Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 25 Days and 74195 Haikus later...

A foreign language
Good exercise for the tongue
Cunnilingus-vous?
Haiku # 60426, October 23, 2018 10:07 pm ET
by Babe L. Phish
Anticlimactic
homosexuality
vaginoplasty.
Haiku # 60424, October 23, 2018 9:00 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
My penis is huge.
I bought a twelve inch implant.
That's mighty big lint.

She was so damn fat.
Belly button like a twat.
Pierced, juicy, and stinks.

Satisfactory
navel balloon animals
enhancement climax.
Haiku # 60423, October 23, 2018 8:56 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
There's that Goddamn half.
Is the real part really real?
I mean, what is "real"?

It's all make believe.
The reasons for war and death.
Let's kill for numbers.

You just don't hear that.
"Our logic's better than yours!"
'Cause it's all the same.
Haiku # 60422, October 23, 2018 8:50 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I'm the proud owner
of a four AND A HALF inch
penis... AND A HALF!

I can satisfy
any guinea pig that lives...
But not live for long.
Haiku # 60421, October 23, 2018 8:45 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Ex-wife's cunt so large
and ugly, I'd call our sex
"feeding the sarlacc."
Haiku # 60420, October 23, 2018 8:38 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Ex husband's penis
So small. He was beating off
Looked like picking lint
Haiku # 60419, October 23, 2018 5:38 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tiko and the Shark
Favorite movie at our house
When I was a kid
Haiku # 60418, October 23, 2018 5:36 pm ET
by Starkitten
I'd get sea monkeys
if they threw poo and beat off
like normal monkeys.

Or maybe they do
and they're just too small to see,
so then what's the point?
Haiku # 60417, October 23, 2018 4:54 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Call me crazy but,
a baby shark would be cool.
Then let it go free.
Haiku # 60416, October 23, 2018 4:51 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
How old is your son?
Can't recommend sea monkeys
I had 2 goldfish
Haiku # 60415, October 23, 2018 2:49 pm ET
by Doris and Charlie
What are some good fish.
You know, for like pets and stuff.
My kid wants a fish.
Haiku # 60414, October 23, 2018 12:26 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Things are getting dull.
This world needs nuclear war.
Fuel for anime.
Haiku # 60413, October 23, 2018 11:18 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Tattoo bootie hoes.
Graffiti on cellulite.
Sanskrit on Jello.

Poor tribal attempt.
Pen and ink on scramble egg.
Easter egg buttocks.
Haiku # 60412, October 23, 2018 8:06 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Mosquito zappers.
They're not very effective.
But enjoyable.
Haiku # 60411, October 23, 2018 7:59 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Gods hump in the clouds.
Makes thunder and lightening.
The rain, well, you know.
Haiku # 60410, October 23, 2018 7:57 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
The knife is held high.
Dog underneath dies yelping.
Filippino stew.

The poorest of poor.
The finest delicacy.
The rich wouldn't dare.
Haiku # 60409, October 23, 2018 7:54 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
A whistling train
Dark silhouette waving hands
Chasing sinking Sun
Haiku # 60408, October 23, 2018 6:40 am ET
by Baoyu of GuangZhou
Shrapnel in my guts
I cannot digest popcorn
Smartfood not a wise choice
Haiku # 60407, October 23, 2018 3:23 am ET
by Princess Diverticulitis of Royal Pain in the Ass
Funhouse Mirror Wank
Like an orgy
but just you
Damn good looking, too
Haiku # 60406, October 23, 2018 3:15 am ET
by Pleased of Funhouse
Yes, but you get a
better view of his ass from
behind him, you know.
Haiku # 60405, October 23, 2018 2:42 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Masturbating's fun
In front of Louis C.K.
What do you say?
Haiku # 60404, October 22, 2018 10:34 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
When a man who shat
says that that shit is stinky,
that shit is stinky.
Haiku # 60403, October 22, 2018 10:12 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I don't like windows.
I prefer bars on my cage.
Then I can throw poo.
Haiku # 60402, October 22, 2018 10:09 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Party at the mall
Monkey business in full swing
All organs playing
Haiku # 60401, October 22, 2018 9:24 pm ET
by Even that giant floor piano from Big of Behind Mall burning one
wee wee wee wee wee
Wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
Wee..All the way home
Haiku # 60400, October 22, 2018 9:21 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
The ice man cometh
Try the all new Bleach Blizzard
Abominable!
Haiku # 60399, October 22, 2018 12:02 pm ET
by Sticky Igloo of North
Come to think of it
This website's like a window
Pay is bananas
Haiku # 60398, October 22, 2018 11:54 am ET
by Attracting a crowd of Mall
I can see your point
Masturbation of Legend
Earned his bananas
Haiku # 60397, October 22, 2018 10:57 am ET
by Hmmm
I think I'm jealous.
To jack off in a window
while people watch you.

And free room and board.
I could ask for nothing more.
What an awesome life.
Haiku # 60396, October 22, 2018 8:21 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Mall in New York State
Monkey in pet store window
Jerking himself off
Haiku # 60395, October 22, 2018 5:15 am ET
by To the sounds of organ music from Restaurant next to pet shop of circa 1984
Collided with deer
walking through thick midnight fog
Touched his big antlers
Haiku # 60394, October 22, 2018 3:30 am ET
by Starkitten PNW
Your help means a lot
Thanks for wiping my ass, sir
I guess we're friends now
Haiku # 60393, October 22, 2018 1:49 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Interesting site here
Writing my first haiku ever
Tell me, is this one?
Haiku # 60392, October 22, 2018 1:45 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Loosen your mind grip
We're all on the same page here
Quite literally
Haiku # 60391, October 22, 2018 1:39 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Hollow gnarled tree
Now Airbnb for elves
They have HUGE ding dongs!
Haiku # 60390, October 22, 2018 1:36 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Pork worms in the brain.
The Bible has warned you all.
Sinners now suffer.

Trichinosis host.
Waiting for the worms to cum.
An orgy in you.
Haiku # 60389, October 21, 2018 11:23 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Wading in pig shit.
The farmer wears just flip flops.
Worms between the toes.
Haiku # 60388, October 21, 2018 11:19 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
The dung of five hogs
I lay at your ugly feet
Blessings Bless Blessed
Haiku # 60387, October 21, 2018 9:45 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Hold your head up high
Pig fuckers will rule the planet
I Brake for Pulled Pork
Haiku # 60386, October 21, 2018 9:37 pm ET
by Pork Loincloth of Undisclosed
The blue fibre samples
Are alien in nature
Where have you travelled?
Haiku # 60385, October 21, 2018 9:28 pm ET
by Witch
Born the Eleventh
Day of the Eleventh Month
Not you, but close soul
Haiku # 60384, October 21, 2018 9:26 pm ET
by Number Number of Undisclosed
That's my third eye there
And it's watching a movie
Everything You Do
Haiku # 60383, October 21, 2018 9:20 pm ET
by Viewer of Remote
We also shot a bottle rocket above the heads of some old people playing bridge one night in a recreation center.
Whoooshhh... POW!
Fucking hilarious. Good times, I tell ya!
Haiku # 60382, October 21, 2018 8:51 pm ET
by Garth Pigfucker
Ever set off fireworks in a shopping mall?
I did that when I was like 16 yo. The way to do it is use a cigarette for a timed delay (approx. 5 minutes). We used those whistling "Saturn Missile Battery" that shoots about 25 small whistling missiles that zig zag every which way. God it was funny. Security was pissed. Back in the day before they had CCTV up every human being's arse to see what you had for dinner the night before.
Yup. It was a hoot.
Haiku # 60381, October 21, 2018 8:49 pm ET
by Garth Pigfucker
Frogs, ponds, and night sounds.
These are not appropriate.
Discuss monkey farts.
Haiku # 60380, October 21, 2018 8:30 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
The best place for that hole would be right in the middle of your forehead.
Haiku # 60379, October 21, 2018 8:26 pm ET
by Garth Pigfucker
I'd rather discuss mubes than sebum.
Mubes is when you stuff the sebum back into the hole from which it came and allow it to rot and become a cancerous cyst and then you cut it open and smear it on a stairway handrail and sit back and watch people put their hand it in and go... eewwwwww!
Haiku # 60378, October 21, 2018 8:25 pm ET
by Garth Pigfucker
Have we discussed sebum yet?
Haiku # 60377, October 21, 2018 7:49 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
We need a new hole
With which to fuck eat excrete
Where will we put it
Haiku # 60376, October 21, 2018 7:48 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >