Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 314 Days and 72143 Haikus later...

I hate statistics.
Even more than statistics,
I hate stats teachers.

I hypothesize
that your ass is hippo-sized.
Supersized your fries.
Haiku # 61016, November 19, 2018 2:02 pm ET
by df of hypothesize this!
Neither one wore clothes.
They toed each other asses.
More so at dinner.
Haiku # 61015, November 19, 2018 1:49 pm ET
by df
All the oceans depths
can't contain the filth that flows
from our bad haiku.

Warn the EPA!
Eviscerated Poets
Abnormality.

or something
Haiku # 61014, November 19, 2018 1:44 pm ET
by df
Putrid waters flow . . .
All filth washed away to sea.
Hail, cleansing ocean!
Haiku # 61013, November 19, 2018 1:11 pm ET
by Figpucker's body fluids mixed with solid waste of Starkitten's library
In the waiting room
A perfect time for Haiku
But what shall I say?
Haiku # 61012, November 19, 2018 1:03 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
You're levitating!
Oh wait, it's just your penis
Not a magician
Haiku # 61011, November 19, 2018 1:26 am ET
by Hairy Houdini
Urinate Freestyle
Full Bladder Parkour. Rad.
Piss everyone off
Haiku # 61010, November 19, 2018 1:19 am ET
by I.P Freely of Everywhere
I have peed in sinks.
Only in public restrooms.
Never my own house.
Haiku # 61009, November 19, 2018 12:49 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
As for the toilet
Nothing is perfect. Cracked seat
Matches my cracked seat

Ever peed in a sink?
Haiku # 61008, November 18, 2018 10:06 pm ET
by Urine Goodhands
In with the In Crowd
Bagels and Lox In forehead
Pocky sticks in nose
Haiku # 61007, November 18, 2018 9:53 pm ET
by Booger Picker of Radioactivity
Haiku decompose
The Orient shopping mall
Lies, lies and more LIES.
Haiku # 61006, November 18, 2018 9:05 pm ET
by Jap Conformists of Nipponese plastic
Because you are you
Haiku # 61005, November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by Not Edie Brickell
Just because you
Haiku # 61004, November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tis I, little buddy
You are my super hero
Just because you
Haiku # 61003, November 18, 2018 8:27 pm ET
by Missing haiku of Baked in the neighborhood
Toilet has broken
And the shatbird has spoken
My GIANT HINDER
Haiku # 61002, November 18, 2018 8:26 pm ET
by Fat Stevens of Youssoff my toilet or I call the authorities
Haiku # 61001, November 18, 2018 8:23 pm ET
by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. baked solid
Haiku # 61000, November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET
by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
Haiku # 60999, November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET
by Mysterious and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
Kenny, is that you?!
Kenny's superhero name
is Mysterion.
Haiku # 60998, November 18, 2018 8:10 pm ET
by df -- south park fan to the bitter end!
Don't break the toilet.
By weight or explosive force.
Porcelain ain't cheap!
Haiku # 60997, November 18, 2018 8:07 pm ET
by df
Enormous hind end
Bearing down hard and grunting
To be continued...
Haiku # 60996, November 18, 2018 5:51 pm ET
by Mysterio
The night settles down.
Or at least you think it does.
Until you hear it.
Haiku # 60995, November 18, 2018 5:50 pm ET
by the hair of the god
Charlie wasn't bad.
Just made a poor career choice.
True standup comic.
Haiku # 60994, November 18, 2018 11:56 am ET
by df
In a funny way
Oscar is like Charles Manson
Except much more green
Haiku # 60993, November 18, 2018 6:35 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Gentle Big Bird
You know he's the one for me
Hide under his wing
Haiku # 60992, November 18, 2018 6:30 am ET
by Starkitten of Under Big Bird's Wing
Oscar was my fave.
But I think now it's The Count.
Cookie Monster's cool.

I'm sure he smokes pot.
Always getting the munchies.
But so lethargic.

The Count's a demon.
Can't drink Burt and Ernie's blood.
'Cause he might get AIDS.
Haiku # 60991, November 18, 2018 6:17 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Rubbing your head
Don't strain when you are pooping
I'm counting on you
Haiku # 60990, November 18, 2018 12:44 am ET
by Starkitten of Near dishwasher
Skateboard accident.
Now that's one cool way to die.
I could live with that.
Haiku # 60989, November 18, 2018 12:14 am ET
by df -- sadly going to live
Me taking a dump.
Queen alien laying eggs.
Looks about the same.
Haiku # 60988, November 18, 2018 12:03 am ET
by df of This effing head pain can kiss my distended rectum!
I killed a poor bug.
It looked like a mosquito.
Casualty of war.
Haiku # 60987, November 18, 2018 12:01 am ET
by df
Okay, no haiku here...
My head, they think, will be okay in time.
The hematoma is too small to bother operating on for now. But it needs to be monitored w/ CT scan every so often.
But this means I should not drink or take drugs, which really sucks, and that's not going to happen. I think in about 6 months or so, it will be okay.
Age makes people more susceptible to this type of injury b/c the brain shrinks and pulls away from the skull over time, putting tension on the veins b/w the brain and the skull. So any jarring of the head can make the brain move around and make those veins rip. Fun stuff.
For now, the pain is off and on, but I think decreasing over time. I can still function and work, so... that's my story.
Kind of wish it would have ended me. Skateboarding would have been a cool way to die. I could live with that.
Haiku # 60986, November 18, 2018 12:00 am ET
by df
I had a long with
with Mister DF, I hope
he is ok, soon
Haiku # 60985, November 17, 2018 2:06 pm ET
by vhs of keep on truckin
Did they operate
On your head Figpucker friend?
I hope you are ok
Haiku # 60984, November 17, 2018 4:43 am ET
by Starkitten
My head hurts so bad,
I want to remove my brain.
Feed it to the pigs.
Haiku # 60983, November 17, 2018 4:32 am ET
by df
Cegno do this now
Sometimes Starkitten bossy
So, I
Haiku # 60982, November 17, 2018 2:25 am ET
by Cegno
I have never been
To the heart of this city
Worry of mugging
Haiku # 60981, November 17, 2018 2:21 am ET
by Cegno
No room for error
When you find your hand has stuck
To what you has thieved
Haiku # 60980, November 17, 2018 1:08 am ET
by Cegno
Impersonal self
The derealization
Need 4 cigarettes
Haiku # 60979, November 17, 2018 1:01 am ET
by Cegno of Roof
On the roof. Smoking.
So I endure fear of height
This makes me nervous
Haiku # 60978, November 17, 2018 12:51 am ET
by Cegno of Roof
Office Holiday
A party I may attend
Inebriated
Haiku # 60977, November 17, 2018 12:28 am ET
by Cegno of Certain
Overconfident
My colleague boasts. I stay quiet
Boss wife favor me
Haiku # 60976, November 16, 2018 10:59 pm ET
by Cegno
I can say it here
This spaceship has been removed
To remote cavern
Haiku # 60975, November 16, 2018 10:56 pm ET
by Cegno of Beyond
I read their remarks
Tried to keep an open mind
The taste was not good
Haiku # 60974, November 16, 2018 10:52 pm ET
by Cegno of Yelp of restaurant
Half the time I wait
For the signal to transmit
Before I dare breathe
Haiku # 60973, November 16, 2018 10:49 pm ET
by Cegno
Yes, you do.
Haiku # 60972, November 16, 2018 9:26 pm ET
by
From the time you start
You have never had a chance
I don
Haiku # 60971, November 16, 2018 8:57 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Come on vhs.
Nothing we do will matter.
Nor antimatter.

You need to just be.
Whatever it is you are.
Even a poet.

Well, that's pretty low.
Or maybe a garbage man.
Or a bank robber.

Just do it.
Why ask why?
Celebrate the moments of your life.
It keeps going and going and going...
and stops.
Haiku # 60970, November 15, 2018 11:43 pm ET
by df of Pardon Me, But Do You Have any Grey Poupon?
It was a mistake
Used my dick as toilet snake
Ruined my own plumbing
Haiku # 60969, November 15, 2018 11:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tortoises fucking.
They make the funniest sounds.
But then, so do we.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOxLdklbuj0
Haiku # 60968, November 15, 2018 11:34 pm ET
by df
Fuck you if I'll eat
hard boiled duck embryos.
Not for stinky farts.

Pomelo fruit's best
for stinky farts like a skunk.
Durian, less so.

When I see balut.
It's aborted Daffy Duck.
I just can't do that.
Haiku # 60967, November 15, 2018 11:31 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >