BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
15 Days
and
68939 Haikus
later...
Show me your gonads
Don't bother sprucing them up now
You got ugly junk!
Haiku #60472, by Anonymous Poet
October 26, 2018 3:09 pm ET

Cheese fart Cheese fart queef
Cheese fart anus spring roll queef
Cheese fart toast puke spew
Haiku #60471, by Anonymous Poet
October 26, 2018 3:08 pm ET

I met Randolph once
Shared an elevator ride
Looked just like you, dude
Haiku #60470, by Using the alias Randolph, you fool no one of Shaft
October 26, 2018 2:33 pm ET

I knew a strange chap.
Randolph was a physicist.
Or that's what he claimed.

His diet consists
of bologna, Velveeta,
and white Rainbow bread.

His chosen career
was selling his plasma at
local blood bank.

His aroma was...
how to put it politely...
less than appealing.

His theories were odd.
I think he went back in time.
At least I hope so.
Haiku #60469, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 1:49 pm ET

Writing bad haiku
keeps your jiggly ass in chair.
Go out for a walk.

While out for a walk
throw some rocks at old people
and kick a puppy.
Haiku #60468, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 1:35 pm ET

Ran into myself
Thought someone was stalking me
It was my HUGE ass
Haiku #60467, by Writing bad Haiku you get jiggly ass of Chair
October 26, 2018 12:58 pm ET

Voices in your head?
Maybe it's God Almighty
It could be Satan
Haiku #60466, by Introducing yourself you might seem civilized of Hiding from Smoters
October 26, 2018 12:55 pm ET

Granola goat milk
kale carrot veggie juice
fuck it eat Cheetos.
Haiku #60465, by Hell yeah I want Cheesy Poofs! of South Park, CO
October 26, 2018 12:47 pm ET

To live a good life
one must learn to be evil.
There's no other way.
Haiku #60464, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 12:41 pm ET

Turtle's head pokes out.
Does it smell something to eat?
It's no metaphor.
Haiku #60463, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 5:59 am ET

That extra half inch
Are you sure you're good at math?
Looks bigger from here
Haiku #60462, by RV of Empty Rice Bowl Mind
October 26, 2018 4:06 am ET

Wait, It's not your ass
Problem is your dink's too large
Put pants on backwards
Haiku #60461, by Shopping Fag of Shopping
October 26, 2018 3:56 am ET

Disney killed Star Wars.
Toss that fucking rat into
The Pit of Carkoon.
Haiku #60460, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 2:02 am ET

My enormous ass
will not fit inside my jeans....
Time to go shopping!

Say the last line with
a thilly gay voice and lithp.
Only gay men shop.
Haiku #60459, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 1:56 am ET

Bin Laden was dumb.
He should have attacked Disney.
He'd be a hero.
Haiku #60458, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 8:44 pm ET

Ho Ho Ho,Green Giant!
That dude has a long green fuse
And big green balls, too
Haiku #60457, by Beanstalker
October 25, 2018 6:55 pm ET

Or even better
Stick of Dynamite. Pig's ass.
Boom! Instant pork rinds
Haiku #60456, by Julia Grownup
October 25, 2018 6:37 pm ET

Bombs aren't always bad.
Like, just don't kill anyone.
Blow up pumpkins, dude.

Ultra high powered
potato cannons are fun.
Decimate French fries.

One large metal pipe.
A quarter can black powder.
One large potato.

And a long green fuse.
You can buy them at gun shows.
Silly boys with toys.
Haiku #60455, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Of course cap the pipe at one end with a hole drilled in for the fuse. BOOM! Ha ha ha!
October 25, 2018 6:31 pm ET

She's full of hot air
That sweet sexy doll of mine
I blew her up

She has a short fuse:
Because I sent her a b0mb
She blew up at me
Haiku #60454, by sending fake b0mbs, most of the sheeple get alarmed
October 25, 2018 4:25 pm ET

Walton's Trivia
John Boy stayed up late each night
Writing Bad Haiku
Haiku #60453, by John Boy Walton's mole of Cheek
October 25, 2018 4:01 pm ET

I recall these lines.
Starkle, starkle, little twink.
Way back in the day.

I think that "twink" now
has a different meaning,
Probably more real.

Art is as art does.
In a cephalopod's garden
by the large body of salt water.
Haiku #60452, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 9:26 am ET

The artist's life, dude
Misunderstood. Wait..you'll see
But Posthumously
Haiku #60451, by Humorously of Under the sea
October 25, 2018 6:07 am ET

Yet still I write more.
Like fishermen throwing trash
into the ocean.
Haiku #60450, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 4:13 am ET

If I could go back
and delete all my haiku
the world would improve.
Haiku #60449, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 4:11 am ET

Yes, of course it's wrong.
I love being so evil.
Time to stew puppies.
Haiku #60448, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 10:05 pm ET

I should convert to
Islam for better career
opportunities.
Haiku #60447, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 9:08 pm ET

It sucks when you're trying to help some middle eastern college kid cheat on his algebra exam and he takes for fucking ever between the pictures of the questions that he sends you so like 10 minutes of work ends up taking over an hour, but hey, money is money. Motherfuckers should give me an oil well for all the shit I do. Then I could have a harem and a labrogini and I don't even know how to spell that and I'm too lazy to look it up or even capitalize it and oops, another pic came in...
the answer is 42.
Haiku #60446, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 9:03 pm ET

I need to pay some 3rd world shithole slave labor wage worker to copy all my bad haiku so that I can make a book from it.

Horrible Haiku
Perverse Ramblings of Old Men
by Darth Figpucker
Haiku #60445, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 6:50 pm ET

Vagipootifus.
Ambiguitosity.
Insert profoundness.
Haiku #60444, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 6:48 pm ET

You'll know that it's me
I have a very large head
Pink Hairy Haiku
Haiku #60443, by Anonymous Poet
October 24, 2018 6:11 pm ET

Join the caravan
Good exercise Eat some beans
bowel problem solved
Haiku #60442, by Anonymous Poet
October 24, 2018 1:56 pm ET

Keep talking shit talk
This is the backed up Smartfood
You made me eat it!
Haiku #60441, by Doubled Over of Trying to make it to terlit
October 24, 2018 1:52 pm ET

Back end blowout mess.
Eating Honduran Chili.
Try raw squid next time.

Better get worm meds.
Don't want them eating your brain.
Or maybe you do.
Haiku #60440, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of They're called "shithole" countries for a reason... they make your shithole shitty when you shit in a shithole shithou
October 24, 2018 1:42 pm ET

Countries are stupid.
Borders are artificial.
Come on over, friends.
Haiku #60439, by Actually, yeah, gringos are the main source of income for shithole countries, like it or not. Is if fair? Is life fair. Fuck yo of Leprosy isn't so bad. Get used to it!
October 24, 2018 1:36 pm ET

Just a quick update
Headed to the bathroom now
Back End Blowout
Haiku #60438, by Anonymous Poet
October 24, 2018 12:25 pm ET

Alien enrichment:
Hondurans at the border
(Nothing to see here)
Haiku #60437, by the way, Gringos are not providers of social services for every shithole nation on earth
October 24, 2018 10:05 am ET

At the canning plant
Paul put Viagra in Spam.
He thought it was cute.
Haiku #60436, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 7:40 am ET

Why aren't you happy?
Is it from writing poems?
Maybe you should quit.
Haiku #60435, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 7:34 am ET

Never have children.
There's no future for this world.
And they're expensive!
Haiku #60434, by Disgruntled Grunt
October 24, 2018 6:12 am ET

Skipped catechism
Told the nun Hail Mary sucked
Bought candy instead
Haiku #60433, by Starkitten of confession
October 24, 2018 4:33 am ET

kindergarten slide
Clacking sound. Plastic buttons
my pants R backwards
Haiku #60432, by Starkitten of Undisclosed Vermont Elementary School 1972ish
October 24, 2018 4:28 am ET

Boom! Crackle! Sha-Poosh!
Lightening down upon your head.
I smote all sinners.
Haiku #60431, by God's temp assistant.
October 24, 2018 3:42 am ET

Please, someone must know
Were these varmints on The Ark?
Sounds far fetched to me
Haiku #60430, by Don't smote me
October 23, 2018 11:00 pm ET

A Cassowary
Not a trusting bird at all
Don't try from behind
Haiku #60429, by Wary
October 23, 2018 10:59 pm ET

Considered Ostrich?
They run fast. Lasso one!
They're always horny
Haiku #60428, by They really are birds of Screw one and maybe it will jay an egg for your next 20 breakfasts
October 23, 2018 10:56 pm ET

Taking care of it
I've got it under control
You can rest easy
Haiku #60427, by Your Friend of In the Driver's Seat
October 23, 2018 10:22 pm ET

A foreign language
Good exercise for the tongue
Cunnilingus-vous?
Haiku #60426, by Babe L. Phish
October 23, 2018 10:07 pm ET

Square roots are for fags.
Real men don't root their numbers.
Exponentiate!
Haiku #60425, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 9:06 pm ET

Anticlimactic
homosexuality
vaginoplasty.
Haiku #60424, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 9:00 pm ET

My penis is huge.
I bought a twelve inch implant.
That's mighty big lint.

She was so damn fat.
Belly button like a twat.
Pierced, juicy, and stinks.

Satisfactory
navel balloon animals
enhancement climax.
Haiku #60423, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 8:56 pm ET