Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 321 Days and 76083 Haiku later...

Once upon a Figpucker
Haiku # 61032, November 19, 2018 8:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
All stories will start
Haiku # 61031, November 19, 2018 8:17 pm ET
by Hans Atheist Anderson
I hope that I know when I'm going to die so that I can post on Farcebook, I AM DARTH FIGPUCKER, to shame my whole family. That way they will hate me and not mourn me at all. Save them the trouble. Cremate me, flush my ashes down the nearest toilet. Save money that way.
Haiku # 61030, November 19, 2018 8:11 pm ET
by df
I miss elections.
I used to shit on porches
of republicans.

Never shat in sinks.
I mean, why waste a good turd?
Each turd can be art!
Haiku # 61029, November 19, 2018 8:07 pm ET
by df of Express Thyself!
Of course I'm joking.
My life: haiku, sudoku.
Sudoku, haiku.

No nipple biting.
the bee's knees and wasp's nipples.
Erogenous bugs.

I realized something.
Being immortal would suck.
I feel bad for God.

God or the Devil.
They will never know the end.
And its sweet release.
Haiku # 61028, November 19, 2018 8:02 pm ET
by df
So much backed up shit
Procrastinating colon
Haiku # 61027, November 19, 2018 8:01 pm ET
by Overheard of Public Restroom
Nivea fetish
A self proclaimed sink shitter
That guy has small feet
Haiku # 61026, November 19, 2018 7:56 pm ET
by Census Taker
Please bite my nipples.
Go ahead and make them bleed.
It's better than milk.
Haiku # 61025, November 19, 2018 7:46 pm ET
by df
When feeling useless,
and you have nothing to say,
blow it out your ass.

Or write a haiku.
The whole world will be amazed.
I am so awesome!
Haiku # 61024, November 19, 2018 7:28 pm ET
by DARTH SHRINKING BRAIN FIGPUCKER of I would like some brain parasites to go with my head injury. Maybe I could forget my wife.
It's like the Cups song
Except you use cut off dicks
Miss 'em when they're gone
Haiku # 61023, November 19, 2018 5:11 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Spend our lives waiting
The suspense is killing me
I can hardly wait
Haiku # 61022, November 19, 2018 5:07 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Good Old Ceiling Cat
He's been watching you do that
And that's an eyeful
Haiku # 61021, November 19, 2018 5:03 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
In the waiting room
That's where we do our waiting
We're in here waiting
Haiku # 61020, November 19, 2018 4:30 pm ET
by Waitstaff of Waiting Room
Let me show you
My intergluteal cleft
Conversation piece
Haiku # 61019, November 19, 2018 2:17 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Boner compass
Lost in the town of Pleasure
Tiny hands. Raking.
Haiku # 61018, November 19, 2018 2:15 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Ass gas no jiggle
Always welcome for dinner
It's All You Can Eat
Haiku # 61017, November 19, 2018 2:08 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I hate statistics.
Even more than statistics,
I hate stats teachers.

I hypothesize
that your ass is hippo-sized.
Supersized your fries.
Haiku # 61016, November 19, 2018 2:02 pm ET
by df of hypothesize this!
Neither one wore clothes.
They toed each other asses.
More so at dinner.
Haiku # 61015, November 19, 2018 1:49 pm ET
by df
All the oceans depths
can't contain the filth that flows
from our bad haiku.

Warn the EPA!
Eviscerated Poets

or something
Haiku # 61014, November 19, 2018 1:44 pm ET
by df
Putrid waters flow . . .
All filth washed away to sea.
Hail, cleansing ocean!
Haiku # 61013, November 19, 2018 1:11 pm ET
by Figpucker's body fluids mixed with solid waste of Starkitten's library
In the waiting room
A perfect time for Haiku
But what shall I say?
Haiku # 61012, November 19, 2018 1:03 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
You're levitating!
Oh wait, it's just your penis
Not a magician
Haiku # 61011, November 19, 2018 1:26 am ET
by Hairy Houdini
Urinate Freestyle
Full Bladder Parkour. Rad.
Piss everyone off
Haiku # 61010, November 19, 2018 1:19 am ET
by I.P Freely of Everywhere
I have peed in sinks.
Only in public restrooms.
Never my own house.
Haiku # 61009, November 19, 2018 12:49 am ET
As for the toilet
Nothing is perfect. Cracked seat
Matches my cracked seat

Ever peed in a sink?
Haiku # 61008, November 18, 2018 10:06 pm ET
by Urine Goodhands
In with the In Crowd
Bagels and Lox In forehead
Pocky sticks in nose
Haiku # 61007, November 18, 2018 9:53 pm ET
by Booger Picker of Radioactivity
Haiku decompose
The Orient shopping mall
Lies, lies and more LIES.
Haiku # 61006, November 18, 2018 9:05 pm ET
by Jap Conformists of Nipponese plastic
Because you are you
Haiku # 61005, November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by Not Edie Brickell
Just because you
Haiku # 61004, November 18, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tis I, little buddy
You are my super hero
Just because you
Haiku # 61003, November 18, 2018 8:27 pm ET
by Missing haiku of Baked in the neighborhood
Toilet has broken
And the shatbird has spoken
Haiku # 61002, November 18, 2018 8:26 pm ET
by Fat Stevens of Youssoff my toilet or I call the authorities
Haiku # 61001, November 18, 2018 8:23 pm ET
by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. baked solid
Haiku # 61000, November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET
by Mysterion and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
Haiku # 60999, November 18, 2018 8:21 pm ET
by Mysterious and Mr. Rogers of Joint effort. We are baked
Kenny, is that you?!
Kenny's superhero name
is Mysterion.
Haiku # 60998, November 18, 2018 8:10 pm ET
by df -- south park fan to the bitter end!
Don't break the toilet.
By weight or explosive force.
Porcelain ain't cheap!
Haiku # 60997, November 18, 2018 8:07 pm ET
by df
Enormous hind end
Bearing down hard and grunting
To be continued...
Haiku # 60996, November 18, 2018 5:51 pm ET
by Mysterio
The night settles down.
Or at least you think it does.
Until you hear it.
Haiku # 60995, November 18, 2018 5:50 pm ET
by the hair of the god
Charlie wasn't bad.
Just made a poor career choice.
True standup comic.
Haiku # 60994, November 18, 2018 11:56 am ET
by df
In a funny way
Oscar is like Charles Manson
Except much more green
Haiku # 60993, November 18, 2018 6:35 am ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Gentle Big Bird
You know he's the one for me
Hide under his wing
Haiku # 60992, November 18, 2018 6:30 am ET
by Starkitten of Under Big Bird's Wing
Oscar was my fave.
But I think now it's The Count.
Cookie Monster's cool.

I'm sure he smokes pot.
Always getting the munchies.
But so lethargic.

The Count's a demon.
Can't drink Burt and Ernie's blood.
'Cause he might get AIDS.
Haiku # 60991, November 18, 2018 6:17 am ET
Rubbing your head
Don't strain when you are pooping
I'm counting on you
Haiku # 60990, November 18, 2018 12:44 am ET
by Starkitten of Near dishwasher
Skateboard accident.
Now that's one cool way to die.
I could live with that.
Haiku # 60989, November 18, 2018 12:14 am ET
by df -- sadly going to live
Me taking a dump.
Queen alien laying eggs.
Looks about the same.
Haiku # 60988, November 18, 2018 12:03 am ET
by df of This effing head pain can kiss my distended rectum!
I killed a poor bug.
It looked like a mosquito.
Casualty of war.
Haiku # 60987, November 18, 2018 12:01 am ET
by df
Okay, no haiku here...
My head, they think, will be okay in time.
The hematoma is too small to bother operating on for now. But it needs to be monitored w/ CT scan every so often.
But this means I should not drink or take drugs, which really sucks, and that's not going to happen. I think in about 6 months or so, it will be okay.
Age makes people more susceptible to this type of injury b/c the brain shrinks and pulls away from the skull over time, putting tension on the veins b/w the brain and the skull. So any jarring of the head can make the brain move around and make those veins rip. Fun stuff.
For now, the pain is off and on, but I think decreasing over time. I can still function and work, so... that's my story.
Kind of wish it would have ended me. Skateboarding would have been a cool way to die. I could live with that.
Haiku # 60986, November 18, 2018 12:00 am ET
by df
I had a long with
with Mister DF, I hope
he is ok, soon
Haiku # 60985, November 17, 2018 2:06 pm ET
by vhs of keep on truckin
Did they operate
On your head Figpucker friend?
I hope you are ok
Haiku # 60984, November 17, 2018 4:43 am ET
by Starkitten
My head hurts so bad,
I want to remove my brain.
Feed it to the pigs.
Haiku # 60983, November 17, 2018 4:32 am ET
by df
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