BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
315 Days
68105 Haikus
All stories will start
Haiku #61031, by Hans Atheist Anderson
November 19, 2018 8:17 pm ET

I hope that I know when I'm going to die so that I can post on Farcebook, I AM DARTH FIGPUCKER, to shame my whole family. That way they will hate me and not mourn me at all. Save them the trouble. Cremate me, flush my ashes down the nearest toilet. Save money that way.
Haiku #61030, by df
November 19, 2018 8:11 pm ET

I miss elections.
I used to shit on porches
of republicans.

Never shat in sinks.
I mean, why waste a good turd?
Each turd can be art!
Haiku #61029, by df of Express Thyself!
November 19, 2018 8:07 pm ET

Of course I'm joking.
My life: haiku, sudoku.
Sudoku, haiku.

No nipple biting.
the bee's knees and wasp's nipples.
Erogenous bugs.

I realized something.
Being immortal would suck.
I feel bad for God.

God or the Devil.
They will never know the end.
And its sweet release.
Haiku #61028, by df
November 19, 2018 8:02 pm ET

So much backed up shit
Procrastinating colon
Haiku #61027, by Overheard of Public Restroom
November 19, 2018 8:01 pm ET

Nivea fetish
A self proclaimed sink shitter
That guy has small feet
Haiku #61026, by Census Taker
November 19, 2018 7:56 pm ET

Please bite my nipples.
Go ahead and make them bleed.
It's better than milk.
Haiku #61025, by df
November 19, 2018 7:46 pm ET

When feeling useless,
and you have nothing to say,
blow it out your ass.

Or write a haiku.
The whole world will be amazed.
I am so awesome!
Haiku #61024, by DARTH SHRINKING BRAIN FIGPUCKER of I would like some brain parasites to go with my head injury. Maybe I could forget my wife.
November 19, 2018 7:28 pm ET

It's like the Cups song
Except you use cut off dicks
Miss 'em when they're gone
Haiku #61023, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 5:11 pm ET

Spend our lives waiting
The suspense is killing me
I can hardly wait
Haiku #61022, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 5:07 pm ET

Good Old Ceiling Cat
He's been watching you do that
And that's an eyeful
Haiku #61021, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 5:03 pm ET

In the waiting room
That's where we do our waiting
We're in here waiting
Haiku #61020, by Waitstaff of Waiting Room
November 19, 2018 4:30 pm ET

Let me show you
My intergluteal cleft
Conversation piece
Haiku #61019, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 2:17 pm ET

Boner compass
Lost in the town of Pleasure
Tiny hands. Raking.
Haiku #61018, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 2:15 pm ET

Ass gas no jiggle
Always welcome for dinner
It's All You Can Eat
Haiku #61017, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 2:08 pm ET

I hate statistics.
Even more than statistics,
I hate stats teachers.

I hypothesize
that your ass is hippo-sized.
Supersized your fries.
Haiku #61016, by df of hypothesize this!
November 19, 2018 2:02 pm ET

Neither one wore clothes.
They toed each other asses.
More so at dinner.
Haiku #61015, by df
November 19, 2018 1:49 pm ET

All the oceans depths
can't contain the filth that flows
from our bad haiku.

Warn the EPA!
Eviscerated Poets

or something
Haiku #61014, by df
November 19, 2018 1:44 pm ET

Putrid waters flow . . .
All filth washed away to sea.
Hail, cleansing ocean!
Haiku #61013, by Figpucker's body fluids mixed with solid waste of Starkitten's library
November 19, 2018 1:11 pm ET

In the waiting room
A perfect time for Haiku
But what shall I say?
Haiku #61012, by Anonymous Poet
November 19, 2018 1:03 pm ET

You're levitating!
Oh wait, it's just your penis
Not a magician
Haiku #61011, by Hairy Houdini
November 19, 2018 1:26 am ET

Urinate Freestyle
Full Bladder Parkour. Rad.
Piss everyone off
Haiku #61010, by I.P Freely of Everywhere
November 19, 2018 1:19 am ET

I have peed in sinks.
Only in public restrooms.
Never my own house.
Haiku #61009, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 19, 2018 12:49 am ET

As for the toilet
Nothing is perfect. Cracked seat
Matches my cracked seat

Ever peed in a sink?
Haiku #61008, by Urine Goodhands
November 18, 2018 10:06 pm ET

In with the In Crowd
Bagels and Lox In forehead
Pocky sticks in nose
Haiku #61007, by Booger Picker of Radioactivity
November 18, 2018 9:53 pm ET

Haiku decompose
The Orient shopping mall
Lies, lies and more LIES.
Haiku #61006, by Jap Conformists of Nipponese plastic
November 18, 2018 9:05 pm ET

Because you are you
Haiku #61005, by Not Edie Brickell
November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET

Just because you
Haiku #61004, by Anonymous Poet
November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET

Tis I, little buddy
You are my super hero
Just because you
Haiku #61003, by Missing haiku of Baked in the neighborhood
November 18, 2018 8:27 pm ET

Toilet has broken
And the shatbird has spoken
Haiku #61002, by Fat Stevens of Youssoff my toilet or I call the authorities
November 18, 2018 8:26 pm ET

Haiku #61001, by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. baked solid
November 18, 2018 8:23 pm ET

Haiku #61000, by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET

Haiku #60999, by Mysterious and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET

Kenny, is that you?!
Kenny's superhero name
is Mysterion.
Haiku #60998, by df -- south park fan to the bitter end!
November 18, 2018 8:10 pm ET

Don't break the toilet.
By weight or explosive force.
Porcelain ain't cheap!
Haiku #60997, by df
November 18, 2018 8:07 pm ET

Enormous hind end
Bearing down hard and grunting
To be continued...
Haiku #60996, by Mysterio
November 18, 2018 5:51 pm ET

The night settles down.
Or at least you think it does.
Until you hear it.
Haiku #60995, by the hair of the god
November 18, 2018 5:50 pm ET

Charlie wasn't bad.
Just made a poor career choice.
True standup comic.
Haiku #60994, by df
November 18, 2018 11:56 am ET

In a funny way
Oscar is like Charles Manson
Except much more green
Haiku #60993, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
November 18, 2018 6:35 am ET

Gentle Big Bird
You know he's the one for me
Hide under his wing
Haiku #60992, by Starkitten of Under Big Bird's Wing
November 18, 2018 6:30 am ET

Oscar was my fave.
But I think now it's The Count.
Cookie Monster's cool.

I'm sure he smokes pot.
Always getting the munchies.
But so lethargic.

The Count's a demon.
Can't drink Burt and Ernie's blood.
'Cause he might get AIDS.
Haiku #60991, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
November 18, 2018 6:17 am ET

Rubbing your head
Don't strain when you are pooping
I'm counting on you
Haiku #60990, by Starkitten of Near dishwasher
November 18, 2018 12:44 am ET

Skateboard accident.
Now that's one cool way to die.
I could live with that.
Haiku #60989, by df -- sadly going to live
November 18, 2018 12:14 am ET

Me taking a dump.
Queen alien laying eggs.
Looks about the same.
Haiku #60988, by df of This effing head pain can kiss my distended rectum!
November 18, 2018 12:03 am ET

I killed a poor bug.
It looked like a mosquito.
Casualty of war.
Haiku #60987, by df
November 18, 2018 12:01 am ET

Okay, no haiku here...
My head, they think, will be okay in time.
The hematoma is too small to bother operating on for now. But it needs to be monitored w/ CT scan every so often.
But this means I should not drink or take drugs, which really sucks, and that's not going to happen. I think in about 6 months or so, it will be okay.
Age makes people more susceptible to this type of injury b/c the brain shrinks and pulls away from the skull over time, putting tension on the veins b/w the brain and the skull. So any jarring of the head can make the brain move around and make those veins rip. Fun stuff.
For now, the pain is off and on, but I think decreasing over time. I can still function and work, so... that's my story.
Kind of wish it would have ended me. Skateboarding would have been a cool way to die. I could live with that.
Haiku #60986, by df
November 18, 2018 12:00 am ET

I had a long with
with Mister DF, I hope
he is ok, soon
Haiku #60985, by vhs of keep on truckin
November 17, 2018 2:06 pm ET

Did they operate
On your head Figpucker friend?
I hope you are ok
Haiku #60984, by Starkitten
November 17, 2018 4:43 am ET

My head hurts so bad,
I want to remove my brain.
Feed it to the pigs.
Haiku #60983, by df
November 17, 2018 4:32 am ET

Cegno do this now
Sometimes Starkitten bossy
So, I
Haiku #60982, by Cegno
November 17, 2018 2:25 am ET