BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
240 Days
67701 Haikus
Screwing roast turkey?
It's not beastiality.
It's making gravy.

Or you might call it,
ahem, BASTE-iality.
Pre-stuffing the bird.
Haiku #61066, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 22, 2018 7:12 am ET

Asking for a friend
Screwing a turkey carcass..
Haiku #61065, by I'd rather not say
November 22, 2018 4:31 am ET

Leftover pumpkins
Grab one off your neighbour's porch
Headless Horseman Time!!
Haiku #61064, by Fun Person
November 22, 2018 2:14 am ET

dear americans
though your president's a twat
we love you long time
Haiku #61063, by ash
November 22, 2018 1:50 am ET

there once was a poem from me
to show how said limericks be
the pattern of rhyme
and their rhythmic time
is exactly as you can now see
Haiku #61062, by ash
November 22, 2018 1:47 am ET

Define limerick.
Other than being dirty.
Rhythm, rhyme, so on.
Haiku #61061, by Edward Lear's left testicle.
November 21, 2018 8:05 pm ET

Give you sedatives
Dunk you in a vat of nog
Fuck your brains right out
Haiku #61060, by Anonymous Poet
November 21, 2018 6:59 pm ET

That ain't a limerick
You better lay off the sauce
Poet, Stay Sober!!
Haiku #61059, by Anonymous Poet
November 21, 2018 6:58 pm ET

Egg nog with rum sucks.
Drink half a gallon per day.
You must drink it straight.

Spend New Year's alone.
No one likes to fuck fatties.
Not even when drunk.
Haiku #61058, by df
November 21, 2018 6:56 pm ET

This bad haiku's a limerick.
When you read it you will be sick.
You'll vomit a bucket
of puke and shout "fuck it",
Cunt maggots and dog feces lick.
Haiku #61057, by Vaginal Flatus Discharge Beverage Beaver Hemorhage of Bloody Mary
November 21, 2018 6:51 pm ET

Santa brings presents
But why dont God and Jesus?
Cheap Motherfuckers
Haiku #61056, by Person who wants lots of presents
November 21, 2018 6:46 pm ET

I've not drank egg nog,
disappointing heart surgeons,
for about four years.
Haiku #61055, by df
November 21, 2018 5:51 pm ET

Spiked Santa's egg nog
latte with Viagra pills.
Shopping mall scandal.
Haiku #61054, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 21, 2018 5:48 pm ET

I rode a funt-cart.
It wouldn't go very fast.
It was at Wal-Mart.

Oh wait, no, I'm wrong.
It was one of those "Rascals".
The seat smelled funny.
Haiku #61053, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 21, 2018 7:37 am ET

Quantum particles
swerve inappropriately
whilst navigating.
Haiku #61052, by the way of the scoundrel
November 21, 2018 5:39 am ET

Holiday photos
Mall Santa popped a boner
Mugshot portrait now
Haiku #61051, by Elf Dentist
November 20, 2018 8:50 pm ET

Oxen pull funt-cart
Through the wastelands of Haiku
Loaded full of Funt.
Haiku #61050, by Funt-Cart of Mottypouth
November 20, 2018 5:50 pm ET

Bad Haiku website
symptomatic of our time:
pottymouth trash-talk
Haiku #61049, by Darth Kitten Starpucker of Excrementally Underwhelmed
November 20, 2018 5:47 pm ET

With that being said
With that being said...No more!!
With that being said
Haiku #61048, by Annoying person
November 20, 2018 4:25 pm ET

Ronald McDonald
He's got an orange schmeckle
Just like that Trump clown
Haiku #61047, by Oompa Loompa watcher
November 20, 2018 2:58 pm ET

Salami dildo
Delicatessen window
Dinner and a show
Haiku #61046, by New York Mona of New Jersey
November 20, 2018 2:55 pm ET

Since the last update
Forecast calls for more poems
Chance of urine floods
Haiku #61045, by Whiskey sip of Barstool
November 20, 2018 2:52 pm ET

Tortoise Turdle Turd
Chomping lettuce. Daydreaming.
Popping a boner
Haiku #61044, by I'd rather not say
November 20, 2018 1:26 pm ET

Mailman Piggy Back!
Nude Ambush. Caught him off guard
No bath salts involved
Haiku #61043, by High On Life (backflip) of Front Yard!
November 20, 2018 1:23 pm ET

We're staunch characters
And we tap dance, too
Haiku #61042, by Anonymous Poet
November 20, 2018 11:42 am ET

Class action lawsuit
Bad Roosters! Mosquitoes Fraud!
Yowling Cats will pay!!
Haiku #61041, by Attorney of Cuntfart Cuntfart & Cunt Ltd
November 20, 2018 10:48 am ET

human albumin
Slippery banana peels
I smell a lawsuit
Haiku #61040, by Attorney of Law Offices of cuntfart cuntfart & cunt
November 20, 2018 8:29 am ET

Roosters attacked me.
Goddamn tortoise ate a turd.
Cats yelling for food.

Killed three mosquitoes.
The flies were too quick for me.
Pouring rain again.

Kids either fussing
or playing video games.
Waste away their lives.

Here I write haiku.
And that's oh so meaningful.
Why won't God kill me?!
Haiku #61039, by df
November 20, 2018 3:36 am ET

Kosher Bacon Cheeseburgers.
Ronald's McMosheh.

When Christ was a lad
he got the happy meals.
Comes with free dreidel.
Haiku #61038, by df
November 20, 2018 3:23 am ET

Wind passed on the veranda
Crouching low, cat-like
Haiku #61037, by Porch shitter of Porch
November 20, 2018 1:28 am ET

We didn't ask for this crap.
Maybe tomorrow...
Haiku #61036, by Earthling of Earth
November 20, 2018 1:14 am ET

Jesus, son of God
Never tasted McDonald's
He really missed out
Haiku #61035, by Grimace
November 19, 2018 9:37 pm ET

all things considered
some folks think it is the end
so there's mark taylor
Haiku #61034, by vhs
November 19, 2018 8:52 pm ET

And end with a fart
Haiku #61033, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 8:18 pm ET

Once upon a Figpucker
Haiku #61032, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 8:18 pm ET

All stories will start
Haiku #61031, by Hans Atheist Anderson
November 19, 2018 8:17 pm ET

I hope that I know when I'm going to die so that I can post on Farcebook, I AM DARTH FIGPUCKER, to shame my whole family. That way they will hate me and not mourn me at all. Save them the trouble. Cremate me, flush my ashes down the nearest toilet. Save money that way.
Haiku #61030, by df
November 19, 2018 8:11 pm ET

I miss elections.
I used to shit on porches
of republicans.

Never shat in sinks.
I mean, why waste a good turd?
Each turd can be art!
Haiku #61029, by df of Express Thyself!
November 19, 2018 8:07 pm ET

Of course I'm joking.
My life: haiku, sudoku.
Sudoku, haiku.

No nipple biting.
the bee's knees and wasp's nipples.
Erogenous bugs.

I realized something.
Being immortal would suck.
I feel bad for God.

God or the Devil.
They will never know the end.
And its sweet release.
Haiku #61028, by df
November 19, 2018 8:02 pm ET

So much backed up shit
Procrastinating colon
Haiku #61027, by Overheard of Public Restroom
November 19, 2018 8:01 pm ET

Nivea fetish
A self proclaimed sink shitter
That guy has small feet
Haiku #61026, by Census Taker
November 19, 2018 7:56 pm ET

Please bite my nipples.
Go ahead and make them bleed.
It's better than milk.
Haiku #61025, by df
November 19, 2018 7:46 pm ET

When feeling useless,
and you have nothing to say,
blow it out your ass.

Or write a haiku.
The whole world will be amazed.
I am so awesome!
Haiku #61024, by DARTH SHRINKING BRAIN FIGPUCKER of I would like some brain parasites to go with my head injury. Maybe I could forget my wife.
November 19, 2018 7:28 pm ET

It's like the Cups song
Except you use cut off dicks
Miss 'em when they're gone
Haiku #61023, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 5:11 pm ET

Spend our lives waiting
The suspense is killing me
I can hardly wait
Haiku #61022, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 5:07 pm ET

Good Old Ceiling Cat
He's been watching you do that
And that's an eyeful
Haiku #61021, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 5:03 pm ET

In the waiting room
That's where we do our waiting
We're in here waiting
Haiku #61020, by Waitstaff of Waiting Room
November 19, 2018 4:30 pm ET

Let me show you
My intergluteal cleft
Conversation piece
Haiku #61019, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 2:17 pm ET

Boner compass
Lost in the town of Pleasure
Tiny hands. Raking.
Haiku #61018, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 2:15 pm ET

Ass gas no jiggle
Always welcome for dinner
It's All You Can Eat
Haiku #61017, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 2:08 pm ET