Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 212 Days and 70746 Haikus later...

Class action lawsuit
Bad Roosters! Mosquitoes Fraud!
Yowling Cats will pay!!
Haiku # 61041, November 20, 2018 10:48 am ET
by Attorney of Cuntfart Cuntfart & Cunt Ltd
human albumin
Slippery banana peels
I smell a lawsuit
Haiku # 61040, November 20, 2018 8:29 am ET
by Attorney of Law Offices of cuntfart cuntfart & cunt
Roosters attacked me.
Goddamn tortoise ate a turd.
Cats yelling for food.

Killed three mosquitoes.
The flies were too quick for me.
Pouring rain again.

Kids either fussing
or playing video games.
Waste away their lives.

Here I write haiku.
And that's oh so meaningful.
Why won't God kill me?!
Haiku # 61039, November 20, 2018 3:36 am ET
by df
McOyVeyDonald's.
Kosher Bacon Cheeseburgers.
Ronald's McMosheh.

When Christ was a lad
he got the happy meals.
Comes with free dreidel.
Haiku # 61038, November 20, 2018 3:23 am ET
by df
Reverberations
Wind passed on the veranda
Crouching low, cat-like
Haiku # 61037, November 20, 2018 1:28 am ET
by Porch shitter of Porch
Yesterday....Today....
We didn't ask for this crap.
Maybe tomorrow...
Haiku # 61036, November 20, 2018 1:14 am ET
by Earthling of Earth
Jesus, son of God
Never tasted McDonald's
He really missed out
Haiku # 61035, November 19, 2018 9:37 pm ET
by Grimace
all things considered
some folks think it is the end
so there's mark taylor
Haiku # 61034, November 19, 2018 8:52 pm ET
by vhs
And end with a fart
Haiku # 61033, November 19, 2018 8:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Once upon a Figpucker
Haiku # 61032, November 19, 2018 8:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
All stories will start
Haiku # 61031, November 19, 2018 8:17 pm ET
by Hans Atheist Anderson
I hope that I know when I'm going to die so that I can post on Farcebook, I AM DARTH FIGPUCKER, to shame my whole family. That way they will hate me and not mourn me at all. Save them the trouble. Cremate me, flush my ashes down the nearest toilet. Save money that way.
Haiku # 61030, November 19, 2018 8:11 pm ET
by df
I miss elections.
I used to shit on porches
of republicans.

Never shat in sinks.
I mean, why waste a good turd?
Each turd can be art!
Haiku # 61029, November 19, 2018 8:07 pm ET
by df of Express Thyself!
Of course I'm joking.
My life: haiku, sudoku.
Sudoku, haiku.

No nipple biting.
the bee's knees and wasp's nipples.
Erogenous bugs.

I realized something.
Being immortal would suck.
I feel bad for God.

God or the Devil.
They will never know the end.
And its sweet release.
Haiku # 61028, November 19, 2018 8:02 pm ET
by df
So much backed up shit
Procrastinating colon
I
Haiku # 61027, November 19, 2018 8:01 pm ET
by Overheard of Public Restroom
Nivea fetish
A self proclaimed sink shitter
That guy has small feet
Haiku # 61026, November 19, 2018 7:56 pm ET
by Census Taker
Please bite my nipples.
Go ahead and make them bleed.
It's better than milk.
Haiku # 61025, November 19, 2018 7:46 pm ET
by df
When feeling useless,
and you have nothing to say,
blow it out your ass.

Or write a haiku.
The whole world will be amazed.
I am so awesome!
Haiku # 61024, November 19, 2018 7:28 pm ET
by DARTH SHRINKING BRAIN FIGPUCKER of I would like some brain parasites to go with my head injury. Maybe I could forget my wife.
It's like the Cups song
Except you use cut off dicks
Miss 'em when they're gone
Haiku # 61023, November 19, 2018 5:11 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Spend our lives waiting
The suspense is killing me
I can hardly wait
Haiku # 61022, November 19, 2018 5:07 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Good Old Ceiling Cat
He's been watching you do that
And that's an eyeful
Haiku # 61021, November 19, 2018 5:03 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
In the waiting room
That's where we do our waiting
We're in here waiting
Haiku # 61020, November 19, 2018 4:30 pm ET
by Waitstaff of Waiting Room
Let me show you
My intergluteal cleft
Conversation piece
Haiku # 61019, November 19, 2018 2:17 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Boner compass
Lost in the town of Pleasure
Tiny hands. Raking.
Haiku # 61018, November 19, 2018 2:15 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Ass gas no jiggle
Always welcome for dinner
It's All You Can Eat
Haiku # 61017, November 19, 2018 2:08 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I hate statistics.
Even more than statistics,
I hate stats teachers.

I hypothesize
that your ass is hippo-sized.
Supersized your fries.
Haiku # 61016, November 19, 2018 2:02 pm ET
by df of hypothesize this!
Neither one wore clothes.
They toed each other asses.
More so at dinner.
Haiku # 61015, November 19, 2018 1:49 pm ET
by df
All the oceans depths
can't contain the filth that flows
from our bad haiku.

Warn the EPA!
Eviscerated Poets
Abnormality.

or something
Haiku # 61014, November 19, 2018 1:44 pm ET
by df
Putrid waters flow . . .
All filth washed away to sea.
Hail, cleansing ocean!
Haiku # 61013, November 19, 2018 1:11 pm ET
by Figpucker's body fluids mixed with solid waste of Starkitten's library
In the waiting room
A perfect time for Haiku
But what shall I say?
Haiku # 61012, November 19, 2018 1:03 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
You're levitating!
Oh wait, it's just your penis
Not a magician
Haiku # 61011, November 19, 2018 1:26 am ET
by Hairy Houdini
Urinate Freestyle
Full Bladder Parkour. Rad.
Piss everyone off
Haiku # 61010, November 19, 2018 1:19 am ET
by I.P Freely of Everywhere
I have peed in sinks.
Only in public restrooms.
Never my own house.
Haiku # 61009, November 19, 2018 12:49 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
As for the toilet
Nothing is perfect. Cracked seat
Matches my cracked seat

Ever peed in a sink?
Haiku # 61008, November 18, 2018 10:06 pm ET
by Urine Goodhands
In with the In Crowd
Bagels and Lox In forehead
Pocky sticks in nose
Haiku # 61007, November 18, 2018 9:53 pm ET
by Booger Picker of Radioactivity
Haiku decompose
The Orient shopping mall
Lies, lies and more LIES.
Haiku # 61006, November 18, 2018 9:05 pm ET
by Jap Conformists of Nipponese plastic
Because you are you
Haiku # 61005, November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by Not Edie Brickell
Just because you
Haiku # 61004, November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tis I, little buddy
You are my super hero
Just because you
Haiku # 61003, November 18, 2018 8:27 pm ET
by Missing haiku of Baked in the neighborhood
Toilet has broken
And the shatbird has spoken
My GIANT HINDER
Haiku # 61002, November 18, 2018 8:26 pm ET
by Fat Stevens of Youssoff my toilet or I call the authorities
Haiku # 61001, November 18, 2018 8:23 pm ET
by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. baked solid
Haiku # 61000, November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET
by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
Haiku # 60999, November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET
by Mysterious and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
Kenny, is that you?!
Kenny's superhero name
is Mysterion.
Haiku # 60998, November 18, 2018 8:10 pm ET
by df -- south park fan to the bitter end!
Don't break the toilet.
By weight or explosive force.
Porcelain ain't cheap!
Haiku # 60997, November 18, 2018 8:07 pm ET
by df
Enormous hind end
Bearing down hard and grunting
To be continued...
Haiku # 60996, November 18, 2018 5:51 pm ET
by Mysterio
The night settles down.
Or at least you think it does.
Until you hear it.
Haiku # 60995, November 18, 2018 5:50 pm ET
by the hair of the god
Charlie wasn't bad.
Just made a poor career choice.
True standup comic.
Haiku # 60994, November 18, 2018 11:56 am ET
by df
In a funny way
Oscar is like Charles Manson
Except much more green
Haiku # 60993, November 18, 2018 6:35 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Gentle Big Bird
You know he's the one for me
Hide under his wing
Haiku # 60992, November 18, 2018 6:30 am ET
by Starkitten of Under Big Bird's Wing
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