world will be amazed.
I am so awesome!
Haiku # 61024, November 19, 2018 7:28 pm ET
by DARTH SHRINKING BRAIN FIGPUCKER of I would like some brain parasites to go with my head injury. Maybe I could forget my wife.
It's like the Cups song
Except you use cut off dicks
Miss 'em when they're gone
Haiku # 61023, November 19, 2018 5:11 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Spend our lives waiting
The suspense is killing me
I can hardly wait
Haiku # 61022, November 19, 2018 5:07 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Good Old Ceiling Cat
He's been watching you do that
And that's an eyeful
Haiku # 61021, November 19, 2018 5:03 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
In the waiting room
That's where we do our waiting
We're in here waiting
Haiku # 61020, November 19, 2018 4:30 pm ET
by Waitstaff of Waiting Room
Let me show you
My intergluteal cleft
Conversation piece
Haiku # 61019, November 19, 2018 2:17 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Boner compass
Lost in the town of Pleasure
Tiny hands. Raking.
Haiku # 61018, November 19, 2018 2:15 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Ass gas no jiggle
Always welcome for dinner
It's All You Can Eat
Haiku # 61017, November 19, 2018 2:08 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I hate statistics.
Even more than statistics,
I hate stats teachers.

I hypothesize
that your ass is hippo-sized.
Supersized your fries.
Haiku # 61016, November 19, 2018 2:02 pm ET
by df of hypothesize this!
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