Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 75 Days and 69841 Haikus later...

Bin Laden was dumb.
He should have attacked Disney.
He'd be a hero.
Haiku # 60458, October 25, 2018 8:44 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Ho Ho Ho,Green Giant!
That dude has a long green fuse
And big green balls, too
Haiku # 60457, October 25, 2018 6:55 pm ET
by Beanstalker
Or even better
Stick of Dynamite. Pig's ass.
Boom! Instant pork rinds
Haiku # 60456, October 25, 2018 6:37 pm ET
by Julia Grownup
Bombs aren't always bad.
Like, just don't kill anyone.
Blow up pumpkins, dude.

Ultra high powered
potato cannons are fun.
Decimate French fries.

One large metal pipe.
A quarter can black powder.
One large potato.

And a long green fuse.
You can buy them at gun shows.
Silly boys with toys.
Haiku # 60455, October 25, 2018 6:31 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Of course cap the pipe at one end with a hole drilled in for the fuse. BOOM! Ha ha ha!
She's full of hot air
That sweet sexy doll of mine
I blew her up

She has a short fuse:
Because I sent her a b0mb
She blew up at me
Haiku # 60454, October 25, 2018 4:25 pm ET
by sending fake b0mbs, most of the sheeple get alarmed
Walton's Trivia
John Boy stayed up late each night
Writing Bad Haiku
Haiku # 60453, October 25, 2018 4:01 pm ET
by John Boy Walton's mole of Cheek
I recall these lines.
Starkle, starkle, little twink.
Way back in the day.

I think that "twink" now
has a different meaning,
Probably more real.

Art is as art does.
In a cephalopod's garden
by the large body of salt water.
Haiku # 60452, October 25, 2018 9:26 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
The artist's life, dude
Misunderstood. Wait..you'll see
But Posthumously
Haiku # 60451, October 25, 2018 6:07 am ET
by Humorously of Under the sea
Yet still I write more.
Like fishermen throwing trash
into the ocean.
Haiku # 60450, October 25, 2018 4:13 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
If I could go back
and delete all my haiku
the world would improve.
Haiku # 60449, October 25, 2018 4:11 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Yes, of course it's wrong.
I love being so evil.
Time to stew puppies.
Haiku # 60448, October 24, 2018 10:05 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I should convert to
Islam for better career
opportunities.
Haiku # 60447, October 24, 2018 9:08 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
It sucks when you're trying to help some middle eastern college kid cheat on his algebra exam and he takes for fucking ever between the pictures of the questions that he sends you so like 10 minutes of work ends up taking over an hour, but hey, money is money. Motherfuckers should give me an oil well for all the shit I do. Then I could have a harem and a labrogini and I don't even know how to spell that and I'm too lazy to look it up or even capitalize it and oops, another pic came in...
the answer is 42.
Haiku # 60446, October 24, 2018 9:03 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I need to pay some 3rd world shithole slave labor wage worker to copy all my bad haiku so that I can make a book from it.

Horrible Haiku
Perverse Ramblings of Old Men
by Darth Figpucker
Haiku # 60445, October 24, 2018 6:50 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Vagipootifus.
Ambiguitosity.
Insert profoundness.
Haiku # 60444, October 24, 2018 6:48 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
You'll know that it's me
I have a very large head
Pink Hairy Haiku
Haiku # 60443, October 24, 2018 6:11 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Join the caravan
Good exercise Eat some beans
bowel problem solved
Haiku # 60442, October 24, 2018 1:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Keep talking shit talk
This is the backed up Smartfood
You made me eat it!
Haiku # 60441, October 24, 2018 1:52 pm ET
by Doubled Over of Trying to make it to terlit
Back end blowout mess.
Eating Honduran Chili.
Try raw squid next time.

Better get worm meds.
Don't want them eating your brain.
Or maybe you do.
Haiku # 60440, October 24, 2018 1:42 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of They're called "shithole" countries for a reason... they make your shithole shitty when you shit in a shithole shithou
Countries are stupid.
Borders are artificial.
Come on over, friends.
Haiku # 60439, October 24, 2018 1:36 pm ET
by Actually, yeah, gringos are the main source of income for shithole countries, like it or not. Is if fair? Is life fair. Fuck yo of Leprosy isn't so bad. Get used to it!
Just a quick update
Headed to the bathroom now
Back End Blowout
Haiku # 60438, October 24, 2018 12:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Alien enrichment:
Hondurans at the border
(Nothing to see here)
Haiku # 60437, October 24, 2018 10:05 am ET
by the way, Gringos are not providers of social services for every shithole nation on earth
At the canning plant
Paul put Viagra in Spam.
He thought it was cute.
Haiku # 60436, October 24, 2018 7:40 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Why aren't you happy?
Is it from writing poems?
Maybe you should quit.
Haiku # 60435, October 24, 2018 7:34 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Never have children.
There's no future for this world.
And they're expensive!
Haiku # 60434, October 24, 2018 6:12 am ET
by Disgruntled Grunt
Skipped catechism
Told the nun Hail Mary sucked
Bought candy instead
Haiku # 60433, October 24, 2018 4:33 am ET
by Starkitten of confession
kindergarten slide
Clacking sound. Plastic buttons
my pants R backwards
Haiku # 60432, October 24, 2018 4:28 am ET
by Starkitten of Undisclosed Vermont Elementary School 1972ish
Boom! Crackle! Sha-Poosh!
Lightening down upon your head.
I smote all sinners.
Haiku # 60431, October 24, 2018 3:42 am ET
by God's temp assistant.
Please, someone must know
Were these varmints on The Ark?
Sounds far fetched to me
Haiku # 60430, October 23, 2018 11:00 pm ET
by Don't smote me
A Cassowary
Not a trusting bird at all
Don't try from behind
Haiku # 60429, October 23, 2018 10:59 pm ET
by Wary
Considered Ostrich?
They run fast. Lasso one!
They're always horny
Haiku # 60428, October 23, 2018 10:56 pm ET
by They really are birds of Screw one and maybe it will jay an egg for your next 20 breakfasts
Taking care of it
I've got it under control
You can rest easy
Haiku # 60427, October 23, 2018 10:22 pm ET
by Your Friend of In the Driver's Seat
A foreign language
Good exercise for the tongue
Cunnilingus-vous?
Haiku # 60426, October 23, 2018 10:07 pm ET
by Babe L. Phish
Anticlimactic
homosexuality
vaginoplasty.
Haiku # 60424, October 23, 2018 9:00 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
My penis is huge.
I bought a twelve inch implant.
That's mighty big lint.

She was so damn fat.
Belly button like a twat.
Pierced, juicy, and stinks.

Satisfactory
navel balloon animals
enhancement climax.
Haiku # 60423, October 23, 2018 8:56 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
There's that Goddamn half.
Is the real part really real?
I mean, what is "real"?

It's all make believe.
The reasons for war and death.
Let's kill for numbers.

You just don't hear that.
"Our logic's better than yours!"
'Cause it's all the same.
Haiku # 60422, October 23, 2018 8:50 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I'm the proud owner
of a four AND A HALF inch
penis... AND A HALF!

I can satisfy
any guinea pig that lives...
But not live for long.
Haiku # 60421, October 23, 2018 8:45 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Ex-wife's cunt so large
and ugly, I'd call our sex
"feeding the sarlacc."
Haiku # 60420, October 23, 2018 8:38 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Ex husband's penis
So small. He was beating off
Looked like picking lint
Haiku # 60419, October 23, 2018 5:38 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tiko and the Shark
Favorite movie at our house
When I was a kid
Haiku # 60418, October 23, 2018 5:36 pm ET
by Starkitten
I'd get sea monkeys
if they threw poo and beat off
like normal monkeys.

Or maybe they do
and they're just too small to see,
so then what's the point?
Haiku # 60417, October 23, 2018 4:54 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Call me crazy but,
a baby shark would be cool.
Then let it go free.
Haiku # 60416, October 23, 2018 4:51 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
How old is your son?
Can't recommend sea monkeys
I had 2 goldfish
Haiku # 60415, October 23, 2018 2:49 pm ET
by Doris and Charlie
What are some good fish.
You know, for like pets and stuff.
My kid wants a fish.
Haiku # 60414, October 23, 2018 12:26 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Things are getting dull.
This world needs nuclear war.
Fuel for anime.
Haiku # 60413, October 23, 2018 11:18 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Tattoo bootie hoes.
Graffiti on cellulite.
Sanskrit on Jello.

Poor tribal attempt.
Pen and ink on scramble egg.
Easter egg buttocks.
Haiku # 60412, October 23, 2018 8:06 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Mosquito zappers.
They're not very effective.
But enjoyable.
Haiku # 60411, October 23, 2018 7:59 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Gods hump in the clouds.
Makes thunder and lightening.
The rain, well, you know.
Haiku # 60410, October 23, 2018 7:57 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
The knife is held high.
Dog underneath dies yelping.
Filippino stew.

The poorest of poor.
The finest delicacy.
The rich wouldn't dare.
Haiku # 60409, October 23, 2018 7:54 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
A whistling train
Dark silhouette waving hands
Chasing sinking Sun
Haiku # 60408, October 23, 2018 6:40 am ET
by Baoyu of GuangZhou
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >