BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
67 Days
and
66727 Haikus
later...
The night settles down.
Or at least you think it does.
Until you hear it.
Haiku #60995, by the hair of the god
November 18, 2018 5:50 pm ET

Charlie wasn't bad.
Just made a poor career choice.
True standup comic.
Haiku #60994, by df
November 18, 2018 11:56 am ET

In a funny way
Oscar is like Charles Manson
Except much more green
Haiku #60993, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
November 18, 2018 6:35 am ET

Gentle Big Bird
You know he's the one for me
Hide under his wing
Haiku #60992, by Starkitten of Under Big Bird's Wing
November 18, 2018 6:30 am ET

Oscar was my fave.
But I think now it's The Count.
Cookie Monster's cool.

I'm sure he smokes pot.
Always getting the munchies.
But so lethargic.

The Count's a demon.
Can't drink Burt and Ernie's blood.
'Cause he might get AIDS.
Haiku #60991, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 18, 2018 6:17 am ET

Rubbing your head
Don't strain when you are pooping
I'm counting on you
Haiku #60990, by Starkitten of Near dishwasher
November 18, 2018 12:44 am ET

Skateboard accident.
Now that's one cool way to die.
I could live with that.
Haiku #60989, by df -- sadly going to live
November 18, 2018 12:14 am ET

Me taking a dump.
Queen alien laying eggs.
Looks about the same.
Haiku #60988, by df of This effing head pain can kiss my distended rectum!
November 18, 2018 12:03 am ET

I killed a poor bug.
It looked like a mosquito.
Casualty of war.
Haiku #60987, by df
November 18, 2018 12:01 am ET

Okay, no haiku here...
My head, they think, will be okay in time.
The hematoma is too small to bother operating on for now. But it needs to be monitored w/ CT scan every so often.
But this means I should not drink or take drugs, which really sucks, and that's not going to happen. I think in about 6 months or so, it will be okay.
Age makes people more susceptible to this type of injury b/c the brain shrinks and pulls away from the skull over time, putting tension on the veins b/w the brain and the skull. So any jarring of the head can make the brain move around and make those veins rip. Fun stuff.
For now, the pain is off and on, but I think decreasing over time. I can still function and work, so... that's my story.
Kind of wish it would have ended me. Skateboarding would have been a cool way to die. I could live with that.
Haiku #60986, by df
November 18, 2018 12:00 am ET

I had a long with
with Mister DF, I hope
he is ok, soon
Haiku #60985, by vhs of keep on truckin
November 17, 2018 2:06 pm ET

Did they operate
On your head Figpucker friend?
I hope you are ok
Haiku #60984, by Starkitten
November 17, 2018 4:43 am ET

My head hurts so bad,
I want to remove my brain.
Feed it to the pigs.
Haiku #60983, by df
November 17, 2018 4:32 am ET

Cegno do this now
Sometimes Starkitten bossy
So, I
Haiku #60982, by Cegno
November 17, 2018 2:25 am ET

I have never been
To the heart of this city
Worry of mugging
Haiku #60981, by Cegno
November 17, 2018 2:21 am ET

No room for error
When you find your hand has stuck
To what you has thieved
Haiku #60980, by Cegno
November 17, 2018 1:08 am ET

Impersonal self
The derealization
Need 4 cigarettes
Haiku #60979, by Cegno of Roof
November 17, 2018 1:01 am ET

On the roof. Smoking.
So I endure fear of height
This makes me nervous
Haiku #60978, by Cegno of Roof
November 17, 2018 12:51 am ET

Office Holiday
A party I may attend
Inebriated
Haiku #60977, by Cegno of Certain
November 17, 2018 12:28 am ET

Overconfident
My colleague boasts. I stay quiet
Boss wife favor me
Haiku #60976, by Cegno
November 16, 2018 10:59 pm ET

I can say it here
This spaceship has been removed
To remote cavern
Haiku #60975, by Cegno of Beyond
November 16, 2018 10:56 pm ET

I read their remarks
Tried to keep an open mind
The taste was not good
Haiku #60974, by Cegno of Yelp of restaurant
November 16, 2018 10:52 pm ET

Half the time I wait
For the signal to transmit
Before I dare breathe
Haiku #60973, by Cegno
November 16, 2018 10:49 pm ET

Yes, you do.
Haiku #60972, by
November 16, 2018 9:26 pm ET

From the time you start
You have never had a chance
I don
Haiku #60971, by Anonymous Poet
November 16, 2018 8:57 pm ET

Come on vhs.
Nothing we do will matter.
Nor antimatter.

You need to just be.
Whatever it is you are.
Even a poet.

Well, that's pretty low.
Or maybe a garbage man.
Or a bank robber.

Just do it.
Why ask why?
Celebrate the moments of your life.
It keeps going and going and going...
and stops.
Haiku #60970, by df of Pardon Me, But Do You Have any Grey Poupon?
November 15, 2018 11:43 pm ET

It was a mistake
Used my dick as toilet snake
Ruined my own plumbing
Haiku #60969, by Anonymous Poet
November 15, 2018 11:41 pm ET

Tortoises fucking.
They make the funniest sounds.
But then, so do we.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOxLdklbuj0
Haiku #60968, by df
November 15, 2018 11:34 pm ET

Fuck you if I'll eat
hard boiled duck embryos.
Not for stinky farts.

Pomelo fruit's best
for stinky farts like a skunk.
Durian, less so.

When I see balut.
It's aborted Daffy Duck.
I just can't do that.
Haiku #60967, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 15, 2018 11:31 pm ET

Familiar Tortoise
Face kinda looks like Crowley
Oh yeah, Barbara Bush!

Look, there's another
Parachuting down to earth
Cue: "Let's get it on ..."
Haiku #60966, by Zoo goer of Zoo
November 15, 2018 11:30 pm ET

Stealthy dragonfly.
Lands softly on the tortoise.
Foghat's "Slow Ride" plays.
Haiku #60965, by the hair of the dog
November 15, 2018 11:23 pm ET

My name was Cegno
They confiscated my smokes
Kept me in small room

Interrogation
I answered all their questions
And they let me go
Haiku #60964, by Cegno
November 15, 2018 11:18 pm ET

Such redundancy;
Haiku does the red dunce-dance:
Excremental health.
Haiku #60963, by Execration of Excremeditation
November 15, 2018 11:04 pm ET

That Darth Figpucker
Somewhere eating balut eggs
And Durian farts
Haiku #60962, by Anonymous Poet
November 15, 2018 4:24 pm ET

Attention: Poets!
Was I just reading James Joyce?
Or was that Joyce James
Haiku #60961, by Ellen Jamesian of Blow Job
November 15, 2018 4:18 pm ET

Don't listen to her
My sister has been on my street since I got a sister to the sister who was a sister sister who has a sister who is my woman woman I have a sister who is my woman woman I have a sister who is my woman woman I have a lot of work on the way she is and I have a lot to do and I am a sister sister and I have been able for the best way she said that I have a lot to say
Haiku #60960, by Her sister
November 15, 2018 12:05 am ET

My sister was on her way she was like a woman and I am a woman who has a lot to say to the people that I have been told not yet I have to say I have been the same as a person and I'm a good person to say that the person I was a person to say I have a lot to do and not do anything for a person that is a woman who is not the woman that person who has a lot to do is just not a person that is a person and I have to be the woman that has a lot of things to say about her
Haiku #60959, by Person of With a lot to say
November 14, 2018 11:54 pm ET

I don't have much to
do with this place anymore
I feel like a lot

of what I have done
on line has brought a side of
myself out that makes

me want to delete the whole thing
Haiku #60958, by vhs
November 14, 2018 10:04 pm ET

Politics - nothing
to do with being polite,
but a parasite.

Poly, Greek for many.
Ticks, blood sucking parasites.
Therefore politics.
Haiku #60957, by df
November 14, 2018 5:54 pm ET

Swoosh mush mush mush
Swoosh swoosh mush mush flush
Just wiping my tush
Haiku #60956, by Flush of In no rush
November 14, 2018 3:24 pm ET

Tremendous, YUGE YUGE
TREMENDOUS TREMENDOUS YUGE
TREMENDOUS ASSHOLE
Haiku #60955, by Trump of Mirror
November 14, 2018 12:38 pm ET

Wipe out deficit.
Trump raped hard on Pay-Per-View.
Bigly yuge profits.

You must admit it.
Who WOULDN'T pay to see THAT!
Well, besides Sanders.
Haiku #60954, by df
November 14, 2018 7:36 am ET

You say Trump is bad.
He's sure got a purty mouth.
Orange Deliverance.
Haiku #60953, by df of Funny how a billionaire can bring out the hillbilly in people.
November 14, 2018 7:28 am ET

Debunking theories
Mosquitoes aren't attractive
Criminals walk free
Haiku #60952, by Kent Dorfman of On Double Secret Probation
November 14, 2018 5:01 am ET

Bad haiku is bad
Very, very bad like Trump
Everyone agrees
Haiku #60951, by Kent Dorfman of On Double Secret Probation
November 14, 2018 4:38 am ET

Concise poetry.
Perceived as being profound.
You give it meaning.
Haiku #60950, by the hair of the dog
November 14, 2018 4:33 am ET

Cryzosza mi fucq
Cognoscenti ni senza
Fazool na prexii
Haiku #60949, by Cegno
November 14, 2018 12:37 am ET

Do vegetables poop?
I've never had a garden
Do they poop out soil?
Haiku #60948, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 10:52 pm ET

All poetry smells
Curried turds and curdled words
Greasy gopher farts
Haiku #60947, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 8:21 pm ET

Cracking pygmies open
Like Harry and David nuts
Get at the sweet meat
Haiku #60946, by Anonymous Poet
November 13, 2018 8:15 pm ET