BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
67 Days
and
69681 Haikus
later...
Yet still I write more.
Like fishermen throwing trash
into the ocean.
Haiku #60450, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 4:13 am ET

If I could go back
and delete all my haiku
the world would improve.
Haiku #60449, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 4:11 am ET

Yes, of course it's wrong.
I love being so evil.
Time to stew puppies.
Haiku #60448, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 10:05 pm ET

I should convert to
Islam for better career
opportunities.
Haiku #60447, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 9:08 pm ET

It sucks when you're trying to help some middle eastern college kid cheat on his algebra exam and he takes for fucking ever between the pictures of the questions that he sends you so like 10 minutes of work ends up taking over an hour, but hey, money is money. Motherfuckers should give me an oil well for all the shit I do. Then I could have a harem and a labrogini and I don't even know how to spell that and I'm too lazy to look it up or even capitalize it and oops, another pic came in...
the answer is 42.
Haiku #60446, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 9:03 pm ET

I need to pay some 3rd world shithole slave labor wage worker to copy all my bad haiku so that I can make a book from it.

Horrible Haiku
Perverse Ramblings of Old Men
by Darth Figpucker
Haiku #60445, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 6:50 pm ET

Vagipootifus.
Ambiguitosity.
Insert profoundness.
Haiku #60444, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 6:48 pm ET

You'll know that it's me
I have a very large head
Pink Hairy Haiku
Haiku #60443, by Anonymous Poet
October 24, 2018 6:11 pm ET

Join the caravan
Good exercise Eat some beans
bowel problem solved
Haiku #60442, by Anonymous Poet
October 24, 2018 1:56 pm ET

Keep talking shit talk
This is the backed up Smartfood
You made me eat it!
Haiku #60441, by Doubled Over of Trying to make it to terlit
October 24, 2018 1:52 pm ET

Back end blowout mess.
Eating Honduran Chili.
Try raw squid next time.

Better get worm meds.
Don't want them eating your brain.
Or maybe you do.
Haiku #60440, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of They're called "shithole" countries for a reason... they make your shithole shitty when you shit in a shithole shithou
October 24, 2018 1:42 pm ET

Countries are stupid.
Borders are artificial.
Come on over, friends.
Haiku #60439, by Actually, yeah, gringos are the main source of income for shithole countries, like it or not. Is if fair? Is life fair. Fuck yo of Leprosy isn't so bad. Get used to it!
October 24, 2018 1:36 pm ET

Just a quick update
Headed to the bathroom now
Back End Blowout
Haiku #60438, by Anonymous Poet
October 24, 2018 12:25 pm ET

Alien enrichment:
Hondurans at the border
(Nothing to see here)
Haiku #60437, by the way, Gringos are not providers of social services for every shithole nation on earth
October 24, 2018 10:05 am ET

At the canning plant
Paul put Viagra in Spam.
He thought it was cute.
Haiku #60436, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 7:40 am ET

Why aren't you happy?
Is it from writing poems?
Maybe you should quit.
Haiku #60435, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 7:34 am ET

Never have children.
There's no future for this world.
And they're expensive!
Haiku #60434, by Disgruntled Grunt
October 24, 2018 6:12 am ET

Skipped catechism
Told the nun Hail Mary sucked
Bought candy instead
Haiku #60433, by Starkitten of confession
October 24, 2018 4:33 am ET

kindergarten slide
Clacking sound. Plastic buttons
my pants R backwards
Haiku #60432, by Starkitten of Undisclosed Vermont Elementary School 1972ish
October 24, 2018 4:28 am ET

Boom! Crackle! Sha-Poosh!
Lightening down upon your head.
I smote all sinners.
Haiku #60431, by God's temp assistant.
October 24, 2018 3:42 am ET

Please, someone must know
Were these varmints on The Ark?
Sounds far fetched to me
Haiku #60430, by Don't smote me
October 23, 2018 11:00 pm ET

A Cassowary
Not a trusting bird at all
Don't try from behind
Haiku #60429, by Wary
October 23, 2018 10:59 pm ET

Considered Ostrich?
They run fast. Lasso one!
They're always horny
Haiku #60428, by They really are birds of Screw one and maybe it will jay an egg for your next 20 breakfasts
October 23, 2018 10:56 pm ET

Taking care of it
I've got it under control
You can rest easy
Haiku #60427, by Your Friend of In the Driver's Seat
October 23, 2018 10:22 pm ET

A foreign language
Good exercise for the tongue
Cunnilingus-vous?
Haiku #60426, by Babe L. Phish
October 23, 2018 10:07 pm ET

Anticlimactic
homosexuality
vaginoplasty.
Haiku #60424, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 9:00 pm ET

My penis is huge.
I bought a twelve inch implant.
That's mighty big lint.

She was so damn fat.
Belly button like a twat.
Pierced, juicy, and stinks.

Satisfactory
navel balloon animals
enhancement climax.
Haiku #60423, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 8:56 pm ET

There's that Goddamn half.
Is the real part really real?
I mean, what is "real"?

It's all make believe.
The reasons for war and death.
Let's kill for numbers.

You just don't hear that.
"Our logic's better than yours!"
'Cause it's all the same.
Haiku #60422, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 8:50 pm ET

I'm the proud owner
of a four AND A HALF inch
penis... AND A HALF!

I can satisfy
any guinea pig that lives...
But not live for long.
Haiku #60421, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 8:45 pm ET

Ex-wife's cunt so large
and ugly, I'd call our sex
"feeding the sarlacc."
Haiku #60420, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 8:38 pm ET

Ex husband's penis
So small. He was beating off
Looked like picking lint
Haiku #60419, by Anonymous Poet
October 23, 2018 5:38 pm ET

Tiko and the Shark
Favorite movie at our house
When I was a kid
Haiku #60418, by Starkitten
October 23, 2018 5:36 pm ET

I'd get sea monkeys
if they threw poo and beat off
like normal monkeys.

Or maybe they do
and they're just too small to see,
so then what's the point?
Haiku #60417, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 4:54 pm ET

Call me crazy but,
a baby shark would be cool.
Then let it go free.
Haiku #60416, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 4:51 pm ET

How old is your son?
Can't recommend sea monkeys
I had 2 goldfish
Haiku #60415, by Doris and Charlie
October 23, 2018 2:49 pm ET

What are some good fish.
You know, for like pets and stuff.
My kid wants a fish.
Haiku #60414, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 12:26 pm ET

Things are getting dull.
This world needs nuclear war.
Fuel for anime.
Haiku #60413, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 11:18 am ET

Tattoo bootie hoes.
Graffiti on cellulite.
Sanskrit on Jello.

Poor tribal attempt.
Pen and ink on scramble egg.
Easter egg buttocks.
Haiku #60412, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 8:06 am ET

Mosquito zappers.
They're not very effective.
But enjoyable.
Haiku #60411, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 7:59 am ET

Gods hump in the clouds.
Makes thunder and lightening.
The rain, well, you know.
Haiku #60410, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 7:57 am ET

The knife is held high.
Dog underneath dies yelping.
Filippino stew.

The poorest of poor.
The finest delicacy.
The rich wouldn't dare.
Haiku #60409, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 7:54 am ET

A whistling train
Dark silhouette waving hands
Chasing sinking Sun
Haiku #60408, by Baoyu of GuangZhou
October 23, 2018 6:40 am ET

Shrapnel in my guts
I cannot digest popcorn
Smartfood not a wise choice
Haiku #60407, by Princess Diverticulitis of Royal Pain in the Ass
October 23, 2018 3:23 am ET

Funhouse Mirror Wank
Like an orgy
but just you
Damn good looking, too
Haiku #60406, by Pleased of Funhouse
October 23, 2018 3:15 am ET

Yes, but you get a
better view of his ass from
behind him, you know.
Haiku #60405, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 23, 2018 2:42 am ET

Masturbating's fun
In front of Louis C.K.
What do you say?
Haiku #60404, by Anonymous Poet
October 22, 2018 10:34 pm ET

When a man who shat
says that that shit is stinky,
that shit is stinky.
Haiku #60403, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 22, 2018 10:12 pm ET

I don't like windows.
I prefer bars on my cage.
Then I can throw poo.
Haiku #60402, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 22, 2018 10:09 pm ET

Party at the mall
Monkey business in full swing
All organs playing
Haiku #60401, by Even that giant floor piano from Big of Behind Mall burning one
October 22, 2018 9:24 pm ET

wee wee wee wee wee
Wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
Wee..All the way home
Haiku #60400, by Anonymous Poet
October 22, 2018 9:21 pm ET