Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 340 Days and 72806 Haikus later...

The night settles down.
Or at least you think it does.
Until you hear it.
Haiku # 60995, November 18, 2018 5:50 pm ET
by the hair of the god
Charlie wasn't bad.
Just made a poor career choice.
True standup comic.
Haiku # 60994, November 18, 2018 11:56 am ET
by df
In a funny way
Oscar is like Charles Manson
Except much more green
Haiku # 60993, November 18, 2018 6:35 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Gentle Big Bird
You know he's the one for me
Hide under his wing
Haiku # 60992, November 18, 2018 6:30 am ET
by Starkitten of Under Big Bird's Wing
Oscar was my fave.
But I think now it's The Count.
Cookie Monster's cool.

I'm sure he smokes pot.
Always getting the munchies.
But so lethargic.

The Count's a demon.
Can't drink Burt and Ernie's blood.
'Cause he might get AIDS.
Haiku # 60991, November 18, 2018 6:17 am ET
Rubbing your head
Don't strain when you are pooping
I'm counting on you
Haiku # 60990, November 18, 2018 12:44 am ET
by Starkitten of Near dishwasher
Skateboard accident.
Now that's one cool way to die.
I could live with that.
Haiku # 60989, November 18, 2018 12:14 am ET
by df -- sadly going to live
Me taking a dump.
Queen alien laying eggs.
Looks about the same.
Haiku # 60988, November 18, 2018 12:03 am ET
by df of This effing head pain can kiss my distended rectum!
I killed a poor bug.
It looked like a mosquito.
Casualty of war.
Haiku # 60987, November 18, 2018 12:01 am ET
by df
Okay, no haiku here...
My head, they think, will be okay in time.
The hematoma is too small to bother operating on for now. But it needs to be monitored w/ CT scan every so often.
But this means I should not drink or take drugs, which really sucks, and that's not going to happen. I think in about 6 months or so, it will be okay.
Age makes people more susceptible to this type of injury b/c the brain shrinks and pulls away from the skull over time, putting tension on the veins b/w the brain and the skull. So any jarring of the head can make the brain move around and make those veins rip. Fun stuff.
For now, the pain is off and on, but I think decreasing over time. I can still function and work, so... that's my story.
Kind of wish it would have ended me. Skateboarding would have been a cool way to die. I could live with that.
Haiku # 60986, November 18, 2018 12:00 am ET
by df
I had a long with
with Mister DF, I hope
he is ok, soon
Haiku # 60985, November 17, 2018 2:06 pm ET
by vhs of keep on truckin
Did they operate
On your head Figpucker friend?
I hope you are ok
Haiku # 60984, November 17, 2018 4:43 am ET
by Starkitten
My head hurts so bad,
I want to remove my brain.
Feed it to the pigs.
Haiku # 60983, November 17, 2018 4:32 am ET
by df
Cegno do this now
Sometimes Starkitten bossy
So, I
Haiku # 60982, November 17, 2018 2:25 am ET
by Cegno
I have never been
To the heart of this city
Worry of mugging
Haiku # 60981, November 17, 2018 2:21 am ET
by Cegno
No room for error
When you find your hand has stuck
To what you has thieved
Haiku # 60980, November 17, 2018 1:08 am ET
by Cegno
Impersonal self
The derealization
Need 4 cigarettes
Haiku # 60979, November 17, 2018 1:01 am ET
by Cegno of Roof
On the roof. Smoking.
So I endure fear of height
This makes me nervous
Haiku # 60978, November 17, 2018 12:51 am ET
by Cegno of Roof
Office Holiday
A party I may attend
Haiku # 60977, November 17, 2018 12:28 am ET
by Cegno of Certain
My colleague boasts. I stay quiet
Boss wife favor me
Haiku # 60976, November 16, 2018 10:59 pm ET
by Cegno
I can say it here
This spaceship has been removed
To remote cavern
Haiku # 60975, November 16, 2018 10:56 pm ET
by Cegno of Beyond
I read their remarks
Tried to keep an open mind
The taste was not good
Haiku # 60974, November 16, 2018 10:52 pm ET
by Cegno of Yelp of restaurant
Half the time I wait
For the signal to transmit
Before I dare breathe
Haiku # 60973, November 16, 2018 10:49 pm ET
by Cegno
Yes, you do.
Haiku # 60972, November 16, 2018 9:26 pm ET
From the time you start
You have never had a chance
I don
Haiku # 60971, November 16, 2018 8:57 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Come on vhs.
Nothing we do will matter.
Nor antimatter.

You need to just be.
Whatever it is you are.
Even a poet.

Well, that's pretty low.
Or maybe a garbage man.
Or a bank robber.

Just do it.
Why ask why?
Celebrate the moments of your life.
It keeps going and going and going...
and stops.
Haiku # 60970, November 15, 2018 11:43 pm ET
by df of Pardon Me, But Do You Have any Grey Poupon?
It was a mistake
Used my dick as toilet snake
Ruined my own plumbing
Haiku # 60969, November 15, 2018 11:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tortoises fucking.
They make the funniest sounds.
But then, so do we.
Haiku # 60968, November 15, 2018 11:34 pm ET
by df
Fuck you if I'll eat
hard boiled duck embryos.
Not for stinky farts.

Pomelo fruit's best
for stinky farts like a skunk.
Durian, less so.

When I see balut.
It's aborted Daffy Duck.
I just can't do that.
Haiku # 60967, November 15, 2018 11:31 pm ET
Familiar Tortoise
Face kinda looks like Crowley
Oh yeah, Barbara Bush!

Look, there's another
Parachuting down to earth
Cue: "Let's get it on ..."
Haiku # 60966, November 15, 2018 11:30 pm ET
by Zoo goer of Zoo
Stealthy dragonfly.
Lands softly on the tortoise.
Foghat's "Slow Ride" plays.
Haiku # 60965, November 15, 2018 11:23 pm ET
by the hair of the dog
My name was Cegno
They confiscated my smokes
Kept me in small room

I answered all their questions
And they let me go
Haiku # 60964, November 15, 2018 11:18 pm ET
by Cegno
Such redundancy;
Haiku does the red dunce-dance:
Excremental health.
Haiku # 60963, November 15, 2018 11:04 pm ET
by Execration of Excremeditation
That Darth Figpucker
Somewhere eating balut eggs
And Durian farts
Haiku # 60962, November 15, 2018 4:24 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Attention: Poets!
Was I just reading James Joyce?
Or was that Joyce James
Haiku # 60961, November 15, 2018 4:18 pm ET
by Ellen Jamesian of Blow Job
Don't listen to her
My sister has been on my street since I got a sister to the sister who was a sister sister who has a sister who is my woman woman I have a sister who is my woman woman I have a sister who is my woman woman I have a lot of work on the way she is and I have a lot to do and I am a sister sister and I have been able for the best way she said that I have a lot to say
Haiku # 60960, November 15, 2018 12:05 am ET
by Her sister
My sister was on her way she was like a woman and I am a woman who has a lot to say to the people that I have been told not yet I have to say I have been the same as a person and I'm a good person to say that the person I was a person to say I have a lot to do and not do anything for a person that is a woman who is not the woman that person who has a lot to do is just not a person that is a person and I have to be the woman that has a lot of things to say about her
Haiku # 60959, November 14, 2018 11:54 pm ET
by Person of With a lot to say
I don't have much to
do with this place anymore
I feel like a lot

of what I have done
on line has brought a side of
myself out that makes

me want to delete the whole thing
Haiku # 60958, November 14, 2018 10:04 pm ET
by vhs
Politics - nothing
to do with being polite,
but a parasite.

Poly, Greek for many.
Ticks, blood sucking parasites.
Therefore politics.
Haiku # 60957, November 14, 2018 5:54 pm ET
by df
Swoosh mush mush mush
Swoosh swoosh mush mush flush
Just wiping my tush
Haiku # 60956, November 14, 2018 3:24 pm ET
by Flush of In no rush
Tremendous, YUGE YUGE
Haiku # 60955, November 14, 2018 12:38 pm ET
by Trump of Mirror
Wipe out deficit.
Trump raped hard on Pay-Per-View.
Bigly yuge profits.

You must admit it.
Who WOULDN'T pay to see THAT!
Well, besides Sanders.
Haiku # 60954, November 14, 2018 7:36 am ET
by df
You say Trump is bad.
He's sure got a purty mouth.
Orange Deliverance.
Haiku # 60953, November 14, 2018 7:28 am ET
by df of Funny how a billionaire can bring out the hillbilly in people.
Debunking theories
Mosquitoes aren't attractive
Criminals walk free
Haiku # 60952, November 14, 2018 5:01 am ET
by Kent Dorfman of On Double Secret Probation
Bad haiku is bad
Very, very bad like Trump
Everyone agrees
Haiku # 60951, November 14, 2018 4:38 am ET
by Kent Dorfman of On Double Secret Probation
Concise poetry.
Perceived as being profound.
You give it meaning.
Haiku # 60950, November 14, 2018 4:33 am ET
by the hair of the dog
Cryzosza mi fucq
Cognoscenti ni senza
Fazool na prexii
Haiku # 60949, November 14, 2018 12:37 am ET
by Cegno
Do vegetables poop?
I've never had a garden
Do they poop out soil?
Haiku # 60948, November 13, 2018 10:52 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
All poetry smells
Curried turds and curdled words
Greasy gopher farts
Haiku # 60947, November 13, 2018 8:21 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Cracking pygmies open
Like Harry and David nuts
Get at the sweet meat
Haiku # 60946, November 13, 2018 8:15 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
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