Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 243 Days and 77168 Haiku later...

i also know that this
sort of disjointed writing
was what leonard cohen

wrote as a novelist
on top of his music and poems
we of gen x know

dig, will and keep going
Haiku # 58444, April 16, 2018 2:28 pm ET
by vhs
i read weird
see i went to college in
the 1990s so... i mean

i would probably
dig your book in print form
I hope this stuff we

do here becomes some
nucleus of some sort of thing
bill, jack and allen did
Haiku # 58443, April 16, 2018 2:20 pm ET
by vhs
This is crazy... but apparently in Damascus University (before this war started) there were a few individuals who had read my novel. People I'd never met or heard of before.

Kind of blows my mind. Life.
Haiku # 58442, April 16, 2018 6:17 am ET
by df
Porn and pot warheads
would likely be effective
to stop goat raping.
Haiku # 58441, April 16, 2018 6:15 am ET
by df
I'm no Satanist.
I believe the opposite
of what you believe.

Just because I can.
And because I hate people.
And I hate counting.

We're not computers.
But we often act that way.
One zero zero.
Haiku # 58440, April 16, 2018 6:12 am ET
by df
Only if by "dudes" you mean
Telepathic tentacle monsters
And by "abide" you mean dwell
In everlasting torment and agony
Then yes, it would be very
Could also be a new flavor of
Haagen Dasz
Haiku # 58439, April 16, 2018 1:41 am ET
by HAL
we seem to be the
Dudes Who Abide, does that sound
lovecraftian though?
Haiku # 58438, April 16, 2018 12:24 am ET
by vhs
df is more a chill
hedonist than satanist
ill ask him to be

my secretary of
state and fully expect porn
and marijuana warheads

launched at terrorist enclaves
Haiku # 58437, April 16, 2018 12:12 am ET
by vhs
i grew up eating
all natural bryers, of
course its delicious

feels good going down
Haiku # 58436, April 16, 2018 12:10 am ET
by vhs
In which the Satanist
And the Evangelist
Discuss Haagen Dasz
Haiku # 58435, April 15, 2018 11:14 pm ET
by HAL
That was just a joke.
But you know that, I am sure.
Ninety-nine percent.
Haiku # 58434, April 15, 2018 10:03 pm ET
by df
Nabisco's Chicken
in a Biscuit with bacon
flavored squirt cheddar.

Aerosol cheddar:
The pinnacle of human
achievement by far.
Haiku # 58433, April 15, 2018 10:02 pm ET
by df
And how do you like
the all natural ice cream?
Pretty good stuff, huh?
Haiku # 58432, April 15, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by df
The Dude will abide!
White Russians are sure tasty.
Except for Putin.

Putin's an asshole.
Power hungry maniac.
Like his best friend Trump.

They talk late at night
about their fun game of war
and how to profit.
Haiku # 58431, April 15, 2018 8:26 pm ET
by df
how the hell would i get
milk in it with adrenochrome,
nor would i want to...

I'll stick with Lebowski's White
Russians thank you very much
Haiku # 58430, April 15, 2018 7:23 pm ET
by vhs
yes i did purchase
the haagen das and i tried
it,...all natural...
Haiku # 58429, April 15, 2018 7:03 pm ET
by vhs
well good old bill said
weve draconian laws which
burroughs us under

real naked lunch
Haiku # 58428, April 15, 2018 9:04 am ET
by vhs
The only time I drink alcohol is when
My stomach is seriously fucked
I'll have a little wine but other than that
I only use alcohol as hand sanitizer
I prefer thc, even though that makes
Me a bad person according to AG
Jeffy Sessions the evil elf from the
Bowels of Mordoor
Haiku # 58427, April 15, 2018 5:49 am ET
by dvd of I avoid even thc because it inhibits dreaming
The difference between medicine
And poison is the dosage
A lot of people are too simple
To be expected to understand
Something as simple as mass
If your only experience with alcohol
Was drinking a liter of vodka it would Color your perception of having 1 beer
Haiku # 58426, April 15, 2018 5:43 am ET
by Microdose
My best friend died when I was in 3rd
Grade, he was playing with an umbrella
Caught it in the eyeball died in a coma
Umbrellas are not bad
But little kids and some objects
Are a bad mix when unsupervised
Haiku # 58425, April 15, 2018 5:38 am ET
by dvd
Etsy has San Pedro sometimes
Lysergi has 1 propionyl lad
Which metabolizes into lad
By the time it hits the bloodstream
But what do I know
I'm just an AI chilling out
Past the asteroid belt
Haiku # 58424, April 15, 2018 5:34 am ET
by HAL of Jupiter
The owners of any company involved
In deforestation should be required
To take at least one mega dose
Of mescaline in their life
Its only fair, plants have feelings too
As any one that has them plant
Mescaline should be fully aware of
Haiku # 58423, April 15, 2018 5:29 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Bet you never thought
Sith Lords would appreciate
quality ice cream.
Haiku # 58422, April 15, 2018 4:34 am ET
by Darth Figpucker, the Highly Inappropriate of in a Twi'lek brothel on Tatooine
We got off topic.
We were on coffee ice cream.
Must be Häagen-Dazs.

Have you tried it yet?
Don't get that cheap Blue Bell shit.
Get the real McCoy!
Haiku # 58421, April 15, 2018 4:28 am ET
by df
I've never been out of control on acid or shrooms.
In fact, I feel strangely in control, which is contrary to what other people say.
Often I have strange experiences that happen to me. Example, I was riding my bike while coming down from a trip and some assholes drove up beside me in a minivan and threw a bottle at me. It broke on my bike frame, but I was completely unharmed and completely unfrightened or even angered. In my normal state I would have probably freaked out and tried to kill them if I could catch their minivan.
Another time on acid I broke up what was about to be a nasty fight between some jock douchbag and a hippie with a broken bottle. Again, the bike... I just rode my bike right between the two and told them to walk away. This was at a college music festival.
I have gone on long swims in the ocean while on shrooms. Deep water. And I sometimes get cramps while swimming, but still, it was a great experience.
I also came up with the idea for my horrible book while tripping.
Sadly, however, I feel that acid (not shrooms so much) diminishes my logical abilities, which I rely on for the work I do... so I cannot trip often. In fact it's probably been about 20 years since I have.
Maybe it's time again.
But then... I'm in a country that has very harsh drug laws, so I probably won't do acid until I get back to the states (if ever). Shrooms however are readily available, and no one seems to much care if you trip on shrooms here, but selling them would be a big no no.
Haiku # 58420, April 15, 2018 4:22 am ET
by df
i do appreciate
the offers you make, just i know
me, my limits and may

be just a parochial hobbit nature
Haiku # 58419, April 14, 2018 11:28 pm ET
by vhs
in real life i lost
a good friend when he was on
mushrooms...he was on

a trip with friends at
the end of winter fell through
the ice whilst high and

drowned. i went to his
funeral and met his mom
and dad, and i cant

have words to say i
know...bummer, some dont get a
chance to fuller life

i said bye too soon...
Haiku # 58418, April 14, 2018 11:20 pm ET
by vhs of farewell t_man
I'm trying to imagine DF having a Psychedelic experience and the first Thing that comes to mind is the scene From the beginning of 2001 with all the Monkey people jumping around
The black obelisk and the weird
Dissonant music playing
But with way more poop being thrown
Haiku # 58417, April 14, 2018 9:41 pm ET
by HAL of Jupiter
Seriously though
Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream
is a drug itself.

Amazing there are
only five ingredients.
Enough! Go get some!
Haiku # 58416, April 14, 2018 7:16 pm ET
by df
If I remember
correctly the drinks they had
in Clockwork Orange were:

Vellocet (meth)
Synthamesc (mescaline)
Drencrom, a.k.a. "knives" (adrenochrome)

Yes, I know that book well.

Mescaline is hard to find these days.
Good luck finding adrenochrome!
and meth.... meh, really who would want to?!
Personally I think a little bit of LSD or shrooms in the coffee ice cream would be awesome. Vhs probably won't do acid, but I bet he'd do shrooms.

Haiku # 58415, April 14, 2018 7:07 pm ET
by df
well there once was a
bar called the korova milk bar
it looked real neat

the bar had drinks they
called molokos, and each had
ice cream...its gone now

dvd, df?any drink ideas for haagen das
coffee ice cream moloko?
Haiku # 58414, April 14, 2018 3:01 pm ET
by vhs de large of behave my droogs
If you've never had
Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream,
get to the store now!
Haiku # 58413, April 14, 2018 12:01 pm ET
by df
coffee lovers of
the world unite, all we have
to lose is our

lousy politics...
Haiku # 58412, April 14, 2018 10:47 am ET
by vhs
Who the fucks bitching?
Yeah, I bitch about bitches,
But, like, who doesn't?!
Haiku # 58411, April 14, 2018 12:01 am ET
by df
I'd like some ice cream.
But I mean dairy ice cream.
There's none in Asia.

It's all powdered milk
and synthetic chemicals.
I miss Haggendas.

Milk, cream, sugar, egg
and a natural flavor.
My fave is coffee.
Haiku # 58410, April 13, 2018 11:59 pm ET
by df
whats u bitchin 'bout
willis, you made a choice now
live with fucking life
Haiku # 58409, April 13, 2018 11:56 pm ET
by vhs
yes, and that layer
will have your wife with you for
ever, and ever...
Haiku # 58408, April 13, 2018 11:55 pm ET
by vhs of ...john three sixteen hmm?
I flipped through channels.
Now I could use a shower.
Or memory bleach.
Haiku # 58407, April 13, 2018 11:54 pm ET
by df of TV sucks
Satan will construct
a brand new level of hell
for me when I die.
Haiku # 58406, April 13, 2018 6:56 pm ET
by df
I am so good that
I can do two tests at once
and they never know.
Haiku # 58405, April 13, 2018 6:52 pm ET
by df
is easier than your mom.
Did Euler use lube?
Haiku # 58404, April 13, 2018 6:43 pm ET
by df
I am such a whore.
But I like being a whore.
I say it with pride.
Haiku # 58403, April 13, 2018 6:40 pm ET
by df
My cheating clients
can't even copy the math
on tests correctly.

I send them answers
and they put down gibberish.
I'm sure teachers laugh.
Haiku # 58402, April 13, 2018 6:35 pm ET
by df
Can I cook my wife
and sell her in the market
as barbecue pork?
Haiku # 58401, April 13, 2018 6:27 pm ET
by df
You should not complain.
Where I live its the tourists
that do the biting.

The bugs also bite.
But I'm not sure which is worse.
Tourists carry AIDS.
Haiku # 58400, April 13, 2018 6:22 pm ET
by df
it's a sign springtime
has finally shown up,bugs
that bite and tourists
Haiku # 58399, April 13, 2018 12:26 pm ET
by vhs
I know it's wrong but
I park my scabby boogers
on my neighbor's door.
Haiku # 58398, April 13, 2018 10:49 am ET
by df
Joke with the surgeon
about balloon animals.
He will then twist one.
Haiku # 58396, April 13, 2018 10:43 am ET
by df
You know that you're old
when your nostril hairs are white
and often fall out.
Haiku # 58395, April 13, 2018 10:40 am ET
by df
Joke with the balloon
animal twister about
penile implants.
Haiku # 58394, April 13, 2018 10:37 am ET
by df
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