BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
70 Days
69706 Haikus
You're levitating!
Oh wait, it's just your penis
Not a magician
Haiku #61011, by Hairy Houdini
November 19, 2018 1:26 am ET

Urinate Freestyle
Full Bladder Parkour. Rad.
Piss everyone off
Haiku #61010, by I.P Freely of Everywhere
November 19, 2018 1:19 am ET

I have peed in sinks.
Only in public restrooms.
Never my own house.
Haiku #61009, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 19, 2018 12:49 am ET

As for the toilet
Nothing is perfect. Cracked seat
Matches my cracked seat

Ever peed in a sink?
Haiku #61008, by Urine Goodhands
November 18, 2018 10:06 pm ET

In with the In Crowd
Bagels and Lox In forehead
Pocky sticks in nose
Haiku #61007, by Booger Picker of Radioactivity
November 18, 2018 9:53 pm ET

Haiku decompose
The Orient shopping mall
Lies, lies and more LIES.
Haiku #61006, by Jap Conformists of Nipponese plastic
November 18, 2018 9:05 pm ET

Because you are you
Haiku #61005, by Not Edie Brickell
November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET

Just because you
Haiku #61004, by Anonymous Poet
November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET

Tis I, little buddy
You are my super hero
Just because you
Haiku #61003, by Missing haiku of Baked in the neighborhood
November 18, 2018 8:27 pm ET

Toilet has broken
And the shatbird has spoken
Haiku #61002, by Fat Stevens of Youssoff my toilet or I call the authorities
November 18, 2018 8:26 pm ET

Haiku #61001, by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. baked solid
November 18, 2018 8:23 pm ET

Haiku #61000, by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET

Haiku #60999, by Mysterious and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET

Kenny, is that you?!
Kenny's superhero name
is Mysterion.
Haiku #60998, by df -- south park fan to the bitter end!
November 18, 2018 8:10 pm ET

Don't break the toilet.
By weight or explosive force.
Porcelain ain't cheap!
Haiku #60997, by df
November 18, 2018 8:07 pm ET

Enormous hind end
Bearing down hard and grunting
To be continued...
Haiku #60996, by Mysterio
November 18, 2018 5:51 pm ET

The night settles down.
Or at least you think it does.
Until you hear it.
Haiku #60995, by the hair of the god
November 18, 2018 5:50 pm ET

Charlie wasn't bad.
Just made a poor career choice.
True standup comic.
Haiku #60994, by df
November 18, 2018 11:56 am ET

In a funny way
Oscar is like Charles Manson
Except much more green
Haiku #60993, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
November 18, 2018 6:35 am ET

Gentle Big Bird
You know he's the one for me
Hide under his wing
Haiku #60992, by Starkitten of Under Big Bird's Wing
November 18, 2018 6:30 am ET

Oscar was my fave.
But I think now it's The Count.
Cookie Monster's cool.

I'm sure he smokes pot.
Always getting the munchies.
But so lethargic.

The Count's a demon.
Can't drink Burt and Ernie's blood.
'Cause he might get AIDS.
Haiku #60991, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 18, 2018 6:17 am ET

Rubbing your head
Don't strain when you are pooping
I'm counting on you
Haiku #60990, by Starkitten of Near dishwasher
November 18, 2018 12:44 am ET

Skateboard accident.
Now that's one cool way to die.
I could live with that.
Haiku #60989, by df -- sadly going to live
November 18, 2018 12:14 am ET

Me taking a dump.
Queen alien laying eggs.
Looks about the same.
Haiku #60988, by df of This effing head pain can kiss my distended rectum!
November 18, 2018 12:03 am ET

I killed a poor bug.
It looked like a mosquito.
Casualty of war.
Haiku #60987, by df
November 18, 2018 12:01 am ET

Okay, no haiku here...
My head, they think, will be okay in time.
The hematoma is too small to bother operating on for now. But it needs to be monitored w/ CT scan every so often.
But this means I should not drink or take drugs, which really sucks, and that's not going to happen. I think in about 6 months or so, it will be okay.
Age makes people more susceptible to this type of injury b/c the brain shrinks and pulls away from the skull over time, putting tension on the veins b/w the brain and the skull. So any jarring of the head can make the brain move around and make those veins rip. Fun stuff.
For now, the pain is off and on, but I think decreasing over time. I can still function and work, so... that's my story.
Kind of wish it would have ended me. Skateboarding would have been a cool way to die. I could live with that.
Haiku #60986, by df
November 18, 2018 12:00 am ET

I had a long with
with Mister DF, I hope
he is ok, soon
Haiku #60985, by vhs of keep on truckin
November 17, 2018 2:06 pm ET

Did they operate
On your head Figpucker friend?
I hope you are ok
Haiku #60984, by Starkitten
November 17, 2018 4:43 am ET

My head hurts so bad,
I want to remove my brain.
Feed it to the pigs.
Haiku #60983, by df
November 17, 2018 4:32 am ET

Cegno do this now
Sometimes Starkitten bossy
So, I
Haiku #60982, by Cegno
November 17, 2018 2:25 am ET

I have never been
To the heart of this city
Worry of mugging
Haiku #60981, by Cegno
November 17, 2018 2:21 am ET

No room for error
When you find your hand has stuck
To what you has thieved
Haiku #60980, by Cegno
November 17, 2018 1:08 am ET

Impersonal self
The derealization
Need 4 cigarettes
Haiku #60979, by Cegno of Roof
November 17, 2018 1:01 am ET

On the roof. Smoking.
So I endure fear of height
This makes me nervous
Haiku #60978, by Cegno of Roof
November 17, 2018 12:51 am ET

Office Holiday
A party I may attend
Haiku #60977, by Cegno of Certain
November 17, 2018 12:28 am ET

My colleague boasts. I stay quiet
Boss wife favor me
Haiku #60976, by Cegno
November 16, 2018 10:59 pm ET

I can say it here
This spaceship has been removed
To remote cavern
Haiku #60975, by Cegno of Beyond
November 16, 2018 10:56 pm ET

I read their remarks
Tried to keep an open mind
The taste was not good
Haiku #60974, by Cegno of Yelp of restaurant
November 16, 2018 10:52 pm ET

Half the time I wait
For the signal to transmit
Before I dare breathe
Haiku #60973, by Cegno
November 16, 2018 10:49 pm ET

Yes, you do.
Haiku #60972, by
November 16, 2018 9:26 pm ET

From the time you start
You have never had a chance
I don
Haiku #60971, by Anonymous Poet
November 16, 2018 8:57 pm ET

Come on vhs.
Nothing we do will matter.
Nor antimatter.

You need to just be.
Whatever it is you are.
Even a poet.

Well, that's pretty low.
Or maybe a garbage man.
Or a bank robber.

Just do it.
Why ask why?
Celebrate the moments of your life.
It keeps going and going and going...
and stops.
Haiku #60970, by df of Pardon Me, But Do You Have any Grey Poupon?
November 15, 2018 11:43 pm ET

It was a mistake
Used my dick as toilet snake
Ruined my own plumbing
Haiku #60969, by Anonymous Poet
November 15, 2018 11:41 pm ET

Tortoises fucking.
They make the funniest sounds.
But then, so do we.
Haiku #60968, by df
November 15, 2018 11:34 pm ET

Fuck you if I'll eat
hard boiled duck embryos.
Not for stinky farts.

Pomelo fruit's best
for stinky farts like a skunk.
Durian, less so.

When I see balut.
It's aborted Daffy Duck.
I just can't do that.
Haiku #60967, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 15, 2018 11:31 pm ET

Familiar Tortoise
Face kinda looks like Crowley
Oh yeah, Barbara Bush!

Look, there's another
Parachuting down to earth
Cue: "Let's get it on ..."
Haiku #60966, by Zoo goer of Zoo
November 15, 2018 11:30 pm ET

Stealthy dragonfly.
Lands softly on the tortoise.
Foghat's "Slow Ride" plays.
Haiku #60965, by the hair of the dog
November 15, 2018 11:23 pm ET

My name was Cegno
They confiscated my smokes
Kept me in small room

I answered all their questions
And they let me go
Haiku #60964, by Cegno
November 15, 2018 11:18 pm ET

Such redundancy;
Haiku does the red dunce-dance:
Excremental health.
Haiku #60963, by Execration of Excremeditation
November 15, 2018 11:04 pm ET

That Darth Figpucker
Somewhere eating balut eggs
And Durian farts
Haiku #60962, by Anonymous Poet
November 15, 2018 4:24 pm ET