I'm the proud owner
of a four AND A HALF inch
penis... AND A HALF!

I can satisfy
any guinea pig that lives...
But not live for long.

Ex-wife's cunt so large
and ugly, I'd call our sex
"feeding the sarlacc."

Ex husband's penis
So small. He was beating off
Looked like picking lint

Tiko and the Shark
Favorite movie at our house
When I was a kid

I'd get sea monkeys
if they threw poo and beat off
like normal monkeys.

Or maybe they do
and they're just too small to see,
so then what's the point?

Call me crazy but,
a baby shark would be cool.
Then let it go free.

How old is your son?
Can't recommend sea monkeys
I had 2 goldfish

What are some good fish.
You know, for like pets and stuff.
My kid wants a fish.

Things are getting dull.
This world needs nuclear war.
Fuel for anime.

Tattoo bootie hoes.
Graffiti on cellulite.
Sanskrit on Jello.

Poor tribal attempt.
Pen and ink on scramble egg.
Easter egg buttocks.

Mosquito zappers.
They're not very effective.
But enjoyable.

Gods hump in the clouds.
Makes thunder and lightening.
The rain, well, you know.

The knife is held high.
Dog underneath dies yelping.
Filippino stew.

The poorest of poor.
The finest delicacy.
The rich wouldn't dare.

A whistling train
Dark silhouette waving hands
Chasing sinking Sun

Shrapnel in my guts
I cannot digest popcorn
Smartfood not a wise choice

Funhouse Mirror Wank
Like an orgy
but just you
Damn good looking, too

Yes, but you get a
better view of his ass from
behind him, you know.

Masturbating's fun
In front of Louis C.K.
What do you say?

When a man who shat
says that that shit is stinky,
that shit is stinky.

I don't like windows.
I prefer bars on my cage.
Then I can throw poo.

Party at the mall
Monkey business in full swing
All organs playing

wee wee wee wee wee
Wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
Wee..All the way home

The ice man cometh
Try the all new Bleach Blizzard
Abominable!

Come to think of it
This website's like a window
Pay is bananas

I can see your point
Masturbation of Legend
Earned his bananas

I think I'm jealous.
To jack off in a window
while people watch you.

And free room and board.
I could ask for nothing more.
What an awesome life.

Mall in New York State
Monkey in pet store window
Jerking himself off

Collided with deer
walking through thick midnight fog
Touched his big antlers

Your help means a lot
Thanks for wiping my ass, sir
I guess we're friends now

Interesting site here
Writing my first haiku ever
Tell me, is this one?

Loosen your mind grip
We're all on the same page here
Quite literally

Hollow gnarled tree
Now Airbnb for elves
They have HUGE ding dongs!

Pork worms in the brain.
The Bible has warned you all.
Sinners now suffer.

Trichinosis host.
Waiting for the worms to cum.
An orgy in you.

Wading in pig shit.
The farmer wears just flip flops.
Worms between the toes.

The dung of five hogs
I lay at your ugly feet
Blessings Bless Blessed

Hold your head up high
Pig fuckers will rule the planet
I Brake for Pulled Pork

The blue fibre samples
Are alien in nature
Where have you travelled?

Born the Eleventh
Day of the Eleventh Month
Not you, but close soul

That's my third eye there
And it's watching a movie
Everything You Do

We also shot a bottle rocket above the heads of some old people playing bridge one night in a recreation center.
Whoooshhh... POW!
Fucking hilarious. Good times, I tell ya!

Ever set off fireworks in a shopping mall?
I did that when I was like 16 yo. The way to do it is use a cigarette for a timed delay (approx. 5 minutes). We used those whistling "Saturn Missile Battery" that shoots about 25 small whistling missiles that zig zag every which way. God it was funny. Security was pissed. Back in the day before they had CCTV up every human being's arse to see what you had for dinner the night before.
Yup. It was a hoot.

Frogs, ponds, and night sounds.
These are not appropriate.
Discuss monkey farts.

The best place for that hole would be right in the middle of your forehead.

I'd rather discuss mubes than sebum.
Mubes is when you stuff the sebum back into the hole from which it came and allow it to rot and become a cancerous cyst and then you cut it open and smear it on a stairway handrail and sit back and watch people put their hand it in and go... eewwwwww!

Have we discussed sebum yet?

We need a new hole
With which to fuck eat excrete
Where will we put it

Stepped on a pitchfork
Had to bring pig in parlor
Can't miss my Hee Haw

pork yourselves, perverts
haiku is for deviants
TRUTH: the new normal

Darth Garth Figpucker is a good man

My achy breaky fart.
Rips my ass apart.
Makes my pickup stink.
My asshole's brown, not pink.