Yet still I write more.
Like fishermen throwing trash
into the ocean.

If I could go back
and delete all my haiku
the world would improve.

Yes, of course it's wrong.
I love being so evil.
Time to stew puppies.

I should convert to
Islam for better career
opportunities.

It sucks when you're trying to help some middle eastern college kid cheat on his algebra exam and he takes for fucking ever between the pictures of the questions that he sends you so like 10 minutes of work ends up taking over an hour, but hey, money is money. Motherfuckers should give me an oil well for all the shit I do. Then I could have a harem and a labrogini and I don't even know how to spell that and I'm too lazy to look it up or even capitalize it and oops, another pic came in...
the answer is 42.

I need to pay some 3rd world shithole slave labor wage worker to copy all my bad haiku so that I can make a book from it.

Horrible Haiku
Perverse Ramblings of Old Men
by Darth Figpucker

Vagipootifus.
Ambiguitosity.
Insert profoundness.

You'll know that it's me
I have a very large head
Pink Hairy Haiku

Join the caravan
Good exercise Eat some beans
bowel problem solved

Keep talking shit talk
This is the backed up Smartfood
You made me eat it!

Back end blowout mess.
Eating Honduran Chili.
Try raw squid next time.

Better get worm meds.
Don't want them eating your brain.
Or maybe you do.

Countries are stupid.
Borders are artificial.
Come on over, friends.

Just a quick update
Headed to the bathroom now
Back End Blowout

Alien enrichment:
Hondurans at the border
(Nothing to see here)

At the canning plant
Paul put Viagra in Spam.
He thought it was cute.

Why aren't you happy?
Is it from writing poems?
Maybe you should quit.

Never have children.
There's no future for this world.
And they're expensive!

Skipped catechism
Told the nun Hail Mary sucked
Bought candy instead

kindergarten slide
Clacking sound. Plastic buttons
my pants R backwards

Boom! Crackle! Sha-Poosh!
Lightening down upon your head.
I smote all sinners.

Please, someone must know
Were these varmints on The Ark?
Sounds far fetched to me

A Cassowary
Not a trusting bird at all
Don't try from behind

Considered Ostrich?
They run fast. Lasso one!
They're always horny

Taking care of it
I've got it under control
You can rest easy

A foreign language
Good exercise for the tongue
Cunnilingus-vous?

Anticlimactic
homosexuality
vaginoplasty.

My penis is huge.
I bought a twelve inch implant.
That's mighty big lint.

She was so damn fat.
Belly button like a twat.
Pierced, juicy, and stinks.

Satisfactory
navel balloon animals
enhancement climax.

There's that Goddamn half.
Is the real part really real?
I mean, what is "real"?

It's all make believe.
The reasons for war and death.
Let's kill for numbers.

You just don't hear that.
"Our logic's better than yours!"
'Cause it's all the same.

I'm the proud owner
of a four AND A HALF inch
penis... AND A HALF!

I can satisfy
any guinea pig that lives...
But not live for long.

Ex-wife's cunt so large
and ugly, I'd call our sex
"feeding the sarlacc."

Ex husband's penis
So small. He was beating off
Looked like picking lint

Tiko and the Shark
Favorite movie at our house
When I was a kid

I'd get sea monkeys
if they threw poo and beat off
like normal monkeys.

Or maybe they do
and they're just too small to see,
so then what's the point?

Call me crazy but,
a baby shark would be cool.
Then let it go free.

How old is your son?
Can't recommend sea monkeys
I had 2 goldfish

What are some good fish.
You know, for like pets and stuff.
My kid wants a fish.

Things are getting dull.
This world needs nuclear war.
Fuel for anime.

Tattoo bootie hoes.
Graffiti on cellulite.
Sanskrit on Jello.

Poor tribal attempt.
Pen and ink on scramble egg.
Easter egg buttocks.

Mosquito zappers.
They're not very effective.
But enjoyable.

Gods hump in the clouds.
Makes thunder and lightening.
The rain, well, you know.

The knife is held high.
Dog underneath dies yelping.
Filippino stew.

The poorest of poor.
The finest delicacy.
The rich wouldn't dare.

A whistling train
Dark silhouette waving hands
Chasing sinking Sun

Shrapnel in my guts
I cannot digest popcorn
Smartfood not a wise choice

Funhouse Mirror Wank
Like an orgy
but just you
Damn good looking, too

Yes, but you get a
better view of his ass from
behind him, you know.

Masturbating's fun
In front of Louis C.K.
What do you say?

When a man who shat
says that that shit is stinky,
that shit is stinky.

I don't like windows.
I prefer bars on my cage.
Then I can throw poo.

Party at the mall
Monkey business in full swing
All organs playing

wee wee wee wee wee
Wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
Wee..All the way home